"So, where have I been guys? Dim fucking shipped me off to Bible camp. That's right, guys. I got shipped off to Jesus camp by that fucking toothless . And how did he do it? He put a bunch of Fancy Feast, porno, and drugs in a shipping crate, which he placed behind a wall with a hole in it. The wall was painted like the entrance to my Rape Closet. Who the hell plans that hard to get me into a box? David fucking Pryce, that's who. And I am fucking proud of him for that. Dude showed some real planning there. Although, it may have been stolen from an episode of Looney Tunes. Don't worry, I'll address Bible Camp later. When I feel like someone I'm facing actually deserves my Bible Camp stories. Not CM Punk, though. He's a fucking piece of dog shit stuffed in a human costume.
Yeah, bro, you're that terrible. Actually, no. The dog shit would be better than you are. Punk, lemme explain how this shit is going to go down. The bell will ring, and you'll get your ass fucked in front of the crowd. Not literally, because you're a massive pussy so they put me in the PG era with you. Fucking hell, cockatoo Stu. Listen, you barely scraped by with a win against Thunderbolt, so you won't win against me. End of story. My return match is a freebie, because I was missed. I'm the star attraction of this show. And I'm shoved down the fucking card because of your pussy ass. Yeah, I should be fighting Trax for his title or something, but I have to deal with you. Because you're so shit that they figured I wouldn't even break a sweat when I break your face.
Question, Punk. You still rocking the whole Straight Edge Persona? I need to know if that includes Midol, because after I fuck that pussy on your face you're gonna be cramping hard. And you'll need the Midol. The worst part? You have to admit getting your ass fucked up by someone so much smaller than you. You've gotta admit that you're not the best in the world. That you're less than the best. That you're less than average. Because, I'm admittedly average. I'm not a real fighter, I'm a nerd who happens to fight. I never trained, and I never did much more than wrestling for birthday parties before joining here. And I'm already better than you are. You think you're awesome and tough. But, you're just a tiny dicked worthless shit falcon. Yeah, I stole that from TJ Wallace, because he took my baby girl's innocence.
You, though, you fought and tried to make yourself better. But, it failed hard. You failed hard. Because you're just a whiny piece of shit. I ain't even in the game properly, and I'm beating you mother fuckers at it, oh so badly. I won't sink to the levels that Bolt did, but I'll remind you that you've never been taken seriously. That shit you said about being the alpha? Haha. No, son, you're more like a beta or a delta. You're so far beneath Alphas that it hurts. Alphas are dudes like me, Lane, Doc, Morbid, hell even Dim. Remember that. Lane is such an Alpha he would rape your asshole with his face. He would literally bury his face so far up your shit chute that when they pull him away, and count your broken ass out, they'll see pieces of your esophagus on his chin. Because he's a fucking Alpha, not you. You're the bitch we pick on just to fun. You're Maverick.
And, let's set this clear. I'm five foot six, but you'll suck my goddamn dick. You hate midgets? Then divorce your skank of a wife. I'm taller than she is, dipshit. And homie, I wasn't the elephant in the room at the convention. Your insecurity and penis envy directed at that little kid was. It was apparent that you got bullied all the goddamn time, and that you're overcompensating for a severe case of micropenis. No wonder AJ has to hit the corners selling her spic spot for a nickle in order to get any sort of pleasure. You're just too small of a man for her. Sorry, baby boy. Now, go fuck yourself and wait for our match."
Sarah and Crack are sitting in the living room, Sarah is crying and Crack is trying to console her. The sound of Five Finger Death Punch is blasting out of Katie's room. Joseph's room is blasting the sounds of Alanis Morissette. Odd, we know, but dude is sad. Let him mourn the loss of his father how he chooses. Fuck off, Maverick, don't judge the boy. Anyway, the front door bursts open, and a keyboard gets thrown through the television set. Crack and Sarah look around, and see no sign of the Hobbited Warrior.
"KATIE!!!!!! JOEY!!!!!!!!!!!! GET IN HERE!!!!! YOUR DAD'S GHOST IS BACK!!!"
Katie's door slams open and she runs out holding a Windows Phone swinging on a chain. Joseph-Gordon runs out in the living room holding a bag of Ground Beef. Cooked. Not sure why, but maybe he thinks the Ghost will be hungry. They run in, and the sounds of shitty music blasts from their rooms.
"Ghost Dad? Please be real, since we lost Bill Cosby we just have his terrible movies. I want a real Ghost Dad."
Frodo's laughter is heard through the room. But still no sign of him.
"Sup, dudes. When did Bill Cosby die?"
"He didn't. But, they pulled a lot of his stuff off the air since he admitted to drugging girls."
"Oh, sweet."
Sarah looks frustrated.
"Frodo. Are you dead?"
"Sarah, this happened before. When Idenhaus impaled Frodo, and he was put into a coma by Doc Zero, he astral projected around. Frodo, are you in a coma somewhere?"
"I'm in yo ass! ."
"Dad. He's your brother. What the hell?"
Frodo laughs and drops from the ceiling. Without pants. His junk lands on Crack's head.
"Goddammit, Midge. What the actual fuck?"
Frodo laughs and pops to his feet. He looks around and slaps his junk up and down. Everyone is perplexed. Frodo doesn't seem to notice. He grabs the bag of meat from Joey, and begins to munch on it while getting looks from his family.
"Sup, nigs?"
Frodo shoves a handful of meat into his mouth.
"Where the fuck have you been?"
"Bible Camp."
"Bible Camp?"
He slaps the penis with a handful of meat. Katie and Joey are trying to block the image from their vision. They might need Therapy after this. Maybe.
"Yeah. Dim locked me in a crate and sent me to Bible Camp. I got apple juice, and cookies. One of the counselors may have been into kids."
Katie can't stand this situation anymore.
"Why are you not wearing pants right now? What the damn hell is wrong with you?!"
He looks down at his naked manhood. Shrugs his shoulders.
"I'm not sure. I wondered why it was cold. Should I go put pants on before continuing this family gathering?
"YES! Jesus fuck, Midge. Go. I had your balls on my head!"
Sarah rolls her eyes.
"Yeah, cause I wouldn't want his balls on my head. I miss that."
Everyone looks at Sarah and she stares back.
"Mama gots her some needs, too you. It's been a month."
Frodo shrugs and heads to go put pants on. He comes back a few minutes later with everyone gone from the room, but Sarah. Whose sitting on the sofa naked, stroking her cock.
"Wait. So, I don't need my pants after all?"
Before Sarah can answer, he rips his pants off with near Flash speeds. He throws them down on the ground, and spits on them.
"Fuck you, Pants. Hiding my massive manrod."
Sarah gestures her over, and Frodo spits on his junk before marinating it with Gilly Tears brand lube and slapping his nuts on Sarah's ass as he pounds her like there's no yesterday. Yeah, no yesterday. Suck Gilly's dick if you disagree with it. Frodo's the goddamn god of this world, what he does is the right way. Only like CM Punk would disagree. You a CM Punk like ?
Sarah blasts her massive and thick rope of baby goo all over her stomach as Frodo continues to pump. He sweats and grunts as he fills her with enough meat to make a Little Caesar's Bacon Wrapped Pizza. Fuck, that shit is delicious. I mean, it's Mediocre for Little Caesars, but that puts it lightyears ahead of anywhere else. Hey, CM Punk, suck my dick.
The Hobbit pulls his cock out and pumps it twice and leaving his sauce mixed with her sauce. She stirs it with her fingers and looks at him lovingly.
. And how did he do it? He put a bunch of Fancy Feast, porno, and drugs in a shipping crate, which he placed behind a wall with a hole in it. The wall was painted like the entrance to my Rape Closet. Who the hell plans that hard to get me into a box? David fucking Pryce, that's who. And I am fucking proud of him for that. Dude showed some real planning there. Although, it may have been stolen from an episode of Looney Tunes. Don't worry, I'll address Bible Camp later. When I feel like someone I'm facing actually deserves my Bible Camp stories. Not CM Punk, though. He's a fucking piece of dog shit stuffed in a human costume.![[Image: tumblr_nr1jiad09m1r9cb77o1_1280.jpg]](http://40.media.tumblr.com/4c30e1bbe7eec86bcde0ed377d2d39ed/tumblr_nr1jiad09m1r9cb77o1_1280.jpg)
![[Image: ZXX7HJw.png?1]](http://i.imgur.com/ZXX7HJw.png?1)
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