From above the Heavens of Earth in another galaxy is the planet Zorthor, and from the Heavens of Zorthor is Lightningbolt Z.

Sexy Zorthorian Woman: “OOOHHH HELP US LIGHTNING BOLT! SO MANY IMPOSTERS DOWN ON THIS STUPID LITTLE PLANET CALLED EARTH THAT TRY TO BE YOU!”

Lightningbolt Z: “I have heard your prayers my child, all shall be well.”

The nearly ten foot tall god appears before her, naked, her eyes well up while looking at his penis. The Zorthorian wench drops to her knees, this is her redemption… make the right choice and all of her past wrong doings shall be forgiven. She makes the right choice and receives a warm, white, hearty gift from her God, Lightningbolt Z…

Lightningbolt Z: “Now I shall go to this planet Earth and set right all of the evil, blasphemous, wrong doings of homosexuals like Thunderbolt X and John Cena.”

Lightningbolt Z shoots a brilliantly magnificent bolt of lightning from his anus, then places it under his feet like a hooverboard and soars down through space and through the Heavens of Earth…he stops to have a chat with the God of Earth.

God: “Ahhh! The Son of Zorthor… it’s been too long. What can I do for?”

Lightningbolt Z: “Indeed it has. Well, Sir, with all due respect… you have quite a group of homosexuals running around on your planet. Most notably John Cena and Thunderbolt X, they’re running around trying to emulate my appearance.”

God: “Yes, I understand… I’ve been dealing with this shit for a long time. Thought I had wiped all the queers out in Sodom, but maybe there’s something to this whole evolution thing and me needing to work together with it.
But if you’d like to go down to Earth to take care of them, I give you permission, I was merely going to send them to hell anyway.”

Lightningbolt Z nods, then takes off on his Lightningbolt down to Earth. He first arrives in Chicago, where he sees a two-legged pussy cat stuck in a burning tree. It’s May.

Some gay kid with a John Cena shirt: “JOHN CENA!!! HALP PLZ!!! MY KITTEN IZZ BURNDING!!!”

Blasphemy… Lightningbolt Z saves the pussy cat from sure death and hands him to the child. The boy thanks him by calling him john Cena again, that’s double blasphemy. Odd though, why would he not be referring to him as the other imposter? The one who wears his mask… Thunderbolt X? It must be that:

Quote: Thunderbolt X can be seen in an unknown and disclosed location.

Because somehow being in existence and cutting awful interviews, in an unknown location and a disclosed location at the same time, cancels out through some oxymoron paradox, thus rendering Thunderbolt X as worthless and nonexistent.

Lightningbolt Z spares the mentally gifted child, and buys he and his two-legged pussy cat a hotdog from the nearest stand.

Lightningbolt Z now finds himself at some shitty WWE show where John Cena is in the ring with his whore wife Nikki Bella issuing another open challenge to which a really good wrestler will answer, only to job to this blasphemous . Lightningbolt Z rides in on his bolt of lightning, Nikki is in awe at the size of his penis that can be seen hanging down underneath of his lionskin tunic. He begins fucking Nikki infront of Cena, and hoses the whore off of her with a Superhero/God sized eruption of semen segods.

Cena doesn’t like this and attacks, only to be ripped in half by a single eyebrow raised stare from Lightningbolt Z.

The Zothorian God holds Nikki’s segod covered body in his arms and begins lifting into the air and up toward the ceiling as:


Plays over the loudspeakers. Lightningbolt Z rips through the roof of the arena, but he is a God and Nikki is a smut, and she is instantly decapitated by some of the falling debree….

“Thunderbolt X, I’m coming for you, to right your nonexistent interview cutting, homosexual, multiple quotation in the same paragraph, imposter ways. You’re a worse imposter of me than John Cena was… it’s really awful.

Yes Thunderbolt, being a God I can do anything better than anyone, even this silly little rhyming art you call rap:

Look you’re fake,
For fuck sake you’re afraid
You’ve been playing with Lane's little thang in the cradle
You praise Drake

You stand adjacent to baseless, basics
You’re crazy if you thank I can’t hang with…
You in the aspect of anything
You’re a disgrace.. go get some Lasik

You must not be able to see… G
I’m the lightning striking your bee’s knees
That means when Kelly B, sees me
She drops down and opens her teethe piece

….I’ll stop there, no need to continue such a homosexually driven art form. But just so you’re informed about something for once in your life Thunderbolt, the ever advancing genre of hip-hop should always consist of rhyme schemes including multi-rhymes, word play and syllable balancing.

Bare that in mind next time to avoid sounding like a bigger jackass then you already are…

Lightningbolt Z is here to expose you as a fraud, and show the world what it’d really look like if the Chosen Son of the Zorthorian Heavens stepped into a wrestling ring. I am going to teach you a lesson about pretending to other people and why it will forever make you suck…

Maybe if you weren’t so concerned with trying to be John Cena, who has always tried emulating the look of Lightningbolt Z, you wouldn’t lose so many of these silly little wrestling matches because you wouldn’t be wearing that blasphemous mask that you can barely see out of. You also wouldn’t be spitting atrocious raps in your already horrible promos which make you look dumb as shit.

Thunder is loud and shakes the surface a bit from time to time, but that’s it… Lightning, well lightning is power, it’s electricity that powers your puny little planet Earth. You ever hear of someone dying from a thunder storm? Of course not, because just like you, it’s all bark and no bite. Where on the other hand lightning, just like Lightningbolt Z will and is going to deep fry your ass.

While I am going to teach you a lesson Thunderbolt, I’m also going to spare you unlike I did your homosexual role model John Cena… I’m not going to completely smite you. I want you to learn from this little experience that trying to be exactly like someone else is wrong and it makes you look stupid, and trying to be like a God is even more wrong, especially when you suck.

After Bad Medicine I want you to lay down your cause of trying to look, speak and wrestle like John Cena, he sucked because he tried being a God. I also want you to give up the dream of sleeping with Vinnie Lane… he has AIDs, and considering I know the God of your world on a personal level, I should let you know that no one with AIDs enters his kingdom.