This is all a dream. I’m dreaming right now, and any second I’ll shut my eyes and when they open I’ll be in bed or something and everything will be good. In fact, I’ll shut them right now, and… nope. Still here. I feel like my heart’s running a marathon inside my chest as I lock eyes with the punching bag in front of me. I fire fist after fist into the thing at lightning speed. I’m sure there are a couple people in this gym dropping what they’re doing to watch me, more than likely in fear of me snapping and treating their face like the bag, but whatever. Let ‘em do it. After a while I don’t even feel the bag, though I can still hear the sound of my fist slamming against canvas. I came straight here after the assembly, I remember as I look down at my clothes to see I’m still dressed up. Whatever. Not important right now.

I really should go to the hospital now.

No. No no no no. None of this is real. It can’t be. I fucking told her not to drive and she did and…
”AHHHHHHHHH!”

I wail at the top of my lungs and pull my right hand back as far as I can launch it forward against the canvas. The sound echoes throughout the gym, louder than my scream. Much louder. My heart’s going to explode. I take a deep breath and back away from the bag. Just then do I see the camera trained on me. It’s weird, XWF cameramen always know when they’re needed. Though, his presence isn’t doing anything for lowering my heart rate, as it shoots right back up. I hold up one finger and back away, taking a seat on an empty weight bench. I don’t even remember coming here. Since the call, it’s been a blur. This is good. I need a distraction.

”You rolling?”

The cameraman gives me a thumbs up and I shake my head wildly until I feel my scowl become a smile and clear my throat.

”Excellent. Hey XWFam, how’s it hangin’? I heard Muddy Waters cut a promo for our match, is that right?”

”Yeah man.”

”Thank you, cameraman. Now, seeing as I actually haven’t seen it yet, I can only guess as to the genius topics he brings up to make himself and Scully look good, as well as making Flynn and I look like fools. Cameraman! Have you seen this promo?”

”Um… yeah.”

”Give me a quick run down, if you would. I figure that would be easier and infinitely less frustrating than watching it live and giving my reactions. No one wants to hear Muddy say the same string of words more than once, hell I’d bet most people don’t even want to hear it once. That southern accent can be pretty grating, after all.”

”Alright, well uh, he mainly focused on how you and Flynn haven’t had a match since winning the belts, something about the Star of the Month, and how the website fucked up your name.”

”You’ve, got to be fucking kidding me, right? Of course not. Can’t say I expected any better out of the poor fuck but I didn’t expect him to prove that Scully’s the brains of the team so soon. But fine. That’s his choice. Don’t understand it, but it’s okay. Really though? That’s all he’s got? Maverick came with harder and I’m betting he’s made a couple shots about him weighing Scully down because no one just wants to break it to Scully that he’s only employed because of Affirmative Action. Sorry Scully, it’s the truth and I ain’t one for lying. Seriously, though, that’s all he can think of to say? I’m almost offended by how basic that shit is but fine, let me respond to those talking points if only so he can learn to come with something stronger next time.

He’s right. Flynn and I haven’t had a match since we won the titles. Let alone a title defense but why is that? It’s because we’re hiding, ain’t it? That’s probably what Muddy believes because he’s a fucking idiot but for anyone with half a brain, they’d know it’s because no one’s stepped up. How did Flynn and I get our shot at the titles, I want you all to ask yourself. Got the answer? Right, we challenged for them and do you know what no one else has done since we won them? Stepped up and challenged us. I thought we made it abundantly clear we were down to face anyone at any time for the belts and it ain’t our fault no one did. Hell, MacClay even tried to set something up for it and couldn’t get enough teams. Even more, there’s like four or five teams who’ve earned number one contendership status and none of them cashed that shit in yet. And we’ve been there every step of the way, ready for when they wanted to get the match but they haven’t. It ain’t our fault people are too scared to step up, just like it ain’t our fault that you can’t rub together your two remaining brain cells hard enough to understand that without me explaining everything to you like you were a toddler. Shit man, the fuck? And while we’re on the topic of ducking matches, where was the Black Hand, Muddy? Where were they on May 11th, the date we scheduled our big match, huh?

The one we had to prod Pest into agreeing to the exact terms of so you couldn’t duck it but you still did anyway?

Oh right, you guys knew you couldn’t handle the heat so you fuckin’ collapsed to give yourself an out. I bet you’ve been waxing poetical about being fighting champions too, shit you couldn’t even honor a match to raise money for Cancer and you’re gonna be fighting champions? Give me a fucking break bro. Give me a fucking break.

Hell, the show isn’t til the 23rd, so you and Scully have plenty of time to duck this match too, then come around complaining about how we haven’t had a match in an allotted amount of time. Fuckin’ cowards.

Wait a second, you said he was talking about the website fucked up my name?”

”Yeah, said it was because you’re a joke or something.”

”Wow, dude. Instead of doing something to prepare for this match, or thinking of anything better in the fucking slightest, you go for that? Genius. Seriously. Everyone applaud him for saying something that even Peter Gilmour would think was too stupid to say. But hey since we’re on the topic of the website, seriously can’t believe how dumb that shit is still, let’s look at his one big accomplishment: The Federweight Championship. Like how it doesn’t even acknowledge him as a champion if we’re really going to go there. You know, there’s something else on the site that I think he should pay attention to. That little bit about how we’re Stars of the Month.”

”That reminds me of exactly what he said about the Star of the Month thing. He said something about how the only people who voted for the Brick Squad were the Brick Squad.”

I don’t say a fucking thing. I just sit there in silence, glaring not even at the camera but at the cameraman himself for even saying that. Then I burst out in hysterical laughter.

”You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me! Seriously?! The fuck kinda bullshit is he even on? Voting for shit like that? Like, what? I, I can’t even think of words to convey just how dumb that thought is, you have to be fucking with me. What was it he said exactly?

”He said, and I quote, ‘Well, hell, Muddy fer'got, tha' only cocksuckers who voted fer' tha' Brick Squad, were members of tha' Brick Squad.’”.

”Can you overlay that shit in this promo?”

”Yeah, gimme a sec.”

Muddy Waters Said:Well, hell, Muddy fer'got, tha' only cocksuckers who voted fer' tha' Brick Squad, were members of tha' Brick Squad.

”There.”

”Thank you man. Thank you. How the fuck does that work? We vote for Star of the Month, that’s what happens? I just thought it was an award given to who impressed the most in this month, not no democracy thing because otherwise everyone would just vote for themselves if that’s somehow allowed in whatever bullshit Muddy believes goes down. Fucking idiot. Wait a second, I think I know what Muddy’s talking about!”

”You do?”

”Yeah, I remember seeing this a long time ago. He’s trying to jump into some alternate dimension to grab information because he’s too much of a fucking idiot to actually think of something clever to say. Oh fuck, what was that dimension called. I know it’s like the forbidden fruit in the Garden of Eden, you ain’t supposed to use it but he did and it’s called, aha! It’s the dimension of Overly Obese Cockblowers. A bunch of Overly Obese Cockblowers, the reason the dimension has the name it does, told him that somehow Brick Squad voted for themselves and won the Star of the Month award. So he took that information and put it in his promo because, well I don’t know the why of the matter. Probably because he’s the type of idiot to go there in the first place so it only makes sense he’d throw it in there and hope to fucking God that no one would notice. Nuh uh, bitch. I caught that shit because it’s fucking , just like you and your partner. Everyone caught that shit.

Heh, before I know it, he’ll start talking about how these promos decide who wins or something else that dumb. What a fucking moron.

Thank you for being forthright about how you stand no chance, man. Seriously.

Sidenote: Seriously you number one contenders, cash in your shots. This will be our second time beating Scully and there’s only so many times you can beat him before it starts to feel like a hate crime.”

The cameraman presses a button and freezes for a couple of seconds before shooting me a thumbs up that lets me know the feed has faded to black.