Maria is sitting in her living room when the XWF Camera Crew shows up. The room is filled with a large group of men wearing no pants, only suit jackets, Nikes and maybe condoms. She does like it Raw Dog. The room was chattering away, while Maria sat naked on the floor rubbing marmalade all over her naked body. One man is feverishly beating off as she does this. She stops to address the camera. The man lets out and audible sigh. Maria silences the room, and begins to speak.

First and foremost, that. Fuck Paul Walker. He made shitty movies, and was shit in bed. Secondly, Sophie, it was specifically said that the reason Frodo was speaking for me was because I was busy choking. And here we see me having a seizure.

RIGHT FUCKINGTHERE, YOU IDIOT. Said:Maria is having a seizure on the floor while Frodo sits in a chair eating a can of Fancy Feast. He does not look happy.

Did you notice it, dipshit? What the hell is wrong with you? Seriously? Who cries over Paul Walker almost 2 years after he died? Seriously? I'm sorry, I can't focus on anything besides this Paul Walker thing. Give me some time, I need to clear my head.

Maria storms off to the bathroom, the camera follows. She lowers the seat and plops on the toilet. The camera is watching as she begins to scrunch her face up like a pig getting railed from behind by Ron Jeremy, and getting the wrong hole. Dry. Then ploop. And a sigh. A series of wet sounding noises and tiny ploops follow. Maria looks at the camera and shrugs.

When you gotta go, you gotta go.

She gets up, and turns around to look into the toilet, lets out a squeal of delight and heads out of the room. The camera pans in and shows a bowl full of diarrhea shit. Literally full, like climbing out of the bowl, and nearly spilling over onto the floor below. The sound of a man choking and gagging is heard as he flushes the toilet, and leaves the room. Maria is walking down the hallway with a big brown spot on her naked ass. She does not seem to care.

She arrives back in the living room, and immediately goes to sit on the lap of one of the gentlemen in the room. And we use the term gentlemen loosely. She manages to tuck his member inside her fat sweaty meathole, while the dude who was previously jerking it, like Mastermind jerks it to the sweet sweet images of Paul Walker's car crash, jams his meat baton in Maria's uncleaned asshole. With no lube. Her still wet shit is working as lube, we guess. That's just gross, though. Who does that, honestly? Shame on you, Maria.

She begins to push forward and backward, before shoving the backdoor lover out of her backdoor, and gesturing for someone else. A 6'7" black man with a schlong the size of Mastermind's loss record comes over, puts on a rubber, then another, pours an entire bottle of Astro-Glide on his shaft, and slides it up inside her. The Backdoor lover walks over to the side, and Maria leans in to begins to blow this dude. While all the other men in the room watch the spectacle. One guy vomits at the sight, and he is asked to leave the room. Forcibly.

This act continues until Maria has satisfied every man in the room, at least six times. She climbs off the last man, while the others are passed out on the floor. She chugs a bottle of water, and goes to take a shower. After thirty minutes she comes in the room where the camera has just been starring at the ceiling, its operator is afraid to look at anything else. She draws the camera's attention on her. She's wearing a black robe with red piping, and gestures for the camera to follow her. The back of her robe says "Mrs. Peter Gilmour... NOT!" They go to her bedroom, where she lays on the bed, and pulls out a dildo, and begins to masturbate.

Didn't you get enough sex?

Nah. Keep filming me while I do this. I'm gonna rip into Sophie some more.

Whatever. You're the boss.

Good, now. Sophie, did you see what happened? Why I had Frodo speak for me? Because I couldn't. I am not Maria Brink's AIDs. I am Maria Brink. I do not know why they booked it like that, but I've been Maria Brink this entire time. How could AIDs fight someone, who doesn't have it? How could I compete in the ring, and speak to you like this? No, you fucking , I am Maria Brink, the singer of In This Moment. The best metal band in the world. Don't you forget it.

Frodo also point blank told you that your inability to answer me made me unable to speak directly to you for that time. You fucking kayak. Yes, you're a goddamn kayak. Why are you this stupid? Why is the only thing you can possibly get right things involving Who-gives-a-shit-Island? Did you happen to inhale the sexy odors from my panties before recording your promo? Is that why you can't focus? Too much Maria Sex in your nostrils? Too much pleasure keeps your head out the game? Is that why you found some broad with the same name as me? I should be flattered, but I'm not. I'm sickened. You sicken me, Sophie.

You really do, you disgusting limp dick tadpole. How disgusting of you to think that anyone would hold you in a higher regard than they hold Frodo. Maybe when you can actually win a match you might be considered close, but not this year. Oh, and hey, side note, Frodo's not just a general in Doc's Army. Have you noticed, he's Doc's right had man. He sits at the right hand of the man you want to serve. When Doc needs someone, who does he call? You or Frodo? When he goes on whacky adventures, you or Frodo? Yeah. That's why he's in the Asylum. Because he's actually useful. Hell, if I wanted to join, I'd probably be promoted above you. You'd be my personal shoe shine boy. Momma's Louboutins needs some shining.

I am proud of my friend, Fred. I'm proud of the work we can do together. I'm proud of the orgasms he's given me. Something you'll never be able to do to any woman. Oh, and spoiler, the kid ain't yours. Your too dickless to have kids. Why would I not be proud of having Freddy on my promo? Dude's kicked your ass so many times he could legally call it his property and build a summer home. Bet you'd like that, too.

Oh, and if you're going to say my promos are unintelligible, perhaps try speaking comprehensible English. Because this

Quote:No one could understand what you were saying that you swearing too much

and this

Quote: that was the worse thing you could have done, by bringing Frodo in to do a promo on your behalf.

are not good English. I've met dudes on crack who made more sense than you. Hell, Peter makes more sense than you do. Even that lump of shit I left in some dude's mouth earlier today make more sense than you do. I don't need Freddy to paint me into a corner, because I'm already in the winner's corner. You're crying over in time out with the other losers. See you, Monday. Dickless.