Behind the closed door of the XWF's first aid office we hear a muffled conversation between Muddy Waters and the XWF's resident quack,

“Mr. Waters… this prescription of Percocet was supposed to last you through next month! I'm having a hard time understanding what you did with them. Did you lose them? Did maybe… your daughter here get a hold of them?”

“Listen Doc, Muddy been ah' hurtin' purdy damn bad, not ta' mention it says right on that there pill bottle 'as needed fer' pain'… Muddy thought these pills was supposed ta' help him get better in time fer' his match.”

The Doctor cuts him off,

“Mr. Waters… you have consumed over twenty-thousand milligrams of Percocet in under a week. It's no wonder to me that you lost your match! And with your drinking habbits you should most likely be dead!”

“Damnit Doc, Muddy aint ah' hearin' all that there bullshit, ya' think cause ya' went ta' school, got some fancy pants degree and wear ah' white rain coat that yer' smarter than Muddy? Just write me another damn script boy… Or does Muddy Waters need ta' go tell Sean Falcon that yer' given one of his superstars problems?”

“Fine… kill yourself… be my guest.”

“Right on… right… on”

A moment or so goes by, then the door swings open as the doctor leaves, we see a bloodied and shirtless Muddy sitting on the exam table, his daughter Dolly sitting next to him rubbing his shoulder,



“It's alrighty-fine Daddy, at' there Loverboy is tough! And cute too...”

Muddy angrily jerks his head over toward Dolly,

“Dolly...tha' man is ah' cross-dressin' homosexual, lookin' like Axel Rose met Night of tha' Living Dead... and ah' sure fire first in tha' line rider down to tha' bosoms of Hedes. You orta' not look up at' people like at' there. Yer' Daddy had at' sissy ass whipped… fer' at' ref pulled ol' Muddy's britches down and put it to em'.”

Dolly stands up from the table and walks over to a little sink and fetches herself a glass of water, bending over her oddly maturing body right in front of Muddy,

“Good Lord Dolly Jane! Them there pants so tight I can see yer' religion! Ya' need to get in my duffel bag there and grab ah' pair of Daddy's sweats...”

“Buuuuuut Daddddddddy!”

“Grab Daddy's brewskies why yah' down at' way too...”

Dolly's face turns red as she stamps out of the first aid room and heads down toward Muddy's dressing room. From down the hallway we start to hear quiet slow clap and footsteps edging toward the first aid room… the claps and footsteps get louder as….




Pest appears in the doorway holding a breifcase, an awkward grin growing across his face.

Pest:Muddy, Muddy, Muddy… congratulations Mr. Waters… how does it feel?

“Muddy's butt-bone?”

He says reaching at his back, his face twisting up in pain,

“Damn thing is ah' getting' Muddy's goose ats' fer' sure.”

Pest with a quizzical look on his face inaudibly mouths the words: 'Butt-Bone?'

Pest:No… not your butt-bone Muddy. How does it feel being The Black Hand's Main Event star and the new Hart Champion?

“Hart Champion? Aint ya' seen what happened out there? Tha' damned ol' ref Vinnie musta' paid fer' counted ta' three, then retract-ified his rulin' and that there Skidrow lovin' slimball got one over on Muddy.”

Pest smiles and pops open his briefcase…



Inside is a replica Hart Title, Muddy doesn't necessarily recognize it as such though as his eyes widen,

Pest:I am going to petition Mr. Falcon and the XWF rules committee to review the match, and reverse the ruling of the ref. But in the meantime…

Pest hands the belt to Muddy,

Pest:The Black Hand and myself are recognizing you, Muddy Waters, as the unofficial XWF Hart Champion. Your time is now Muddy, you are my new Superstar, and you will act as and carry yourself as such...

“AINT AH' DAMN THANG SWEETER THAN THIS MR.PEST!!! WOOOO!!!! MUDDY FUCKIN' WATERS! THA' XWF HART CHAMPION!!!”

About that time Dolly walks back into the first aid room, wearing her father's oversized sweat pants and carrying a wet cardboard 12 pack of Miller HighLife. Pest's eyes dart on her as he begins to sweat, loosening his tie a bit,

Pest:Oooh Muddy, there may be something a bit sweeter than that indeed.

Muddy pays no mind to the awkward comment made by Pest as an excited Dolly starts putting the replica title around her father's waist. Muddy stands there like a redneck god, chugging down a hot beer…

“Daddy! I can't believe it! Yer' tha' Hart Champion!?! What did I miss???”

“It's all thanks ta' Mr. Pest over here… he's helped yer' Daddy since day one! Now look where we're at baby doll!”

Dolly smiles at Mr. Pest who's now fanning his face with his hand, trying to compose himself as he gazes upon her soft, prepubescent skin,

Pest:Well… I hate to cut this celebration short, but we all have a flight to catch. You are booked next week in Ontario against Big Sal.

“Falcon's fall guy? Orta' be ah' piece of possum pussy pie...”

The three of them walk off out of the office,

“Daddy what bout' that there waitress from Applebees whos still in yer' room? I like her she's purrrdy.”

“Mr. Pest… we might need us an extra ticket...”

The scene fades with Pest walking behind Dolly, starring at her skinny ass

---

---

Tuesday, April 28th, 2015
Ricoh Coliseum
Toronto, Ontario, Canada
...A Live XWF House Show…

Pest is standing in the center of the ring, sulking up a roar of boos and trash pelting from the uneducated Canadian wrestling fan base,

Pest:Toronto… so glad to see you're all still right where I last left you, lifeless and uninteresting. You see I do things for people who I feel have a chance to be something worthwhile in this league, I give them opportunities to become more than what they are…

How proud are each of you knowing that the greatest wrestling promotion on Earth has dedicated a championship to the wrestling pride of your pitiful nation? The Hart Title? Let me now introduce to you… the GREATEST HART CHAMPION THE WROLD HAS EVER KNOWN!!!”

Pest motions his arm out to the ramp as:

“I WANNA ROCK!!!”

Cues up over the loudspeakers but then quickly fizzles, silencing the ruckus Canadian crowd out as:



explodes into the arena, as Muddy Waters makes his way out into the arena, hoisting up his replica Hart Title to a mixed reaction from the self-proclaimed 'insider' internet fans… smarks always ruin things.

Muddy jumps up onto the top turnbuckle, raising up the phony title, yelling at the crowd, he removes his dark shades and throws them out into the audience. He flexes his biceps at some fat broad out in the crowd who faints with excitement, her friends don't catch her as her fat ass flops onto the floor.

Smiling, Muddy takes the mic from Pest and begins addressing the crowd,

“Hello TUUUR-ONTOOOOOOOO!!!!!”

The fans explode with a mixed roar of approval and disdain,

“My name is...”



“Yall hotter then ah' jalapeno's coochie… and I'm tha' pride of Pike Co. Kentucky, tha' most bonafide, baddest ass whippin' machine, beer guzzlin' bastard they ever was… and tha' NEW! Unofficial-lized X-DUBYA'-F, HART CHAMP-YON!

Yer' all in fer' ah' real treat next week ta' boot, as tha' greatest Hart Champion tha' world ever seen'd gunna' be in action gainst' at fat son ova' bitch, Big Sow. Now Muddy Waters aint ah' too sure why in tha' hell Mr. Sean, Faggedy Ass, Falcon would book Muddy Waters gainst' such ah' slobberin' sack of shit like Big Sow, after Main Eventin' his show back ta' back and runnin' that 'RAY-TINGS' up through tha' wazoo.

It aint' ah' thang ta' Muddy Waters though, cause yer' Cu-Nuk-Ta'Fied asses better believe that come Monday Night, Mountie Waters gunna' be firin' his six shooter tried and high at that there moose lookin' Bullwinkle moron Big Sally, then all ya' can ice skate home to yer' wood cottages and eat yer' frozen sushi with ah' big ol' smile on yer' faces.

Tha' New Hart Champ-yon, gone' reign supreme once more'd again, and it don't make ah' damn bit ah' difference if ol' Kirky Tha' Jew MacClay be tha' special guest referee or not, cause if he tries screwin' Muddy ta' get in Falcon's good graces like at' stupid son ova' bitch ref did last week, Muddy'll drop him on his gold diggin' neck faster than green grass through ah' goose's ass.

Now Muddy knows that there Sally boy gunna' be thinkin' his big ass'll step up in this here ring, breathin' so hard it sounds like his fat ass is snorin', and put it to ol' Muddy Waters... beat him like ah' red headed step child, but listen here and listen clear ya' yankee piece of meltin' pot left overs… ya' orta' be more nervous than ah' longtailed pussy cat ina' room full of rockin' chairs, cause Muddy Waters is gunna' stomp yer' sissy ass clear across Lake Ontario, back to tha' state that'll accept yer' gay cross-dressin' ways as ah' part of common livin'.

His big mozzarella lovin' ass bout ta' get him self ah dose of reality, when Muddy Waters drops him neck first with tha' Pike Co. Plunge, right in tha' Pike Co. river and ya' better believe, there's plenty of muddy waters in that there river to go round' even fer' yer' big ass. Better hope yer' fat ass can swim Sally, cause if not, ol' Kirk gunna' be countin' ta' three even faster than' he ejaculates at tha' sight of Vinnie Lane's backside… and that there be ah' true feat of epic-tary proportions

Bless yer' pea-pickin' heart Sally, yer' Italian ass orta' stayed under yer' daddy Sean Falcon's porch, stead' of tryn' ta' run with tha' big dogs like Muddy Waters and tha' Black Hand. Some people are ah' wonderin' just how in tha' hell Muddys' gunna' deal with a woman as big as Sally… well it's real simple, I'mma' smash tha' damned toilet seat over her head while her West Side Story ass is getting' ah' drink outta' Falcon's pissin' pot.

Muddy knowd' ya' been real busy bent over, ridin' on Sean's lap, tearin' up ah' mixture of shemale semen and olive oil, but come Mud-Day Night Madness, right here in Tur-onto, yer' big Italian ass belongs ta' Muddy Waters, and he's gunna' stomp it from one side of this here buildin' to tha' next…
Big Sal got himself ah' hanckerin' fer' some spaghetti and Muddy balls with ah' side of sauteed Mud Stompin', which Chef Waters is gunna' be glad-handed ta' deliver to his big mouth ona' hot dish whup ass… Tha' goose gunna' be hangin' high honey, hope yer goofy ass is ready.

The scene fades...