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X-treme Wrestling Federation »   » Archives » Gauntlet City (March 31st) PPV RP Archive
Jeff Hardy in "Sorry...I just don't care"
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Jeff Hardy
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#1
03-31-2013, 02:50 PM

From deep bellow the waters surface a rumble is heard. The waters shake and tremble as a creature stirs. A creature the like of which the world has never seen. A demon of the deep. A monster with one thing in mind and that one thing is destruction. Bubbles rise up and the water churns as this vile beast rises. Higher he swims and closer to the surface he gets. He's hungry but it's not really known for certain what he's hungry for? Your destruction? That's a simple task achieved so how could it be that? Your flesh? You're but barely a morsel to this monster. So it couldn't be that. Perhaps the beast isn't hungry at all, he's just bored and wants to stir up trouble? That must be it. That makes sense. I mean it's gotta be pretty fucking boring being the only monster of the deep. Nothing to do but dwell in the murky depths. Anyway this creature is on it's way up so rather than focusing on the "why" let's just move past that and notice it for what it is. Notice this big ol' sack of attention grabbing fright before it gets upset and sinks back below the surface.


In fact let's stop referring to this creature as a beast at all. Let's put some reality on the matter. This creature isn't rising from the depths, although it feels like it should be from the realm of obscurity it's crawled out of. No, this isn't going to be a fight with the Kraken or Godzilla. That would be fun if it was. That would be entertaining. That might actually pose a challenge. No, this foul beastie is of a different and more human variety. This fearsome foe wandering up from the dark realms of the lost is none other that NEONERO! Gasp! Shudder! I'm scared, I'm really fucking scared. Can you tell? Can you see me trembling at the thought? You can't tell? That's because I'm not. I'm not trembling. I'm not shaking. I'm not afraid. I'm in a match called "Chamber Of Horrors" and I couldn't feel less afraid. I'd catch more worry and dread from a match with Tickle Me Elmo. That's right. Tickle Me Elmo would make me sweat this match more than Neonero.


I mean look at him.


Really look at him.






Would you be afraid of this man?


Would he strike fear into your hearts?


Make you sweat and start to doubt yourself?


No.


If you're wondering the answer is....no.


I doubt you were wondering but I still thought I should inform you nonetheless. It's a solid NO! To the point and direct in affirmation. Just like a straight man would answer a request from a for some idle buggery. NO! The doesn't even need to make lewd comments and joke about Japanese tentacle porn, the "NO!" is so sincere and flat out. In fact this "NO!" is so undeniable and certain it may be the surest answer given in the history of answers presented to questions. NO! I do not fear Neonero. Even if this man can best me in such a bizarre and haphazardly thought out match as the "Chamber Of Horrors".......I won't fear him. Hell, he could beat me in the "Treehouse Of Horrors" match next and I still wouldn't tremble at the thought of Neonero. So tonight Neonero brings his A+ game to the match I'm bringing my D- game to, let's see how that works out. Fingers crossed, right? What's gonna happen? I don't know. This whole uncertainty I'm feeling is really starting to bring me down. Perhaps I'll cheer myself up by doing a line or twelve. That sounds about right. Really bring that solid D- level I'm performing at down to it's knees! Just really emphasis I'm not even going to attempt to try here. No disrespect or anything old chap but did you expect anything less? I'm Jeff Hardy, right? I'm the shit head you didn't give your full game to the first moment we met. So why should I bother to give you anything more then what you gave me? Or maybe it's not even that? Maybe I just don't care anymore? Yeah, let's go with that! That sounds good! Okay now that we've established that, let's get this match over with.




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