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**Vincent Lane** · **03-01-2015, 07:37 PM** "Loverboy" - Nothing But A Good Time -->

“Motherfucker.”

The PS4 controller gets tossed to the plush-carpeted floor and the big screen TV snaps off, erasing the picture of the dead warrior on the screen alongside the words “Game Over.”

“Loverboy” Vinnie Lane sits with his feet up on his coffee table, then starts typing into a small laptop computer. As the sounds of hair metal music float up through the air from the laptop, Loverboy bounces one of his black motorcycle boot-clad feet along with the tempo, wiggling the table and the gleaming Federweight Championship belt that sits on top of it.

Loverboy grabs his cell phone from his pocket and begins punching in a text message as the front door to the luxury Los Angeles apartment opens and the angelic silhouette of Roxy Cotton enters, carrying several bags from high end stores.

“Hey baby.”

“Roxy! Hey girl, I was just about to shoot you a text. I just got my tickets booked.”

“Tickets to where?”

Roxy seems truly stunned as she removes her wide lensed sunglasses and sets her bags down behind the couch, leaning herself over to look at Loverboy’s computer screen and resting her large breasts on his head.

“Your Warfare match isn’t until Wednesday, you don’t have to leave yet.”

“I know baby, but I have something I need to do first. Trust me.”

“Really, Vinnie? Because last time you said that you came back with a teenaged son and a dick that smelled like dirty pussy. Why should I trust you to go to… where is that?”

“Hope.”

“Hope? What’s Hope?”

“It’s a town in Arkansas. It’s where Harrison’s from. I’ve been there before, it’s not that bad, really. Just small.”

“You don’t think it’s a bad idea to go see him? After the shit you’ve gone through lately? Didn’t you say he was Hysteria the whole time?”

“Yeah, he was. I should have probably recognized him when they took me, dude, but I was kind of out of it, you know? And you’re right, man, it could be a bad idea, but I’m not going there to hang out with LH, I’m going to pay my respects.”

“To who? What the hell are you talking about?”

“To who? Roxy, come on, the guy’s family’s dead. Even if me and him aren’t cool right now, being teamed up with him for Lethal Lottery’s got me thinking about stuff, you know? I met those people, man. His little girls, his wife, whey were all really nice to me, even before I was a huge star. I mean, I was a pretty big star, but not like now, you know, when people stop me in the street everywhere I go. Places like Hope, Arkansas were places I could kind of disappear in back then. And I was nothing like what the Harrison family would have had at their home on most nights, dude, but they took me in anyway. That deserves… something.”

“But Vinnie, we’re supposed to be meeting with the MTV people about a reality show. The club is doing big business and we’re about to be TMZ-level famous! This is big news!”

“Yeah, great, Roxy… I told you, I don’t want to do some dumbass TV show. Remember the Rock of Love? That shit was terrible. I ended up breaking some D&D nerd’s heart when I told her the shit wasn’t real, and you ended up sucking Diesel’s cock. Real win-win there.”

“I didn’t blow him, Vinnie. I mean… I was going to. He couldn’t though… you know? He just sort of cried and said he was sorry a lot. But you fucked like ten girls!”

“Well of course I did! Look at me!”

"Vinnie, just look over the options, okay? We don’t need to make a decision right now, but the producers want something to go on. I came up with some ideas, just listen.”

“Fine. Go for it. But I’m flying out tonight either way, okay? I’m going stir crazy sitting around the house and playing video games. These adjusted schedules around big shows always fuck with me.”

“Okay! Great…”

Roxy bounces around the couch and sits down next to Loverboy, her ample assets jiggling as she hurries to him, smiling.

As she frees her feet from her sparkling stiletto heels and folds her legs underneath her, she pulls a folded sheet of paper from her purple Gucci purse, opening it and clearing her throat as Loverboy keeps staring at his laptop screen.

“Okay… idea number one. Twelve amateur designers compete to create new ring gear for you every week, Vinnie. And maybe do a challenge for the girls at the club to make new thongs, garters, platforms, I dunno. We make them use unconventional materials, like stuff they dig out of the trash or shopping bags.”

“I don’t want to wear garbage, dude.”

“Well, you won’t even know! These guys can do amazing stuff with a sewing machine, especially if you get enough gays in there.”

“They should recruit them from the Defiance locker room then. Whole lotta gay in there. Almost as gay as trying to be a modern day Jack the Ripper with a spooky sci-fi twist, in my opinion. But no, Roxy, that idea sucks. I don’t know jack shit about making clothes, and neither do you! You just know how to buy them. A lot of them.”

“Fine, well, there’s others… how about this? Master Strip Junior. A bunch of 8 to 12 year old girls show us their stuff to see who the next up and coming pole dancer is going to be? We have a live finale and celebrity judges every week. I already talked to Dita Von Teese and Kat Von D.”

“Roxy that is probably the worst idea for a TV show since Honey Boo Boo. You might get like, two people watching. According to some of the less creative types in the locker room I might have an uncle Hank who’d be into it, but that’s probably it.”

“Well what about if you and me just get dropped off in some harsh climate somewhere with no tools or food or anything? We’d have to hunt and fish and try to build a society! We could find some aborigines or something and rule them, you know? Wouldn’t that be cool? I bet a lot of people would watch that.”

“This is so dumb, Roxy. I have a huge match this week, starting up the Lethal Lottery series with LH Harrison against two super popular opponents in Game Boy and Mystica, I just don’t have time for this! I have to get to Arkansas, then move along back down to Tampa. I’m a 24/7 champion right now, which means someone can challenge me at pretty much any time, and you want me to make some Lord of the Flies TV show.”

“Vinnie it can’t always be about you! I want to be a star too!”

“Baby, it IS always about me! These cameras, these promos, everything, this is about me and the XWF! All the money, the fancy shit, the nightlife, it’s from me being a megastar and a hero to millions of wannabes around the world!

I can’t let the fans down, you know how I feel about it. It’s important. This week, I’m not just going one on one. I have to carry someone else. I can do it, I’ve done it plenty before, but it isn’t easy, dude. Harrison hasn’t really been taking care of himself the way he should be, even though when he has that mask on he’s, like, ten times better than he is without it… but it isn’t Hysteria I have as a partner, it’s LH! When was the last time LH did anything?”

“When you and him teamed up?”

“Yeah man, exactly. Dude’s a dead weight half the time. He’s cool usually, but he’s a weak spot when it comes to tag teams. I’m hoping he can at least be able to distract Game Boy for a little while so I can focus on Mystica, but who knows? It’s totally possible that I end up taking them both out with no help, leaving me all gassed out and worn down for the next round.

See, Game Boy lives in some sort of fantasy world full of power ups and extra lives. He takes everything for granted because as soon as anything goes wrong for him he can just punch in a code or hit continue. That’s not real life, man. That’s not my life. I have to scratch and claw and fight my way to the top right now because there is no do over, you know? There is no next life. I get one shot to make it to the top of the mountain in the XWF, and I have to go through him to do it. Game Boy’s a talented kid, man, but this time his princess in another castle. This time he’s going face to face with reality, and the reality is that I’m better than he is.

I’m the guy that’s coming out of the Lethal Lottery standing tall this year, man, and it’s going to take that shit Game Boy pulled at War Games and wipe it clean off the record books in the process. The kid considers himself a hero in his own world, but he joined forces with the dark side in that match just to make personal gain. Teaming with Pest? Is that what a hero like Link or Kid Icarus would do? Is that what Samus would do? No, they vanquish evil, right? They fight for the good side, man, they don’t sell out just to get on TV.

We had the match of the year at the Games, but it was all for nothing when that little 8-bit pussy turned it from a story of good versus evil into a showboat against weaker guys who can’t handle what Game Boy brings to the ring. McBride and Zeke? They didn’t know what to do against him. But me? I’ve been in some crazy shit before. I’ve beaten monsters and sidescrolled my way to end bosses, and I beat them, man. Game Boy’s got nothing I haven’t already beaten.

And his partner? Mystica? Hell man, I’ve heard his name before but never really seen him do anything other than a rollover squash against a low level accidental champion. If I’m judging my opponents based on what they’ve done while I’ve been around, he isn’t impressing me. He beats a guy like Griffin, but then immediately loses to Mastermind and disappears. What a resume, right?

Listen, in the grand scheme of things, dude, we all only get a certain amount of time to shine, man. Andy Warhol said we all get our fifteen minutes. The difference between you and me, dude is that my clock just started, and yours is at 14:59. The very last thing people are going to see from “Mystica, the Sleeping God” or whatever the hell you call yourself is an image of you not being able to keep up.

This isn’t a part time gig for me, man. This isn’t a hobby to come in and dabble with from time to time. This is my life. This is who I am. For a couple of part time, secondhand, second string special attractions to get put across from me is a god damn insult, not only to myself but to anyone else who spends every day of their life busting their ass trying to be good enough to stand with the best. There’s kids in the audience of every one of these shows that sees me and learns that if they try hard and always give it 100 percent, they can make their dreams come true. They see you two and they see that in the eyes of a big business, substance is disposable in favor of a name. Unfortunately for the two of you, not only is my substance better than yours, but my name is bigger.

Mystica and Gabe Boy are about to see what it’s like when a real megastar goes out there and steals the show, man. I may not need nothin’ but a good time, baby, but when I decide to throw a party it shuts the world down.

What do you think about that, babe?”

Roxy snaps her head back around toward Loverboy, smiling quickly in an effort to describe her lost expression.

“What about if we get jobs on farms? I’d look hot in daisy dukes milking a cow, right?”

“God damn it, you weren’t even listening! I just dropped a five star promo on my opponents!”

“I’m sorry…”

“It’s fine. Damn it. By the way, I bought a goat the other day. It’s in the kitchen.”

“WHAT?”

“Oh, now you’re listening…”

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