"When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive - to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.” - Marcus Aurelius, Roman Emperor.
My back aches. Like really fucking aches. That's what you get for sitting awkwardly and reading your script for most of the day when you could be doing something better, more active, yada-yada. It makes you think. What if at that time of day I was doing something else? Would I still be here now? Thinking about what I was doing again? Vicious cycle my friends, but let's stop with the philosophical shit. I'm here, still being the King of Goats. Sun peaked in through the ugly curtains, which were lime green. I always wanted to get that shit changed. It cast an oddly shaped shadow as the floorboards transformed into black and white checkered tiles, due to the beast that had made home to the kitchen. Scratch that, the beasts that had made home to my house. For once, I had decided to settle down. The life of travelling all the time was not something I'd like to get used to. I had to, unfortunately. One second we are in Miami and the next minute we are in Milwaukee. I drop the script to the next episode of 'Goatman and Bo' onto the cushion beside me, before rolling off onto my stomach. Jesus Christ I'm so fucking stiff. The non sexual version I mean.
"Marmite."I shout, well, try to shout. I sounded like some sort of strange animal.
"Make it yourself."
"C-B-A. Come ooonnn, do it for your buddy?"
"Make it yourself."
"I'm not fucking around Bo. Do it."
"Make it yourse-"
I propel myself off the ground by pushing with my arms. I land on my feet and shake of all the numbness in my legs as I head into the kitchen.
"You're such a dick,"I open the cupboard on the left and scan for the tub of brown goodness. It takes a while, but I see it hidden behind the flour."You know that, right?"Bo doesn't reply, instead he leans against the counter and drinks some milk out of the bottle. He just looks at me. What the fuck have I done this time?"Also, isn't drinking milk kinda like... wrong? It's like me ejaculating and drinking my own spunk."
"It's cow's milk."
Slightly embarrassed at how pathetic my attempt at humour was, I grab a slice of toast and begin buttering it as the butter is already laid out before me."So why are you being so blunt today?"
"He's coming."
"Who's coming?"
"Him, you."
I narrow my eyes at my goat friend. What the hell is he playing at?
"You're scaring me man. What's wrong?"
"You will see."Then, he walks out of the kitchen and out of the back door.
I just stop. This is the first time I've ever seen Bo act like this. I drop what what I'm doing and in a crazed attempt to find where that son of a bitch went, let me tell you that dressing gowns, fluffy socks and a slippery floor tile isn't the best combination. My legs fly out from underneath me and I smash my head onto a nearby coffee table in the process. My vision goes a bit blurred for a second as I curse and claw at the crimson mask that seems to be growing on my face. I lift myself up, which seems to become a regular occurrence and then walk out the back door to continue my search.
"BO? HELLO?"I shout, still clutching my bloodied head. What I saw made me feel sick.
A trail of red slid down the stone patio from different directions, all intertwined and trying to chase each other, it was a thing of beauty if you were anyone but someone who knew what had happened. To my right, a pile of dead goats. All stacked up, neatly, with Bo being the latest edition.
"What the FUCK?!"I fall to my knees and start punching at the ground. My knuckles start bleeding and my entire vision is just filled with red. My favourite colour. Not anymore. My head was spinning and I felt sick, everything seemed to slow down. It seemed I was moving faster than the flowers swaying in the wind than it seemed possible. A doorbell.
Ding-Dong.
Ding-Dong.
Ding-Dong.
Was this inside my head? Has the past become to haunt me? My fingernails dig into the wooden floorboards as I head back inside, desperately but with a sense of laziness. The white door towers over me as my stomach is heavy and I want to throw up. Everything seemed smaller. The door opens as I am struck twice with the baton, wielded by two men with spiked masks. I can't say what happens next, as my vision is swallowed up by a maelstrom of blackness and the red seeping from my forehead, but I could feel the wet grass press against my back as I am forcefully thrown into some sort of metal room... or object? Finally, I lose conscience.
"Come out and fight you... pussy..."I half heartedly slam my fist into the metal, trying to get the drivers attention. Bumpity-bump. All the fucking way. Curled up in a ball with a huge fucking headache, being thrown around in the back of a van with nothing but metal to cushion you. Not very nice is it? Nope. I wanted to cry, I really did. All my life's work thrown out the window. Who would dare kill a whole mixture of different species of goat and pile them up over each other? And... Bo... What did he have to play in this? He seemed to know what was going to happen to him before hand and there was nothing he could do to stop it.
The "room" AKA the back of the van was cold, but the metal made it almost unforgiving. They stripped me of all my clothes but my underwear and my socks, but it still froze like shit. My nipples were nearly as erect as Peter Gilmour when he spots an all you can eat buffet. My snot was frozen in my nose and ice started forming on my toenails, I fucking shit you not. It was too-fucking-cold.
There was a window, but it was all blacked out and I could barely see outside other than the outline of trees and woodland flying past. This guy must be going pretty fast. Well, I assumed it was a guy, It didn't look like a girl when it politely struck me over the head with the baton, but it lead to a very good question.
Who the fuck were these people?
I had a rough idea but... no. It can't be. I'm not going back to that dark place again.
The Van made a sharp turn, as I slid across the floor and smashed into the metal wall. I think I might of dislocated my shoulder. I have a important tournament match soon so I mustn't break or dislocate another thing, my arm killed. However, it paid off. I'm now top of the Madness series rankings. Suddenly, the van starts slowing down until it reaches a full stop. I rush to the window, but it gives away nothing of my location.
"Mmm- ..... ea... sque.... at... ooty..."
"Hello?"I shout out of the window, but to no reply. It sounded like there was a fight outside.
"I...-ant... al... et... al..."
There was that sound again! I press my ear against the side of the van, hoping to get some sort of answer for what was happening. BOOM! The back doors swing open and a gagged man with his hands and legs tied together gets thrown in the back, but before my eyes could readjust to the light and find out where we were, the door is shut again.
"Mmmm... Mmmm-Mmmm..."
"Hold on, buddy."I say as I crawl over and undo his hands and legs before also ripping off his gag- GREGGO?
"Mmmmm... yeah... how's it goin' mah goat scrotumlicious friend?"
"Not too good... why the fuck are you here too?"
"Yeah... mah guess is good as yours... partner..."
The van starts up again and makes a three point turn, smashing into some sort of object every time, much to the annoyance of me. Why was my wrestling manager here with me? Is this a sign? We weren't really that good of friends, I just paid him in goats, he could do as he wished with them. Wait a minute...
"You fucking killed them!"I leap onto Greggo with two hands wrapped around his throat.
"'Fuck you talking about you goat faced motherfucker... Mmmm... get off of me or I'll have to help mahself to your balls..."
I let go. It couldn't be him. I didn't give him my address just in case he tried any raping on my baby ones. Still, I couldn't get my head around why Greggo was here, of all people.
"Did they just abduct you from your doorstep?"
"I was a'middle of a bit of child lovin'... Mmmm... an' these cowboys come and ruin the party."
"I see. Shit."
The rest of the ride consisted of Greggo fondling his own ballsack and talking about all the kids he enjoyed having sex with. This guy was nearly as bad as Pest, but atleast he didn't make promos about it. He was actually a very interesting person with a distorted fucking mind. He seemed to believe what he does is okay and believes he can get anything he wants. Relaxed with having someone I knew with me, even if it was Greggo, I managed to convince my nervous mind into falling asleep. Which consisted of bad dreams and a spiral of consequences. I used to have a problem with over thinking, but with Goat Face, I never thought too much, if at all. It made a change...
A small hatch on the roof, slid open. The sunlight woke me up. As did a strange, heavy object, that hissed at me. What a rude thing to do! It was oval shaped and it kept sneezing this green powder all the time. I asked it to stop but it didn't reply. As I became fully awake my body fell asleep and I couldn't move. It's quite scary when you think you're in control but you're not...
I snapped out of this psychological trance. My body was frozen and it became apparent that some sort of gas was leaking out of this object, causing me to not move. I managed to find the guts to move my eyes and try to find Greggo, but he too was stuck in an awkward position. A rather... sexual one. Shit. This was really scary. It got more scary when the back doors were flung open and around six men in black body armor dragged me by my feet onto a stretcher, then pulled a blanket over me.
I was dripping with sweat. I hated not being in control of myself. This was really fucking scary. I had no idea where I was and my only way of guessing was the shadows that danced and pranced above me as my eyes tried to see through the stained blanket that you'd see in hospitals. All plasticky and sticky. The wheels underneath had a much more harder sound, that created an echo. It was also scratchy, which made me believe the floor was made of metal. I was so fucking sick of metal at this point.
My blanket was pulled off, as one of the men unforgivingly pushed me off and I landed on my broken arm with a thud. I was in some sort of cell. Greggo was dumped off too and directly on his head.
"It will wear off in a few minutes. The Pinhead will see you in a minute. He would like a few words about your match on Wednesday."One of the guards said, his voice muffled by his face gear."You will not survive unless you cooperate. Rest well." He slammed the door shut and again we found ourselves in a metal room, with nothing but metal.
"Uuuuuhhhh... UUHHHHH..."I try to communicate and make a sound, but only groans come out of my mouth."Greeeeegg uuuhhhhhh..."
"Shhh, partnah. I stored some of them goat cum in mah gums, they make meh immune to the paralysis." Greggo suddenly whispers, rolling onto his back to reveal his broken nose from the fall.
At first I'm disgusted, but then I realise it's Greggo and that I shouldn't be surprised in the slightest. I try to nod, as if to ask for the goat cum, but my head won't budge, so I nod with my eyes instead.
"Uh-uh, you're not gettin' any of these. Mmmmm... yeah... that would be unhygienic... plus, I earned this, what exactly have you earned recently?"
I really wanted to kick that little cunt right in his broken nose at this point, but it wouldn't budge. I guess I'll have to be stuck here for a while and that, was not in my best of interests.
WILL GOATMAN AND GREGGO ESCAPE THE WRATH OF THIS MYSTERIOUS PINHEAD? FIND OUT NEXT IN ISSUE #002: A FORCED PROMO - PART 2!
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