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Gator · **02-22-2015, 07:29 PM**

*Gator, Justin Sane and corVus sit in Gator's living room drinking beers and watching TV as Todd shuffles papers and get a bunch of dice in order. Gator grabs a cigarette from the carton on the coffee table and offers one to Sane who accepts, they each take a lighter from their pocket and spark their cigarettes*

T: "Okay almost ready guys."

"Great. It's only been three hours and we're almost ready to play a fucking game."

T: "It's a long process."

"You know, when you asked me to come round Gator, the last thing I was expecting was to play dungeons and fucking dragons."

"We're a team man, and team members don't let other go through tortuous events alone."

". . ."

*Gator turns to corVus with a blank stare*

"Sorry I missed that, say it again."

". . ."

"Because Todd was complaining I never do anything he wants, so it was either this or listen to him complain for the rest of my life."

*CorVus tips the beer towards Gator and takes a sip*

"But dungeons and dragons? Doesn't this game never end or some shit? And we need to make up characters and back stories while pretending to be someone else?"

"I know, I know. It's fucking

and something only complete losers do."

*Gator shoots a look at the camera before continuing*

"But I told Todd to make it quick and easy. Shouldn't be too long."

T: "Okay ready!"

*Todd hands a sheet of paper to each Defiance member*

T: "Now we just need to make characters."

"Oh for the love of god, we're going to be here all week!"

"Todd can we shortcut some of this shit?"

T: "What do you mean?"

"Can we use our real names and just pick a class, you can just give us default skills and stats and shit so we're not here forever."

T: "Well, it's unorthodox, but okay. CorVus, what class do you want?"

*The three turn to corVus who glares at Todd*

". . ."

T: "..Gator?"

"He wants to be the best class."

T: "Well every class has it's own strengths and weaknesses, one class on it's own can only do so well, this game is about the party working well enough togeth-"
"Fuck's sake make him a Rogue. And give him a pet crow."

*CorVus nods*

T: "Okay. CorVus is a rogue. Justin?"

"... Are these all the classes?"

*Sane hold the piece of paper in the air looking at Todd*

T: "Yup."

*Sane takes another drag of his cigarette and lowers the sheet of paper examining it*

"Fuck... Make me a Paladin then."

T: "Paladin it is, good choice."

". . ."

"No corVus, Paladin isn't better than Rogue. I'll be a Monk Todd."

"Pfft, great. You can pray for our well being in this fucking game."

"Same to you Paladin Sane."

"At least I have a Morning Star and shield."

T: "Monks in this game are more hand to hand fighters who can use staffs and stuff."

"Oh what!?"

"I'm going to German Suplex fools all day."

T: "Well if you roll to do that you will. Okay let's get this started shall we?"

*Todd clears his throat*

T: "It's a dark and stormy night in Midsvale-"

"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYY!"

T: "Really?"

"Sorry, carry on."

T: "The party, you three, sit in a tavern."

"I wish that was the reality."

*Gator chuckles at this and takes another swig of his beer*

T: "You've known each other for a while, and have stopped in this town called Dirk for some rest for the night. The tavern is full of people from each race, drinking and laughing and partying while you three quietly drink in a booth in the corner."

"I get up and find the hottest Elf chick."

T: "Okay. You stand up from the booth."

"Where are you going Gator?"

"I just said to find the hottest elf chick."

"No I'm talking in character here."

"Oh. We have to do that?"

T: "Yes."

"Well that is stupid... Justin, my good man, I'm looking for a fair Elven beauty to get some sap on my branch."

"Hahaha.. Very well my good man, corVus and I shall drink! Heartily!"

". . ."

"Okay, so I walk across the tavern and find a hot elf girl, right?"

T: "That is correct, you stroll through the warm tavern, making your way past the crowds of Orcs, Dwarves and Humans to see a beautiful Elf sitting alone at the bar, you walk over to her."

"... Hey. Can I buy you a drink?"

T: "Sure stranger."

*Justin cracks up in laughter*

"Oh god I regret this."

T: "Regret what sweetie?"

"Wait this is still.. Nevermind. Uh, hey I'll buy you a drink if you can offer me and my friends a place to stay."

T: "OOC-"
"What?"

T: "OOC, it means out of character, say that when you want to talk to us not the party and world."

"Makes sense."

T: "Just doing a charisma roll for you... Ha, you fail."

"What!?"

T: "The Elven woman stands up and slaps you across the face and leaving you embarrassed. You lose one hp."

"The fuck!?"

"Ha! You fucking loser."

"Who has the highest charisma?"

T: "Errrr.. CorVus."

"Of course he does."

"This is bullshit. I want a re-roll!"

T: "Too bad, all decisions are final."

"...Bitch. I walk back to the booth and drink some more."

T: "Okay so you rejoin the party. A little disheartened and with a hurt face, you continue your drink."

"How'd it go?"

"Fuck you."

T: "Suddenly, the music in the tavern stops as a group of well armed Orcs barge through the door. The crowd makes way as they look around and notice the three of you."

". . ."

"CorVus asked where his crow is."

T: "What? It's around."

". . ."

"Where exactly?"

T: "It's on a roof beam. Just chilling, anyway-"

*corVus slams his hand on the coffee table*

". . ."

"CorVus wants to make his crow dive at the Orcs."

"I need to learn how to understand corVus."

"Maybe listen once in a while."

"I listen! He doesn't speak!"

"Fuck you're lucky, dude is such a gossip."

*corVus looks at Gator*

"Oh don't deny it, you gossip all the time and just go on and on."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

*corVus glares at Gator*

"... I mean no. I was just taking the piss."

"See, I can never tell with you two."

T: "Guys c'mon."

"Sorry."
"Sorry Todd."
". . ."

T: "Okay so the corVus tells the crow to swan dive-"
"Crow dive."
T: "-Uh ... Crow dive from the beam and attack the Orcs."

*Todd rolls a D20 in front of him*

T: "Okay the crow flies from the ceiling at caws as he swoops down and scrathes at one of the Orcs. But it is quickly brushed off and flies back to another beam across the roof. The Orc shouts. 'Who's crow is this?'"

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"

T: "OOC. What?"

"You sounded so fucking dumb!"

"Yeah dude, Skyrim has better voice acting than that."

"Skyrim is more fun than this too."

*Todd grows frustrated*

T: "IC-"
"What?"

T: *sigh* "It stands for In Character, say this when you want to talk in character. IC. 'Answer me!'"

"I stand the fuck up and down my mead. IC. 'I was my friends crow, and if you have a problem with that, we can take this outside.'"

"I stand with you brother."

". . ."

T: "The Orcs stare coldly at you, the leader speaks. 'Very well masked man, let us take this outside.' He turns with his men-"

"I throw a bar stool at the back of his head."

*Todd looks blankly at Gator and shrugs, he rolls a dice*

T: "Holy shit you crit."

"Is that good?"

T: "Very. You do double damage."

"Nicely done man."

"Guess throwing bar stools is my hidden talent."

T: "Okay you pick up a nearby stool and throw the wooden stool with all your might and it crashes against the back of the Orc's head and smashes to pieces. The Orc is hurt and thrown forward but stays on his feet, they all draw their weapons and look at you in anger. What do you do?"

"I say deal with it and do a dance like this."

[Image: Deal-With-It-Deadpool-Dance-Reaction-Gif.gif]

*Sane chuckles as Gator dances in his seat. Todd looks pissed off*

T: "... The Orc rushes over to Gator and grabs him by the throat-"
"Woah what?"
T: "-He crushes your throat and drags you to the door-"
"I counter."
T: "- You can't. He throws you out of the door onto the cold stone street."

"Why couldn't I counter?"

T: "Because you pissed me off."

"...You are an angry god."

T: "And don't you forget it. So I guess Sane and corVus go outside to aid Gator?"

"Yeah."

T: "Okay so you two run outside to see Gator picking himself up and dusting himself off. He is confronted by five large Orcs in medium armor wielding swords. Gator what do you do?"

"I cut a trash talk promo."

*Sane almost spits out his beer and chuckles wiping the beer from his lips*

T: "You can't do that."

"Sure I can. IC. Listen up you green cocksuckers, I don't know what the fuck you think you're doing, but I'm here to tell you that we are the worst thing you will come across between Morrowind and Mordor. We fucked up a dragon this morning. Do you guys really think you can fuck with us? You're all going to die-"

T: "The leader swipes at you with his sword, and hits you in the ribs. You take six damage."

"Rude. I German Suplex him!"

T: "Not your turn sorry. Sane what do you do?"

"I raise my sheild and stand in front of Gator."

"You're so sweet."

"I'm not having you die in our first fight. Can I attack Todd?"

T: "Yes, but only the leader is in range."

"Okay, I take a swing at him with my morning star."

*Todd rolls a dice in front of him and stares at a sheet of paper for a few seconds*

T: "You hit! You hit the foe in the face, you scar his face and break his jaw. The leader screams in pain and is knocked back into his allies, blood oozing from his face as he tries to keep his jaw from falling off."

"Damn, shit just got real."

T: "Another Orc rushes towards Sane and takes a swing, and misses. One of the Orcs in the back... Sees his leader in pain and fear takes its toll and he retreats. CorVus, your turn."

". . ."

*Gator takes a swig of his beer as Sane and Todd look at corVus briefly and turn to Gator, who gulps down his beer and looks at the other two*

"What? ... Oh right, corVus throws a dagger at one of the Orcs."

"Do you really know what he's saying or do you just make stuff up?"

"... I know somethings."

*corVus rolls his eyes and pull something from his coat pocket*

*The other three look at the note placed on the coffee table*

"Huh, I was way off."

"Why do you have that on a post it note?"

*They all sit back in their chairs and Todd rolls a D6*

T: "CorVus you manage to sneak away as the Orcs are occupied with Sane and Gator and you get behind them. You can do one more action this round."

*CorVus takes a swig of his beer and motions a stab with his hand*

T: "Okay that's a backstab attack."

*Todd rolls the dice*

T: "Damn. You slit the Orc's throat from behind and he falls to the floor dead."

"Niice."
"Awesome man."

T: "The last Orc in line sees what corVus does and takes a swipe at him, but corVus dodges and the attack misses. The leader's face turns to anger and he throws a kick against Sane's shield, knocking him to the ground. You take two points of damage Sane. Gator, your turn."

"Are there any bar stools nearby?"

T: "... No."

"Damn, my secret weapon is nowhere to be seen. GERMAN SUPLEX!"

T: "... Okay, you can only do a German if you roll a twenty though."

"Fine by me."

*Todd smirks and rolls the dice, the smile is wiped from his face*

T: "Another crit!?"

"HA!"

"Haha, you lucky fuck."

T: "... You rush the leader and sidestep him, and you German Suplex him so hard his head explodes on the ground. He dies instantly."

"Woohoo!"

*Gator raises his hands in victory. Todd rolls his dice again*

T: "Oh c'mon! ... The rest of the Orcs see their leader fall and all retreat. Congratulations."

"That was easy."

T: It wasn't supposed to be. Anyway, where do you guys want to go now?"

"Well, I guess we could go find some magic man to heal me."

"I have a healing spell I think."

*As Todd nods and goes to roll a dice, Scarlett walks in holding a pile of laundry she stops and smiles at the group*

SCARLETT: "Hey losers, what you doing?"

"Playing dungeons and dragons."

T: "My own variant. Now if you-"

SCARLETT: "Pfft you nerds."

"Hey Scarlett."

SCARLETT: "Hi Justin. CorVus."

*CorVus raises his beer towards Scarlett*

SCARLETT: "Oh Justin, Gator told me you and Michelle patched things up. Congrats."

"Thanks. It was rough sailing for a moment there, but we're good now."

SCARLETT: "You know, I ran into her in Philly not so long ago."

"Really? Why where you in Philly?"

SCARLETT: "Jacob."

*Gator finishes his beer and speaks up*

"Last time I was there, I found this awesome bakery place. Scarlett was visiting family and I asked her to pick up some cupcakes."

*Todd looks super angry right now*

SCARLETT: "It was so out of the way."

"You dick."

"It's not like I forced her to go, just asked."

SCARLETT: "Those cupcakes were amazing though."

"Oh do you mean Dee's bakery?"

SCARLETT: "Yes!"

"The woman is an artist."

". . ."

"CorVus knows."

"Did you say hi to her?"

SCARLETT: "Yeah we chatted for a while. We talked about a double date actually."

"That sounds-"

"Horrible. Were you going to say horrible?"

SCARLETT: "What would be bad about that?"

"We're all in our twenties and you want to go on a double date?"

SCARLETT: "It could be fun."

"Yeah, we all get along."

"I guess."

SCARLETT: "Would you like us to come to Philly or would you be okay coming here?"

"The drive doesn't bother me, and we could always catch a flight."

". . ."

"Can you get a date?"

"Who me?"

"No, corVus."

"CorVus? Are you dating man?"

". . ."

*Todd face is red with anger from the game being disrupted for so long*

T: "Okay, end of this session!"

"We're barely started."

T: "Well too bad."

"Oh that's a shame. Was starting to have fun. Same time next week?"

"Haha god no."

"Come on, we laughed."

"Yeah. Fuck it, set something up for next week Todd."

*Todd burns a hole through Gator with his stare, he gets up and leaves the room. The rest of the gang sit in silence*

"Oh babe, I German Suplexed a dude's head off."

F A D E 2 B L A C K

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