Hey Austin. Sup, man. Is this the part where you try to go point by point down everything I said to you like you’re reading from a cue card because you don’t know how to speak like a man? Here, let me show you what that’s supposed to be like, okay?
Quote:"Listen, Lane. I don't need any "ammo" from you and Knight to light you up, you two are doing a good enough job of making yourself look completely , that I wouldn't even want to try, I'd make myself look bad.
Right on the money, man. I’m definitely making myself look terrible winning all these matches and being the number one contender and everything. It’s amazing that they don’t knock me back down to the minor leagues what with all the big time matches I’m dominating in.
Now, pay attention XWF: this is going to be the part where Austin Fernando does the tried and true “I didn’t really WANT to win” routine about his lackluster rumble performance last week. I knew he had a little Frodo in him, but I thought it was, like, literally Frodo in him, not Fernando just trying to act the same way.
Quote:"Honestly, I'm not that fussed about the Rumble, I know you were trying your best to win it, but it didn't really amount to much in the end, you didn't win the match, and neither did I.
"The difference was, I barely gave a fuck about the Rumble.
Right, there it is. I’m so totally sure that’s one hundred percent true, dude. You clearly didn’t want to win that match, that’s why you trained for it and spent the week leading up to it running your cocksucker like it was going out of style. It looks like we’re going to be stuck on this for a bit though…
Quote:"I was barely giving it my all, the Rumble was nothing more than a joke to me.
"Maybe if I had the luck of D'Ville, I would've won the match, but I'm not here to talk about the Rumble.
"In reality, you're the only one that's short of ammo, all you seem to be able to talk about is the Rumble,”
Are you sure you don’t want to talk about it some more, man? It really seems like you do. How about we just sum it up really quick and move on? I’ll take care of it for you.
Austin, you looked like a chump. You came into that match way later than me after talking nonstop about beating me up and winning the thing for days, and you looked like shit. Yeah, you eliminated me, technically, and just like I knew you would you brought it up afterwards. You know, because you care so little about it.
But the thing is, I’d barely gotten my ass off the ground before you came flying over after me! I was in that ring for what felt like days, teaching all the scrubs of the XWF who their daddy - something I’m sure you’ve wondered all your life - and finally at the end, with the help of a guy who could never beat on your best day, you got a little feather in your cap with an official notation in the history books saying “Austin Fernando eliminated “Loverboy” Vinnie Lane.” Then you got dumped like yesterday’s trash. You have literally nothing to be proud of in that match, which is the only reason you claim not to give a fuck about it.
Quote:"I don't count my elimination over you as a victory, I couldn't care less about the fact that I eliminated you. You're literally that meaningless to me, and although I did mention the fact that I eliminated you, it's nothing big.
I thought we were done with that?!? Jesus. Fuck it, let’s move on.
Quote:"You call yourself a mega-star, but you aren't a fucking star at all. Unless we're talking about coming up with ridiculous bullshit all the time, you really are a star at that.
Good one. Which ridiculous bullshit am I coming up with, Austin? Is it because I keep reminding you of all the accolades and milestones I’ve reached that you never will? Is it because I remind you of the abject fucking failure you are compared to me?
If I had a dollar for every time I made up bullshit about how awesome I was and couldn't back it up by knocking my opponents out cold in the middle of the ring, I'd have exactly zero fucking dollars, Fernando. Good thing I get paid to fight and win those fights, huh? I guess that'show I went from living in a trailer in Tampa to living in a condo in Malibu so quickly. By being full of shit, and unable to win night after night after night. Right?
Quote:"if you were such a fucking mega-star, you would've been Star Of The Month, you would've been the Universal Champion by now, you would've had more for your effort than a short X-Treme Title Reign and some Trios Title reign that nobody really gives a fuck about.
So we’re back to the star of the month deal again. Listen Fernando, I don’t have time in busy life repeat myself over and over like you seem to, so again, I’m forced to just summarize. I’ve beaten more stars of the month than you’ve even met. I’ve gotten more votes to be the star than you have, just not all at the same time. Personally, I’d rather be seen as a star for the entirety of my career, like I have been, than for just a fucking month, like you.
And you think the Trios are a joke? Is that why some of the biggest stars in the history of the XWF decided to band up and knock me off of that throne? Is that why the Three Kings proudly hold onto those belts? Because nobody gives a shit about them? If you actually had two friends in your miserable little life, you’d probably go after them yourself. And lose.
You do make an almost valid point though, dude. It’s been quite a while since I’ve been a part of the title picture. Obviously, I’ll be winning the Universal Championship pretty soon… maybe at Lethal Lottery 3? I’m not sure, I haven’ decided yet. See, that’s the beauty of being the number one contender. It’s not something that goes away. It didn’t matter when the champion was Steve Davids, or John Samuels, and now Morbid Angel. We had three different champion in the span of an hour, but only one number one contender. Me. It’ll be me until I decide I don’t want to be anymore, and then I’ll be the champion. Awesome, right? Don’t you wish your balls had dropped already and you could man up the way I have?
Just to show you how simple titles are for a megastar to attain, I’ll go get the new Federweight Championship as soon as I upload this little shitbreak of a promo for you. Yes, I’m recording this while taking a fucking Arby’s shit. Talking to you gives me diarrhea, so I took a toilet break – just like the fans of the XWF do during your matches. So, after I upload this and wipe my ass, I’ll go snag that belt just to show you I can. Cool, huh?
Quote:"You're talking about how you were in the thick of the rumble, but if you didn't realize. I was in their with you, going toe-to-toe with just about everyone, dipshit. Seriously man, you're making yourself look just talking, maybe rehearse your shit before you say it, and it won't come out sounding as fucking stupid as you sound now.”
God damn it Fernando! Shut up about that rumble you don’t care about!
Quote:"You even said that KNIGHT, SWANN and WALLACE, are relevant in the XWF today.
"I knew you were fucking delusional, but I didn't think it would stretch this far.
"You make it out as if I'm shit, but The Underground is the fucking epitome of shit.
Well, I only said Swann and Wallace were relevant, really, I don’t think Heartsford needs my endorsement. He’s a former champion and a perennial contender to titles week after week. Everyone knows who he is. He’s booked at almost every show. That what relevant is, dumbfuck.
I changed my mind on Swann though. Fuck him and his frosted tips.
Quote:"I could gather up a team filled with Cain, Scully, Maverick and Mastermind, the real XWF Job-Squad, and they'd still be able to kick you all around the ring with minimal-fucking-effort.
Weird, you totally just listed a bunch of guys I’ve beaten. What are the odds? Oh, right, it’s actually a pretty high probability that if you name ANY competitor in the XWF right now I’ve beaten them. Throw a rock and you’ll hit someone I’ve beaten. See, that’s something you can say when you’re a WINNER, Fernando. It’s the fact that I can say things like that and have them be factually true that makes me the megastar that I say that I am. Do you grasp that concept yet or do you need me to make you some flash cards?
Quote:"You're going to smear me on the canvas? Is that right? I'd like to see you get anywhere near accomplishing that”
"Knight will probably be too busy fucking around after he gets beat like the little bitch he is by Sawyer, whilst I personally deal with you.”
You may want to put some serious thought behind that strategy, dude. You should probably let big sister Kendall protect you from me.
Knight is more than a match for you, he’s completely better than you. He’s faster than you, like I am, he’s stronger than you, like I am, and he’s more technically gifted than you, just like I am. Really, either one of us could pick you apart and leave you lying in the ring, exposed as the fraud you are. Face it kid, you came out for the draft to early, you needed another year as an amateur before you got into MY fucking ring, dude.
Quote:"There you have it, I've returned the favour, Lane.
"Try and provide some entertainment now, Lane.”
One last thing before I pinch this loaf off and go get my new belt. Normally, I like hearing people talk about me.
No publicity is bad publicity, right?
The thing is, when you repeat my name like that, it makes me want to stick a gun in my mouth and end it all. Honestly, I’ve never been that annoyed by the sound of my name before.
So please, do the gentlemanly thing here and spit my fucking name out of your mouth like it was Paul Heyman’s post-ejaculatory slowly-softening dick, and don’t make me suffer through hearing you say it anymore. You sound like someone who got their balls caught in their zipper.
Fernando, I don’t hate you. Seriously. You seem like an eager kid with just enough talent to trick himself into thinking he’s got what it takes to come in and set the world on fire. It’s not really your fault that you’re too stupid to realize you’re wrong, you know? That shit’s mostly genetic, and you also have a third world education on top of it. Here in America, where our teachers aren’t descended from wallabies, people know when to stay in their lane.
"Loverboy" - Sabotage -->
, that I wouldn't even want to try, I'd make myself look bad.![[Image: Gz87KnQ.jpg]](http://i.imgur.com/Gz87KnQ.jpg)
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