A pre-recorded video plays with Mister Mystery narrating because he doesn't even feel like wasting his time playing these spots "live" like he did for his anti-Macbeth promo. He just doesn't feel he needs to put in as much effort when it comes to owning Sebastian Duke -- again -- because it's scary as fuck how easy Sebastian really is. The better Duke keeps thinking he is at "trashing" his opponents, the more fuel he feeds any opponent that knows their own head from their ass.
So roll that shit!
:MM 17 31707 1: Sebastian Duke just spent some time earlier today making me a very happy psychopath. I got to sit back and hear that talentless hack prove to me that he's becoming an even bigger, emptier windbag than I'd ever thought possible of him. Congratulations, Sab.
Speaking of congratulations -- I want to congratulate you on finally pinning Unknown Soldier in that main event last Saturday. I don't believe anyone else has been able to pin him and since he's my partner this week I thought I'd go ahead and help highlight all the great moments of you dominating him in that match. You know -- because I'm just a nice fucking guy and I want you extra motivated to try and do the same thing again.
Real quick though; I'd like to point out something that you said regarding the team that Chris Macbeth is on this week. It was really groundbreaking material, fuck face. Did you happen to catch the full promo I just shot, entirely based on ripping him to shreds and feeding him his own intestines while only viewing his first promo of the week? I didn't even watch his next one and I verbally decapitated him the same way your pal John Madison is going to one day decapitate you.
Anyway, I thought we'd reflect on your comments about Chris and his team to see if you had anything of value to share. Who knows -- maybe you managed to outdo me on the Macbeth front.
Let's see-
Quote:Team two: Chris Macbeth, Mr. Natural, and Steve Davids. Who the fuck are these guys? Next.
:MM 17 31707 1: .....................
..........
...Oh I'm sorry were you done already? My fault; I thought you were a good trash talker now adays. WHOOPS!
Well let me tell you just who Chris Macbeth is -- he's one of the worst talkers on the planet but I still bet he'd own your ass in a live one on one debate. You guys should both meet in the ring sometime before Sunday to have a live debate just like John Cena and The Rock did on Monday Night Raw. It would be hilarious to watch Chris Macbeth own your ass live in front of all those snoring fans. Next? Yeah, next alright -- that's what the fuck we'll be saying as soon as it's your turn to talk.
Well since we know you can't possibly dissect an opponent like Chris Macbeth, or even Mr. Natural or Steve Davids for that matter, why don't we hear what you had to say about your big win over Unknown Soldier?
Or not. I'm not even going to waste the time adding that piece of footage into this production because you did not get a win over Unknown Soldier this past Saturday. Sure, you may have landed some good blows during the match but you didn't beat him.
Let's start by watching some of the impressive moves you delivered to Unknown Soldier in this match that was supposed to have rules in place. Let's start here; I loved you in this clip-
Quote:Michael James and Unknown Soldier prepare to start this match for their respective teams...
DING... DING... DING...
Michael James and Unknown Soldier are at each other's throats instantly but James effortlessly lifts Unknown Soldier's small frame in the air and smashes Unknown Soldier down to the mat. James then kicks Unknown Soldier in the face while Unknown Soldier is down. Unknown Soldier's nose busts open and begins to spill blood all over the place which Soldier instinctively start lapping up, seemingly forgetting he's in a match!
Michael James kicks him in the side to remind him where he's at-
:MM 17 31707 1: Oh, nasty; I liked the way you busted him open within seconds of the opening bell like that. The way you just threw him around like King Kong and knocked him so silly that he forgot he was even in the match -- good shit, Sab. It gets better though, doesn't it?
Quote:Ronnie panics, knowing either of the refs could turn around and see this at any moment so he tries to pull Soldier off of James. Soldier shoves Ronnie back and goes right back to James...
CRACK!!! James with the spiked brass knuckles to the face of Soldier!
Michael James smashes Soldier in the face again with the spiked knucks, opening Soldier up pretty bad as Soldier is sent spiraling through the ropes and crashing to the outside.
:MM 17 31707 1: Brutal -- You fucked Soldier up pretty good there. He looked like he had stopped bleeding from that earlier wound you opened up on him but there you were with those spiked knuckles to bust the shit out of him even further. Fan-fucking-tastic.
We've come to the conclusion of the amazing set of moves you managed to deliver while still legally being in the match, because look what happens next with you. First, you stopped looking Japanese and then you started looking like a cheating piece of shit who got DQ'd. Observe-
Quote:The ref, Blackwater, signals for the bell! Sebastian Duke gets to his feet and can't believe what's happening right before his eyes!
Blackwater: You're out of here!
Sebastian Duke has been disqualified
:MM 17 31707 1: Nice work! The most impressive part about that is that you weren't even doing anything to Soldier to get disqualified. You were actually choking Ronnie Wilkins out with an illegal choke because you knew he'd bust your ass up if you went hand-to-hand with the likes of a true fighter. So all in all we've seen everything you managed to do to Unknown Soldier while actually in the match, before being disqualified for being a pussy. Now let's see what happens from there-
Quote:Duke sees Unknown Soldier coming and cracks him in the face with the chair, then jams it into his gut, then cracks him in the top of the head before throwing the chair down and powerbombing him onto the chair at ringside!
:MM 17 31707 1: Oh my word -- was that actually the real you, finally doing something to Unknown Soldier during the ma-
-oh wait that's right; you had already been DQ'd by this point. Sorry. That wouldn't be the end of your fun though because even after you lost the match, Shane decided to start making up rules as he went and threw you back in! Hallelujah! Let's see what other amazing feats you accomplished that make you think you have the right to brag about pinning my partner, shall we?
Quote:BLAST!!! GLASS BOTTLE OVER THE HEAD OF UNKNOWN SOLDIER!
IT WAS JOHN MADISON!!!
:MM 17 31707 1: Oh wow -- more cheating? You morphed into John Madison and had to smash a bottle over the head of the man you already busted up with your spiked knuckles while being disguised as a Jap? That's some badass shit right there. Well at least you got to bash Soldier with a bottle; I'm sure that was fun. Now let's see what happens next when the real John Madison decides to finally let you have more fun-
Quote:Madison: You know what? Unknown Soldier and Dante Kyllen are both in that same body... and so therefore are both legally tagged right now... right? I think we need to even the odds then! Get in here Sebastian!
NAZI is already beating on Soldier with closed fists and slamming his head down into the canvas as Sebastian Duke steps into the ring.
:MM 17 31707 1: Note the complete lack of a tag when you came in. So, not only had you already lost the match by this point but even in the delusional minds of those 4 fans who thought you should be in the match still, you weren't even able to become the legal man upon entry. Skill.
Quote:Sebastian Duke chokeslams Soldier in the center of the ring and NAZI begins to wave his hand in the air and then he cups his hand to his ear like he's listening for screaming Hulkamaniacs! What the hell is he doing?
NAZI starts shaking his fists and getting all pumped up. He waits for Unknown Soldier to eventually get back up very groggily and hit him but it has no effect on the NAZI! Oh my god! He's NAZI'ing up! Sebastian and John Madison stand back, looking on in awe as NAZI starts to circle the ring, shaking his fists as Soldier keeps hitting him...
NAZI finally absorbs one hard punch that causes him to stand straight up and raise his right hand into the air with a HEIL as he shouts the word loud. Soldier looks shocked as he backs up but NAZI blasts him with some heavy closed fists and then whips him into the opposite ropes. As Soldier comes running back, NAZI is goose stepping forward and has his heiling hand outstretched... and Soldier runs face first right into it! It knocks Soldier down in the center of the ring!
NAZI bounces off the ropes...
OH MY GOD...
THE NAZI LEG DROP OF DOOM!!!!
Soldier's entire body shoots up the moment NAZI's leg comes dropping across his throat. It's like somebody just dropped a thousand pound piano on his face!
John Madison and Sebastian Duke are cheering and clapping.
:MM 17 31707 1: Oh that was impressive as fuck! That leg drop might have been just what sealed the deal and weakened Soldier enough to be pinned. Nice one, Duke! I didn't know you could deliver such an impressive leg drop like that and stand next to Madison to clap for yourself after doing it.
Quote:John Madison looks out to ringside and then starts to panic...
Madison: Oh shit one of you get out of the ring! They're (Blackwater and ) done arguing!
Blackwater turns back to the ring just in time to see NAZI exiting the ring and leaving Sebastian Duke alone in the ring with Soldier.
:MM 17 31707 1: So, for those keeping tabs -- still not the legal man; still already lost the match before this point even if he had properly tagged in. Mind boggling strategy there.
Quote:Duke rushes back and bounces off the ropes to come full steam at Soldier with THE SOUL SHOT!!! That clothesline from HELL nearly shattered Soldier to pieces!
Duke immediately covers as Madison drops down to make the count...
...1
...2
THREE!!!
:MM 17 31707 1: Oh for the love of-
That's the move you're still calling a clothesline, isn't it? Well, at least you managed to hit the move on Unknown Soldier after already losing the match and having a fraud referee allow you into the ring when you never even became the legal man.
All in all I have to hand it to you -- you really took it to Unknown Soldier. I can see why he is so afraid of you now. I can also see why I should steer clear of you because, quite frankly, I'm intimidated as fuck right now after watching that footage. How can I possibly combat Shang Tsung who, even if he loses the match after shape shifting, can still be brought back into the match and can score a pin while not being the legal man on the team?
I
am
fucked.
Let's just hang up the boots, Soldier. He's got us.
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decided to start making up rules as he went and threw you 
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