People can be heard murmuring in Universal Resort.

They are seen seated in the bleachers not too far from the main stage, which has several obstacle courses spread around a wrestling ring, the centerpiece of the entire lot.

They are wondering just what all this setup is for.

Just then, a random crew

"Alright, filming for the XWF's first ever 'Game Show Shove It!' is about to begin! Everybody make some noise!!"

As if on command, everyone begins roaring with applause.

"Alright, we're going to be running some quick camera tests before we play the track and let all the XWF wrestlers out to play. What we currently have on right now is Camera 5, the one that lets us view the entire stage and the audience members in the studio. We need to test out Camera 4, can we see Camera 4!?"

The screens above the audience members have shown the cameras are filming the right hand side of the stage.

"Camera 6, do we have Camera 6!?"

The cameras are now recording the left hand side of the stage.

"Now how about Camera 12, Is Camera 12 working!?"

The cameras are now recording the crew member's upper body.

"Alright, if those cameras are working, then we should be fine. Now, when we play the track, you all better make some noise, you hear me!?"


"With that, we present to you the XWF's first ever 'Game Show Shove It!', with your host, Johnathan Heartsford!"

The crew member runs backwards off the stage, behind the cameras where he belongs. The audience, now excited, wait for the track to play before cheering to their hearts content.

IT'S WACKY!

IT'S FUN!

IT'S CRAaAaAaZY.

...

IT'S OUTRAGEOUS!

Johnathan bursts through the curtain after the drum line with a shit eating grin seemingly painted on his face. He walks down the entrance ramp, waving excitedly to the audience members as they cheer until they run out of oxygen, only for them to keep cheering once they take in another breath. He plays on their emotions to make them cheer louder; this is done by tossing his hands up in the air to "amp it up," so to say. After the saxophone solo, fourteen XWF superstars can be seen emerging from the curtain. Some of them look more enthused to be here than others. Johnathan hops into the ring as the song nearly comes to an end. The other superstars encircle the ring, since they don't have room with the gigantic wheels in the ring. Once the song ends, everyone lets out a thunderous wave of applause, enough to make a baby go deaf. After a little while, Johnathan turns on his microphone and introduces the show.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the first ever 'Game Show Shove It!'"

The crowd cheers loudly.

"I share your excitement! Anyways, I might as well explain how this show works for the benefit of everyone up in those bleachers and my fellow XWF wrestlers. As you may have noticed, we haven't booked any matches before hand. That's because, in the spirit of game shows, It comes down to your luck as well as your physical and mental strength. Match types and the combatants will be decided by the two wheels you currently see in the ring. All of our fourteen combatants are represented on the wheel on my right."

Pictures of all of the combatant's faces can be seen on each slice of the wheel.

"And on the wheel to my left, there are nineteen game shows, some classics, some foreign favorites.

The other wheel has logos of all the game shows represented in this show, albeit pretty hard to read or make out.

"After the match has been decided, it begins once the bell rings and they're in the chosen set in the courses that are presented all around you. The later they appear on the show, the better the prizes. Of course, this is not always the case, since some weak prizes are given out in shows like, say Finders Keepers and Guts, while the better prizes are given to shows like Price is Right and Hollywood Squares. It just depends on what's drawn and what's offered. I'll explain the matches as soon as they're drawn, but for now, let's just see who gets what."

"The first match has..."

Johnathan spins the wheel, making sure there's enough power behind it to last for at least one rotation. It spins around five times before starting to slow down...

...I wonder who it's going to be?

The wheel is coming to a stop now...

...and...


"WOE'S UP FIRST!"

Everyone starts slowly clapping for the man until he shoves every other XWF superstar aside. All he gets then are boos and jeers.

"Woe's up against..."

Johnathan spins the wheel once more, this time a little stronger than before. The wheel makes eight rotations before slowing down.

Who will fight this giant of a man?

Will it be some douchebag from the audience?

Or some little girl who couldn't lift up those heavy-headed hammers from the pier?

The wheel appears to be coming to a stop...

...and it's...


"HE'S FACING MAVERICK!"

Maverick smiles, since he thinks he's the good guy by default. I mean, no one would support that man now that he's shown his true colors, even if he was restricted to simply shoving people around. Unfortunately, the crowd boos him for the simple reason that they don't like his face. He flips them off as a result.

"Hey, Mav, calm down. This is a family friendly Shove It, remember that. Let's just see what you two are facing each other off in, alright?"

With his left hand, he spins the other wheel. Since it was slightly larger than the previous wheel, it only makes two complete rotations before it slows down.

What will it be?

It's coming to a stop...

...Oh no!

No! It can't be!

It's...


The crowd "Awws" in disappointment, not wanting to waste an hour of their lives watching two men cook. The knight, knowing their frustrations, smiles and waves his arm down, trying to calm everyone in the ring.

"I know, I know, I can feel your pain. Thankfully, we don't have to wait to move on to another show, because these two are being moved to the basement!"

Ten burly men appear and take both of them behind the curtain, eight men are holding back Woe while only two of the seemingly weakest looking men in the world take Mav. The knight, mockingly, waves them goodbye. The other superstars follow suit. The crowd is in approval of this, as indicated by the chants of "Don't come back!" repeated over and over again.

"Goodbye! Bon voyage! Be sure to send me a letter while you're locked in the basement!"

Johnathan laughs. Both men are behind the curtain at this point and are too distracted trying to shove the road agents aside to hear the knight's banter.

"That was a classic, wouldn't you agree? So, the Iron Chef match. Two combatants are taken to the boiler room to cook the recipe I've set out for them earlier. They get one hour to cook the best meal to our celebrity judges, who will be presented to all of you after the hour is up. If they get the most points and they don't get caught trying to sabotage their opponent's meal, they could win...THIS!"

A lovely model walks by holding up a picture of a lovely looking kitchen, causing the crowd to "Ooooh" out of beauty and amazement. And for those watching at home, the photograph is zoomed in and shown in amazing detail.


"The winner of the Iron Chef match will receive a kitchen of a lifetime. Candy Group has agreed to deliver some of their appliances to our winner for a quality kitchen that won't make your guests gag at the sight at. It will take seven days to remodel everything to look better than before and a few more hours to install all the appliances you see in the picture. But enough of that."

The picture fades back to Johnathan.

"Let's move on to the first real game of the show. Who will face off and just what will they take part in?"

Johnathan spins the wheel with the contestant's faces on them. It has gotten smaller since using it last, because it was replaced with a different wheel. It looks about the same, but it lacks the faces of Woe and Maverick. The wheel manages to make a good ten rotations before slowing down.

Who will it be?

We can only guess.

It's coming to a stop now...

...and it looks like it's going to be...


"ESSENCE!"

Many of the male members of the audience cheer for the lovely lady that has been chosen to go first. She waves to the crowd with a lax smile on her face.

"And just who will she fight?"

Johnathan covers the microphone and mumbles something that offends both Caroline and Essence. Before they can argue, however, Johnathan spins the wheel once more. It manages to spin six times before it comes to a slow stop.

At least it won't be a total sausage fest.

The wheel looks like it's coming to a stop.

Who will Essence be facing off against for her first ever match in the XWF?


"ESSENCE AND SHINSUKE NAKAMURA ARE GOING TOE TO TOE, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN."

Despite his massive popularity over in Japan, it only garners clapping from the audience. Regardless, he bows out of respect for everyone acknowledging him.

"And just what are these two going to take part in? Let's spin the match wheel to find out."

Johnathan spins the larger wheel just to see what match the two are going to take part in. He struggles a bit before being able to spin it. When he does, he manages to get the wheel to make three more rotations.

In his mind, he makes a reminder to himself to make the wheels smaller.

It's coming to a stop right about now...

...just what will they be facing each other in?

...It's going to be...


"NINJA WARRIOR!"

The crowd goes nuts. Shinsuke nods in approval while Essence looks a little worried.

"Contestants, are you ready?"

"DEMMM RIGHT I AM!"

"YeaOh!"

"Great! Now let's go!"

Johnathan and the two contestants run outside of the studio, leaving the other contestants behind.


Johnathan runs over to a large recreation of the Japanese Ninja Warrior obstacle course with the two contestants following not too far behind him. The entire first round of the game is presented before their very eyes. There are a few cameramen that have followed the trio to the stage, which is fortunate, since there are no other cameras nearby to film this match and the show might be delayed because of it. But, really, what are the odds of that happening, really? Johnathan turns around

"Right, now that you two are here, I'll explain how this works. Your task is to make it all the way through the obstacle course as quick as you can in order to win. Simple as pie. However, in my version of this game, there are some rules that have been changed to make things a little easier on all of you. In the original version, you were only given a minute to finish the course and only one shot to do so. In my version, I'm far more forgiving. You still fail when you hit the water, yes, but there is no time limit and you have three shots to get through the course. Three shots to win."

"In order to win, you have to get through the course the quickest while wasting the smallest amount of lives. If you run out of lives after running through the course, the winner will be the one that managed to reach the farthest in the entire course. You'll be playing for 10,000 XBux. Shit prize compared to everything else, I know, but once the shop is up and running, I'm sure it'll be put to good use."

"Right, you got that?"

The contestants nod approvingly.

"Alright, just hop on up on that red square and I'm sure you'll understand what to do once you see the obstacles."

Essence and Shinsuke hop up on the stage.

"Oh, and if you fall, Steve Sayors will be on standby to take you back to the beginning. So, without any further delay, let the game begin!"

Essence vs. Shinsuke Nakamura

Essence is the first to take the stage. She stretches, and looks ready to and poised to take it on. Leg stretches, toe touches. She pulls her leg behind her head to stretch it out. And she's off. With a start she tackles the quad steps. Right leap. Then left leap. Then Right. Left. She's made it! She's over the first obstacle. She's running, and takes a leap for the log grip. She's trying, but can't hold onto the log. Apparently that piece of wood is too big for her. She hits the water with a splash. Steve Sayors is on standby to help pull her out of the water, and hand her a towel. She goes to the sidelines to dry off.

Essence: X

Shinsuke Nakamura is up next. He stretches and bends to get ready. Toe touches, windmills, arm stretches. And he's off. Easily crushing the quad steps. One leap at a time. Left. Right. Left. Right, and he's through. Running, and leaping he makes it to the log grip. He sticks to it, and holds on tight. He is teaching that wood who is boss. The man clearly knows how to handle large amounts of wood. He drops down on dry land and makes his way to the bridge of blades. He tries to cross it. But the second blade drops out from under him, sending him into the water. Sayors comes over in a rowboat, and helps him out of the water before sarcastically handing him a towel and a rubber ducky.

Nakamura-san: X

Essence is back at the stage, and ready to take it on again. She rushes her way through the quad steps. Same as before. Left. Then right. Then left. Then right. Running towards the Log, she leaps. And makes it. Using both hands to grip that big hunk of wood, she shimmies her way around, making sure she can get to the land quicker. The log twists around, and she ends up on the back end, where she started. She lands on the dry ground, and rushes towards the Bridge of blades. First step. And she misses. Back into the drink for you, Essence. Something about this event seems to keep getting Essence wet. Sayors walks over dressed in a rain coat and galoshes. He puts an umbrella out for Essence to grab.

Essence: XX

Nakamura is back, and this time he looks even more determined than before. He spits on his hands and takes off in a run. He breezes through the Quad steps and heads to the log grip. Once again proving he is the master of the big ass wood, he holds it steady. Moving his arms up and down as if trying to find the best way to grip it. Up and down he goes, until he finds the sweet spot. Right as it's time to depart. No! Premature departure from Nakamura. He should not have been stroking the wood so much. But, it's ok. He hands on the ground, just barely avoiding getting wet. He takes a second to catch his breath from that near wet disaster, before taking off towards the bridge of blades. He's on the first one. it drops, but he's already airborne and about to land on the second. Then the third. This dude is showing off the mad Mario Skills that come with being Japanese. He is over the Bridge of blades. To the Jump Hang. He rushes, and hits the spring to bounce up. And Shayouken! From out of nowhere Frodo appears to Shayouken! Nakamura into the drink. Sayors walks to the edge dressed in fisherman's gear. He casts his line and catches Nakamura. He reels the Jap in and measures to make sure he's long enough to keep. Nakamura is above 11 inches, so Sayors is allowed to keep him.

Nakamura-san: XX

Essence prepares for her final run. She does a couple of quick push ups to get her body ready, and then takes off. She goes over the quad steps. Right. Left. Right. Left. Land. She's back on even ground, and rushes to the log grip. She jumps, and grabs it. Oh, gross. She got the log all wet with her spit as she landed. Who does that? Honestly? For shame, Essence. Use more hands and less mouth. The log ride goes fairly smooth, ignoring her getting it too wet. Maybe she's mastered this wood by now. She drops to the land, and rushes to the bridge of blades. Watching how Nakamura did it, she goes and bounces from one blade to the next. Up and over. Up and over. Up and over. But no! There is no blade there for her to land on. She missed the blade, a little much bounce for young Essence? No matter. Sayors is there to save the day. Dressed as Aquaman, he uses the powers of the deep to summon forth an army of goldfish to pull her to land. They leap forth and bring her on dry land, then flop around and die. Poor goldfish.

Essence: XXX Furthest Obstacle: Bladed Bridge

Nakamura is ready for his last run. He is determined to win this after the disgrace of last time. He gets ready, and runs off. The quad steps are his bitch. He blasts through those shits like they were a Japanese Machine Gun nest in Okinawa and he was a Marine. Right, fuck it, handled. Left? Done. Right? Beaten. Left? More like left behind, amirite? He's past them and onto the Log Grip. Essence left it nice and wet, but when you've mastered the Wood as well as Nakamura has, that just makes it easier. He handles that wet wood like a pro, and teaches who's boss before landing on dry land. To the Bridge of Blades. He bops from one to the other, like he was the US Navy in World War Two, taking the Pacific by storm. On the other side he does a victory jump, and runs to the spring for the Jump Hang. As he leaps, Frodo pops up. Thinking like a Plumber we all know, Nakamure jumps on Frodo's head, and thrusts himself further towards the jump hang. He makes it! Crawling down the rope, he makes it right to the end, and drops down. It sticks! He runs towards the curtain slider. But, a mistep and he falls into the water.

Sayors comes along to help Nakamura out. He's in a speedo and cowboy hat and Vest, with a little sheriff badge, and riding an inflatable floaty horse. He pulls out a lasso, and lassos Nakamura, before riding off to dry land. He pulls Nakamura on dry land and half heartedly raises Nakamura's hand in a sort of victory.

Nakamura-san: XXX Furthest Obstacle: Curtain Hang

Winner: Shinsuke Nakamura? I guess. I mean, he did make it the furthest.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"That was a fun match, wasn't it? Well, now that you get the gist of what we're showcasing, we should move on to the next game while we're in here. Hopefully the rest of the matches will take place indoors now. Let's turn to the wheel and see what we get, shall we?"[/i]

YEAH!

"Alright, now as you've noticed by now the wheel has gotten smaller and is now easier to spin. This is to avoid duplicate matches and exhausted competitors. Enough stalling, let's spin the wheel!"

Johnathan spins the wheel with his right hand, he spins the wheel hard. The audience begins to clap alongside all the other wrestlers, just to create a happier and more competitive atmosphere. Everyone except Frodo, that is, as he was holding his head after having it stepped on by Shinsuke. The wheel manages to make ten complete rotations before starting to slow down.

I wonder who we'll be getting this time?

Will this match be good, or will it suck really hard?

Only the wheel will know.

It looks like it's coming to a stop now.

And it's...


"IT'S TOMMY WISH!"

The crowd cheers for him, which makes him blush a bit.

"And just who might Tommy be fighting against, hmm?"

Johnathan spins the wheel once more, not as powerful as before but still quite strong. Everyone begins to clap again to see just who Wish will be up against. It manages to make seven rotations before slowing down to a crawl.

It's going to be good, I know it will be...

...but how good will it really be?

It's coming to a stop now.

It's going to be...


"HE'S AGAINST MASTER LITO!"

The crowd cheers loudly for the newcomer, who smiles and bows out of respect for the audience and his opponent.

"Well, now that we got our guys, let's see just what they'll be fighting in. Hopefully it'll be something exciting."

Johnathan rubs both of his hands together and proceeds to spin the wheel. The crowd cheers the wheel on in the hopes that it will be an exciting match between the both of them. The wheel slows down after four complete rotations.

You know, I really hope it's going to be something cool.

Maybe Knightmare, I heard that was a good show.

I really hope it's going to be Fear Factor, I loved that show growing up.

The wheel seems to be coming to a stop now...

...and it's...

...oh no, not that.


The audience and the wrestlers groan out of annoyance. Strangely though, Johnathan seems to be oddly excited about this one , and no one seems to understand why that is.

"I was hoping this was going to be picked! Will the both of you kindly step into the ring please. Don't worry about the wheels, we'll have someone take care of those for you in a bit."

Wish and Lito, almost hesitantly, enter the ring by sliding under the bottom rope.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After the wheels are removed and everyone is back in the locker room, Wish, Lito, and Johnathan are left twiddling their thumbs, just waiting for something to happen. Johnathan looks up and throws his arms into the air.

"You better cover your heads, 'cause it's about to RAIN up in here!"

Wish and Lito have no idea what the knight could mean by that, so they shrug their shoulders. One heavy looking plaque knocks Tommy Wish upside the head while another plaque lands on Lito's foot. Wish is covering his head while Lito hops up and down on one foot. Both of them look up and see the oncoming onslaught of plaques falling from the ceiling. Wish and Lito, sensing the danger of this scenario, slide out of the ring as all the plaques hit the ring with loud thuds. Amazingly, none of them hit our host, which makes him smile even wider as a result.

"Now, now, guys, I know that shit like this is surprising, but just get back in the ring, okay? Nothing else will fall on your heads, I swear."

They both slowly slide into the ring, a little hesitant to trust the man that nearly killed them.

"Right, I'm going to tell you exactly how this match is going to work. The plaques that just fell from the ceiling? They have prices on them that will be used to bid on the items that will be showcased on the entrance ramp up there. When a prize is shown on the ramp, you both must stop whatever you're doing and bid on the item shown. You can try to knock out your opponent before he has a chance to make his bid, but remember that there's a time limit in order to win the prize. Two out of three prizes wins."

"However, since it won't be fun to just stand around and do nothing, you are encouraged, no, forced to wrestle in front of this live studio audience for their entertainment before the prizes show up! Otherwise, not only will you be disqualified, you won't be paid."

So, good luck, and may the best man win!"


Johnathan slides out of the ring and there’s the bell!

Tommy Wish vs. Master Lito

Tommy Wish is cocky, stepping right up into the face of the newcomer, Master Lito. Wish with a slap right across the face! Lito is stoic and doesn’t react… and Tommy Wish is laughing in his face!

Wish winds up and swings a looping right handed punch, but Master Lito easily steps aside and tosses Wish to the mat with a strong judo throw!

Prices spill out of the ring as Tommy Wish scrambles back to his feet and rushes at Master Lito… but Lito sidesteps him again and sends a stiff crescent kick into the back of Wish’s skull!

Wish stumbles chest first into a corner, draping himself over the top turnbuckle, and now Master Lito is on the offensive. Lito jogs into the corner, sends three sharp forearms across the neck and back of Wish, then scoops him up and sets him facing away on the top turnbuckle!

Master Lito sets Tommy Wish up for a top rope back suplex… but Wish held on to the ropes! Lito flops backward onto the mat and Tommy Wish turns around, standing on the second buckle… double axe handle!!

Tommy Wish got all of that one! And Wish hits the ropes, coming back to catch Master Lito with a running leg drop! Wish shoots the half…

...

...But there’re no pins or submissions in this match! Wish got lost in the moment there and now he’s frustrated.

Wish gets to his feet, but Lito quickly sweeps him back to the mat and then kips up! Wish does a kip up as well, but Lito catches him right as he pops up with a strong style shin kick right to the chest! Wish crumples to the mat gasping for breath!

Suddenly, a countdown begins displaying on the X-Tron!

10… 9… 8… 7… 6…

Tommy Wish gets to his knees, but as soon as he does Master Lito sends a spinning kick right to his temple! Wish falls flat on his face onto a pile of prices!

5… 4… 3... 2… 1…

As a buzzer sounds, a large curtain pulls aside on the entrance ramp where two beautiful ladies stand and display…

A gorgeous new billiard table!!!!

This is a beautiful specimen, can these two competitors figure out the correct price?

Master Lito casually shrugs and grabs one of the prices out from beneath the unmoving Tommy Wish, wiping the drool and nose blood off of the laminated surface onto Wish’s hair.

Lito strolls to the ladies next to the pool table and hands one of them the price placard… $2,000.00!!!

Wish is still asleep.

After a few awkward moments of waiting, the X-Tron displays the correct price of the pool table… $3,200.00!!!

Lito was well under in his guess, but Tommy Wish never even made it off of the canvas to turn in a guess, so the prize is awarded to Master Lito!

Finally, Tommy Wish has come to his senses and he’s angry as he sees the point get awarded to his opponent… Wish runs down the aisle and rushes right at Lito!

Wish catches Lito off guard and sends a kick to his midsection on the ramp! Wish bends him over and grabs him, setting him up for a gutwrench!

Wait! Master Lito acquired one of the pool cues from the table! He sends the cue upward into Tommy Wish’s midsection, breaking the hold and doubling him over!

Look at Master Lito whirl that cue around like Master Splinter with a bo staff!

Lito snaps the pool cue in twain over his knee and now has a weapon in each hand, and he clocks Wish across the head with one of the smaller rods! Wish is knocked backward, and Lito closes in!

Lito with a shot to the side of Wish with the club, then to the other side… No! Tommy Wish caught the swing under his arm!

Lito swings the other half of the broken cue towards Wish, but Wish catches that one two! Tommy Wish has both of Master Lito’s arms caught under his own… and he nails him in the face with a critical head butt! And a second one!

Master Lito’s knees loosen, and Tommy Wish secures his grip… DOUBLE ARM TRAP OVERHEAD SUPLEX!!!

Master Lito is dropped hard right on top of the pool table, breaking all of the legs out from under it! What a move!!!

Tommy Wish grabs the limp form of Master Lito and tosses him onto the ramp, sending him rolling toward the ring with a few kicks.

Eventually, Wish gets Master Lito back to ringside and is punishing him with kicks and stomps up against a metal ring steps. Tommy grabs him by the cranium… and he slams the back of his skull right into the steps!

There’s the countdown again!

10… 9… 8… 7… 6…

Tommy Wish takes Lito and Irish whips him across the floor and into the opposite set of steps! Lito crashes into them and goes flying!

5… 4… 3… 2… 1…

Once again the curtain opens, and where the pool table was before now stands…

A sex swing???

That thing is elaborate and expensive looking!

Without a moment of hesitation, Tommy Wish scrambles into the ring and grabs one of the prices, immediately sliding back out and sprinting towards the entrance ramp!

Master Lito rolls into the ring slowly, looking around at the prices and at the sex swing… he seems confused, and still hurting from the assault outside the ring…

Tommy Wish reaches the beautiful ladies flanking the sex swing and hands one of them the price he snagged from the ring.

Master Lito finally gets one as well and slowly jogs down the ramp, handing his price to the other girl.

Then, the X-Tron lights up with the price of the swing… $225.00!!!

Master Lito’s price is turned around… and he’s way off, guessing $5,000.00!!

When the girl turns Tommy’s price around… he got it exactly right! $225.00!!!

Tommy Wish is jumping up and down excitedly after winning that sex swing, and the woman holding his price card looks VERY impressed at him for knowing precisely how much it cost!

Look out! Here comes Master Lito!

Lito grabs Tommy Wish and hits him with a shoot-style knee to the abdomen, then traps him with a head and arm grip. Lito with a standing switch into a one-arm dragon suplex on the ramp!!!

Lito shoves the sex swing over on top of Tommy Wish, then storms back to the ring and waits in a horse stance as Tommy Wish slowly regains his composure.

Tommy Wish shakes off the cobwebs and runs back to the ring, he’s fuming mad at Master Lito now!

Wish slides in under the bottom rope and grabs Lito up in a snug double leg takedown! Lito drops onto his back and Tommy Wish has him in a half mount, slamming fists down at Master Lito’s head, but most of them are deflected or blocked.

Suddenly, Master Lito twists and snaps at Tommy Wish’s arm and head with the speed of a striking cobra! Tommy Wish is caught in a tight triangle choke! Wish is starting to fade!

Wait, no, Tommy Wish has managed to somehow get his knees under him, relieving some of the pressure of the hold… he uses an unknown reserve of strength to get into a crouch, and finally a standing position… Lito tries to switch into a fireman’s takeover, but Wish grabs him!

Wish lifts Master Lito in a cradle position… and drops him on his head!

It was a strange Hideyohead/Hideyochin combination hybrid move! Hide yo chin, hide yo head, he’s suplexin’ up everybody out here!
Just then, the timer starts up for the third and final time!

10… 9… 8… 7… 6…

Tommy Wish is leaning over the ropes, waiting for the curtain to open, and Master Lito is slowly getting to his feet.

5… 4… 3… 2… 1…

The buzzer sounds and the curtain opens revealing…

A BRAND NEW CAR!!!!!!

It’s a 2015 Ford Mustang GT!!! 5.0 Liter, 435 horsepower… it’s a douchebag’s dream car!!!

Both Tommy Wish and Master Lito dig through the price cards spread across the canvas, and they find what they’re looking for at nearly the same time… Wish gets headed to the ramp first!

Master Lito runs over to the ropes and lands a perfect tope con hilo!!!!

Both competitors spill all over the floor, and the price cards are sent spiraling… they grab them back up, but did they get the right ones???

Tommy Wish looks like he took a complete guess with his price, nabbing the $30,000 price card.

Master Lito looks more confident with his price, showcasing the $25,000 price tag.

The actual retail price is...

$32,300!

Master Lito looks stunned! So does Tommy! Neither can believe it! Tommy managed to pull off the impossible!

Winner: Tommy Wish

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The wheel has been spun off the air, and these were the results: Frodo Smackins and Justin Sane are going to be racing against each other in the Legends of the Hidden Temple match. There's a stone head recreation of Peter Gilmour that looks like it doesn't do a damn thing at all. In order to win, they were instructed to reach the top of the temple and grab the Golden Potato of Shane . Legend has it, that Shane ate a live goose on morning because he thought he'd gain the ability to shit gold. Instead of shit, however, he managed to squeeze out this obscenely large golden potato, which now resides in the temple. When they grab the potato, they'll instantly win a trip to Space Camp.

Frodo Smackins vs. Justin Sane

Frodo Smackins and Justin Sane are standing at the starting line awaiting the gong to be sent off into the temple. As opposed to the normal show, there are dueling fortresses that the two men must navigate and they will not be working as a team. Hidden within the hidden temple are guards that can hinder the progress of the two men.

The gong strikes!


Justin Sane rushes forward towards the left fortress while Frodo quickly darts to the right temple. As Sane reaches the temple, he begins climbing through the rock cannel. As he climbs over that, he pulls a rope to reveal the next room. Justin climbs through the narrow opening just large enough for his broad shoulders. As he enters the room, he sees of three levers on the wall, all at the top position. Sane pulls down the middle lever. A hidden doorway to the left of the levers opens and a man wearing a Kamala mask enters the room carrying a large staff. Sane gets prepared to fight, but the mask wearing man blindsides Sane with a staff swing. Sane hits the dirt, but looks pissed.

MEANWHILE…

Frodo climbs the same rocky cannel that Sane did and pulls the rope. A very similar room is opened and Frodo is faced with the same dilemma that Sane had. Three levers. Frodo chooses differently however. Frodo grabs the right lever. As he does so a door above Frodo opens and a rope ladder falls to the ground. Frodo quickly leaps onto the rope ladder and begins climbing his way up into the next room.

As Frodo places his hands on the next room, he’s pulled up into the room by three men wearing various Island-themed masks. One is a ‘short-person,’ one is a very large individual, and the other looks in dire need of a sandwich. The mini-man punches Frodo in the nades and proceeds to run behind the big man. The man about to wither away grabs Frodo up in a Full Nelson. The large man rears his fist back to go for a punch!

MEANWHILE…

Sane leaps back to his feet and nails the masked assailant with a Screws Loose super kick! The man’s knees begin to wobble and Sane throws him head first through the wall on the left side. Coincidentally, Sane didn’t even have to pull a lever. Justin Sane steps over the body and begins to inspect the room. In the center of the room is a throne and beside it are two chests, one on each side. Sane walks over to the closest chest. He begins finagling with the lock, but it’s not budging. He kicks at it but to no avail. Sane then walks around the chair to the other lock. He plays with it and it opens. Sane begins sorting through the straw and finds a key! He looks around the room before it dawning on him that it goes for the other chest. He rushes around to the other side and opens the chest. Inside the chest, Sane pulls out a golden chalice. Sane scratches his head, but then notices a circle in the armrest of the throne. He walks over and takes a seat and carefully places the chalice in the hole. As he does, the throne begins rumbling! Then the entire platform begins moving up to the room above.

MEANWHILE…

The large man reaches his hand back and brings it forth for a punch, but Frodo ducks and the fist collides with the face of the small man sending him into the wall and unconscious. Frodo looks pissed now. He grabs the short man and throws him headfirst into the large man’s nether region. As the man falls to his knees, Frodo backs up and hits a LOLnope Superman Punch! The large man falls on top of the wee-man and neither are moving. Frodo then notices a key around the neck of the large man. He snaps it off and begins looking over the room. He notices a hole in the wall on the right side and inserts the key. A secret compartment opens and Frodo slides through.

Frodo enters the room and looks around. The King of Dwarves spots a bunch of rocks on the wall. Most of them are small and easy enough to grab onto. He leaps onto the wall and begins scaling it. He gets to the ceiling and moves across to the opening. He pushes it open and climbs up. As he does, he spots the thing he’s most looking for…

THE GOLDEN POTATO!

MEANWHILE…

As Sane’s chair gets into the room above, he’s welcome to the jungle room by three large vines descending from the roof. As the chair comes to a halt, one incredibly large man comes through a doorway to great Justin Sane. Justin goes for another Screws Loose super kick, but the large man grabs his leg and throws him into the wall. Justin begins trying to get away and grabs onto a vine. Sane begins climbing up the vine and kicks the large man directly in his face sending him tumbling over the throne. Sane shrugs and climbs up the vine to the small opening. As he climbs over the ledge, Sane sees the same object that will win the match for him.

Frodo Smackins and Justin Sane are on the top level! The only part of the two temples that is connected! Justin sees that Frodo is closer to the Golden Potato and begins to run. As he gets close, Frodo lifts the Golden Potato completing the run with 2 seconds left on the clock! Sane pulls at his hair in exasperation! Frodo rushes towards Sane and…


BAM! SHAYOUKEN!


The uppercut connects and sends Justin Sane careening off the top of the temple! Justin falls and hits a pound of ‘rubble’ which gives way just perfectly. Frodo raises the Golden Potato triumphantly!

Winner: Frodo Smackins

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Alright, it looks like it's time to turn to the wheels again! How are y'all doing, anyways? You having a good time!?"

Thunderous cheers of approval pour through the entire arena.

"That's all I needed to hear before I started spinning. Here's to a good fourth match!"

On that note, Johnathan spins the wheel as hard as possible, making it look like it's about to fall off it's hinges before any outcome could possibly be made. It manages to make twelve complete rotations before it starts to slow down at all.

Who's going first?

Will it be a hardened veteran that knows exactly what he's doing, or will it be some newcomer that has no idea why he's even here?

Even I have no idea watching this wheel spin around!

It's coming to a stop now.

Just who will it be?

It looks like it'll be...


"GATOR'S NEXT EVERYONE!"

Many of the children in the crowd begin to boo at the masked man, which gets their parents booing, which gets everyone else in the bleachers booing. Gator doesn't acknowledge anyone booing him, instead choosing to focus on the wheel to see who's he's going to be fighting and in what kind of match.

"Well, someone's not over in Florida. No need to worry, he'll only be limited to fight in the match chosen for him. The question is, just who will he be fighting? Let's spin the wheel once more!"

Johnathan spins the wheel once more, getting cheers from the entire crowd, who cheer and hope that it's someone normal looking this time. What the hell those children don't like about him is beyond my comprehension. The wheel manages to make fourteen complete rotations before slowing down.

Will Gator have a tough fight ahead of him?

Will he face someone unbelievably easy?

It's up to the wheel to figure that out.

It looks like it's coming to a stop now.

And Gator's going up against...


"HE'S UP AGAINST BARNEY GREEN!"

As dopey as the photo looks, people cheer for him, since he doesn't scare children and looks like a genuinely nice guy. He pumps the audience up by shaking his massive arms like they're wet and by "Woo"ing to the crowd. The audience does the same as a response.

"Now just what will these two be fighting in? As much as it's a pain to spin this other wheel, we'll be able to find out just what it will be!"

Johnathan dips his left hand in chalk and rubs his hands together. After taking a deep breath, he spins the larger wheel, which successfully makes six full rotations before coming to a stop.

What will it be?

Will it be something fun to watch?

Or will it be something really dull and force the audience into a coma?

It's coming to a stop now.

And it looks like it's going to be...

...I don't know how this will work, but knowing the knight, he'll find a way to do so.


The crowd is confused, but they clap at the outcome regardless. Johnathan smiles and nods at what the wheel has provided before looking down on both of the competitors. He slides out of the ring and motions the two to follow him, which they do. They end up running outside of the studio, forcing the cameramen to once again follow their lead.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Johnathan ends up running towards a large Japanese castle. The black sky adds to tense mood of the upcoming challenge the two contestants have to face. Johnathan stops in front of two miniature cars, one of which is red, which is Gator's, and the other is green, which is Barney's. Gator manages to stop at the set first, looking at the two cars in front of him. Barney, a little exhausted from all that running, takes a bit longer to reach the stage but eventually makes it. Johnathan shrugs before explaining the rules to the contestants.

"Welcome to Takeshi's Castle, you two. Normally you'd have to run through incredibly silly and difficult obstacles to get to this point of the game, but we don't have time for that, so we just skipped to the end of the show to make things more exciting. And, instead of those water pistols attached to the cars with those hard to hit targets just beside them, we have real laser guns for you to shoot at each other and the kings of the castle. If you don't believe that these are real laser guns, watch this."

Johnathan aims the gun mounted on Gator's car at some low hanging flag on the wall. The knight pulls the trigger, shooting a beam of bright light at it, setting it aflame. Gator and Barney watch in awe as it burns into nothing. They turn back to Johnathan, who has a sheepish grin on his face from watching those two gawk over their gun's abilities.

"Now, I implore you, only shoot at your opponent's cars. We really don't want any casualties on this show, much less any ashes for the janitors to clean up. The person who eliminates their opponent first wins a trip to Tokyo Disneyland."

They both nod as they step inside the comically defenseless cars.

"Oh, and don't think you two will be the only ones in this match. The kings, general, and warriors of Takeshi's Castle don't really want you to win, so they'll do whatever it takes for them to accomplish their goal. Right, is everyone ready?"

They both give thumbs up.

"Alright, the game will begin in 3...

2...

1..."

Johnathan blows the whistle, signaling the start of the match!

Gator vs. Barney Green

Gator and Barney stare off as the final task of Takeshi’s Castle is about to unravel. They jump in their motorized vehicles and begin moving towards the castle. The Kings of Takeshi’s Castle are Shane and John Madison. The general leading the charge is Paul Heyman. The others attacking are Kirk MacClay, Ozymandias, Matthew Oaktree, Gabrielle House, and Miranda Tigris. The cars begin moving slowly towards each other. Barney Green vs. Gator vs. The Kings of Takeshi Castle. Who will be victorious?

As the lasers begin zooming through the air, two new cars enter the race! It’s Hot Todd! And the other is…an empty ghost car?! The empty ghost car rams into House and Oaktree stopping them in place! Oaktree and House look annoyed and begin griping when…

THE CAR EXPLODES!

Oaktree and House are sent from their cars with blackened faces with smoke filling the battlefield. As this happens Todd rides up alongside Gator and gives him a thumbs up and points at the explosion with a smile!

"You did that?!"

T: "Yeah!"

"Fuckin’ awesome."

Their two team tandem begin shooting lasers in various directions. Ozy and Heyman begin circling around Barney attempting to box him in. As they almost have it, MacClay drives in like a bat out of hell and accidentally rams into Heyman! Their collision has them pinned against the wall! Heyman begins hitting the reverse, but not fast enough! Barney is firing all of his lazors! Heyman’s car goes up in flames! Heyman leaps from his car and begins chasing after MacClay who backs up and drives away.

All that remains are the kings Maddy and Shane, Ozymandias, Miranda Tigris, and MacClay.

Todd begins circling with Gator around Ozymandias. Tigris seems to have a big issue with MacClay and rams him into the flaming carnage of Oaktree and House’s cars! Gator sees this going on and begins firing away and blows up both Tigris and MacClay’s cars up!

Ozymandias fires away at the distracted Gator and his car begins flaming up! Gator then drives his car, with no lasers, into Ozy’s car! As they are caught up, Todd begins moving in for the kill! Gator sees this and leaps onto Todd’s car! Gator grabs the controls and fires away eliminating Ozy!

"I thought we had something! You traitor!"

T: "You know he probably had to do that right? I doubt it was personal."

"Of course not. Now get out Todd."

Gator grabs Todd and throws him out of the car!

T: "Hey!"

"Sorry, nothing personal!"

Gator laughs as he drives away with Todd’s car.

All that remains now is The Kings. Barney and Gator begin moving around them. Barney begins shooting lasers at the Kings, but they dodge expertly and shoot him down! Barney’s car goes up in flames and it explodes sending him flying off!

Barney Green is out of the game!

The Kings of Takeshi’s Castle begin moving towards Gator, but Gator gets a lucky break! He shoots John Madison’s car and it spirals out of control! But with his last fleeting motion, Madison throws a feces-filled condom to Shane! King Shane catches it and smiles at Gator with devilish intentions. Shane begins driving towards Gator while easily avoiding the lasers of him. They approach and the lasers are filling the smoky air. As they pass, Shane throws the condom and it explodes across the front of the vessel of Gator!

"Aw, shit!"

Gator’s car begins spinning crazily, but he finally gets it straightened out. He turns it around as the car of Shane and Gator are stopped and looking at each other. Neither wanting to move.

Finally, they rev their engines and begin the game of chicken!

BBBBZZZZTTT BBBBZZZZTTTTTTT! The lasers fill the arena! Finally one clips the backside of Gator as he begins spiraling out of control! As he’s circling, Gator begins firing shot after shot! Shane, caught offguard, takes two shots to the engine and…


KABOOOOOOM!

Gator stops his car, and gets out onto his hood. He raises his fist as he wins Takeshi’s Castle!

Winner: Gator

"Right, I've just received word that both of our competitors have finished with their meals. So we'll wheel out the food for our celebrity judges to...well, judge."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A table is set up in the ring as a XWF staff member pushes a trolley down to the ring. On the trolley is two silver cloches. The XWF employee takes the cloches from the trolley and carefully puts them in to the ring under the bottom ropes. The skivvy then places them on the table before leaving the ring. The Scottish chef, Gordon Ramsay is stood in the ring with a microphone in hand and dressed in his usual white chef outfit. But he isn’t alone, he is joined by Italian chef, Gino D’Acampo and Americas own, Emeril Lagasse. They are the judges for the next contest. Gordon looks around at the XWF Galaxy and raises the mic to his lips.

Gordon Ramsay “The following contest is an Iron Chef match. Contestants come on fucking down….”

Symphony of Destruction starts to play, and smoke pours into the arena, giving an ominous feeling. Maverick comes out, wearing a white chef’s hat and apron, taunting the crowd every step of the way. After Maverick hops into the ring, he relaxes on a turnbuckle. Maverick stays on the turnbuckle and faces the entrance ramp.

The music hits and out walks Bane. Ban is also sporting a chef’s hat and apron, but he’s is black. Bane jumps straight up into the air and brings his fist into the walkway. He laughs as he walks to the ring. He leaps onto the apron and jumps over the top rope.
Maverick jumps down from the turnbuckle and stands face to face with Woe, in the centre of the ring. Gino and Emeril part the two men as Gordon introduces them.

Gordon Ramsay “Introducing the man to my left, from… Battle Creek, Michigan… Weighing in at fucking 220 lbs… That fucker, Chef Maverick.”

The fans boo loudly in dismay for Maverick.

Gordon Ramsay “And the man to my right, from…. Unknown... Nowhere important, wherever the fuck that is... Weighing in at fucking 320 lbs….. Fucking Chef Woe”

The fans boo for Woe too apart from a small group who cheer.

Gino Acampo takes the lid off both cloches, revealing two servings off Shepherd’s Pie... Both have the competitor’s names in front of them. Suddenly, the ring area is set alight in to an inferno. The fans cheer at the sight of the fire. After the three chefs whisper to each other, they decide to try Mavericks first. Gino has a bite
.
Gino Acampo “Not bad, I give ita 6 outta 10”

Emeril then has a bite of Chef Mavericks, shepherd’s pie.

Emeril Lagasse "I give it 5 out of 10”

Gordon looks at it and takes a bite.

Gordon Ramsey “You didn’t fucking shit in it did you?”

Maverick shakes his head in disapproval.

Gordon Ramsey “I give it a fucking 4”

Next they try Woeful shepherd’s pie. First Gino tries it. Gino looks disgusted.

Gino Acampo “What isa dis? This tastes like chilli? Shepherd’s pie? My arseehole. 3 outta 10”

Emeril questions Gino’s opinion and takes a bite. He spits it out.

Emeril Lagasse “We said shepherd’s pie… 2 out of 10”

Gordon takes a bite and looks all sweaty. He then kicks the rest of Woe’s food over in anger.

Gordon Ramsay “Woe… Whatever your fucking name is, that is fucking foul… Fucking Woeful”

Woe looks pissed off at the reaction he received, Mav just smirks. We then move to the X-Tron to watch Woe and Maverick in action. They are both in a kitchen area as the menu for Shepherd’s pie is shown on the screen.

How to Make Shepherd’s Pie. • 1 tbsp. sunflower oil • 1 large onion, chopped • 2-3 medium carrots, chopped • 500g pack lamb mince • 2 tbsp. tomato purée • large splash Worcestershire sauce • 500ml beef stock • 900g potatoes, cut into chunks • 85g butter • 3 tbsp. milk

Both men start to prepare the food. They heat the oil in a medium saucepan, then soften the onion and carrots for a few mins. When soft, they turn up the heat, crumble in the lamb and brown, tipping off any excess fat. Add the tomato purée’. It is clear to see at this point, that Maverick sneakily swaps Woes tomato purée with chili sauce whilst Woe had his back turned for a few seconds. They add Worcestershire sauce, then fry for a few mins. Pour over the stock, bring to a simmer, then cover.......

Gordon Ramsay “Stop the fucking tape!”

Gordon Ramsey stops the video as Woe looks shocked at Maverick’s sneaky behavior. All three chefs shake their heads as they look at Maverick.

Gino Acampo “You are a cheetah... Iceman”

Gordon Ramsay “Maverick, you are fucking disqualified. We have a fucking winner and that is…. Fucking Chef Woe”

Winner: Woe

Maverick hits his the Pure Perfection on Emeril Lagasse from out of nowhere. Maverick grabs hold of Gino Acampo and pushes him towards the burning flames, surrounding the ring. Gino pleads with Maverick until Woe stops Mav in his tracks, by grabbing him off Gino and hitting the Bat Buster. Gordon Ramsay then passes Gino, Woes sabotaged Shepherd’s pie. Gino stands over Mav and rubs it in Mavericks face. Gordon and Gino cheer by raising their arms. They tend to Emeril who still down. Woe just shrugs his shoulders.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We'll be right back after this commercial break.

We fade back in on the show, where Dr. D'Ville and LH Harrison are standing inside a large, dodecagonal skydiving interior. The wheel has chosen these two to fight in a Crystal Maze inspired match. Since there was no time to have them run through rooms filled with obstacles to get crystals, this was the next best thing. It's a shame. It's like the man in charge of the show has poor time management and doesn't know what the fuck he's doing. The prize was explained to them earlier, skydiving lessons in Florida.

Doctor Louis D'Ville vs. LH Harrison

Entering the world’s biggest indoor skydiving range Doc D’Ville and LH Harrison stand in their respected corners as the fans are turning on. Ring assistants are dumping weapons into the blowing void, hammers, 2X4’s, steel chairs, a folding table and even a kitchen sink.


The bell sounds and D’ville jumps into the wind and tries to swim over to any weapon. LH Harrison jumps in and snags a table for a ride. Harrison stands on the table and tries to surf towards a 2X4. D’ville is flailing like a in a kiddie pool! He tries to move towards either Harrison or weapons but is not moving, weapons fly around him as he tries to grab a hold of something. Harrison grabs the kitchen sink and lunges from the table and smacks D’Ville with it and he goes flying from the Air tunnel! Harrison laughs as he fly’s around like a witch! D’ville stands up and dusts himself off and leaps back inside and grabs Harrison’s ankle and begins to climb him like a ladder. Harrison swings the sink at D’Ville trying to swat him off to no avail! Harrison lets the sink go and begins to punch the Doctor in the face, and Doc fires back with a massive uppercut to Harrison’s gut. Harrison flies into the wall. He kicks off and slams into Doc with a massive spear.

Doc and Harrison hit the wall, and Doc intertwines his hands and slams them right down in the middle of Harrison's back. Harrison responds by biting Doc in the stomach. Doc tries to push him away, but Harrison is latched on like a lamprey eel. Doc throws blow after blow into the ribs of Harrison. Harrison releases his bite and screams in agony. Doc looks down and sees the bloody wound on his abdomen. He sticks a finger inside the bite mark from Harrison, and pulls it out covered in blood. He kicks off the wall, and lunges at Harrrison, and jams the finger in Harrison's ear. Bloody Wet Willy. Harrison grabs the hand of the Doctor, and twists it. He keeps twisting, and breaks Doc's wrist. The wrist goes limp, and Doc throws a massive fist to the face of Harrison, which sends him into the wall. He slumps down, and lands on the table. Doc rushes over and pins Harrison. A ref floats in out of nowhere and makes the count.

1!....

....

2!....

....

3!!!!

Winner: Doctor Louis D'Ville

"Alright, ladies and gentlemen, this is the last match of the night. And I promise that we'll deliver the best we can possibly give to you game show enthusiasts. Caroline, Jesus, would you kindly step into the ring?"

They both do so with very little hesitation.

"Okay, this is the final spin of the night. What will you two be fighting in? There's only one way to find out, and that's through the wheel."

Johnathan, hoping for a good match, spins the wheel as hard as he possibly can. Caroline, Jesus, and the rest of the audience clap as the wheel makes ten complete rotations.

It's coming to a stop now...

...this will be the final match of the night, so I hope it's something good.

It looks like it's going to be...


This gains cheers from all the audience members while earning modest claps from the two contestants.

"Alright, you guys, since this is the final match of the night, I'm going to offer you the biggest prize of the night. 'What might that be?' I hear you ask? Well, the winner of this match will win first class tickets to spend the entire week in the Westin Lagunamar Ocean Resort Villas and Spa. I know that you two have worked hard and you need a break, so I though that this would be the best way to do so. Granted, it used up most of my paycheck, leaving my Cambot to rust for a bit, but I'm just trying to be considerate. So, run up to that stage and get ready to play Hollywood Squares!"

Britney Spears Charlie Sheen Tom Cruise Lil’ Wayne Whoopi Goldberg Lindsay Lohan Oprah Winfrey Danny Devito Ashton Kutcher

Welcome to Hollywood Squares! I am your host Tom Bergeron and today we’re joined by the lovely Miss Circle…

The camera pans to Caroline as a name bar appears beneath her with her name: Carolina O’Hara Burchill.

And Mr. X!

The camera pans to Jesus as a name bar appears below him: Jesus Christ.

Now the way this works is very similar to tic-tac-toe! There are celebrities in these boxes. All you have to do is choose the box and match the celebrity. There will be a question asked of the celebrity. The celebrity will give an answer and you, the contestant, must decide whether you believe them or not! You win by getting three boxes in a row whether across, up and down, or diagonal. Now let’s introduce our stars! In the top left box we have Britney Spears! Beside her in the top center box we have Tom Cruise! Beside him, we have Charlie Sheen! On the left below Britney is Lil’ Wayne! In the center square is Whoopi Goldberg! To the right of Whoopi is Lindsay Lohan! On the left below Lil’ Wayne is Oprah Winfrey! To her right is Danny Devito. And the final star in the bottom right corner is Ashton Kutcher!

Now, Miss Circle. Which would you like to choose?

The crowd begins cheering and chanting different names. Caroline looks a little confused. She bites her nail.

Umm… Mr. Bergeron, I think I will choose Tom Cruise in the top right corner.

The light shows up in Tom’s match as he raises his hands with a big smile on his face.

Ahhh, of course the young lady wants to talk to Tom Cruise.

The crowd laughs as Caroline laughs alongside them.

Alright. Now Tom, here’s your question. In Hitchcock’s film, The Trouble With Harry, what was the trouble?

Tom Cruise smiles and leans forward.

I’m actually a HUGE Hitchcock fan. The answer is… Harry was blind and deaf.

He continues smiling as Caroline looks up at him. She contemplates it before speaking up.

I think that's a bluff, Mr. Bergeron

Oh? Would you like to guess it?

I actually have no idea. He just looks like he’s fibbing.

Well let’s see!
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DING!

Tom Cruise was bluffing! The actual answer was that he’s dead! You win the block!

The block blacks out and huge “O” fills the space.

Alright, Mr. X. Which would you like to pick?

Oh please let me have that soul of Oprah Winfrey as my assistant.

Alright Mrs. Winfrey, here is your question. What is Sean Connery’s real first name?

Oh well… I think it’s Timothy.

I believe her. I don’t think she’d lie.

Well, let’s see if she did.
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ERRRRRRNNNTTT!

Oh no! She was bluffing! Sean Connery’s real first name is Thomas! Sorry Jesus, you don’t get the block. Back to you Miss Circle. Which would you like?

I’ll take Ashton Kutcher, Mister Bergeron.

From Cruise to Kutcher? I think I’m noticing a pattern here Miss Circle.

The crowd laughs as Caroline rolls her eyes.

Now Mr. Kutcher, here’s your question. In Star Wars, who was the first person to speak?

Oh man, that’s easy! The answer is C3PO! Bank on that Miss Circle! Boom!

Hmm… you know. I think he’s telling the truth. I’ll go with his answer.

Well let’s see if he’s right!
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DING!

That’s right! Kutcher knows his Star Wars. Miss Circle, you get another box! Now back to you Mr. X.

I shall take the red-headed hellion, Lindsay Lohan.

Lindsay gives him the most hateful look ever.

Alright Lindsay Lohan, here’s your question. What color were Dorothy’s shoes originally in The Wizard of Oz.

Silver, dumb f!

That language is appalling, but I believe she is correct.

Let’s see!
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DING!

That’s correct! You win the block and stop Caroline from completing a line! Now back to you Miss Circle.

Let me ask Whoopi Goldberg.

Alright, here’s your question Whoopi. In what year did popular musicians Janis Joplin and Jimi Hendrix both die from drug overdoses?

Whoopi ponders for a moment before laughing.

Oh that’s not too tough, child. Believe me, it’s 1968.

Actually… I think she’s bluffing.

Oh yeah? Do you have an answer then?

Yes. I think it was 1970.

Let’s see!
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DING!

You were correct! Wow! Caroline is on a roll! Back to you Mr. X!

I shall choose Britney Spears.

Britney blows and pops her bubble gum as she stares on rather bored.

Britney! Here’s your question… Who won the very first American Idol contest?

Uhh duh? It obviously was Carrie Underwood. That girl can sing.

I’m sorry Britney, but that is incorrect. The answer is Kelly Clarkson.

Jesus seems very confident about that. Let’s see!
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DING!

Yes, that is correct! You shall place your X on that block. Up next is Miss Circle! Can you defeat him with this turn?!

I think I shall. Can I please pick Oprah Winfrey?

Sure you can! Oprah, here’s your question. Who rose to fame in 2008 with the single I Kissed a Girl?

Oh darling that’s easy! Katy Perry!

Is that right, Miss Circle?

Yes, yes it is!

Let’s see!
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DING!

With that, Caroline O’Hara Burchill has now won this contest!

Winner: Caroline O'Hara Burchill

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Special Thanks to the following people: Frodo Smackins (Ninja Warrior) Maverick (Ninja Warrior(Even though his version of the match wasn't used)) "Loverboy" Vinnie Lane (Price is Right) LH Harrison/Woe/Kirk MacClay (Legends of the Hidden Temple, Takeshi's Castle, Hollywood Squares) Scully (Iron Chef) Morbid Angel (Crystal Maze) Without all of you, the show would've been left for dead, like my management career.