FLASHBACK


We pick up right where we left off which you remember perfectly even though the last time a Scorpio promo aired was months ago. Da fuck you mean you don't remember and you need a recap? Really nigga? REALLY? You cut me deep brahs, so very deep. But anyway, fine, recap for you non-remembering ass mofos. When we last left our mega dicked hero he was on a journey into another world and once there was entrusted with a scroll from a dying man. The man's dying wish was for Scorpio to return the scroll to his village because apparently it's of great importance or some shit. Scorpio was then confronted by two brothers who can only be defined as the Caliban and Justin Jones of the ninja world. Seriously, these guys were fucking idiots, or so they appeared. The idiot ninja brother known as Gus tried to attack Scorpio and ended up with a Scorpio Deathdrop for his troubles. This only infuriated the other idiot ninja brother known as Chris who proceeded to punch the ground and use his ninja powers to cause the ground to shift. A huge dirt and rock wall then rose at least 15ft in the air. If that shit were to fall on Scorpio it would be game fucking over. So of course the cameras faded to Mac Lethal right before Scorpio was to be crushed because of dramatic effect and shit. Everybody good now? We all understand what's going on? Any questions? God damn it Gilmour put your motherfucking hand down, if I have to wait for you to catch up with the rest of the class then I'll be waiting the rest of my god damn life! Now back to the motherfucking action!




The 15ft wall of dirt and rocks starts to come plummeting down on top of Scorpio but he is able to just dodge out of the way. Only no, oh no, THE FUCKING HUMANITY! It's... It's... It's Scorpio's sparkly jacket, IT HAS BEEN SOILED! Scorpio tilts his head to the side and looks at the splotches now adorning his once pristine sparkly jacket before angrily tilting his head the other way and staring at Chris.

Scorpio: You fucked up brah.... You fucked up real bad.

Chris: That's cute.

Chris starts weaving hand signs just as he did before and once again punches the ground causing a huge wall of dirt and gravel to rise into the air once again. However this time Scorpio doesn't try to move, instead he simply moves his feet to widen his stance and starts making a hand sign of his own.




Scorpio: NINJA ART, TEA BAG JUTSU!


Scorpio stands there but absolutely nothing happens. He shakes out his hands and starts making the signs again as the dirt wall heads straight for him.

Scorpio: God damn it, I said, NINJA ART, TEA BAG JUTSU!


Again nothing happens and it's way to late for Scorpio to move now. Scorpio continues to make his hand signs but it's a no go, he's going to be crushed flatter than Emma Watson! That is until a black blur is seen moving in his direction and he vanishes just before the dirt wall comes crashing down.


Chris looks around unable to find Scorpio until he notices him standing on a branch in a nearby tree with an old Asian man beside him.

Chris: I should have known you'd be here Master Lee.

Lee: And I should have known I''d find you and your brother here, I been smelling rats for the last mile.

Scorpio: OOOOOH, old man burn.


Chris: The only thing that's going to burn around here is you, you painted up freak. As soon as I deal with cobweb dick, you're done.

Master Lee jumps down from the tree staring Chris down.

Lee: My dick has been cobweb free ever since they got brone off.... by yo momma.

Scorpio: Brone?

Lee: Yeah, you know, brone.

Master Lee starts to blow air.

Scorpio: Oh.... OH!

Chris doesn't take kindly to Master Lee talking about his mother and rushes in trying to kick him in the face but Master Lee easily blocks it and hits Chris with a palm thrust to the chest that sends Chris flying backwards at least five feet.

Lee: You don't have what it takes to beat me.

Chris: You're right, I don't.

Chris starts weaving hand signs and punches the ground once more causing a wall of rocks and dirt to rise up just like before. The wall moves towards the Master Lee but the old man just smiles. That is until he goes to move but can't.

Chris: I don't have what it takes to beat you but we do.

Lee turns around to see that he is being held in place by a shadow. Scorpio jumps down out of the tree and tries to pull the the old man out of the way but Lee doesn't budge and the dirt wall is right on top of them. Seeing Scorpio in danger, Lee is able to free himself from the shadow's clutches just enough to shove Scorpio out of the way as the wall of rock and dirt hits. Master Lee is sent flying hard into the tree and ends up buried up to his neck , sandwiched between the dirt, rocks, and the tree. Scorpio rushes over to check on Master Lee, he's having trouble breathing and is conscious but just barely.

Scorpio: Are you okay old brah?

Lee: I just got srammed into a tree, of course I'm not okay! Risten, you have to fight them.

Scorpio now looks behind him where he sees that a man wearing all black now stands beside Chris, no doubt he was the one that was controlling the shadow.

Scorpio: Ugh yeah, that's all cool. I mean they can control rock walls and shadows and shit but I'm sure I'll be just fine.

Lee: You can do what they do if you try, you just rack a focus.

Scorpio: God damn it, have you been talking to my dad? Wreck a car one god damn time and nobody will let you live it down. It was just a shitty god damn focus!

Lee: No, no, you rack a focus, you rack a focus.

Scorpio: I KNOW I DID MOTHERFUKER, DROP IT ALREADY! You know what, screw this. Here's an idea, how about I just give them the scroll and go on about my business, it can't be that important right?


Lee: No, YOU CAN'T! It's the secret recipe for our virrage's three square meat pattie cheeseburger! You just need to concentrate!

Scorpio: Old brah, you had me at three square meat pattie cheeseburger.

Scorpio slowly stands up and turns around and stares daggers at Chris and the other ninja. He then rushes in and tries to land a flying forearm but Chris and the ninja both move out of the way. The ninja grabs Scorpio from behind but Scorpio can still make hand signs.



Scorpio focuses with every fiber of his being, he puts so much into it he doesn't even do the customary thing and call out what his move is going to be, instead he just yells like a crazy person.

Scorpio: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Only nothing happens, at all. Chris and the ninja actually seem quite confused. However suddenly another sound fills the air.

BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!


A dark brown gas pours out of Scorpio's ass engulfing the ninja in black and disintegrating him on contact. The only thing that is left of the ninja are his hands which are still holding onto Scorpio. Meanwhile the gas cloud now morphs itself into what can only be described as a gas demon. It heads straight for Chris who tries to run away but he isn't fast enough, the gas demon catches him in no time. Chris is engulfed by the gas demon just like the other ninja was and in a matter of moments the gas demon vanishes along with any sign that Chris ever existed. Scorpio just smiles while he walks back towards master Lee, pulling what is left of the ninja off of him.

Scorpio: He old brah....

Scorpio suddenly puts on a pair of sunglasses as he holds up what is left of the ninja that grabbed him.

Scorpio: Need a hand?

Lee: Boo, your jokes bad.

Scorpio: I got the job done didn't I?

Lee: You get rucky, that too much focus.

Scorpio: Nigga, I'm leaving you here.

Scorpio tosses the ninja hands on the ground and starts to walk away.

Lee: No, you dig me out, I teach you dickjutsu!

Scorpio continues to walk away as he talks.

Scorpio: Already know it,

Lee: Rearry? Who you think knows more, you or ancient Asian dikjutsu master?

Scorpio stops and turns around.

Scorpio: You've got a point, plus I need burgers.

The camera fades to black as Scorpio starts to dig Master Lee out of the dirt he's buried in.



The Final Sting

Oh shit, I'M BACK! Why am I back? Fuck you, I do what I want, that's why! No, no, actually it's because they said Shove It Rumble and I came runnin. You see when it comes to battle royals my track record in them is unrivaled, unblemished, undeniable, unadulterated, UNDER GOD FOR LIBERTY AND JUSTICE FOR ALL! Pretty sure I just channeled Don King there for a second, he's dead right? He should be. Regardless, my record in battle royals is perfect brahs, fucking perfect, I've lost every last one of them! Yeah, you heard me correctly. Battle Royals are to me what kryptonite is to superman, what the color yellow is to the green lantern, or what walking in on your grandmother scissoring with Maria Brink is to boners. Okay, perhaps that last one was a little harsh, some of you may have sexy ass grandmas. The fact still remains however that I'm as good at battle royals as Mastermind is at life. Speaking of that dickbag, at this point it's an established fact that he named himself after something he's not right? You know like the guys who are built like brick shithouses but are called "Tiny". For real, this motherfucker thinks he can outplay me? Nigga is this a different kind of rumble than I thought it was? We winning this match by being the best at playing with ourselves? If we are then you're shit outta luck cuz don't nobody play with themselves like I do. You couldn't out play me on your best fucking day with the help of a bottle of viagra, bitch! Now if this isn't that kind of rumble then you my friend are just a fucking moron and you should eliminate yourself from both the match and the gene pool right now before I do it for you.







Back to the important stuff, the gist of what I was trying to say is that if the good dotor is the unbreakable of battle royals then I am assuredly the Mr. Glass of them and that pisses me off. So I'm here to change things, I'm here to start hitting motherfukers in the face with my dick sending them flying over the top rope, and most importantly, I'm here to walk out with a title shot. A title shot that I can have at any show in any match type I'd like. Trust me, Morbid Angel don't want none of the bra and panties king brahs. I'd rip his bra off so fast it would make his nips spin.... across the mat... like bey blades.





I don't want to get too far ahead of myself though because first I actually have to win the Shove It Rumble, which I will do. How do I know I'll win it? Easy, because I've got the skills to do it, that shit has been put on display time and time again however this time I have something else on my side that I didn't have before. I have the best god damn luck ever and that's half the battle. For real brahs, I have un fucking believable luck, I mean think of all the shit that I've done and I'm not dead or in jail right now. What more proof do you need? I teamed up with Frodo and lived to tell the tale, everybody that gets close to him dies in some kind of rape related accident. Still standing, still unpenetrated. I rolled with Unknown Soldier and poodle satan there for a minute, still alive, soul still intact. When I drop toast it lands butter side up, when the chips are down I be rolling dem double 20s brahs. For Christ sake, I survived the zombie pokemon apocalypse! Everything is coming up Scorpio brahs, EVERYTHING!

Awesomeness Achieved


1x XWF (World) Champion


1x XWF Tag Champion (with Frodo)


1x XWF X-treme Champion


16x XWF Heavymetal Weight Champion (UFO / Ark)


Two Month Long UFO/ARK/HMW Title Reigns


Longest (personal) Reign 11/12/14 - 12/18/14


Reigning Bra And Panties King


Donkey punched your mother!


Banged Rose Smith Repeatedly


Seriously Brah I Did


Said it was the best she ever had


And she could feel it in her spine


Scorpin Master!


AAOOOOOOOOWW!!!


I'm pinning the Witch Doctor So Hard Right Now


Would you pin me?


I'd pin me.





#DickToFaces