:::A ring in an arena somewhere. The crowd’s dead, looking disappointed by the how they’ve been seeing, when all of a sudden…:::
:::Man, what a pop! Everyone’s losing their shit. John Cena 2099 parts the curtains and walks onto the entrance ramps as flash bulbs go off and he slowly raises the towel from his waistband that says:::
RESISTANCE
IS
FUTILE
:::About half of the crowd is cheering for him, while the other half is chanting ‘John Cena Sucks’ to his music.:::
:::Cena 2099 salutes the crowd and then sprints to the ring impossibly fast, leaping from the floor over the top rope with little to no effort. Grabbing a mic from someone, Cena 2099 stands tall in the center of the ring and focuses his robotic red eye.:::
John Cena 2099: Aw, yeah, that’s right PEOPLE OF THE YEAR 2015!!! Some of y’all loves me, and some of y’all hates me, but that’s y’all’s rights as ticketholders! Y’all are showing PASSION! Y’all are showing EMOTION! But one thing y’all can’t deny, whether you chant ‘John Cena 2099 rules’ or ‘John Cena 2099 sucks,’ is that… right here… right now… THE CHAMP… IS… HERE!!!!!
:::Cena 2099 raises his one human and one robotic arm over his head as the crowd reacts, still mixed. Either way, though, a bunch of Cena merchandise flies off the stands.:::
John Cena 2099: Look y’all… I came back here from the year 2099, where I am the undisputed champion of the Milky Way Galaxy, as well as Andromeda, to right some of the wrongs in history! It’s my current mission to make sure that ME, John Cena, but the one of me in the past… right now… never loses. In 2099, the people of our planet have abandoned war, abandoned racism, abandoned CANCER! Because they NEVER GAVE UP and NEVER LOST HOPE.
As their world emperor and champion, it is my DUTY to traverse space and time to eliminate the things that cause them dismay, and knowing that completely human John Cena, before being blessed by science and GAWD with immortality and cybernetic enhancements, didn’t win every single fight he was in!
So what I need to do right now, JACK, is get serious, and demand that those turkeys in the AUTHORITY come out here and answer for their sins! GET YO ASSES OUT HERE, TRIPLE H AND SLUTTANY!!!!
:::At this point, Cena 2099 waits while the crowd sits confused. Eventually, someone from the back runs to the ring and slides in, whispering into Cena 2099’s human ear.:::
John Cena 2099: It seems I have been a little off in my spacetime aim. I have just been informed that this is not, in fact, 2013 WWE. This is an XWF house show in Poughkeepsie, but that’s just fine! Because last time I travelled through time in an effort to collect every belt ever, I was stopped by a man named Mastermind, and I need to get that back, JACK!
This upcoming event, the RUMBLE, at next week’s show in the XWF, is the perfect opportunity for John Cena 2099 to wipe the slate clean! Chair of Mastermind, I know how science works! I know you’re really the brain of that bald-headed midget from New Zealand stuck into a robotic La-Z-Boy! I’m comin’ for you this week, JACK, and I don’t like your odds…
…you know why I bring up odds, Chair? Because I overcome ‘em! I’mma go into this Rumble, JACK, and I’mma toss each and every one of those other superstars out of the ring one by one! Frodo Smackins! Maverick! Vinnie Lane! Scorpio! And I’mma start with YOU, Chair! Y’all fans are ready to see John Cena 2099 take back his loss to Mastermind at this Rumble, and John Cena 2099 is ready to GIVE YOU WHAT YOU WANT!
Chair, you be tellin’ these kids that you’re madeof 100% leather… but I know fake CRAP when I see it! Whether it’s that hoebag Stephanie McMahons funbags or your obviously synthetic pleather covering, I KNOW THE TRUTH! REAL RECKANIZE REAL AND I’M AS REAL AS IT GETS!!!
You roll around out here with your shiny little casters, spinnin’ around and having armrests and whatnot… well I’mma REST my ARM on YO ASS!!!!
Now how you feel about THAT…. JACK?!?!?!
:::Cena 2099 adjusts his camo jorts and pumps up his ‘Boks. He then leaves the ring and throws handfuls of wristbands and hats every which way as he stomps to the back.:::
![[-]](https://xwf99.com/images/portal2/collapse.gif)
