WOE: The last you saw of the man from The Pits of Woe was a show called Love It. On that show, Woe conquered a morsel by the name of David Mosier. Now… he returns.

CROWD APPLAUSE!

A capacity audience is applauding and cheering loudly as the lights begin to fly all around the game show room. In big neon letters, it’s written “Match Game 2015!” with purple outlining and gold flashing bulbs. On the right side of the room are six chairs with people in shadows clapping. On the left side of the stage, two ladies are clapping also in time with the catchy tune playing.

ANNOUNCER: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, please help me in welcoming the cast of The Game of Life! First, the beautifully deranged Britney Spears!

Britney Spears is shown laughing and flashing her beautiful smile. She then stands up and takes a bow as a CENSORED graphic appears over her crotch area as she isn’t wearing pants!

ANNOUNCER: The quiet yet astute Michael Cera!

Michael Cera is shown looking to his right with a shocked expression on his face. His face never changes as he is turning tomato-red.

ANNOUNCER: The concise and critical Kevin Spacey!

The camera pans to Kevin Spacey whose icy, cold glare bores a hole through the camera, the camera man, the screen he’s being watched on, the head of the person watching said screen, and the wall behind the person watching the screen. The crowd doesn’t applaud but looks around in uneasiness.

ANNOUNCER: Uh… the controversial and brash Tony Romo!

Tony Romo is shown on the bottom row smiling as the crowd boos him on. Romo looks a little hurt by this, but then throws a football to Kevin Spacey in which Michael Cera catches while still staring at the posterior of Britney.

ANNOUNCER: The flamboyant and comedic Ellen DeGeneres!

Pans to Ellen who is also looking up at Britney with surprise on her face. She turns around and nods approvingly towards Britney. The fans whistle and cheer on Ellen with much love.

ANNOUNCER: And… Woe.

The camera pans to him, looking as large and fearsome as always, for a second as the crowd has no reaction.

An insertion into the film much like a biography does. It shows Woe sitting in a room with a black wallpaper behind him.

WOE: After I won that match, I lost who I was. I left the XWF and tried my hand at the celebrity thing. It led me to celebrity-based show called Match Game 2015 based off the incredible ratings of the 1970s and 80s game. The rules were you had to post something you thought would match the card of the two contestants. This was the fifth show and I had been similarly disrespected the entire process through despite matching more with the contestants than anyone else. BAHHH.

The insertion disappears as it goes back to the applauding crowd.

ANNOUNCER: And now the host of Match Game 2015….. Johnnnnn Cennnaaaaaaa!

Do do do dooooooooooo!

DO DO DO DOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

DOOO DOOO DOOOO DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

The anthem of John Cena’s theme song from the WWE plays as he charges out to the stage. He’s full of energy as he salutes the camera before picking up a tiny mic. John Cena is decked out in a lavish suit. He walks over to Tony Romo and does the ‘You Can’t See Me’ hand wave in front of his face.

JOHN CENA: What’s crackin’ Jack?! Welcome to Thursday Night Match Game 2014! I am John Cena. You’ve already met this fantastic cast over here. Now let’s meet our contestants! The lovely Miss Miranda Waller!



A smattering of applause for the young woman as she raises her hands in the air and waves.

JOHN CENA: And her opponent, Miss Hannah Murtz!



More applause as the young lady smiles with a large white grin coming across her face.

JOHN CENA: Now let’s get this show on the road! Let’s start with you Miranda. Now you have the option of choice A or B. Which would you like?

MIRANDA: Well, Mr. Cena, what’s the difference?

The crowd begins laughing as Cena walks closer and parks a seat on the front of the scoreboard in front of the ladies. He raises his hand to stop the audience.

JOHN CENA: Please Miranda, call me John.

John waggles his eyebrows at her before proceeding.

JOHN CENA: The difference in A or B is simply what question I ask. You can pick whichever you prefer Miranda. Now which one will it be Miranda?

The young lady takes a moment to think it over before smiling broadly.

MIRANDA: I want A, Johnnnnn.

The crowd laughs as John pulls out the ‘A’ card and stands up. He places his elbow on the card holder and pauses the audience once more with his raised tennis racket sized hand.

JOHN CENA: Okay Mirandaaaaa, here’s your question…

JOHN CENA: Doctor Louis D’Ville is so blind.

CROWD: How blind is he?!

JOHN CENA: He once went to bed with a BLANK!





A few pans around show Ellen writing her answer while looking at the card in front of her with bulging eyes. Cera is biting on the end of the marker as he thinks. Spacey has already submitted his card as his name is lit up and he’s, once again, staring a hole through the TV. Tony is shown placing his card in the box in front of him and his name lights up. Spears has her card submitted and she’s licking her lips at the camera. A few seconds pass and Woe is never shown.

The music stops and the camera turns back to John.

JOHN CENA: Well now that all of the friends over here have submitted their answers. Miss Miranda…

JOHN CENA: Doctor Louis D’Ville is so blind…

CROWD: How blind is he?!

JOHN CENA: He once went to bed with…

MIRANDA: His patient?

The crowd begins applauding the answer as John Cena walks away with a smirk on his face.

JOHN CENA: Now let’s ask these fine people what they think. What’d you say Britney.

BRITNEY: Uhh, John… you’re hawt.

JOHN CENA: Well, uh, thank you ma’am. Now what’d you write down?

BRITNEY: Uhh, John… because all I could think about was you I had… John’s Glutes.

EERRRRNNT! The buzzer goes off to indicate that was a wrong answer.

JOHN CENA: Well I appreciate the thought, but let’s focus on the game, huh? Now, Michael Cera. What’d you have?

Michael Cera begins whispering frantically and very softly.

JOHN CENA: Mike! Speak up. The back row needs to hear you.

MICHAEL CERA: Well John, I had…

JOHN CENA: Now last opportunity to speak up so Miranda can hear you.

MICHAEL CERA: A stethoscope!

John nods his head but the buzzer sounds again.

JOHN CENA: Good answer, good answer, but not the answer we are looking for! Mr. uhh… Spacey? Whatchu got?

KEVIN SPACEY: What I have? What an uninspiring abomination of a question. Would you like to try speaking the English language again you mewling quim?

A laugh is heard emanating from directly below Spacey from Woe. Cena gives a nasty look towards Woe, but quickly looks back at Spacey.

JOHN CENA: Look, what’s your answer. You don’t want to throw down with me, jack.

KEVIN SPACEY: Oh, I’ve struck a nerve with the ‘wrestler.’ Tell you what. Here’s my answer… PATIENT.

DING!

A number 1 appears below Miranda on a LED screen in place of the 0 that was there before. Miranda yells and claps loudly.

JOHN CENA: Well now we’re talking! Now what do you say Tony Cowgirl?

The crowd laughs as Romo just shakes his head.

TONY ROMO: John… how ‘bout dem Cowboys?!?!

The crowd boos loudly with a small section of clapping.

JOHN CENA: Romo, you might consider changing your tune since we film this in Detroit. Now what’s your answer.

Tony looks around at the audience that is glaring at him. He picks up and shows his card.

TONY ROMO: Nurse!

The buzzer goes off once more to signal an incorrect answer.

JOHN CENA: Well I suppose that’s an answer. Not bad Tony Ho-I mean Romo.

Cena slugs Romo on the shoulder and Romo looks in serious pain from it. Cena walks over and gives the mic to Ellen and begins giving her a massage. Ellen begins sighing and nodding in approval.

JOHN CENA: Ellen, what’d you write?

ELLEN: Oh John that feels great. Just come over and I’ll pay you to do that and clean my pool. No worries, it won’t turn into one of those films you starred in with Kendra Lust.

CROWD: Ooooooooooooooh!

John stops massaging her and just looks at her in surprise.

JOHN CENA: What the hell? What’s your card?

ELLEN: Patients!

DING!

The 1 was replaced by a 2 and Miranda is cheering on!

Cena holds his fist up in support before giving a look at Woe with a look of disgust.

JOHN CENA: What about you, jack? What do you have?

WOE: Well, as you know Cena, I also was a wr-

JOHN CENA: Will you stop? No one wants to hear another story about how you almost beat the Universal Champion that never existed okay? No one cares. You also lost to folks like Aerial Knight and Mastermind. So give us the answer so we can go on.

Insert.

WOE: Piece of shit.

Back.

Woe picks up his card and shows… PATIENTS!

DING!

JOHN CENA: Another point for Miranda! Very good, scrub.

The sound of ruffling is heard as the camera is focused on John Cena. Suddenly, Cena falls forward onto the floor with the weight and mass of Woe on top of him! Woe picks up Cena and throws him shoulder first into the scoreboard in front of the two ladies. They scream and run off with some backstage workers in black. More screaming is heard and it’s coming from Michael Cera! He’s screaming while Britney Spears is grinding on his crotch. He then takes her top off revealing a CENSORED black bar across her breasts! She grabs Cera by the tie and leads him away through the back door where Cena came in. Cera is screaming and holding onto the door before being dragged back through the doorway. An echo of screaming is heard as the doors close behind them.

The uncontrollable Woe picks up Cena and goes for a powerbomb! As he does, Tony Romo leaps on top of the desk in front of him. He grabs a football that he had with him and throws it at the back of Woe’s head! It spirals through the air in slowwwwww mottionnnnnnnnn. It spiralssssss andddd itttttt…

IS CAUGHT! By Ellen DeGeneres! The crowd goes wild! Ellen rushes forward and spears Tony off the table! Tony is holding his back in agony as he begins whimpering.

Cena begins fighting back! He gets out of the powerbomb position and begins hitting running shoulderblocks! Woe keeps getting back up and Cena hits a spinning backdrop! Woe pops back up! Cena kicks him and sets up the Attitude Adjustment! Woe fights out! He picks up John and locks in El Despuente! He begins shaking him hard as the screen stops. It shows Woe stretching out Cena.

The screen fades to black as it shows Woe back sitting in the studio in a chair. He’s flexing his deltoids while popping his knuckles.

WOE: That was this past Sunday. After I got confirmation that the XWF wanted me back for a new show entitled Game Show Shove It. I figured since it was a shove it worth doing, I’d make my return back! As you’ve seen, Woe has been up to several different occupations. Woe acted as a bouncer for clubs but after Woe broke some fucking backs… they let Woe go for ‘disorderly conduct.’ Bitches didn’t want Woe’s services. THEN Woe tried being a hitman for hire. Weirdly, the Westboro Baptist Church hired Woe to DESTROY the church of some clown guys. Oh and steal a book for them to read. Yeah uh, check and check. Woe can’t help their people left to assist were fucking useless. Almost as useless as Shinsuke Nakawhogivesafucka. Like what the fuck is that idiot doing here? Here to get his ass ripped to shreds by WOE!

WOE: Woe is back to rip these bitches apart. Whether it’s the pathetic doctor that can’t keep his large beak out of everyone’s god damn business or it’s a proclaimed son of god himself in Jesus Christ. Jesus… I hope to fucking GOD I get put across the ring from a false-prophet like Jesus Christ. To end that paper-thin winning streak of the son of man. Then there’s Maverick. The man who literally… is the shits. The way he wrestles, the way he makes bitchy ass excuses, and the very way he took a shit on the title. I hope I go up against you! After all, you’ll probably think all of the answers are correct… or Un answered for you if not.

WOE: Next we have Essence and Master Lito who I have no fucking idea who they are. Essence has people living inside of her?! What in the fuck? These people are fucking deranged and emotional basket cases looking for some fucking attention. Pussies. As for the rest of you fucking wastes of space… Woe will rip your ass apart another time. It’s time…


WOE: for the return of WOE!


The scene fades to red.