The sun rises over the small town in which The Asylum’s Church of the Higher Power is located. As it rises over the horizon, orange sunlight filters through the blinds of Hysteria’s small bedroom inside the church. The camera turns to see the exposed dark hair of Hysteria albeit extremely faded out. The room is much different from last time it was displayed. There is a large bed with nightstands on both sides. On one nightstand is an alarm clock displaying the time. On the reciprocating one, there is a manikin head with a cloth ball sitting in front of it. The fuzzy figure sits up in bed, yawns loudly, and flips his legs out to the side. Pauses. He sits on the edge of his bed and rubs his eyes with his thumb and index finger on his left and right eye respectively. He reaches over onto the nightstand beside him where a lump of cloth is laid out. The Prophet pulls the cloth over his head and rolls it down his neck. As he stands he beings to stretch limbering up his body for what is sure to be an eventful day. The pale body of Hysteria seems to avoid the sunlight as he his feet evasively move to the closeted area. Whipping the door open, it reveals two jackets with two scarves with two pairs of pants. In a few seconds, Hysteria has fully dressed himself with the exception of his gloves and hat.

The camera finally fades in to show Hysteria walking towards the nightstand beside his bed. As he approaches, Hysteria sits on the bed and opens the drawer. He pulls out two black gloves and slips them over his fingers. He takes a few moments to test out the gloves as he balls his hands into fists. He reaches into the deep drawer and pulls out his fedora which he then places on his head. Hysteria stands up, rolls his neck, and proceeds to unlock the four locks on his door. He steps on through to the other side.

The camera angle changes to the one freeroaming the larger part of the church. Hysteria goes up to the podium and clears his throat. He bangs on the podium all around before finally starting up.

Friends! Brethren… Family. Today we are faced with a conundrum. A puzzle of sorts. It has come to my attention that during our remodeling, we ran out of funding. Well… that’s unacceptable my friends! How can we reach the masses if we can afford no gas? How can we afford to reach them if we have no electricity or internet? How will we spread our masses across the globe? The answer is that we can’t! Thus we must act… Impulsively. You see… I, Hysteria, The Prophet of The Higher Power, shall lead you, The Asylum, in order to amend this lack of funding.

How, O Mighty Prophet?

How? Have ye no faith in your prophet??? But I have a plan. Now you, Soldier, follow me.

Scarecrow walks up to the front and follows Hysteria over into the Enlightenment chamber. Hysteria walks to the right wall and hits a complicated pattern that Scarecrow wouldn’t remember to save his life. After he hits the last place on the wall, a sound of gears clicking together emits from the wall. The wall slides open and a large green crate comes out of the wall. Hysteria turns the lock on the outside of it and it pops open. Scarecrow gasps and looks at Hysteria with disbelief. Sitting within the box are six Remington 1911s. Hysteria pulls one out, systematically dismantles it and puts it back together in 15 seconds. He puts it back in the box and hands the green box to Scarecrow.

You see Scarecrow… there may be a few things from my past that’s not public knowledge. Well… hehehe… there’s quite a bit actually, but now’s not the time for story time. Get the soldiers together. It’s time…




…to rob a bank.



















January 21, 2015
9:54 A.M.



The bank is shown with several people walking into and out of it on a particularly normal day. Nothing seems out of the ordinary. Not even the car parked on the side of the building with five people inside. The windows are tinted black in the van to hide anything within, but the label on the side of the van reads: “Wash-On, Wash-Off! A Cleaner’s Company.” The camera focuses on the van as it sways slightly as the back doors open. The sound of metal sliding is heard as the side sliding door is opened. Three men exit the van wearing all black except white gloves. Each of them is carrying a backpack and are wearing United States Former President masks. One is Nixon with the elongated nose. Another is Obama with the enlarged ears. The third one exiting the van is John Adams with the missing hair in the center of the head. As they get out and stand at attention, a fourth stands on the edge of the van before falling down to the ground wearing all black even the gloves. The mask upon his head is that of the creator of the Emancipation Proclamation, Abraham Lincoln. A look inside the van reveals the driver wearing a Herbert Hoover mask. Weird choice.


Adams slams the door shut and the four quickly move to the front door. As they walk, the group flip the backpacks around onto their chests. They reach within the front pockets and withdrawal a pistol each. As they enter the front door, they’re welcomed with a ding. The petite, young blonde is furious completing some paperwork, but she looks up.

Welcome to…. AHHHHHHH!

As her shrill voice fills the void of the space, Obama, Adams, and Nixon all move to the tellers and aim their guns at the faces of the three tellers. Lincoln fires into the air and the people in the bank duck and cover. Each of the three men who moved towards the tellers are pointing a barrel at the face of the person behind the counter. They begin screaming and yelling under the masks at the people telling them to back away from the counters. The two overweight women and the one glasses-wearing short man back away from the counter. Glasses backs away but his eyes flick down to the counter as if seeing an unknown entity below it. Obama slides over the counter and demands they get on the floor. The three attendants do as they’re told and place their hands over their heads.

While all of that is transpiring, Lincoln grabs the young lady at the front desk and wraps an arm around her neck. He flips the backpack around onto his back and aims the gun at the girls’ head!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

AHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

WILL YOU SHUT UP!? I will blow your brains out if you don’t shut the fuck up.

AHHHH-


SMACK!


Abraham Lincoln smacks the back of her head of the girl with his gun silencing her. She continues sniffling and crying to herself, but she refuses to voice out again for fear of another pistol whip. Lincoln walks over to where Nixon and Adams are standing and throws the girl to Nixon. Nixon holds her with a gun pointing at her head in the same manner that Lincoln had. Lincoln takes the opportunity to leap up on top of the counter.

Hellooooo and welcome to the Bank of The Asylum! We are now accepting donations. What? You say that isn’t how a bank works!? Well this is a revolutionary bank concept! You come here, donate, and we won’t make you involuntary members of The Asylum! Granted, we accept all comers, but we’re also accepting all size donations! But what I reallyyyyyy need first is your phones. Pass them up NOW. If you don’t, you’re putting your own FUCKING lives in our hands. Passs them to Adams here. Once he’s collected them, you will lay down on the floor on your bellies. If anyone tries to get away…

A shot is fired!

A bald man on the far side of the room is holding his knee which is now severely bleeding! Lincoln’s gun has a wisp of smoke coming from the end of the barrel.

Nowwwwww. If anyone would like to join Mr. Shiny Dome, please disobey. Realize my men all have guns and all have plenty of ammo. Do not tessssst ussss! Now, where’s the leader of this piss parade?

Lincoln looks around the room expectantly. A small noise comes from behind him.

I… I… I am.

Lincoln turns around to see the noise came from Glasses. He points at Glasses as Obama lifts him up and aims the gun at his head. Lincoln turns back towards the people on the floor.

I’m going to leave you for a moment, but do NOT move and do not try to pull a stunt. If you do, my friends Nixon, Adams, and Obama have been given the right to well… treat you like that gentleman over there! A bullet to the leg!

You sir! (indicating Glasses) Move your ass into the vault!

Lincoln steps down from the counter and kicks Glasses in the rumpus sending him forward. They turn the corner and walk into a small backroom that connects to two offices and a large vault. Glasses stops as they turn the corner. Lincoln cocks his gun and places it at the back of Glasses’ head.

I am NOT a patient man, fucker. Get the GODDAMN door open.

The man walks over to the safe and stops. He turns around and Lincoln places the barrel on his forehead.

Well get it open!

You don’t want to do this, mister. You know what happens when I open this door? There’s an alarm that will be triggered. The cops will be alerted…

Lincoln begins laughing furiously. He bangs his open hand on the nearby pole. He immediately halts as his laugh turns into a sinister chortle under his breath. Lincoln places the gun on the forehead of Glasses.

Don’t you worry your prettttttyyyy little head. There have been things put into play. GET TO WORK!

The man in glasses immediately turned around and begins fumbling with the keypad. As he does that, there’s a buzzing in Lincoln’s pocket. He pulls the phone out and takes a look at it.

ADAMS! Come here.

Adams rushes from the other room and has his piece aimed at the back of Glasses’ head.

Watch him. I’ve got to take this.

Lincoln walks into the next room where the offices were. Here, he is just out of sight of Glasses so he takes off the mask. Doing so reveals the mask beneath the mask which is the mask of Hysteria. Surprise, surprise! Hysteria pulls the phone up to his ear while hitting the green, accept button.

Hellooo?

Beat.

Ghost Tank! My Cleanserrrrr! What is it? I am not a man of patience and I'm rather... ahh... busy at the moment.


Hysteria looks around the room and at the Lincoln mask in his hand. He pauses for a moment as he listens.

Mmm... what is that my brethren?

He seems to get giddy about something as he begins drumming his fingers along the desk.


Ahhh I shall convene with The Higher Power and then come back in contact with you. Is that fair, my brethren?

Beat.

Excellent. I'm uhh... a little wrapped up at the moment, so give me a few minutes.

Beat.

Farewell.

Hysteria goes into the corner and gets down on his knees. He extends his arms along his sides and looks up. He begins laughing wildly.

O Higher Power… do I have an interesting proposal for you!




Fade into nothingness...