I switch the camera on. The birth of everything is a flick of a switch, hmm? I am sat behind a coffee table covered in small lines of cocaine. The deal went smoothly, which was rarity. It's something like Scully getting a win over someone whose not a jobber. Too early? Get ready. Paradise. My own little heaven. What could go wrong with a coffee stained couch? It had that warm feeling, a real warm feeling. My nose is runny. Time to start.


Fist slam.



Emphasis.



Am I right?



"Fernando. Austin Fernando. A man who needs to learn what is trash talk and what is not. I did not trash talk you in the slightest, I merely expanded on a theory that was presented to me. You... you my friend need to-"



Sniff.



Snort.



Exhale.



Clutch Chest.



"-sit the fuck down and think for a moment. Does charisma win you a fucking match? Ever? No it does not, it comes down to survival and how well you can fight. I can fight. You can fight too. You can also fail the people who put their trust in you. I'M GONNA WIN THE PROPHETIC TITLE! Nope. THAT TITLE IS BELOW ME, I'M GONNA TRY AND COMPETE FOR THE UNI TITLE. Nope. Oh, you won a match against Ghost Tank? Is that supposed to mean something? I haven't won a single match but my record is still better than yours. Anyone can beat Ghost Tank. Calypso beat Ghost Tank and he has enhancement talent written all over him. You also claim I am a pushover which makes me laugh as you haven't seen anything from me yet. I can clearly see you're a pushover though. WAA, WAA, WAA! Hey guys my name is Austin Fernando and welcome to another episode of my obnoxious, irrelevant, low budget soap opera promos which explores my inability to stand out so instead I'm gonna pay people to make me feel like I mean something. You say my promos are boring? HOLY SHIT."






"I have made it to a match in the middle of a pay per view, so that makes me a pawn? Can someone explain to this motherfucker what a pawn is? A person used by others for their own purposes. How am I being used by others? I'm not, which is why I have conducted a special check-list in the form of video for like you to use before they post their promos."

I get up and go behind the camera. A clicking noise is heard before a projection is projected on the wall behind the couch.



I sit down yet again.

"Does that clear a few things up for you? I sure hope it does."

Nothing is clear. If it was then there would be a problem with the world we live in, due to the mind taking in too much information it doesn't need. Sometimes a clouded mind is better than a free one, because knowing the outcome is extremely dangerous. It's like stabbing a fork into your own leg and feeling the pain before hand. Speaking of which, who would want to know their death date? I wouldn't, because knowing it would shift my death date to a different... well... date.

Think of it as this. I'm going to drive to a place and if I know before hand that I'm not going to get there, then there's no point in driving. So then I don't go there. Either way it's the same outcome. I think outcomes mean a lot in the wrestling business as for one, matches, but also betting. I see people have betted on Austin Fernando with a large some of money and it merely encourages me to wipe the smug look off of their faces when I beat him. IF I beat him. I have a very high chance of beating him if I judge him on his promos, because he comes across as well... a-

"-bit of a mendacious dumbass. Next up, Scully. The man who thinks he is relevant for having a phenomenal winning streak against people who were never relevant and will go down in history yet again as enhancement talent. From what I understand his streak lasted for quite some time until he came across wrestlers who can wrestle and then he lost. He is also one of the least offensive trash talkers I've ever seen in my entire life.

I look like Pinhead. Why could that be? Hmm..."

This was a new breed of stupidity I have encountered. Maybe it wasn't stupidity and he was just stating facts? Well, in the context and tone that this man said it in it could only possibly mean that he is trying to insult me and the thought of that is rather hilarious. It actually makes me want to cry. Should I put you out of your misery?



Sniff.



Snort.



Exhale.



Clutch Chest.



"Maybe because I have pins? In my fucking head? Huh? Did you ever, EVER think of that? That I look like Pinhead because I have pins in my head? Scully. I even named my finisher after Pinhead. How could that be insulting? I don't get it at all and honestly I never will. He says my promo was weird too. That's actually true."

But what if he meant that as an insult too? Deary me. Are-

"-we children in a fucking playground in the first grade. O.M.G. Polvo you are a stupid idiot! You're so weird! Fuck you. Don't ever try and make me stoop to your level of intelligence again. I already had to make a whole video for mister over here. I didn't expect you to do to be as stupid and came ill prepared. No one cares about wallpaper, eh? That just proved you've skimmed through my promo and didn't pay attention to the meaning behind things. However I doubt that you'd have the intellect to do that."

Wallpaper actually determines a first reaction to a building. The same with the floor. Does this boy not understand how stuff like that works? Or was he really struggling with the insults? I'm rather confused actually, especially at-

"-the remark you made about me sounding like an opera singer. It made no sense what so ever. I'm just going to leave that section out. I really cannot comprehend how you came up with that either."

I never much cared for Operas. It was something that I just never came attached to.

"And now finally, I finish this with Cain..."

A man who used to mean something. A name that used to carry fear as so I have heard. It's a shame. What exactly incites fear into the hearts of people? Is it... embarrassment? Or maybe it is simply due to lack of understanding? There is a fine line between believing and understanding. Which is why it made me wonder why people believed in God and Jesus; The Bible. Christianity in general. It was a strange concept and it was confusing why a massive majority of the world would jump on that bandwagon.

"-who decided not to mention me at all. Your weakness is that you are too lazy. You failed your team Wargames and then left due to the embarrassment and lack of understanding to exactly what happened. What happened? You are a failure. A FAILURE!"


Sniff.



Snort.



Exhale.



Clutch Chest.


"You have bigger fish to fry than me? That is the most stupid thing I have ever heard. A good competitor never counts out the wrestlers they don't know. Well you... you must not be a good competitor. You try and incite fear by stating that you kill people and that you are something to be feared. Well, clearly you are not and I have all the reason to believe you are a liar, which there seems to be a lot of in this place."


My heart skips a bit as I can hear a few police sirens outside of my apartment. I check my watch and grab the bag that is next to me. It was time.




Time.





.emiT





IeMt.





A dangerous variable.




Please
indulge me
on the laws
of gravity.





And with that, I jumped out the window.