Frodo woke up in the grass outside. He was untied from his chair, which had also been burnt. He tries to get to his feet, but Ferdinand rushes over and headbutts Frodo, who is on his hands and knees at this point. Frodo lays his head back down, right into a pile of Ferdinand's poo, and to make it worse, Ferdinand pisses on Frodo as well. He gets angry, and gets to his feet, and picks the dog up. Katie rushes over to Frodo and Ferdinand, she's in her pink yoga pants and a blank tank top.
”Your dog pissed on me.”
”Did you punish him for it?”
”No. I'm going to shower. Put a bra on, I can see your nipples.”
Frodo pushes past Katie and made his way to the bathroom. Katie just kissed Ferdinand's head, and walked inside. Crack was in the kitchen making Oatmeal.
”Hey, Ferdy. Morning, Katie. How's it going?”
”Dad's all angry today.”
”He'll feel better when he remembers what day it is.”
The shower turns on, and Katie, Crack, and Ferdinand sit waiting to see if Frodo realizes the day. After what felt like 5 minutes, Frodo rushes into the living room, entirely naked. Dick flopping in the wind. Katie turns her face to avoid seeing it, but she's not quick enough.
”It's mother fucking Sarah day! Today Sarah comes over for dinner! Crack! Why didn't you tell me?!”
”You didn't talk to me, I said hey, you gave me the finger and walked away.”
”That does sound like me. Oh well. I'm going to go back to shower, then we're going to the Zoo!”
Frodo walks off to the bathroom, while doing the helicopter dick. Katie turns back around in time to see him walking to the back, but right as she does Frodo turns back to add something, still doing the helicopter dick.
”I'd like Waffles. Do we have waffles?”
”I will make you waffles if you just go away. Stop being in here naked. And stop wiggling your dick.”
Frodo rushes off without saying a word. As he turns a corner to get into the bathroom, he slips falls, and splits his head open.
”Mother fucker!”
”Did you fall and bust your head open?”
”Yeah. And pissed on my chest.”
”The fuck?”
”When I fell I began to piss. Hit my chest and face. Not cool, guys.”
Crack and Katie burst into laughter. Frodo gets up, jumps in the shower, and cleans himself like a boss. When he gets out, he gets dressed, and throws a towel on his head underneath a hat. He walks into the living room to find the Waffles already made, and ready to be eaten. Frodo begins to eat them when Katie walks out in a pair of hip hugger jeans, and a low cut shirt. She walks into the kitchen and pours a cup of coffee.
"Going to work?"
"No. The Zoo."
"Nigga. It's freezing. You're not going out in the cold like that. You'll get Hepatitis or something. Also, you're not going to the Zoo with Crack and me."
"Urgh. Why not?"
"I need to talk to Crack by myself. About adult stuff. Things you're too young for."
"Well, I run a sex club. I think I can handle whatever conversation you have."
"No, you probably can't. You're not coming with us. Sorry. And it's pretty cold, Katie. Put on a sweater at least."
Crack walks out as he's pulling an A-Shirt over his incredibly chiseled abs and chest. Frodo slams his waffle back on the plate.
"Do you have to flaunt your chiseled abs and perfect pecs in front of me all the time? You know that's why Sarah left me. Because I don't look as good as you."
"First, I'm putting a shirt on and not flaunting anything. Second, she left you because you can't stop cheating on her, and don't understand her pain. My appearance had little to do with it. Third. She's coming back in a little bit. She loves you, Midge."
”Whatever. Finish getting ready, we have to go to the Zoo. Wait. Fuck, I needa change. I can't go to the zoo wearing this.”
Crack grabs his jacket while Frodo eats the remaining Waffle in one bite. Katie looks confused as Frodo pops to his feet and runs off to his bedroom. She saunters over to Crack, and half collapses into him. His arms find their way to her waist.
”Why can't I come with you? You think I can't handle his shit today?”
”I think you can, but he doesn't want you there today. Whatever's up, he wants it to be just us.”
”Fine. Do I look cute?”
She pulls away and does a little spin.
”Always.”
Frodo comes rushing out of his room, towel still flopping around on his head, dressed in a suit.
”You own a suit?”
”Yeah. 2 in fact.”
”I'm impressed.”
”Can we just go?”
Crack and Frodo head out the door, and get into the Camaro. Crack turns it on and lets the engine warm up.
”What's going on? Why don't you want Katie coming with us?”
”Because. I want you to tell me the truth on things. If she's here, I don't think you will. I know how you feel about her, and you'd have to be a 
to think she doesn't feel similar.”
Crack puts the car in reverse and backs out the drive way.
"You think she does?"
"I saw the way she collapsed into you in the kitchen. When you wrapped your arms around her. Come on."
Adjusts to drive and heads towards the Zoo.
"Shit. I'm not trying to sneak behind your back. If anything happened, you know I'd tell you."
"You telling me you didn't fuck her?"
"No. Not at all."
"When you fucked Sarah, did you like it?"
"Well, how do you want to answer that? Yeah, she's good in bed, and I came. But, would I actively seek sex with her again? No. Dude, she can move her shit well, and I actually kind of liked her spraying me with cum. But, I'm into the TS crowd, and she's your wife."
”Fair enough. Listen, I'm going to level with you about Katie. If you and her got together, it'd be really awkward for me. But, I'd be happy to have you as my family legitimately. Really awkward for me.”
Crack chuckles.
”Yeah, I feel ya. Hey, we're here. What do we need at the Zoo anyway?”
”Ostriches.”
Crack shakes his head, and parks. Frodo gets out and runs towards the Zoo. He buys his ticket and rushes in towards the Ostrich pit. Crack tries his best to keep up, but with his knee, in the cold, it's hard. He gets to the Ostrich exhibit in time to see Frodo hop the barrier and rush into see two ostriches standing there. They don't see him, so the Hobbit reaches into his pocket and pulls out a rock. Why he didn't just pick one up off the ground is anyone's guess. He chucks the rock at the first Ostrich, who looks up and sees Frodo. Frodo rushes towards the Ostrich, and charges for a spear. The other Ostrich flies out and throws a kick to Frodo's face. He goes down. The Ostriches rush over and begin to peck at Frodo. He lets out the cry of a warrior, and flies to his feet, fist in the air.
His blow connects with the Ostrich Heads, and they go back. A third Ostrich comes out of nowhere and kicks Frodo from behind. He falls onto rocks, and one of the three comes along and begins to claw at Frodo's face. He's bleeding badly, and to make it worse one of the two not clawing him comes and steps on Frodo's spine. He screams in pain, and one of the Zookeepers rushes into the exhibit and chases the ostriches away from Frodo. He pulls Frodo away, and into an office. Crack comes in with another keeper.
”What were you doing in the exhibit.”
”Playing with the Ostriches. Until they attacked me. I'm suing.”
”You threw a rock at them. And punched them. What were you doing?”
”Trying to kill myself via Ostrich.”
”Son, that's about the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Why would you want that?”
”That guy with the cane. He fucked my wife, he jerked off on my daughter's stomach after having sex with her, and then my wife left me.”
The keeper looks at Crack.
”You fucked his wife, and daughter, then came on his daughter's stomach? Son. What is wrong with you?”
”I didn't have sex with his daughter or jerk off on her. And yes, I did sleep with his wife. It was something they both told me should be done. Because he cheated on her first, and she said it'd make em even. I thought it would.”
”Is that true?”
”Maybe. But, he definitely did jerk off to the thought of my daughter.”
”Did you do that? Are you his friend?”
”I have, and I am.”
”You really sound like a shitty friend.”
”You don't know what I have to deal with. He slept with my mother!”
”Did you?”
”Her and her sister. Same time.”
”Get out of here. Both of you. You are just horrible people. I don't ever want you back at the Zoo. Your pictures will be up at the front, no one will sell you tickets.”
Frodo and Crack leave the zoo. They drive home in silence. Until they near their house.
”You had a threesome with my mom and aunt? I didn't know that. Which one?”
”Julia.”
He stops the car.
”She's in a wheel chair. She had an accident, fell off something. She can't walk.”
”Yes. We were on the roof of her house one night, the three of us. I just finished railing her, she got up, took a step, slid and fell. That was the end of it.”
”You caused my aunt to need a wheelchair?”
”Technically, your mom did. She slid on your mom's panties.”
”What the fuck? You know what? I don't want to know. I just don't.”
Crack goes back to driving, and gets them home. They get inside, and Katie takes a look at Frodo. She knows better than to ask, as he brushes past the pair, and goes to shower. Sarah will be there in a little over an hour. Crack walks over, and wraps an arm around Katie's wait, while grabbing her head. He pulls her in for a kiss. She presses her hands on his chest, let's the kiss happen, then pulls away.
”What's that for?”
”We talked. He told me it'd be awkward for him at first, but he'd deal with us being together. You know how I feel, and I'm getting the feeling you feel the same.”
She pulls back further.
”You asked my dad, your best friend, about dating me, after you fucked his wife?”
”He brought it up.”
”Well, first. I'm not comfortable with you guys discussing that. Secondly, I don't feel the same way. Crack, I told you. You'd just be an empty fuck. I still love Flynn.”
She turns and walks off to her bedroom. Crack stares at her cute little butt wiggle away, before lowering his head and sighing. He goes to the kitchen to prepare a meat loaf for Frodo and Sarah's dinner. He forms the loaf, sets it in a pan, and preheats the oven. From her room, Katie calls to Crack. He trudges over to find her sitting on her bed naked, save a pair of red socks with black hearts on them, and a pair of blue boy shorts. Her adorably puffy nipples exposed. He eyes her for a minute, and she notices the swelling in his pants.
”I've got time. You've got time. Wanna have some fun?”
He sighs, looks at her, and sighs again.
”No. Katie. I don't.”
She begins to provocatively rub her crotch.
”Why not? You were interested a few minutes ago.”
She stood up in front of him, and moved closer, before grabbing his hands. She raised them and placed them on her breasts. He pulled back.
”Katie. I don't want to because I don't want empty sex. I want more.”
”I can pretend.”
He pulled away and left the room. Katie followed him out in the living room.
”You get back here, and you fuck me!”
Sarah was just standing there in shock at that.
”Katie, go get dressed. Now.”
”Fine. Glad you're here, mom.”
”No talking. Dressed. Now.”
Katie walked off to get dressed.
”What the hell?”
”I had to make dinner. She called me in there and begged me to have sex with her.”
Sarah looks around the room.
”Well, thanks for not doing that. And why all the new furniture? And the blood outside.”
”Fred's been trying to kill himself, we got rid of all furniture he could use to kill himself. Got new stuff yesterday. And Fred had people over. Someone did Coke, and nearly killed a guy. I dunno, I was out of the house. It was weird. Luca was involved.”
”Right. Ok.”
Frodo walks into the living room and Crack scurries to finish cooking. Sarah and Frodo sit on the couch and talk while Crack prepares dinner. When it's finished, he sets the table and leaves. Sarah and Frodo have a lovely dinner of Meatloaf. Mystery meat loaf.
”Dinner was amazing. I didn't know Crack could cook so well. So, what happened to your face, babe?”
”Ostrich fight. Banned from the zoo.”
”Death by Ostrich? Number 5 on your list.”
”Yeah. Are you back, baby?”
”Yes. I am back. I love you. I couldn't stand being away. But you needed to know what I felt.”
They embrace, and go cuddle on the sofa all night.
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