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LH Harrison · **01-08-2015, 08:27 PM**

A dark alleyway is shown as a familiar face begins walking down it. The face gets to the end of the alleyway and the light shines down to reveal Joe Tuesday. He smiles and looks from side to side.

You. You have failed this city.

Joe Tuesday turns around and follows the sound of the voice. He sees a man wearing all green on a rooftop nearby. Joe Tuesday is about to speak when…

BLAM!

The sound of a pistol fires off and Tuesday looks down at the looming hole in his chest. He reaches his arm out as if to say something, but slumps down to the ground. Blood flows from the wound onto the pavement. The man in green climbs down the fire escape and lands beside the body. He kicks Joe Tuesday slightly before unloading another shot into the skull of Tuesday. The camera slowly ascends until it reveals the face of the Emerald Gunman…

LH Harrison.

Donning a dark emerald mask, LH Harrison looks furious and pissed off.

He stares ahead before looking at the camera.

Team MacClay. You don’t touch MY show. You see, I took it upon myself to eradicate this filth from the XWF and from this match-up for one purpose… to give you adequate opposition. I won’t just stand by and let this blow-hard Kook MacCluck and his team of Boy-Lovers take over my show. Now let’s see who the blow-hard as assembled as The Underground. Seriously? The Underground? Did you guys name yourself after some lame punk band from the 80’s or a secret society of transsexuals? Maybe you call yourselves The Underground because that’s where you’ve planted your testicles. Perhaps I’ll go dig them up. I would like a challenge after all. I mean look at these guys!

We have ‘The Aerial Knight’ who as we all know is just spinning his wheels. He started off improving week to week looking like he might move his way into the big picture! Then what happened? Well he kept losing. Loss after loss and I tell you what…. I felt for the kid. I offered him a friendship and we formed a tag team that did nothing. I still consider Johnathan Heartsford a friend, but this is about business, not friendship. It’s nothing personal, kid. But Knight would step into the ring with LH Harrison, ‘Loverboy,’ Gator, Frodo, and countless others. Care to know the result when he fought anyone of worth? Losses. All of them. But, give Knight a guy like Mastermind or Maverick or Ghost Tank, and the little guy does great. The guy should’ve beaten Gator, but, after that pathetic showing, Gator earned that title easily. That probably was the easiest title win/defense that Gator’s ever had. All thanks to you, Knight. Congratulations on that accolade.

Oh, but then we have TJ Wallace. The black man that speaks through the silence or for the silence or is the sound of silence. Either way, it’s a nickname that sounds like he picked it out of a lame name generator. ‘I want something that sounds mysterious and like a tough-guy.’ It spits out The Sound of Silence. The Sound of Silence. That’s probably something that you’re very familiar with. After all, you must hear a lot of silence after laying on your back unconscious after your matches. How many have you lost in a row? Actually, who have you beat? That’d probably be an easier question. You beat… Jet Frost and Luke Cage? Well what an accomplishment! Most could do that in their sleep, but you managed to beat them. Then lose for the next month and a half. How impressive. Maybe you should go have a few more nightmares. After all, they’re far more interesting than anything you’ll ever do in the real world.

Xavier Swann. What’s really to say about this guy? He’s loudmouthed and brash and unafraid to say what’s on his mind. For that, I like him. However, he also treats his security and secretary like utter garbage. Let’s face it. Swann, much like the two before, haven’t won the big ones. Actually, the only match that Swann has won was against his own tag team partner! You remember that TJ? When Swann made you look like a fool and pinned Frost. He was out of the match for most of it after being jumped by The Real Higher Power! Yet he still came in and whooped up on you and Frost. Speaking of Frost, has Swann won a match against anyone but Frost? He next went up against Ruben and well… we know how that match went. Ruben kicked him to kingdom come! Maybe it’s time that Swann step down and move out of the way. He’s obviously the most overrated on this team.

But next we have the main attraction! The show-stopper! The kiss-stealing! Frodo-Humping! The Pest’s Lover! The Honcho of Homosexuality! The Next Big One Hit Wonder… ‘Loverboy’ Vinnie Lane. You see, ‘Loverboy’ and I have quite a bit of history. You see, I’ve been pinned three times in my career. Two of them are Universal Champions, the third? ‘Loverboy’ Vinnie Lane. I’m not going to take anything away from Lane. He’s done a fantastic job since entering the XWF and has wins over the likes of Morbid Angel, Peter Gilmour, Frodo Smackins, and myself. Oh, lest we forget all the effort he put into beating Griffin MacAlister. Despite all of this, what have you done lately, Loverboy? Walk around with your finger in your butt while the rest of us are expanding our horizons and venturing forth. This is why you get nothing, Loverboy. This is why you stay where you are. No determination. No drive. Where’s the heart and soul I saw when I first entered the XWF, Lane? Where is it? All I’m seeing before me now is a sad shell of a man being whipped by his plastic girlfriend. Hold on, Lane. Before you come back at me with something, be sure to ask your lady if it’s okay to remove your balls from her bag. However, I’m happy for you. I’m happy you get to live a normal life outside of the XWF, but don’t think that means anything. All that means is that I’m going to resent you. I’m going to resent everything you have. Although, evidently, we both are terrible parents. Maybe we should take a lesson from Frodo since he knows what he’s doing.

I could keep going on and on with this, but I figured it would be nice to introduce myself and get acquainted. Hello, I’m LH Harrison and I’m here to reclaim Monday Night Madness… for the good guys.

Looks down at the body of Joe Tuesday and shakes his head.

Sorry guys, Tuesday won’t be coming around for you this week.

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