Turd Lopez was firing up some shrimp at bar and grill in his hometown. He would go in and perform chef duties on an as needed basis or whenever work was hard to come by at his other job. It's a strange sight in the kitchen; a 250 pound bear of a man clad in a full suit of black, shuffling pans. He even had on the distinguishable mask that he always wore to the ring. It's like he was airlifted from a wrestling ring and dropped down into an apron and spatula. And to his credit, he was a maestro in the kitchen
Today I'm preparing a special order for someone. It's someone who happens to be my opponent on Wednesday. His name is... Jaws! Jaws came in tonight, depressed as fuck, and ordered the fried shrimp. I didn't ask why he was depressed as fuck but I can only assume he's mourning the death of his mother! So to ease his suffering, I'm going to prepare him something very special. Jaws will love this dish, it's one of my specialties! I'm making it in honor of the deceased momma Jaws! She tasted delicious so it's only right that I return the favor to my buddy Jaws.
I know it's been a painful week for you Jaws, though not as painful as what you'll be feeling in the ring on Wednesday. You thought your mother was tucked in safe, far away from Turd Lopez. That wasn't the case though because I found her! You can't hide your loved ones from me, Jaws. I didn't "seem to forget" about you being an "alien" at all because I eat aliens too! Jaws thinks that he can protect himself and his loved ones from me BECAUSE HE'S AN ALIEN! Hahaha! I will fry your entire planet and shovel them into my mouth, Jaws. No alien or human is safe from Turd Lopez! It just goes to show that Jaws really has no idea who he's up against even though I've shown to him the kind of power that I have.
Quote:However, I don't believe you even know where I was born or what planet it was on, so you are most likely bullshitting.
You don't believe that I know something, is that right? I'm only "likely" to be bullshitting, huh? So what you're saying is that you can't say with absolute certainty that I know every detail about you, including the location of your mother. You don't sound very convincing for a big, powerful alien! You should know for a fact whether Turd Lopez ate your mother or not. Your lack of confidence, and your shaky voice, tells us that you are uncertain. Why don't you go check on mommy, Jaws, or what's left of her anyway!
As for why I publicly announced my mother's location to the world; the answer to that was in my last promo, you imbecile! But I'll repeat myself for the lower life form so that it can understand me better.
I'm giving my opponents the opportunity to get even at me for me eating their mothers. Think of it as a free punch, Jaws. The one and only free punch that I'll allow any of you to have. Go see her, Jaws. That's my challenge to you. Will you answer it or are you too afraid?
I'm dying to find out what will happen but so far none of my opponent have risen to the challenge.
I watched Duncan B Deadly's promo and he gave us nothing.
The only thing that he could come back with in response to me eating his mother:
"just ewwwww"
That's right, Duncan is the first one of my victims to come forward and admit that my actions made him sick. He's further along in his grieving process than anyone else on his team! Mastermind can't even bring himself to deliver a single promo. The master of minds' mind has been broken into tiny pieces by Turd Lopez. He's struggling out of fear with putting the right words together.
Turd Lopez finished the plate of shrimp. He took off his apron and carried the plate into the dining room. Inside of the dining room is nothing but shark people! They look just like Jaws except some are wearing hats, scarves, sneakers, and wife beaters. Turd looks across the room at the table he was serving only to find that it's now empty!
Jaws, you coward. First you duck my challenge and now you're too afraid to have dinner with me! What's this that you left at the table for me? Is this your way of surrendering?!
Turd Lopez walked up to the table and pulled out the chair that he noticed had something in it. He lifts up the large, gray object, and stretches it out for everyone in the shark diner to see. It's... a shark COSTUME! A shark costume just like the one described by Jaws in his roster profile. Turd Lopez looks at the tag inside of it, and it has Jaws written in permanent marker!
Wait a minute, you're not even a real shark? You're just a guy in a costume!
Turd Lopez began to check every customer inside of the alien diner. Sure enough, the place was full of nothing but regular people dressed in realistic shark costumes.
Hahaha! See what I've done? It's all fake! As you can see, I've recreated your home planet for you, Jaws. Aren't these your people, Jaws? People who dress up in "realistic" shark costumes complete with tail? Here's my question: why did you decide to leave your costume behind in my diner? Have you finally given up the facade that you've created?
It's finally settling in with Jaws. He's come to the realization that his disguise will not be enough to hold off Turd Lopez on Wednesday night.
I'm disappointed because I was looking forward to tasting some real alien shark!
I'll just have to settle for a lying coward instead! Those always taste delicious.
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