Threaded Mode | Linear Mode

AerialKnight · **01-02-2015, 04:14 PM**

"Before this video starts, allow me to prove to you, the viewer, why Jesus saying that Eli's on his side is perhaps one of the dumbest things a man like him could have done. Here's what Eli said about Jesus' debut in professional wrestling:"

Eli James IV Said:"Jesus Christ arrives. Oddly your second coming was to take out the light and allow darkness to rule in this world except for a few. Already going against prophecy about ya... not a good start for ya, man."

"Now, to anyone with a double and triple digit IQ, it would be clear that James is making fun of the son of God for coming down sooner than he should have. The rapture should have started, people would've ascended to heaven, the Antichrist himself would've risen from the darkest depths of hell to fight Jesus in an all out war that no man can survive. James, the man who's just about ready to retire, mind you, proved that this man is essentially a false prophet. Now what does Jesus have to say in response to this? Surely it'll have to be something witty, something clever, something that would be insulting his cult and his mindset, right?"

Jesus Christ Said:"Eli, I take your words as joining me on my adventure."

"Nope, the man didn't even try to defend himself. All he did was pull the trick that I accused him of doing not too long ago. He clearly doesn't want to listen to what his detractors have to say, much like the Romans didn't want to listen to what he himself has to say. Maybe they were on to something there."

We fade in on Johnathan Heartsford looking through some of the pages of the Bible, groaning at some of the things that he finds that proves that God and his son, Jesus, who's also his opponent to be on Madness alongside C.C. Hollywood. He flips through page after page, irritated that the holy book is filled with more holes than Swiss cheese. His most recent promo can be heard on the knight's television, which is only adding to the headache he recently received. After a while, he decides that he can't take listening to what his opponent says and shuts off the television. He doesn't stop there, no sir. He proceeds to place the book back into the drawer where he found it. What a monster!

He heads over to the bathroom, where he grabs some Aspirin and pops them into his mouth. From there, he grabs a cup of water to down whatever amount of pills he put into his mouth. He looks over to the Cambot, where he shrugs at the filming machine casually.

"I'm sure everyone does this at some point, not just me. Besides, eight's healthy enough to down after listening to this wannabe, right?"

Johnathan laughs as he steps out of the bathroom, sitting on his bed as he gets his remote to turn the television back on, as much as he doesn't want to. He presses the power button, and then the pause button, because he doesn't know exactly where the video was once he turned the TV off. Once the footage fully comes into view, he rewinds the footage to the point where he first talks about the knight.

"Alright, back at the bit that actually matters. Let's see how long it'll take me to find a point that makes me pause the video. Shouldn't take too long, right?

Jesus Christ Said:"Mr. Knight had spoken to me earlier in his promo and was far from accurate in what he believes. He missed the entire point of what I am doing here even though it was perfectly stated clearly in my two promos and countless documented commercials here in the XWF what I am doing."

He pauses the TV and looks at a nearby clock, revealing that not a minute has passed since he started the video again.

"Twenty seconds, huh? Not bad, but certainly not good either. I remember why you wanted to join this federation, you wanted to purge the darkness of the entire company, even though that's an impossible task that can't even be made possible by the likes of you. These people don't need help. Their lives might be shit, but they can handle their own problems. You made a mistake coming down here, if you weren't too busy inhaling paint to find that out on your own. Hell, why am I still playing up the fact that you're actually Jesus? It's clear that you're not the man who was crucified two thousand years ago. So, like TJ, I'm just going to call you by a different name.

How about Christian? No, that's too stupid...maybe Patrick? No, I don't hate you that much...Jerry. Jerry, that works. Let's see what else Jerry had to say about me. I hope to the God he worships it's something brighter."

Jerry Carl Said:"Knight, you question the validity of my claims because I side with Louis D’ville and Eli James. How would that make me a fool any more than you joining any other faction in any federation. I accept everyone to join me no matter what their past."

"That's fine, but it's clear that you side with people simply because they know about you. I already pointed out the faults with Eli James being an Apostle beforehand, but I have yet to talk about why having D'Ville is a bad idea. He might be a religious man, sure, but he only sides with people if it benefits him. It's like every other champion in any other corporation, if they see something that they can use to get ahead, they'll use it. You think I'm making this shit up? No way, just listen to what he ended up saying about Jerry the tool. It won't shed any light on him, but you know that this is going to be a marketing ploy bound to work out in their benefit."

Dr. Louis DVille Said:"You should know by now that I am a business man on many different levels, my friend. You don't find the son of God striking a deal with the likes of me the least bit interesting? I certainly do."

"Congrats, Jerry, you're a tool for other's gain. I'd continue on with the obvious, but no one's as stupid as this man. What's next?"

Jerry Carl Said:"You list some so called “gods” such as Mystica who if you have yet to notice is no longer in the business."

"Nah, they didn't leave the business. They're resting. Much like your father created everything in seven whole days. As you said yourself, Gods don't leave. So, I'm still technically right, unless you want to say that your dad decided to give up on us and go off to do whatever it is he does when he isn't watching our every move. And that's some bullshit logic you have going on there, Jerry. Mystica, Evertrust, and Crimson Face aren't Gods because, as you said, they aren't in the business. They still have done some godly things as shown by the archived footage in this federation. Mystica has caused destruction beyond any human control. Hurricane Sandy? Katrina? Irene? All him. Hell, he's probably done so much more than hurricanes, but I wish not to find out what a destructive man such as him is capable of."

"Now Trust and Face? Like Azrael, they can bend time and reality to the point where even the impossible becomes plausible. Here, look at this and tell me that's not God like at all. Don't give me that special effects bullshit, you know damn well that what you're about to see is real."

Quote:Getting a chuckle out of the butts comment, Evertrust gets an idea.

Feeling a tap on his shoulder, Frodo Smackins spins around to find Evertrust standing there with a leash.

At the end of the leash? A fully grown elephant.

" Heh heh, butts. "

Before he can react, Frodo is met with a flesh scathing chop right to his face that would have opened up most men's chests. We're unable to see the condition his face is in, or if his eye lid was ripped free, but what we do see seeping through Frodo's hands as he clutches his face is a growing bloodfall of beautiful crimson.

" You make a good Crimson Face, but let's not forget: Butts. "

Evertrust yells a command to the elephant and it turns around so it's posterior is facing Frodo. Evertrust stands behind Frodo and holds him upright by his neck as he yells a second command to the elephant, prompting it to plop its rear end right down onto the King of the Dwarves. Frodo has been crushed by the, no wait, what's this? Another command exits Evertrust's lips which causes the elephant to get back up and we see a horrifically delightful sight—Frodo's legs poking out from the elephants ass.

" Heh, butts. If you could hear me, I'd thank you for this pleasant distraction, Mr. Plug. "

Evertrust walks away as the elephant is more than likely confused as to why this has happened.

"I'm sure that clip explains itself. Now as for Azrael, yes, he's an alien, and yes, I was foolish to call him a God, but he's pretty damn close to being one. You also underestimate his abilities as a supreme alien lifeform, where there are no mentions of in any version of the Bible. Here, watch this."

Quote:Azrael is right back up though! HE’S ALIENING UP!!!!

Wallace with rights and lefts… but they have no effect! Azrael is shaking and quivering as his eyes begin to glow… and he gabs Wallace by the throat… then takes off flying up into the rafters! Wallace is dangling by the light riggings, hundreds of feet over the ring… what is Azrael doing?

OH MY GOD! HE OWEN HARTED HIM!!!!

Wallace bounced off of the ringpost, and his face explodes into a bloody mess! Azrael is flying down to the ring, and as he does so he raises his arms to his sides… suddenly, all of the chairs at ringside float over towards him, as if attracted by a magnetic pull!

Azrael is surrounded by a vortex of steel chairs, and they are beginning to rotate around him at a faster and faster pace… it’s a chair tornado!

"Once again, not special effects. As much as you want to discredit them as such, it's as real as the human race. Who's the one not willing to listen to the truth now? I thought so."

The knight turns the TV off and sets the remote down on the bed again.

"Honestly, I can't wait to see how you try and rebut my points, which are damn near flawless and can't be countered against by a racist, greedy asshole such as yourself. In fact I'll just sit here and wait for you to say something, because the more you talk, the more you admit that I win. Cambot."

BEEP BEEP.

"Turn off."

The scene cuts to black.

Threaded Mode \| Linear Mode Idolatry Gets a Fighter Nowhere
Author	Message