Threaded Mode | Linear Mode

**12-28-2014, 07:31 PM**

“We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are.”
― Anaïs Nin

I don’t get it. Not one bit. Now, the question spinning around in your heads, dear viewers, is “what is Patrick talking about?”. Am I correct in that assumption? Oh, of course I am. And to answer your question, the item currently puzzling me is this; how many times can Austin Fernando say the same exact thing before anyone notices? Considering how completely and utterly forgettable he is, I expect him to be able to spin his wheels so deep into the mud he’ll be in China before anyone puts two and two together. Why else would he grasp at any and every opportunity to put his mug on screen? Because despite his claims of superiority and how everything will fall before him, he’s nervous about how fast he’ll be replaced and oh yes, he will be replaced sooner rather than later. It’s just a side effect of being generic wrestler template number 17. There’s nothing at all separating him from anyone else preaching the same gospel to an unimpressed choir. Not in his words, or their delivery, and come Monday, we’ll see not even his supposed ability matches up to his uninspired claims. That’s just how it goes. He burns so dim right now, only to flicker and die out completely once the competition actually stares him down. Until then, he’ll keep himself busy with his outrageous claims that we should bow to him which is of course what he wants because he knows he’s incapable of beating actual competition so instead he wants to puff out his chest and hope we’d all be too stupid to see through the thin veil he wears to mask the nerves. Though, wouldn’t you? If you knew there was a countdown until the very second when every lie that came out of your mouth would be exposed, I doubt you’d be able to maintain a legitimately composed demeanor. So, you invented one. You made it up and you think you made it up real good, so you go out, waving it around like a pedophile showing his raging erection to a classroom full of kindergartners. Apologies for the mental image. Though, I will give credit where it’s due. You’re good at pretending, Austin. Too bad I can see through your little facade, and have the means to expose you. Well, too bad for you anyway. I think it’s great.

I mean, think about it. I’ve outed you as a liar through your own insistence on being practically perfect and you can’t turn the tables on me because I’ve flat out admitted that I have no qualms about making up anything about myself. Though, you haven’t. Which makes this little pot calling the kettle black thing that much more fun. Because, even if there are a few people who actually take my claims about myself with a grain of salt because they actually caught my confession, they’ll believe me because well, the old saying goes, “takes one to know one”.

Though, I’ll be generous and answer your little retort about all the things I could’ve said. You’re right, I could’ve said that I’m the sure pick to win this match and that nothing can stop me. Why would I, though? It goes further than just “pulling an Austin Fernando”. It isn’t inspired. Truly and honestly, if I came out and said the things you say I could’ve done, what would that have accomplished? Those words have been repeated so much that they’re utterly meaningless. And maybe that’s why I have such a hard time remembering specific things you’ve said this week. Everything runs together.

And besides, it was much more fun to flat out admit how untrustworthy I am, even though everyone’s going to eat up every single word of mine anyway.

It’s just the way life works. The weak claim to be strong. The strong claim to be wise. And the wise claim to be nothing. Everyone’s a liar in their own right, but what about the liars? Those who are open with their scams and deceits? The hypocrites, the silver tongued cunning linguists speaking only the tongue of persuasion?

Honey, we’re everything we want to be.

How sad it must be for you.

Me? I’m just fine.

Though, it isn’t all about you Austin! Oh, of course not. How could it be when we’re set to share this match with four others? Let’s make it about them too, shall we?

Like, for instance, our champion Hysteria.

Heh. Forgive me, I can’t seem to say that with a straight face.

It’s just, wow. I could have never expected that even he would get everything so fantastically wrong. I guess that’s what I get for putting high expectations on the guy, but please tell me he isn’t serious. Hell, someone ought to make a soundboard out of all the individual parts he got incorrect, though then again that would probably just be every bit about me. Honestly viewers, for a compulsive liar I’m not that hard of a guy to figure out. Though I guess I should get into these fallacies, huh?

I know how to be a compassionate liar? Compassionate. Liar. Liar yes, I admitted that much already, plenty of times. Compassionate? Where did you get that one from? Your word of the day calendar that just so happens not to provide the definition? Otherwise, you’d know that not only does that make no sense, there’s no way those two words can make sense together. What’s next? An empathetic serial killer?

Also, the question really isn’t whether I’m telling fact or fiction. It’s whether or not you can tell which is which. Because, the reality of the situation is irrelevant relative to the reaction. Now of course you could always just assume I’m lying with every word that comes out of my mouth but that’s an awfully narrow point of view and an easy one to exploit. Though again, since I’ve already overestimated your intelligence once, I can’t say I expect you to be above it.

Then there’s the biggest failure. His claims of what I would do. Wave my hands in the air and claim “you didn’t see anything”? Even though I’ve spent a lot of this promo basking in the fact that I’m a liar and that I’m not to be trusted even though despite that people still will? Right, I’m masking it and lying to cover up the truth about me being a liar. Might want to take that mask off Hysteria, it’s clouding your vision.

Or, we could get to OCKoopa. The guy who I poked fun at for having no personality whatsoever. What was his response to that? Oh, right. Nothing. Nothing at all. He hasn’t said anything regarding this match so what’s the use talking about him any longer? None at all, if you didn’t already know that one.

Or how about Aaron Underwood. Oh right, much of the same! Granted, he is in the same little group as our fearless, brainless, champion. Maybe the boss has got his balls in too tight of a vice for him to do anything, let alone speak. It’s okay, recruiter. You’d fail at your job even if you spoke a word. So, just go out there and fall before your savior.

And last, and probably least, we have Duncan B. Deadly. Who, I must admit viewers, I don’t understand in the slightest. Mainly when it comes to his wild, incoherent ramblings. They sound like the feral scrawlings of an H.P. Lovecraft protagonist, only coming out of a wrestler’s mouth. Specifically, a wrestler who jumps from the tough talk to the wild ramblings at the drop of a hat. Which, admittedly is a little impressive. Yes, the only remotely impressive thing about this guy is that he can jump back and forth between bullshit at an alarming rate though he does so with no transition whatsoever. And I’m not convinced on either account.

Duncan B. Deadly?

More like Duncan B. Braindead.

Someone take him off life support. Please. You’ll be doing the fucker a favor.

Threaded Mode \| Linear Mode Point/Counterpoint
Author	Message