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Monolith · **11-18-2014, 05:22 PM**

THE FOLLOWING ANNOUNCEMENT HAS BEEN PAID FOR BY RAPAPORT INDUSTRIES

Greetings and salutations to you all! Daniel Rapaport here, coming to you direct from Rapaport Industries palatial headquarters! You see, we all take tremendous pride in the work we do here. And we don't want to be thought of as just another faceless, soulless corporate entity. That's why I give you my solemn vow, my sworn oath, my iron-clad guarantee that I will continue to address my adoring public each and every week. I mean, let's face it; the XWF is crying out for it's next BIG thing. So I guess it comes as no surprise that more and more of you are clamouring for a glimpse of the mighty Monolith; the BIGGEST star in the XWF cosmos! And if there's one thing that we here at Rapaport Industries strive for then it's customer satisfaction! So, without any further ado, here he is; Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you The Monster from The Alps, The Master of the Avalanche Bomb, The jewel in the Rapaport Industries' crown: MONOLITH!

Daniel, as much as I appreciate the glowing introduction, all this hyperbole is totally unnecessary. You see, no amount of catchy slogans, no amount of cute gimmickry, no amount of corporate rhetoric can even come close to expressing just how goddamn awesome I really am! I mean, all you have to do is take one look at me. And after your tears have stopped, after you've mopped up your piss from the floor and stopped quaking in your boots you'll realise that I am THE most dominant physical specimen the XWF has ever seen. Oh, and if you don't believe or you're just simply

then all you have to do is ask Lucius Fyre. I mean, I doubt he's capable of answering you after what I did to him last week but you could still give it a try!

A sly, knowing grin spreads across his face.

You see, when a dominant force like me emerges everyone always asks the same questions. What is his weakness? How can we slow his momentum? What makes him so unstoppable? And each and every week it seems that the XWF tries to up the ante to find the answers. I've faced former Champions, current Champions, X-Treme Rules matches; but whatever roadblock they put in front of me I simply bulldoze my way right through. So, what does fate have in store for me this week, huh? Well, it seems that the XWF believes in strength in numbers. Because this Wednesday night I'm gonna be up against not one, not two but THREE other competitors.

First up we have some rookie named Darkwynd. Now, I'm curious about how he came up with his name. Dark. Wynd. I mean, it sounds like something that happens to me after eating goddamn spicy food! Darkwynd, I saw your profile on the XWF website and I was interested to discover that your were engineered in a laboratory. Well, having watched your recent performances I can only assume that you were scraped together from whatever random genetic leftovers they could find. I mean, you must be an early prototype. A failed experiment. There's no way you could be the finished article. What kind of lab would deliberately create a puny, mollusc-brained cretin like you, huh?! But don't worry, Darkwynd; because when I'm through reducing you to a mangled, quivering mass of flesh and bone you can ask the boys at the lab to re-assemble you in any way you choose!

Next we have some scrawny fantasist called Aerial Knight. Now, despite having a name like the Little Mermaid's Medieval cousin this guy actually has a pretty good reputation. But I'm afraid that all counts for nothing when the bell has sounded and you're staring into the eyes of the beast. Knight, the fact is you're the biggest hypocrite in the entire XWF. You talk of honour but you have none. You talk of courage but act with cowardice. Sure, you're a renowned high-flyer but have you ever seen what happens to a bug when it flies into the windshield of a speeding juggernaut? Because that's the fate that awaits you when you cross my path. I'll pluck your feeble frame right out of the air and snap you in two like the pathetic weakling you really are. You know, you kind of remind me of Super Mario. Not because you're heroic. But because you're small and like to jump up and down. Now, I know that you believe you're some kind of modern day Knight. And I know that in old folk tales the Knight always slays the Giant Monster. But this ain't fiction. This is about as real as it gets. Prepare for oblivion.

And lastly we have Genesis; the mysterious silent party. Genesis, your absence from the XWF this week means one of two things. Either you're trying to maintain the element of surprise or you've already realised you're vastly inferior to me in every way and decided to stay away. I sure hope it's the latter, Genesis. Why not stay home and leave the destruction to me, huh?

Boys, some people like to say that three is a magic number. Well, you all better hope for some magical intervention this Wednesday because you'll need all the help you can get to beat me. An Avalanche is coming...

THE PRECEDING ANNOUNCEMENT WAS PAID FOR BY RAPAPORT INDUSTRIES

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