Standing...

Waiting...

I have held my peace...

No more.


Location: Mastermind's House.
Time: 11: 33 PM
Status: Frustrated.

A flying camera spybot comes in through the old-fashioned lock in the door. The tiny bot buzzes as it circles around the house. It enters the room of Mastermind to see it empty as Mastermind is in transit to Madness. The spybot flies around and eventually moves into the office where Mastermind usually conducts his promos. Several cameras are set up with several lights focused in the direction of the desk and chair. The spybot is about to buzz out of the room when the sound of scraping catches the bot's attention. It circles around and notices absolutely nothing. It all seems the same. The spybot turns around, but is impeded by the sound of rolling. The spybot zooms back around in time to see the chair slowly roll back and hit the back wall. The spybot flies over the desk and begins inspecting it. The deafening voice reverberates through the room.

What do you want?

The spybot whips around and surveys the room uncertain of the source of the boisterous sound. It surveys the room to see nothing.

What do you want? I'm down here you twit!

The spybot turns its camera down towards the chair which seems to be the source of the noise.

There you go you twit! I summoned you and you finally showed up! Yes I know I'm a talking chair. No it's not weird. Yes I'm New Zealand assembled and raised. Now I'm sure you're wondering why I've called you here. Well, you see, I wasn't always a chair. I actually am cursed into the form of this chair. You see, I was once a very powerful man here in New Zealand. That is... until my 22nd birthday.

The Most Flashiest Of Flashbacks

Location: Auckland, New Zealand
Time: 11: 50 PM
Status: Intoxicated

A handsome young man is standing up leaning on the frame staring out of the window as many fireworks are going off in preparations of the New Year.

The young man carries a small glass in his hand with ice and a brown liquid in it. He pulls up his phone and pulls a message up and peruses the contents. Although he's looked at it several times before, he scans it thoroughly looking for any indication that what he had read had been a mistake.

He throws his phone at the couch as he downs his drink. The man staggers and stumbles over to the small bar that he has in his home. He grabs a bottle and pours the contents into his glass until it is near full. Replacing the top to the bottle, the young man sips on his beverage until it's half-empty. He staggers over to the couch and plops down. He leans his head back and stares at the ceiling above him.

Fuck.

He brings his head down and looks at his phone. He sneers at his phone as he finds Sophie's name and clicks Call. The line rings for a few seconds before finally a lovely voice answers and says, 'Hello?'

Hi, bitch. No, no, NO! You listen to me! How dare you! How fucking dare you! Do you know who I am? I am [PROTECTED]! I am the most successful and richest 22 year old to ever live in this godforsaken city. You think you can just ditch me, you fucking whore? FUCK YOU. I don't need this shit. We're fucking done. Enjoy your damn New Year party.

He clicks the red button on his phone to silence the phone call and set the phone to his side. Unfortunately he did not intend to spend this night alone. He unbuttons his shirt and finds a phone number on his phone. He dials it and waits for a response.

Yes, I'd like to hire a lady. Yes I understand it's a really busy night, but you want money, right? Right. What's your normal rate for a night? Uhhm... tell you what. If you'll get a lady here in half an hour, I'll give her triple the normal rate. You can keep the remaining money. I realize how much money that is. Just her over. And your best looking woman. Yes. Thank you.

He hangs up the phone and hears multiple fireworks going off outside of his apartment. He gazes down at his Rolex and sees the time is 12:00 AM. He sighs as he looks up at the ceiling.

Happy fucking New Year.

The young man goes to stand up, wobbles, and catches himself using the couch. He begins staggering over to the bar again when he is interrupted by...



KNOCK. KNOCK. KNOCK.



The young man stops and looks down at his watch. 12:02 AM. Who could that be? He staggers over to the door and looks through the peephole. He doesn't recognize the woman on the other side. He undoes the latch and opens the door. His jaw hits the floor when he sees the woman on the other side.

The beautiful maiden smiles at him and gives him a wink. The young man smiles and opens the door wider, stepping out of the way.

Wow, you um... got here fast. I wasn't expecting you so quick.

Well you are offering triple the money aren't you, honey?

The lady winks and props herself up on the back of the couch with her elbows. The man smiles and bites his lip as he approaches her. He runs his hand through her hair. He begins kissing her cheek as he begins to slip his hand down her pants. She pulls his hand back and pushes him away. The man, feeling it is a game, grabs her by the hand and begins pulling her towards the bedroom. She pulls her hand out.

Excuse me? Don't you even want to know my name? Do you just jump right into the sack whenever meeting a girl?

The young man looks at her strangely while he hiccups.

What the fuck do you mean, whore? I bought you for a night. I didn't buy you to have a fucking conversation. I bought you for a good lay. Now are we going to do this thing or what, bitch?

The lady seems seething with anger after the man's words.

Whore? Bitch? Do you know who you're talking to? How DARE you speak to me like that?

Venom seems to ooze from the mouth of the young man as he responds.

You're a God Damn whore. I called up to the agency down the road and requested you come here to pleasure me after my cunt of a girlfriend decided to ditch me to go hang out with her friends. Now if we-


KNOCK. KNOCK. KNOCK.


The young man stops mid-yelling and turns to look at the door. He looks at the beautiful lady before himself and back towards the door. She crosses her arms and taps her foot.

Are you going to get that or should I?

He snickers as he staggers to the door. He looks through the peephole and is able to tell that the woman is obviously a prostitute. He turns around and looks at the woman in his apartment. He stumbles forward pointing at her.

Who... the fuck are you, bitch? You are not from the agency are you?

The smile of the woman crooks up in a devilish way. Her beautiful teeth transform into razor-sharp jagged chompers. Her hair begins transforming into a more wiry form. Her feet leave the floor as she begins hovering into the air. Her voice shatters the air around him like a hammer would shatter a glass window.

You have displayed a most DISGUSTING and DISGRACEFUL attitude towards women at all turns. Your crimes against our sex is heinous and shall not be glossed over. YOU shall be punished. Punished for your actions. You have three years to figure out how to... respectfully treat a lady. You shall know what it's like to be used. You shall know what it's like to squashed beneath selfish asshole's weight. For three years, you shall be a chair! If on the 1st day of 2015 you have not discovered how to respect a lady, you shall be forever transformed into a chair with no mobility or speech functions. Ajeus phises ructucpin rilledpul lectrop!

The magical words lifts the young man from the floor and begin to transform him in white blinding lights. The form is dropped to the floor as the lights fade to reveal a black rolling chair.

The woman falls back to the floor and is transformed back into her normal self. She begins walking towards the front door.

Hey! What the fuck did you do to me!?! You witch!

She turns to him with a seductive twirl. She winks and blows a bit of magic dust in his direction.

Remember honey, you're a chair. Do you know what most people will do to a chair that can move and talk?

She drags a finger across her throat as she laughs. She walks out the door and smiles at the prostitute in the hallway who's looking at her phone.

He's all yours.

The prostitute walks into the room and knocks on the front door.

Hello? Is anyone here?

Not heeding the words of the witch, the young ma-chair speaks out as he rolls towards her.

I'm right here, bitch! Can't you see me?

The woman screams and runs out of the apartment slamming the door behind her.

Fireworks pop in the sky outside of the apartment as Chair scoots around the room unsure of what the future holds.

End the Flashiest of Flash Backs.

The spybot hovers in the air and keeps its camera locked on to Chair.

Now you know my story. I used to be a large success in this region. Now? I sit under the ass of a fool that calls himself Mastermind. How did he even come up with that stupid moniker? Has he seriously outwitted someone in the XWF? Oh dear Furniture Gods, I hope not. He seriously game plans his promos for a few hours before he actually cuts them. Hours. Hours of him just sputtering up words of nonsense and laughing at just how 'Dam Good' he is. Seriously. And my Furniture God! He is so damn gassy when he does promos! I don't know if the camera catches it or if he just edits it out, but ugh! Every time he twirls, gets really excited, or gets up. I'm sure I lose brain cells every time he does it. Disgusting! But hey! I'm here now. I'm in the XWF for a reason. I'm here to kick Mastermind's ass for being such a disgusting individual, and I'm also here to claim a title! That's right Mastermind. I'm here to jack your title! You're looking at the first ever 'inanimate' object champion! I will take what you hold most dear, Mastermind. I will take your belt. I will end your winning streak. I will own you Mastermind. Don't think I've forgotten about you Joey Hawkins! Your bitch ass will get its share of beating too. You're confused how you're going to be beaten by a chair? Just wait until Warfare and I'll show you. Just because I've been turned into a Chair doesn't mean I've forgotten how to deal with punk ass bitches like you. How will you feel when a FUCKING CHAIR pins your ass to the mat? You're going to be embarrassed. Who knows? Maybe you'll cry and go home to Mommy. Go suck on her titty and let her rub your tear-stricken face. You say a chair beating two humans doesn't add up? Well you never were very good at math now were you? You probably dropped out of school at the age of 10 because multiplication was giving you problems. It's fine, really. Someone has to flip burgers at the local restaurant. I'm going to demolish both of you pretenders. Why?












Because I am THAT DAM-N GOOD!