"Ghost fucking Tank? Are you fucking ? For real? Because I just started out being mean, but now I'm thinking I was pretty spot on. You're a fucking asstard. You might be on the level of Gilly, or Lane. Almost as bad as Cain if he really expected us to believe he's the actual Cain from the Bible. Fuck, that guy was more than a few boards short of a house. You know what's funny, though? He was still smarter than you and Lane combined. I know you're the brighter of the two on the opposite side of that equal sign. In case you're confused by my assessment, which is likely, it happens to people with a few dropped chromosomes, I'm saying you're smarter than Lane, but not by much. On the scale of Lane to Azrael, you're somewhere around Dim. Not above Dim, just barely below him. Where as Lane is about three miles past Dim, and he took two left turns, stopped for lunch at some run down diner on the side of I-97, and somehow got Lupus from a toilet seat. Because that makes fucking sense. And you're not much better than that. Imagine your intelligence level if he's that fucking bad, and you're not much above him.
You know the kid in the special ed classroom who is so much more advanced than the other kids that he gets used to the "normal" scissors? And he gets triangle paper instead of the circular shit? Because he's able to handle 3 points. Yeah, you're striving to be that kid. You're not him yet, but you're wishing you were. You can almost taste how much you wanna be him. Matter of fact, you're the kid in the room that the other pick on for being too . You're the fucking kid who thinks it's funny when the dog pisses on your face and your mom has to wipe your face clean, despite you being in your 30's. Fuck, you make me sick. And you think it has anything to do with Simon, that's just so much worse. No, you fucking mongoloid's wet dream, it has to do with the fact that you think you're going to beat me and move on. Fuck, the fact that you think you're even good enough to speak to me.
Wanna know why I'm so cocky, and know I'm going to win the tournament? Because no opponent has shown up who even has the potential to lick my fucking dirty feet. Not one. Not one of you fuckballs is good enough to look me in the goddamned eye. In fact, if I had shat only to realize I was out of toilet paper, left with only the choices of using you, D'ville, or Gator to lick my shitty asshole clean. I would rather walk around shit stuck to my cheeks and a turd dangling from my pant leg. Otherwise I'd have to get your fucking failure germs on me. GODDAMN. The only one in the tournament that I respect less than you is Mastermind. Which reminds me.
Does that ball of dried wank actually think he's going to move from round to round and win? Seriously? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA OFUCK! That dude forgets, he has literally been beaten by everyone in my family, except my wife, and that's coming. And yet, he thinks he can take me on and win this time? No, apparently this is not a joke people. He is deathly serious about being able to win this thing. Seriously. I know, I know. Please, XWFans do not watch anymore of his promos. We don't need you to die from laughing before you watch me get crowned. I do not want to have my coronation in an empty arena because Cockbag killed you all with his fucking stupidity. We need fans alive so you can buy our shitty overpriced shirts and crap. Just ignore him. He's not worth going for.
Ok, real quick you cockstains. There is only room in the fed for one goddamn king. That's me. Praise the Dwarf King! This is the mother fucking Throne I own! After I take the crown, do you know what the fuck I am going to do with it? Can you fucking guess? Will I pull a Theo and pawn it for $50? Fuck that. I'm going to wear that shit everywhere and make you kiss it. You wanna have a match with me? Kiss the crown, and pray I don't ask for more. If you meet the requirements to have a match with me after I win, I will literally just walk into the ring, point to the mat and you will lay down. Because you are all my bitch. Start lapping at my giant fucking dick.
Ok, but for reals, since we all know I'm going to list people who will never get a shot at my fucking crown. As long as I hold onto the crown, I promise I will never give the following people crown shots.
1. Vinnie Lane. He's such a whiny crybaby that he doesn't deserve the crown. He's such a cockstain he refuses to fight me again, because he's fucking scared. And a .
2. Diaz. Until she goes back to being pretty. She used to a lot sexier, but now she isn't.
3. Mandii. I don't wanna hurt her too much. Although, I would face her in a naked jello match.
4. Harrison. He lost to Swagmire. Laugh at him.
5. Mastermind. See Harrison.
6. Michael McBride. Beating him gets too boring sometimes.
7. Unknown Soldier. I don't face Zombies.
8. Gator. I'll be tired of beating his ass at that point.
9. Swagmire. Fuck that guy.
10. Ghost Tank. He's a fat fuck.
Ok, so now that I've explained what I'm going to do in ring after winning the crown, I'm gonna tell you what I'm doing to preserve the crown, I'm gonna lock it in a safe in my room. The same safe I keep Theo's wrestling gear in. Because I still have your outfit, Theo! I don't care if you came back and turned out to be that jizzmaster Enigma, I still have your outfit. And I still sometimes sleep in it. Now I'm gonna parade around my house in my Theo Pryce tights with my Theo Pryce crown. WHY WILL YOU NOT CALL ME BACK, THEO?!"
Katie is up and panicking. She can't find her panties or her shirt anywhere. Tony is still in bed freaking out over the whole, she slept with her brother thing. She's picking stuff up and throwing it around. Tony wants to stop it, but he really isn't sure how, or if he should touch her after this new discovery. Could he possibly catch the incest from her? How could a girl that good looking be into incest?
"Are you going to answer me, or are you going to lay there like a dick in a 's pants while he visits a whorehouse? Because I've seen that happen. You look just like that dude's dick."
"So, now you fuck your brother, and spend time in a whore house? What the hell, Katie?"
She stops and turns around to face him, holding a pair of his dirty underwear.
"First of all, I only slept with my brother like 3 times, and we didn't know we were related the first time. Second and third we were just super horny and it was like the day after we found out we're related. For it being his first three times he really was good. Apparently you're better. And second of all, I run a strip club up in Royal Oak. The girls there also fuck for money. I do not fuck for money, and I do not strip anymore. As a matter of fact, since my boyfriend went missing, you're the only person to see me naked."
He sat upright, and looked a little surprised.
"Boyfriend, eh? This shit gets more and more fucked up."
"Yeah, this guy my dad works with paid my dad a bunch of money for the right to take me on a date. Daddy would have said yes without the money. We had one sort of date, and then we had some pretty good sex. Then he vanished after my dad's best friend turned out to be in love with me and attacked the dude."
He took the covers off himself, exposing his erection to Katie.
"Really? Well, that guy had to have been fucked in the head to abandon you. I mean, if he didn't know about the incest thing."
She threw his underwear at him.
"What do you mean? There's nothing wrong with me."
He gets up and walks over to her, grabbing her slightly on the shoulders.
"No, girl. There's nothing wrong with you. Except, you don't pay attention. You're wearing your panties. And the incest thing is a little off putting."
She looks down, then back up and blushes.
"So I am. You gonna kiss me now, or not?"
He goes in to kiss her, but a violent sneeze comes out causing him to throw his head down quickly and he ends up headbutting her unconscious.
"Oh fuck! I gotta get her on the bed!"
He lifts her up to carry her to the bed, and accidentally smacks her head into the ceiling fan. She starts to bleed and isn't moving. He drops her half on the bed in panic. She falls the rest of the way off the bed and smacks her head on the floor, causing more head trauma. The bleeding is getting worse, and he starts panicking more. He kneels down to check her pulse, but he has no idea what he's doing and finds no pulse.
This causes him to freak out more. So, he does the only thing a logical human would do. He wraps her in bed sheets, ties her legs and feet up in the sheets so she can't get out, and leaves her in the bathtub. Then he goes to shower, in the common shower of course, change, and head to work. He'll deal with that shit later. Dead girls will not fuck up his day.
As soon as he leaves Katie wakes up, freaking out because she's somehow half naked, in a bathtub, bleeding, and tied up.
"Oh, if I get out of this, someone is getting raped. I will make sure of that."
? For real? Because I just started out being mean, but now I'm thinking I was pretty spot on. You're a fucking asstard. You might be on the level of Gilly, or Lane. Almost as bad as Cain if he really expected us to believe he's the actual Cain from the Bible. Fuck, that guy was more than a few boards short of a house. You know what's funny, though? He was still smarter than you and Lane combined. I know you're the brighter of the two on the opposite side of that equal sign. In case you're confused by my assessment, which is likely, it happens to people with a few dropped chromosomes, I'm saying you're smarter than Lane, but not by much. On the scale of Lane to Azrael, you're somewhere around Dim. Not above Dim, just barely below him. Where as Lane is about three miles past Dim, and he took two left turns, stopped for lunch at some run down diner on the side of I-97, and somehow got Lupus from a toilet seat. Because that makes fucking sense. And you're not much better than that. Imagine your intelligence level if he's that fucking bad, and you're not much above him.![[Image: ZXX7HJw.png?1]](http://i.imgur.com/ZXX7HJw.png?1)
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