“Ladies and gentlemen, my guest at this time, is.... the World Wrestling Federation Champion... Big Daddy Cool... DIESEL!!!!!!!!”



I'm Jim Ross and I'll be doing the narration, at least for now, for your presumed WWF Champion, Big Daddy Coo. The introduction you heard? That's the XWF's own Steve Sayors.







And the fans go mild at this XWF live event. Diesel, the same man that ran amok over the World Wrestling Federation in 1995 makes his first appearance in the XWF. He enters the ring and shakes hands with Steve Sayors.



”Thanks Todd!”



I'm really not sure what happened. I think its safe to say that Diesels mind is mush. He thinks Steve Sayors is Todd Pettingill.



”Um, my name's Steve.”

”I gotta tell ya, Todd! When World Wrestling Federation President Jack Tunney invited me to the gauntlet on the Action Zone this week...”



He means XWF owner Shane Anonistrator. And Warfare. Also, he wasn't invited. Diesel's brain is about as useless as tits on a bull!



”I thought to myself, 'Diesel, now there's a prime example of why Jack Tunney is the President of the WWF. To invite Diesel to partake in such an exclusive event is a foresight that not even Vince McMahon has!”



What?



”I'm really confused here, Diesel.”



We all are Steve. We all are.



”What's to be confused about, Pettingill? I'm Diesel! I'm Big Daddy Cool! And the World Wrestling Federation is and always will be, running on Diesel Power!”

”Yeeeaaahhh. Anyway, what are your thoughts on the deep array of talent here within the Xtreme Wrestling Federation?”

”I think you've been hitting the sauce! You botched the word 'World.'”



I've never felt this bad for an interviewer in my life. Y'all remember Michael Cole? Kevin Kelly? Remember how bad the Rock tortured them? I'm sure by now, ole Steve Sayors wishes he was them.



”I'm lost, Diesel.”

”It's real simple, Todd!”



Deep sigh.



”It doesn't matter who I face in the gauntlet! Razor! Sid! Bret! Shawn! Tatanka! Bam Bam or any of DiBiase's other loser cronies. It won't matter! At the end of the day, I'll still be the World Wrestling Federation Champion!

“I'll still be the winner!

“And the WWF will still run on Diesel Power!”



It's times like these, I have to ask myself just why in hell I'd sign up for this. I have a successful podcast. I've saved my money. I could just as easily stay at home and enjoy some good ole Oklahoma Bar-B-Q, get fatter, and die. Instead, I'm stuck here...

In what seems like a box with no entrance or exit.

With Diesel and his mush brain.



”Well... Diesel...”

”Let me tell you something about the British Bulldog!”



God rest his soul.



”Hey Bulldog! Anytime you're feelin' froggy, just say the word! Big D will be happy to put a boot in your face and put you down with the Jackknife!”

”Um... Would the WWF title be on the line?”

”It's always on the line, Todd! You know that!”



What if... that's all I can say, folks.



”Because just like at Wrestlemania! That chick from Baywatch, the other chick thats famous for reasons no one is aware of, that guy from that one movie, and the kid from the tv show that has Al Borland, they fuel me. They fuel me like a Mack truck! And all these fans, all these World Wrestling Federation fans, they are Diesel Power!



Bahhhh Gawd! Tune into Warfare folks, its gonna be a damn train wreck!



”Will the WWF title be on the line in the gauntlet?”

”Well, I wanted it to be on the line, Todd, but Jack Tunney refuses to allow it. I disagree with his decision, but I have to respect it.”



This is a fiasco. An abomination, if I ever saw one.



”Diesel, what if you come across your former friend Shawn Michaels in that gauntlet?”



I think Steve Sayors is just rolling with it now.



”Guys in the truck, I think you have Jim Ross' mic turned up too much. I can hear his commentary.

“Anyway, Todd...

“By the way, who's Steve Sayors?

“Is he in the gauntlet?”

”No, he's not.

“He's just a guy.

"Works backstage.”



Sayors is starting to become quite supine to the situation. Really, what choice does he have?



”Back to your question. Shawn knows my number. I saved him from Sycho Sids heinous attack. I wanna take this opportunity, Todd, and challenge Sycho Sid to a match at In Your House! Sid, I'll even put my World Wrestling Federation Championship on the line.

“All you got to do, is show up!”



The Diesel Blues strikes up as our “hero” starts to make his exit. I think after Warfare, it might just be the Diesel Black and Blues!