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X-treme Wrestling Federation »   » Archives » Relentless Day 2 (August 23rd) PPV RP Archive
Say my name say my name
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Big Cock



XWF FanBase:
Some of everyone

(cheered; very rarely plays dirty but isn't lame either; many likable qualities)


#1
08-23-2014, 07:17 AM

The entire lead up to this match has been like an exercise in disrespect. Through all of the promos leading into the PPV, I’ve seen absolutely zero effort from my opponents to address myself or The Za. Sure, Liz Hathaway cut a promo against us… if you consider that a “promo”. From my perspective, as one of the best trash talkers this industry has ever seen, I really think you need to insert something interesting in order to call it a promo. Mindless exposition and lazy insults a fucking third grader could come up with doesn’t make a compelling promo. What it makes, is something that makes me change the goddamn channel. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised because Liz dresses like a dumb ass tramp so I guess that’s one book that should be judged by its cover.

Azrael Erebus is supposed to be some fucking hotshot here but all I heard from him was parroting exactly what Liz said. Here is a guy who is the supposed leader of the team who’s supposed to win this whole match, if you listen to the boys in the back, and he just repeats the words of someone he also called . This is just more confirmation of my theory that the current XWF is just a bunch of poseurs going around smelling their own farts. What better confirmation than the FACT that on Madness, Eli James (who will soon be our Universal Champion) needed Paul Heyman to save him from losing to me. I’d usually say that’s indicative that Eli James is blowing Paul Heyman backstage but Heyman’s so fat that I highly doubt he can even sport a stiffy. Dude does not have the blood circulation to pop a boner.

At least Azreal and Liz said our names in the course of cutting promos. Kendall and Kristy seemed to forget that this was a 3-way tag. Why people in today’s XWF think it’s okay to completely ignore opponents for long periods of time, I have no idea. Maybe it is arrogance, it’s definitely a lot of ignorance, and it’s absolutely fear. By even acknowledging myself, you recognize that I exist. If you recognize that I exist, you recognize that I’m about to kick all of your asses because just fucking look at me. I might as well be sculpted out of marble. I’m the Zeus of getting dat poose, I’m the Thor of boning whore, I’m da Loki of Pokey-pokey.

What kind of name is Azrael Erebus anyway? I’m sure he’d respond that he’s heard that a million times, as if that isn’t confirmation that his moniker is atrocious. I’m absolutely positive that if you search his name, you’ll pull up a bunch of separate involuntary celibate nerds who use that name when they play World of Warcraft or some other equally autistic video games. This is also a dude who spends entirely too much money on special effects in his promos. I think he’s trying to say he’s an alien of some sort right now but it kind of just seems like he’s cosplaying as Doctor Who. What I do know is that while aliens probably exist somewhere, they do not exist on planet Earth. So what we have is a fucking dweeb with a terrible name, pretending to be something that he’s not, and still thinks he’s cool even though he steals ideas from Liz Hathaway. Liz Hathaway, who is a fucking mong and total mouth breather every second she isn’t trying and failing to deepthroat cock.

As contrived as Azrael is, he has mountains of depth over the poorly drawn-up male fantasy that Kristy Jackson is. Usually I’d look at a pair of tits like she has and want to motorboat them sons a bitches but then I hear her talk and my penis retracts halfway into my body (leaving it “only” twice the size of a normal penis). In fact, I’m ninety percent sure that Kristy Jackson is a tranny. It’s not the hoarse sound of her voice, nor her giant hands, but the fact of how fucking phony her entire personality is. Listen, in this sport, there’s a massive epidemic of women being written by men (as in these bitches have writers because they’re too stupid to think for themselves), and maybe that’s the case with Kristy. She basically seems like a character in a porno, a manifestation of some poorly thought out representation of male desire. Basically, some men are too beta to consider women intelligent because it threatens them... so they envision women as nothing more than prostitutes when they write them in their novels or when they write women wrestlers promos for them. If Kristy isn’t a man taping her cock into her asscrack, then there’s some shitty writing team behind her that has the imagination of Terry Shiavo.

It makes sense she’s teaming with Liz and I’m sure that Liz is carrying that dead weight around as a way to make her look less pathetic. Every female has a fat friend to make them seem thinner and, in this case, Liz has found a dense slut to take the heat off the fact that Liz is also a dense slut. Liz is at least intelligent enough to form coherent thought, unlike Kristy, but she is nowhere intelligent enough to actually say something interesting. I can’t stand wrestlers who just stand in the ring and describe shit and think they’re cutting a promo. If there isn’t punchlines, I might as well punch lines (with my nose). This ho might as well just rename herself Lunesta not only because Lunesta sounds like a dumb slut caked up with mascara like Liz but also because Liz puts a motherfucker straight to sleep.

Of course, her being boring isn’t the reason why she’s ineffective as a wrestler because some boring motherfuckers hit hard. The reason she’s ineffective as a wrestler is because I have more muscle in one bicep than she has in her entire body. She honestly looks like she’s addicted to ketamine with how malnourished she is. If she wants me to get her pregnant, I might have to decline because I doubt she has the strength to carry a baby to full term. So maybe I’ll just send her to The Za because a woman who can’t get pregnant is his dream.

Kendall Sawyer is the only female in this match I can say that I respect and I think the feeling is mutual. It’s no coincidence that she hasn’t mentioned BlizZa in her promos, that bitch is just playing hard to get. Being around that effeminate beta Azrael has made the mere thought of boning an alpha male like Aidan Collins so intimidating that she can’t afford to say my name in a promo. Even saying the syllables A-DAN together will make her hose her panties spontaneously. In the end, the desires of her ovum will likely over take her and I have a strong suspension that she will literally try to rape me in the ring at Relentless. So remember, every time Kendall throws a punch at me, she’s trying to knock me out to take advantage of me. If she tries to pin me, she’s just doing it to get on top with the hopes that my dick gets hard, bursts out of my trunks, and enters her slippery love cave. That’s what I call romance but it’s also sexual assault that needs to be condemned. #JusticeForAidan

In the end, all these motherfuckers are about to face the firm reality that BlizZa ain’t nothing to fuck with.

Truth Until Death

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