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X-treme Wrestling Federation »   » Archives » Relentless Day 2 (August 23rd) PPV RP Archive
The Bitten Tool Saga (6) Pizza Party 101: Healthy Pizza.
Author Message
Guppy Parsh Offline
Person Against The Rape Of Lizards



XWF FanBase:
Kids, disabled people, casual fans

(fighting the odds; helps others; disliked by most adult male fans)


#1
08-23-2014, 04:41 AM

“So, Guppy, what kind of pizza is this? It better not be a shit kind.”

“It’s supreme with pineapple.”

Stevil powerfully poked the slice of pizza with his fork of corruption, “So it is,” Stevil smiled sadistically, “Where are the party hats, Guppy?”

Guppy was puzzled by the question but he answered it anyway, “I didn’t get any party hats.”

“Oh, you don’t care for them either,” Stevil smiled again, this time it was wickedly, “And do you have any other festivities planned for this spur of the moment pizza party or are we just going to sit around and talk about your feelings again?”

“I was going to show you the Family Matters episodes with Stevil in them because your parents must’ve liked them a lot to name you after them.”

Stevil tenaciously tensed up, “God damn it. How are you so fucking good at throwing pizza parties and a complete inept fucking at everything else? Supreme with pineapple, no party hats, and your guest’s parents’s favorite television show; it almost like you read my Perfect Pizza Party Essentials Check-List and planned your entire party around it.”

“I did read you Perfect Pizza Party Essentials Check-List and I did plan the entire party around it. When the week started I wanted to celebrate our awesome promos with a pizza party you gave a perfect out of ten.”

Guppy bit one of the prongs on his fork.

“That’s cheating!” Stevil sickeningly wiped a tear from his eye, “That’s like studying before a test!”

“You said anyone who wants to throw a pizza party that is worth going to should use your check-list.”

Stevil took another evil bite from the pizza.

“I can’t believe it. You really pulled it off.”

“Stevil, you have to understand that you’re the most important singular person in my life. You live here in Gotham. It’s important that credit is given where it’s due. One promo where you hire a bunch of actors to do something silly and sink the entire budget isn’t going to change any of that, Stevil. We’re still a team and sometimes we will disagree, but we can’t let that destroy what we’ve done here. We ma-,”

“We made contributions to the art world that will change the way people do promos for years. I know. You were the star and I tugged the strings of control. I was being a bit overzealous before because I thought you didn't get me. I'll make it up to you.

I won’t be wanking alone anymore Guppy. You were right. We should release that promo. People need to see The Metaphor of The Human Toilet, I didn’t understand what that promo meant until now. At the time I had you shit in my mouth because it was a fetish of mine, but I was wrong. It was a dream coming to life. Walt Disney is in heaven right now, Guppy. Do you think I’d go to the same place if I deprived the world of such an amazing story?”


“Um, we-”

“No I'd go to hell, and so would Walt if he kept Snow White to himself,” Stevil relentlessly bit the slice of supreme with pineapple, “Do you still have that shiny napkin?”

“Yes,” Guppy handed Stevil the RTX Championship and Stevil used it to smear the tomato sauce on his mask and mix it with the other tomato sauce on his mask. Stevil demonically handed the belt back to Guppy.

“Thanks.”

Guppy bit one of the prongs on his fork.

“Have you watched any of Joy’s promos yet?”

“I couldn't subject myself to that. Her promo director is an amateur, Guppy. It’s kind of pathetic to sit through cliché scene after scene so I only watched bits and pieces.

What kind of promo director would green light a clip from Holy Musical B@man? Not to mention the fact that dream sequences died the day I shot the first promo with sound. Dreams are meant to be seen not heard. When she should have come off honest she seemed incredibly deceptive. The whole thing reeked of the promo director trying to fit every relationship cliché there was into five promos. Of course Hunter took her to the hospital, of course she showed up on Hunter's date, of course Hunter couldn’t stoop to cheating, it wouldn’t really be a series of boring and dated relationship promos if he didn’t.

I guess we have to think about what people want to see in a promo. Do they want a mediocre romantic comedy with needless gay bashing, or do they want the promo director that has directed countless Frodo Smackins and RaYne promos and single handedly made being gay acceptable to raise the bar that has been significantly lowered since their absences? There are two things I know, Guppy. That’s pizza, which, despite popular belier, is extremely healthy with a balanced diet and promos. I know for a fact that I would take me over a shitty rom-com with a forced hand job scene that we all knew was going to happen when the promo started - 3/10”


“I’ll give them a miss then.”

“Anyway I feel like I should let you in on something, Guppy.”

“What? Is it a promo?”

“Sort of, it’s a-,”

“Is it a movie? Is it another thing for you to watch later? Do we need more money to hire actors?”

“That wasn’t an invitation to make guesses, Guppy, but I digress, it’s a little video my friend is making over there,” Stevil perilously points at the camera that is filming this promo. “Wave at the camera, Guppy!”

Guppy waves at the cameraperson. We can’t see it on camera, but he or she might’ve waved back. “Who’s that?”

“It’s the person I hired to make a behind the scenes video of this.”

Guppy felt like he missed something.

“Sometimes I have reality TV-like outbursts over pretty much nothing and I thought it might be nice to have someone there to record it in case it would make a compelling promo.”

“Is this a promo right now?”

“Yes, this is a promo. I call it the Bitten Tool Saga. It has the same initials as behind the scenes.”

Then something clicked in Guppy’s brain.

(08-15-2014, 11:14 PM)Stevil Said: “I have a better idea. How about you’re trying to write a letter to a loved one in pencil and you bite the tip of your eraser?

“When did you think of this behind the scenes promo?”

“I had the cameraman or camerawoman start filming you when I saw you at the pizza parlor and I wanted to collect on the pizza party you owed me.”

“Why did you say that about me biting a pencil? I’ve been biting stuff all week and now I’m confused. I just bit my fork a moment ago!”

“A good director tells his actors to do things and doesn’t explain why. A good director merely plants the seeds for his vision and it’s up to the actor to make it grow. I’d know because I’m a great director, unlike Joy's. That’s what made me so mad when you were trying to ask Dominic why he wanted you to lay down; I didn't what to make a watered down promo that felt the need to explain the cliches to the audience.”

“It’s just kind of scary that you got me to start biting things. I’m a superhero, people shouldn’t be able to get in my head and control me so easily.”

“It made the scenes better. No one has ever bit a pencil or a fork for any other reason than the fact that they were deep in thought. I just made you think Guppy; that’s what promo directors are meant to do. Luckily there’s no one out there who is as good at directing promos as I am."

"I just didn't realize I was being watched all week. I don't mind though. What's all this for?"

"Since you threw this great pizza party for me I’ve decided to stick around. We’ll release the six part behind the scenes series as promos for the big pay-per-view fight and then The Metaphor of The Human Toilet will be a theatrical release in the Summer of next year.”

“If you’re alive that long,” the voice cackled with the waves of the beautiful ocean waters. The sun was set on this beached whale of death.

"I'm going to be in two movies?"

"You're the hero in both of them, kick Superman's ass for me."

"Okay! :-)"

“Oh, and thanks for your services in the Gotham riots, Guppy. Don’t believe the papers and Miss Joy. The people of Gotham need a hero after the passing of The Third Wheel’s Ben Affleck. Thank you for being that hero,” Stevil nastily turned toward the camera again, “And thank you for watching The Bitten Tool Saga! I’ll see you next year!”

Guppy waved goodbye while Stevil destructively waved.

I'm always happy with a surprise. A close friend and underling showed me the most respect anyone has ever received. I was adorned with the Perfect Pizza Party Essentials. I wasn't sure if the cameraperson identified as male or female, but I didn't need to. I still felt linked to everyone within the city limits. I even got to use Gotham to wipe my face! The Stevil episodes of Family Matters were a hoot and a half. I didn't have to struggle to fit a party hat over my mask, which was very considerate of the host. The pizza was supreme with pineapple which can't be desecrated, however after tasting the host's shit I could only call it the 2nd best meal of the week - PERFECT/10


Guppy fin.

[Image: H1oMImx.jpg]

16-4
XWF Top 50 of All-Time (#22 on 2015 and 2017 editions, #26 on 2021 edition)
1x RTX/Ruler of the Road to Extreme Xtreme WORLD Champion
2x Trio Tag Champion (1x as Tri Bute /w Ms. Diaz, Ms. Snow Pharaoh, and Mr. Supernova) (1x /w Benito Angelo and Jervis Cottonbelly)
1x Ark of The Covenant Champion
Winner of Gaybe Lincoln's XWF Tag Team Tournament /w Scully
Leader of the PAT-RO-oL's Anti-Rapist Division




Shoutout to Graves for the banner

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