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X-treme Wrestling Federation »   » Archives » Relentless Day 2 (August 23rd) PPV RP Archive
A Letter From Aidan (RP #2)
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Big Cock



XWF FanBase:
Some of everyone

(cheered; very rarely plays dirty but isn't lame either; many likable qualities)


#1
08-19-2014, 08:01 PM

Hello America,

It’s a sad fact that there is an obscene amount of injustice that occurs in the United States today. Early in 2012, an innocent babyfaced angel by the name of Trayvon Martin was brutally murdered to death by George Zimmerman, a pale psychopath who hated Tray-Tray because he could dunk but George Zimmerman could not. More recently, a Missouri teenager who was barely a decade past elementary school was shot like thirty times in and around the head by an overzealous white cop who thought he was Robocop. Those boys din’t do nuffin but now they’re dead because them po-lease is ig’nant racist honkey crackers. It’s a sad fact that African Americans are unfairly targeted by policemen and white NASCAR fans for no reason and there is no justice, no peace in this country. What we need to do as Americans is flood the internet with hashtags about how we want Obama to save us from whitey. Whatever he does is a good idea because Whoopi Goldberg and the ladies from The View told me so.

But now let’s talk about something that really matters.

This past Monday Night, I was absolutely robbed of a victory by General Manager Paul Heyman. Why he decided to cost me the match and drain interest from XWF fans is mostly unknown. Most likely, he was jelly that I’m the best wrestler in the world while he’s relegated to being a nanny for like Darren Dangerous. As a way to compensate for his shit-tier balding genetics, he distracted John Madison (who apparently has the attention span of an eight year old snorting Ritalin off a Speak & Spell while watching SpongeBob SquarePants). I got pissed off and yelled at him to leave my presence and Eli James attacked me from behind because he’s a pussy. I was so angry about Paul Heyman’s actions that I forgot to kick out before the count of three. I was not, and I repeat, I was not knocked out. My eyes were closed because I think better when I meditate. Anyone who’s anyone does that and I think the Dali Llama was the first to do it.

And no, I did not misspell Dalai Lama. I meant the Dali Llama, a distorted camelid painted by Salvador Dali that I have hanging across from my shitter. I like to look at surrealist paintings while I pinch one off, so sue me. You classless monkeys wouldn’t know a damn thing about fine art anyway.

Either way, Paul Heyman’s actions were completely irresponsible, reprehensible and basically akin to what Hitler did. That’s why I’m coming to you all to encourage the use of a hashtag that I have developed in honor of Trayvon Martin. #JusticeForAidan should be used on Twitter, on Facebook, and it should be tattooed on foreheads. We have the power to right the wrongs of Paul Heyman.

Additionally, and I shouldn’t even be mentioning this online, I have developed a plan that will probably kill the XWF. What can I say, you don’t fuck with the Bliz… I mean unless you’re a bitch looking to get pregnant. Then you fuck with the Bliz and you take a Bliz goo-shot deep into your ovum. As far as the plan, though, I’m sure it will shock everyone who has a working knowledge of the history of the XWF. That excludes most of the XWF roster because they are as ignorant as the Ferguson Police Department.

As some sort of consolation, the current XWF management has given me a tag title shot at Relentless as a way to get back on my good side. Shit’s not going to work because I’m still going to kill this place but I will win the tag titles with The Za for my own personal amusement.

I will admit that getting in the ring for this match is definitely a threat to my own safety. As you all know, there are three females competing in this match. After seeing my hot bod, all these bitches are going to be wet as fuck. The pussy juice leaking from their tights is going to make the ring slipperier than a Dance Dance Revolution machine’s plastic floor coated with Barney Green’s sweat after jiggling his tits to Basement Jaxx. I might just slip and crack my damn head open.

When you combine the smells coming from the female competitors’ pussies along with the smells coming off mine and Za’s meat staffs, the entire arena going to smell like Seattle’s Pike Place Fish Market. If I were marketing the XWF, I’d send out smell cards to allow the audience to watch this scratch and sniff style. The smell of dat honey honey will surely delight perma-virgins like Peter Gilmour who have never gotten a whiff off pooty tang. Yeah, I know, he has a girlfriend but she’s so fat that her vag aromas stay embedded deep inside her FUPA, unable to escape.

As far as my comments towards these ladies, I’m sure these hos will come out and complain that I’m being misogynistic. Misogynistic? Bitches, you will be massaging this dick.

For real, though, I am a complete feminist and I’m only saying stuff like this because it’s the truth. The truth cannot be sexist and it’s a fact that females savagely desire to be sexually ravaged by Aidan Collins. I give out orgasms like bank tellers give out lollipops and my sperm is as potent jizz-wise as Everclear is potent alcohol-wise.

Also, the term “bitch” should not be looked at as sexist because bitches should use that shit to empower themselves. All those rap guys use nigga and all bitches should use bitch. In fact, I love me some bitches so I’m not using it derogatorily. I use it as a term of affection like “bitch, I love them titties”.

BlizZa is an unstoppable force in tag team wrestling and there is a zero percent chance that we leave Relentless without the tag belts. There’s also a high likelihood that we also leave with Kendall Sawyer, Liz Hathaway, and Kristy Jackson as our own personal groupies. Women love 50 Shades of Grey and I’m basically like Dorian Grey except with luscious locks and a hammer for a cock. Women who touch my abs get so aroused that their pupils dilate, their pussies drip, and their buttholes start to wink like Popeye the Sailor Man.

Since I’m a feminist, I’m going to treat all these lovely ladies the same as I would any male competitor. So when I go Chris Brown on them and start stomping on their heads and shit, remember I’m only doing it for equality. If I bust some implants, so be it.

Winning the tag titles will start the healing process for myself that will conclude when I completely destroy the XWF from within. I will not feel guilty about who feels my wrath because I am not responsible for my actions from here on out. War criminal Paul Heyman cursed this federation with his actions. Sorry but not sorry.

#JusticeForAidan

Truth Until Death

[Image: hw7M8KM.jpg]
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[-] The following 4 users Like Blizzard's post:
(08-23-2014), Kendall Savannah Sawyer (08-19-2014), Liz Hathaway (08-20-2014), Ozymandias (08-20-2014)




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