[Frodo’s wedding]
[Some time in the night]

*Gator is stood holding a glass of champagne; he is wearing his mask with a black suit and a red tie. Todd is stood beside him wearing some crappy blue suit from his prom. Todd doesn’t have his camera; instead this footage was ‘borrowed’ from one of the more professional XWF cameramen who was stalking the wrestlers at Frodo’s big day. Gator gulps his champagne down in one and turns to Todd who is stuffing his mouth with pigs in the blanket*

“For the record, hand to dog on a stack of Phat Azz Bitches magazines, I have the utmost respect for the institution of marriage.”

T: “Really? Wouldn’t take you for the marriage type.”

“I am... Unless I said something in a previous promo or will say in future promos implying the opposite, in which case I think marriage is a pustule-ridden tumour camping out in the rectum of civilisation, which, for the purposes of illustration, may be visualised as a baboon in a cheap suit carrying a briefcase that you were unfortunate enough to stand next to on the subway. He’s dangling from the handrails of course, eating a Cadbury’s crème egg with his feet, his rainbow hued ass a terrible mystery right at eye level that you cannot look away from, no matter how hard you try.

*Gator swipes another glass of champagne from a passing waiter*

T: “How drunk are you right now?”

“Very... *BURP* Marriage lives in that poor monkey’s anal passage. It’s killing the baboon slowly... I just wanted to make sure you and the other mentally challenged eavesdropping our conversation get that metaphor. I jack off a subtle sonnet on occasion. So marriage is whateves... But I fucking hate weddings!”

*Gator raises his glass at a passing Socrates with a babe wrapped around his arm*

“The stress! The planning! The bands! Holy fuck the fucking bands! The only thing worse than a wedding band is your genitals slowly being pulled away from you by a chariot made of fire and barbwire... Also it’s raining vinegar! Fucking weddings! Especially American weddings, no! Especially wrestler’s weddings; have you ever seen a wedding were wrestler’s were involved that did not end in disaster? Test and Stephanie McMahon’s wedding ended up with Triple H confessing he date raped Steph! Macho Man and Liz’s wedding ceremony went fine, but Savage got fucking attacked by Jake’s snake at the reception! The whole idea of a wedding is fucked up; it’s the acid trip dream of Lady Gaga.”

*Gator takes a sip from his glass and lights up a cigarette*

“The ice sculptures that will melt half way through the ceremony, another meaningful symbol of love; The photo booth with the funny hats and smiling idiots crawling in, everyone knowing that at the end of the night, that photo booth will become the vomit filled hotel room of a fat, crying bridesmaid; The shitty DJ with the fake voice and song interrupting Tourette’s syndrome. And the flowers you agonized months over will be dead next week, yet another symbol... Bravo for you, money well spent.”

T: “Will you keep your voice down! I don’t feel like getting fucked by Frodo or his lovely new bride.”

*Gator finishes off his champagne, he looks over to the dance floor viewing his new XWF family and the bride and groom being happy*

“I’m not shitting on Frodo’s wedding, or his marriage. It’s beautiful really; I’m just being the bitter British dude. Just another stereotype at another stereotypical wedding.... Damn, look at her.”

*Gator spots a very attractive girl hanging out alone near a buffet table*

T: “Hellooooo. Now Gator check out Hot Todd in action.”

*Todd begins to walk over to the woman*

“HA! She’s going to throw your pimpled fat ass through the window. This I gotta see!”



[Gator’s Boston home]
[Saturday 9th August]
[1:04pm]

*Gator sits in his bedroom on his bed, he’s looking at the camera waiting*

“Mastermind, I thought you wear a smart man, and yet you don’t know how to count. I’ve been here a month now and I’ve won 1 match and lost 2, now my second loss was because of Kyle Star. He’s the one that got pinned not me; and if you were trying to be funny, saying my first match didn’t count as a win, then your 2 wins over Ashe Dawson don’t count either. Considering both of our opponents were on the same level.”

“Look at you. Thinking you’re one of the greatest wrestlers who ever lived haha you’re good I’ll give you that, but time and time again you fail. Honestly with your record I wouldn’t boast about wins and losses. Losing a match and just crawling back up to get another win to make your win/loss ratio even and then losing again, proof that you are a mid level combatant. Now, I’ve still yet to prove myself here. Am I going to prove myself by beating your ass up and down Hawaii? I don’t think so, the guys in the back, the crowds in the stands and the fans at home will just say, ‘oh you beat Mastermind. That’s nice.’”

“Beating you is like getting a participation trophy in the school football team. Am I worried about our match? No, I’m not. I’m the most relaxed I’ve ever been. In fact I took a page from your book and made a t-shirt for the match!”

*Gator smiles and pulls a box from under his bed, he places the large box in front of him and puts his arms in the box, moving junk trying to find what he’s looking for*

“Here we are!”

*Gator pulls out a t-shirt with just the words*

FRANKIE SAYS RELAX

*Gator looks at the front of the shirt and puts it away shaking his head. He begins looking aroud the box again, pulling out another t-shirt*

I achieved 100% in Grand Theft Auto Vice City And all I got was This lousy t-shirt

“No, that’s not it”

*Gator throws the t-shirt to one side and begins to look around the box again*

“Here we go! This is the one.”

*Gator pulls out a t-shirt with Mark Flynn’s face winking, pointing his finger guns with the words*

“You’re Fucked”

*Gator looks at the front of the t-shirt, he shrugs and continues to hold the shirt facing the camera*

“Meh. Close enough. In a while crocodile.”

*The camera fades to black*