(("Loverboy" Vinnie Lane is running down a suburban street this Wednesday evening. Not like the workout warriors one might see taking a leisurely jog after dinner in their little yellow gym shorts and pedometers. No, Loverboy is in a full sprint, even though he isn't exactly dressed for speed in his ragged acid wash jeans, Doc Marten boots and sleeveless Def Leppard "Pyromania" t-shirt. At least his red headband looks something like workout gear. Even though Loverboy is running for all he's worth, he still manages to smile as he looks behind him and sees the local pastor struggling to follow him.))

Loverboy: See you later, Pater!

((Jamming hand into his jeans pocket, Loverboy yanks out his old fashioned Nokia flip phone and presses a button. After a second he starts quickly rambling into the mouthpiece without any sort of salutations.))

Loverboy: Dude! Alex! You gotta swing up to the Piggly Wiggly down the block from the motel, okay? I know you've been driving all night. I know! Look, dude, I'll explain everything but you've GOT to pick me up. I got your text, I know you're here.

((Loverboy reaches the door to the Piggly Wiggly and ducks inside, hiding behind the hot dog roller as the pastor eventually lumbers past the windows outside.))

Loverboy: Yo, just hurry up alright? Text me. Yeah, I'll get 'em. YES, okay? I said I'd buy the Funyuns and I will! Jesus!

((Loverboy slaps the phone shut and walks up and down the convenience store's aisles, grabbing junk food left and right. Finally grabbing a family sized bag of Funyuns, Loverboy heads up to the checkout where an obese girl with buck teeth and a unibrow is standing behind the counter. As soon as she lays eyes on Loverboy her eyes get wide and her mouth drops open.))

Hickerbilly Cashier: Ain't you Vinnie Lane???

Loverboy: Yup, that's me! You an XWF fan?

Hickerbilly Cashier: Gosh, I sure am! My cousin LH Harrison is in the XWF! I seen on the TV that you and him are fighting together next week. Y'all really think you can beat Cain and Mastermind?

Loverboy: What? Of course we can take those two brooding horror movie extras. Mastermind is just some old guy with short man syndrome who thinks he's a hypnotist, and Cain... I mean... Cain's like... wait, did you say you were related to LH?

Hickerbilly Cashier: Hell yeah! Everyone in Arkansas is cousins! Can you gimme your autograph, Vinnie? Please?

((The cashier leans forward and pops open the top three buttons of her uniform shirt, exposing her buxom chest, and slides Loverboy a Sharpie marker.))

Hickerbilly Cashier: The grub's on the house. My boss, she'll understand. She's my cousin too and she thinks you're FINE.

((Loverboy cringes, but grabs the marker and manages to quickly scribble "Loverboy" across the cashier's heaving bosom. As she giggles and thanks him profusely, Loverboy scoops up all of the snacks and heads toward the door just s a large panel van swings into the parking lot, honking at Loverboy. The van swerves right in front of Loverboy as the side door slides open, showing Donny brooks and two other men in the back. The two guys are dressed in similar jeans and jean vest combos and both are quite ripped.))

Loverboy: No shit? Dave? Johnny? What the hell are you two sons of bitches doing in Buttfuck, Arkansas?

((Dave, a blond haired guy with a handlebar mustache, sticks his hand out for Loverboy to shake, helping him into the van as he does.))

Dave: We could ask you the same thing, asshole! Johnny and me were doing some roadie work for Kip Winger nearby and Alex shot us a text saying you all were gonna be in town. He said you were going to church?

Loverboy: Whoa, well, yeah, I mean, technically. My tag team partner is a little churchy and he wanted me to meet him there and get to know him better is all. He bought me a plane ticket so I couldn't really say no.

Donny: Aye, it must have been nice to not have to drive from Chicago, eh? Fuckin' Arkansas.

Loverboy: Yeah, well, I'll be riding the rest of the way with you all. Just a couple more days here discussing tactics with Harrison, then off to Hotlanta, right guys?

((The other big guy, with black curls hair and a thick beard, turns to Loverboy and slides his sunglasses down his nose as he talks.))

Johnny: Shit, Vinnie, whenever me and "Dangerous" Dave needed to strategize for a match we'd always find the best titty bar in town and go there. You went to a damn church?

((Loverboy's grin widens after Johnny says this, and he pulls his phone out of his pocket again.))

Loverboy: Johnny "Twisted" Steele, you are a god damn genius! We need to hit the skin club tonight, and my partner LH Harrison is gonna have to meet us there. I'm gonna give him a call when we get to the motel, but first I need to handle something else real quick...

((Loverboy dials his phone and listens while it rings. With a smirk he presses the speakerphone button as a female voice answers.))

Voice: You shouldn't be calling me right now. Frank is still trying to find you.

Loverboy: Yeah, no SHIT, Trixie! You told him I raped you? What the fuck?

Trixie Tucker: Look, he saw the hickey you left on my neck, and the other one on my chest. What was I supposed to do? I'm a married woman! A respected member of the church!

Loverboy: Oh, I dunno, Trixie, maybe tell him ANYTHING other than RAPE? Are you insane? Did I actually fuck the brains out of you? I'm a TV star, a nationally known professional athlete! I've got a televised match against a hooker and her dance partner and two assistant managers from Hot Topic on Monday! You can't say that kind of shit!

Trixie Tucker: I will make it up to you, Vincent. Any way I can.

Loverboy: Don't call me Vincent! Jesus! Just make sure your husband doesn't call the cops and that this crap doesn't go any further. I took pictures, you know, and it would be a damn shame if they ended up on the Hope, Arkansas website!

((Loverboy flips the phone shut and starts to put it away, but Donny, Johnny and Dave all wave their hands for him to hand it off to them. Loverboy opens the phone again and brings up the pictures, handing it to Donny as the other two gather closer to him.))

Donny: Holy...

Johnny: How did she...

Dave: Your whole HAND?

Alex: God damn it guys, I can't see shit while I'm up here driving! You jackasses better let me get a look when we get back to the room!

((The guys continue to bicker and grab at the phone while the van weaves its way down the road.))