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Shove It Into Space
Saturday, March 9th
Live from the Starship Enterprise!

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BONUS FEATURES: 1 - If you get shot out of the air lock and launched into outer space... you DIE. 2 - If you get tossed onto the transporter and beamed to some random location on Earth, you're pretty much stuck there and have to RP your way back home following the event! (the person who attacks/beams you gets to CHOOSE where you end up!!! If you successfully COUNTER a transporter attempt, YOU get to choose where the thwarted attacker gets beamed!) Josh Woodrum - vs - Crimson Dong - vs - "The X-tremist" Bryce Bloody Underwear Match, Triple Threat Elimination In order to win you must strip your opponents to their underwear and make them get soaked with their own blood. Crimson Dong starts all his matches in his underwear already so Bryce and Josh have a big advantage here if they show up in proper clothing! J.P. Corino - vs - JC Styles - vs - Stagger Jones Standard Triple Threat, 1 Fall Agony - vs - Martin O'Connor Standard Match GUEST REF: Commander Riker Alex shawn - vs - Neil Capra Standard Match Lexi Sheckler - vs - Danny Devia Standard Match If Devia wins he gets a shot at ANY title he chooses! Unknown Soldier & Tyler Decker - vs - Ronnie "The Deportation Man" Wilkins & Gabriel Harding 2 on 2 All In, No Tagging, 1 Fall GUEST REF: Lieutenant Worf Nathaniel Adolph Zachary Idenhaus - vs - Big Bad Leroy - vs - Mister Mystery 17 31707 1 (no XWF contract) Standard Triple Threat, 1 Fall NOTE: If Mystery wins he gets a new XWF contract, but if he does not win he is banned from Shove It Saturday Night for 2 weeks! MAIN EVENT North Korean Championship Donathan Alphonse Francois De Sade & Mr. Satellite - vs - Cyren & Hickster 2 on 2 All In, No Tagging, 1 Fall GUEST REF: Commander Data NOTE: If De Sade gets pinned or submits he loses the NK Title to the person, even if it's a betrayal by his own partner attacking him!

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"On screen."

The voice of Captain Picard causes the scene to open onto the bridge of the Enterprise as we are set for "Shove It Into Space!"



We see a clean shaven Commander Riker along with lovely Counselor Troi sitting on each side of Captain Picard, along with some of the other familiar crew members. Lieutenant Natasha Yar is even seen in the background as an unexpected surprise!

Picard: Welcome to , ehem, "Shove It" Into Space. I am Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the U.S.S. Enterprise and I will be your official guest host for the evening. Some of you may be disappointed to know that your usual host, Shane , will not be present this evening. I give you my word that I will do my best to captain this show and live up to all your expectations.

Commander Data's head jerks to the right and then to the left as he processes information in his mechanical mind before adding...

Data: I believe it may be accurate to say that a significant portion of our audience would find it preferable that Mr. will not be present. I calculate a 92% possibility that if he were to walk out onto the bridge and join us this very moment, he would even be booed by everyone watching.

Worf realizes Data is right and adds his own thought in his deep, aggressive tone.

Worf: Then it's a GOOD thing that man isn't with us today. He certainly hasn't demonstrated any honorable tactics that would have me welcome him aboard.

Picard and Riker both share a silent glance toward one another and then turn their attention forward once again.

Picard: While may not be the most popular of the XWF, he is the reason we're all here so I would like to take this moment to thank him for this opportunity to make history. Now with that said, we have a show to put on.

Riker: Shall we take this to the Holodeck and get our first match underway?

Picard: Make it so.

We fade out from the bridge and are about to have our very first XWF match in space!

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Captain Picard and company make their way toward the Holodeck but before they get to it, they turn a corner and are greeted by...

THE CRIMSON DONG!

Dong: I'm looking to mingle. Heyyyy Counselor Troi you're lookin pretty sexxxy. Can I...

He steps toward Troi but Worf and Riker both step in front of her to stop him. He backs up and begins to run the other way when he ends up running right into Josh Woodrum and "The X-tremist" Bryce!

Picard: It looks like our first match is about to start before we even get to the Holodeck.

Counselor Troi seems very concerned about this upcoming match up and turns to her crew members.

Troi: I am sensing that all three of these men are sexually frustrated and may need to be subdued if things get out of hand. Please be on your guard.

Josh Woodrum
- vs -
Crimson Dong
- vs -
"The X-tremist" Bryce
Bloody Underwear Match, Triple Threat Elimination
In order to win you must strip your opponents to their underwear and make them get soaked with their own blood.

This bizarre match up begins with Crimson Dong, Josh Woodrum and "The X-tremist" Bryce all eyeing each other ready to rip each others clothes off and cause some blood induced mayhem! The stipulation decrees that you must strip your opponents down to their underwear and make them get soaked with their own blood.

Crimson Dong is in his underwear already, so he seems like the logical man to go for first. However instead of doing that "The X-tremist" Bryce seems to have teamed up with Crimson Dong and they're going after Josh Woodrum. "The X-tremist" Bryce and Crimson Dong seem to both be wielding spike covered, tennis rackets. Crimson Dong runs up on one side of Josh Woodrum but Josh Woodrum flees from Crimson Dong as Crimson Dong seems to have a massive erection protruding. Josh Woodrum turns right into a Spear from "The X-tremist" Bryce that sends Josh Woodrum flying. Flying right into the line of fire of Crimson Dong to strike him with his spike covered tennis racket. Josh Woodrum propels from the hit from the spike covered, tennis racket. That's when it's noticed these rackets are made of cast iron! "The X-tremist" Bryce hits Josh Woodrum with his cast iron, spike covered, tennis racket and this soon becomes a strange game of tennis between Crimson Dong and "The X-tremist" Bryce.

Finally tired and bloody from getting hit, Josh Woodrum hits the mat and both Crimson Dong and "The X-tremist" Bryce get to work stripping him of his clothes. From there they both pummel Josh Woodrum with their spike covered, cast iron, tennis rackets till Josh Woodrum is just pouring blood everywhere.

This eliminates Josh Woodrum from the match!

"The X-tremist" Bryce turns to Crimson Dong after that and immediately hits him with a boot to the midsection and a Spear! "The X-tremist" Bryce grins mischievously as we all know this means, it's time the team that wailed on Josh Woodrum breaks up! Crimson Dong goes flying and lands in a heap. "The X-tremist" Bryce picks up the cast iron, spike covered, tennis racket Crimson Dong had dropped! "The X-tremist" Bryce now has two cast iron, spike covered, tennis rackets! "The X-tremist" Bryce dives for Crimson Dong and begins to rapid fire slam both cast iron, spike covered, tennis rackets into Crimson Dong.

Blood and gore begins to fly everywhere!

The bell sounds and Crimson Dong is rendered a bloody mess!

Picard and crew look around wondering where the bell sound is coming from, but suddenly they see who is ringing it!

Voice: I had a feeling snapping my fingers and making a bell sound would grab your attention...













It's Q! He looks at the crew and then over at the competitors of this match and actually seems speechless for a few moments while observing the bloodied up, nearly naked Dong... Q then looks back at the crew.

Q: Should I even ask, Picard?

Captain Picard is caught off guard and quickly tries to explain.

Picard: This most assuredly wasn't my idea. These are competitors from the wrestling organization called the X-treme Wrestling Federation and...

Picard's attention is drawn over to what is going on between Bryce and Dong. Bryce is still beating on the Dong! HE WON'T STOP BEATING THE DONG! Oh the humanity! "The X-tremist" Bryce doesn't stop even with Picard yelling to him that the match is over! He keeps striking Crimson Dong over and over again! Finally Worf comes running toward him and has to yank "The X-tremist" Bryce away from Crimson Dong! "The X-tremist" Bryce just cackles a maniacal laugh as he's dragged away by Worf! Crimson Dong just lays in a pool of increasing blood as Doctor Beverly Crusher runs to his aid.

Crusher: He's suffered severe damage to his, well... dong. I think he's going to be ok though.

Q continues observing and then just gives Picard and company a look of shame as he shakes his head. Before anyone can say another word, Q snaps his fingers and disappears...

BUT CRIMSON DONG DISAPPEARS TOO! Q HAS TAKEN CRIMSON DONG WITH HIM!

Winner: "The X-tremist" Bryce

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Captain Picard and crew continue onward toward the location of the Holodeck when they turn a corner and see a man who seems to be arguing... with himself?

It's Neil Capra! He's standing outside of the guest quarters that Alex Shawn resides in and he's talking to himself... or is he? Counselor Troi looks on closely and then speaks to him.

Troi: What is she telling you to do, Neil?

Neil Capra turns toward the crew members in shock and isn't quite sure how to answer Troi's question.

Troi: Kim wants you to surprises Alex Shawn and take him out early, doesn't she?

Just then Alex Shawn walks out of his quarters...

Shawn: What's going on out here? What the...

BAM!!!

Neil Capra headbutts Alex Shawn and sends him stumbling back into his guest quarters!

Data: It would appear we have an impromptu early start to the Neil Capra - Alex Shawn match up.

Riker: If they're this determined to get at each other's throats early, I say we let them have their fun. Seems like the right call if we're running a wrestling program tonight.

Captain Picard turns to his first commanding officer and nods.

Picard: Agreed, Number 1.

Alex shawn
- vs -
Neil Capra
Standard Match

This crew enters the guest quarters where they see Neil Capra and Alex Shawn locking up, both struggling to gain the upper hand. Neil Capra breaks the lock up and hits Alex Shawn with a knee to the midsection and a DropKick to the head. Alex Shawn hits the floor but is quick to his feet, striking Neil Capra with a few punches to the face and chest. From there Alex Shawn knocks Neil Capra off his feet with a Russian Leg Sweep. Neil Capra goes down and Alex Shawn climbs on top Neil Capra landing a few mounted punches. Neil Capra then thrusts his body up tossing Alex Shawn off. Both wrestler climb to their feet at the same time but Neil Capra takes Alex Shawn down with a Clothesline following it up with a Leg Drop. Neil Capra covers for the pin.

...1














...2

















Kickout by Alex Shawn! Alex Shawn tosses Neil Capra off and climbs to his feet. Alex Shawn and Neil Capra then begin to trade blows back and forth both equally hitting each other. Alex Shawn puts an end to that by hitting Neil Capra with a Sit Out Gourdbuster followed by a falling knee to Neil Capra's face. Neil Capra grabs his face and surges in pain. Alex Shawn then goes behind Neil Capra and quickly places him in a Sleeper Hold. Alex Shawn wrenches the hold tight and Neil Capra slowly begins to fade. Neil Capra's eyes begin to droop.....but WAIT! Neil Capra arms twitch and shake! With a quick surge of adrenaline Neil Capra maneuvers to break the hold with a belly to back suplex!

Neil Capra climbs to his feet as he shakes his head appearing groggy after what just happened. Alex Shawn is quick to move as he flies at Neil Capra with a Spear. Neil Capra jumps out of the way just in time though and Alex Shawn smashes into Commander Data!

Oh my god!

You could hear that collision all the way down the halls of the Enterprise!

Worf returns to the scene and sees Data down. He goes to check on him but Data calmly responds in his usual monotone, robot voice.

Data: I am still functional.

Data gets back up as Capra and Shawn continue to go at it. Neil Capra dives into action getting Alex Shawn with a Tilt-A-Whirl DDT. Both wrestlers surprisingly, rise to their feet at the same time after that! Alex Shawn charges for Neil Capra landing a Enzuigri followed by a Double Leg Drop. Alex Shawn covers for the pin.

...1





























...2


























Kickout by Neil Capra! Neil Capra pushes Alex Shawn off and rises to his feet. Alex Shawn goes for a Dropkick but Neil Capra moves out of the way. Alex Shawn hits the mat but still manages to get to his feet. Alex Shawn turns just in time to see Neil Capra coming straight for him! Neil Capra climbs onto the table in the middle of the guest quarters and he hits Alex Shawn with a Missile Dropkick followed by a DDT. Neil Capra pulls Alex Shawn to his feet and delivers the Mind Breaker!!! (Flip Piledriver) Neil Capra covers for the pin!

...1









































...2


































THREE!

Winner: Neil Capra

The crew part as Neil gets up and hurriedly rushes through them and right back out of Alex Shawn's guest quarters. As he makes his way down the hall he can be heard saying something to himself or to the voices in his head.

Troi: Looks like her plan worked.

Data tilts his head in curious fashion.

Data: Whose plan? Was Neil Capra a female?

Troi: No, Data, but one of the voices that travels with him inside of his mind is. She often is the reason he does things he otherwise might not do...

Data processes this information but before he can comment on it, Alex Shawn starts to recover and as he gets up he looks toward Captain Picard and company.

Shawn: You guys know I wasn't even ready right? Did this even count as a match?

Picard: I'm afraid so, Mr. Shawn. I believe the XWF's slogan is "the action never slows down" which suggests to me... always be ready for anything. Doctor Crusher is available to check you over if you feel you may have suffered any serious injuries.

Alex Shawn is groggy but shakes his head, clearing out the cobwebs.

Shawn: I don't think that'll be necessary Captain.

The scene fades out as we take a brief break from the action that never slows down.

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The scene opens up to Steve Sayors somewhere in the halls of the Enterprise, somewhere apart from where Captain Picard and company currently are located.

Sayors: I am here on the Starship Enterprise with the always exciting J.C. Styles. J.C. you have a match tonight with Stagger Jones and J.P. Corino. How do you feel about this match?

Styles: Well Sayors. I will do what I always...

From out of nowhere J.P. Corino flies in and assaults Styles throwing him to the ground and pushing Sayors out of the way. Corino climbs on top of Styles and begins to reign down right hand after right hand. A few red shirts try to break it up. J.P. stands up and shoves them away as Styles jumps on his back and puts him in a rear naked choke. J.P. stands all the way up, reaches over his head grabbing Styles and throws him over his head and onto the ground. Corino then wraps both of his hands around Styles neck and shouts.

Corino: KNOW YOUR PLACE BOY!

J.P. lifts Styles onto his shoulders and executes a sickening Greetings From Calgary (Airplane Spin Tombstone Piledriver) onto the concrete. Styles lays motionless on the ground. Corino stands over him and drags him to the open door of the Turbolift and throws him down the elevator like shaft to an unknown fate!

Meanwhile Captain Picard has been informed of the disturbance and has fetched Stagger Jones.

Stagger Jones comes running toward Corino as Captain Picard officially starts the match!

J.P. Corino
- vs -
JC Styles
- vs -
Stagger Jones
Standard Triple Threat Match, 1 Fall

Jones tackles Corino to the ground and begins pounding on him with lefts and rights! Corino slides out from underneath him as the two stand and lock up. Corino tosses Jones into the backstage interview display. He stalks over Jones who kicks him in the groin causing Corino to fall to his knees in pain. Jones stands and steps forward grabbing J.P. by both wrists and it looks like he is going for the Greet The Feet. J.P. snaps back and hoists Jones onto his shoulders and powerbombs him through a nearby table. He then picks him up and throws him face first into a wall leaving a blood stain where Jones' head hit. Captain Picard goes to check on Jones but Corino shoves passed him and continues his attack. He grabs a chair from nearby and sets it up and then grabs Jones and executes a BRAINBUSTAAAAA onto the open chair. Jones lying in a pool of blood begins to slowly get up. He leans against a wall and out of NOWHERE Corino hits the Kryptonite Clothesline on Jones into the wall. He stands over Jones' lifeless body and grabs him by the back of the head.

Corino: I TOLD YOU NOT TO FUCK WITH ME!

He then shoves his head into the ground with a loud thud and looks at Captain Picard.

Corino: Count this mother fucker out!

Then Corino just walks away as Captain Picard has no choice put to start the 10 count on Jones.

1....2....3....4....5....6....7....8....9....10!

Doctor Crusher comes running in and wants to take Jones to sick bay, but Captain Picard tells her that Jones must be transported back to earth and to a hospital immediately.

Winner: J.P. Corino

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Will Picard and crew ever make it to the Holodeck where there is supposedly an actual ring? Will anything that takes place tonight even remotely resemble an actual wrestling show???

To be continued!!!

Agony
- vs -
Martin O'Connor
Standard Match
GUEST REF: Commander Riker

Finally the crew has made it into the Holodeck!

The inside of the Holodeck is an exact replica of a standard XWF event in a normal looking arena. In fact, the inside of this arena is modeled after the world famous Madison Square Garden where some of wrestling history's biggest moments have taken place!

Commander Riker enters the "ring" as he is set to be the special guest referee for the following match.

Riker: I want to make it clear ahead of time that I'm not going to tolerate any underhanded tactics during this match up. I'm going to be a stern, but fair, referee and officiate this match to the best of my abilities for what I believe a "standard match" should emulate. I need Agony and Martin O'Connor to know that I've got my phaser set to stun and I will not hesitate to use it if the need arises. If a weapon gets picked up or a hold is not broken by my 5-count, then I will not hesitate to take action against you. If there are repeated offenses, I will disqualify you and have you removed from this vessel immediately. I hope both of the competitors have heard me loud and clear.

With that, we see Agony enter the Holodeck through a pair of double doors that opens out of thin air and then vanishes once he's inside. He enters the ring and next comes Martin O'Connor through the same double doors that reappear for a second to allow him access before they vanish again.

Martin slides into the ring but is caught with a clubbing blow to the back of his head before he can even stand!

Riker: Hey! This match has not begun yet! STAND BACK!

Agony puts his hands up and backs away like he's done nothing wrong.

Martin angrily gets to his feet and waits for Riker to signal for the bell, which he does, and then both wrestlers charge each other. Martin goes low and takes Agony down with a double leg takedown but Agony shifts his weight to roll over and get on top of Martin. Agony blasts Martin in the face with a closed fist.

Riker: Hey! Open up that fist!

Agony smashes Martin in the face with his elbow and then gets up to deliver a few quick stomps until Martin is able to grab his foot and twist it, causing Agony to fall awkwardly. Martin gets up while keeping hold of the foot of Agony and he goes to work on the left leg by stomping his calf and yanking on the leg before wrapping the leg up in a leg-breaker and dropping his own knee down into it.

Martin O'Connor pulls Agony up and whips him so hard into the ropes that he tumbles over them and spills to the outside! Agony uses this to his advantage while he's outside of the ring and he goes to grab the ring bell!!!

BLAST!!!

Commander Riker with a phaser shot that hits Agony in the hand and sends the ring bell sailing into the fans!

Riker: I warned you I'll have NONE OF THAT.

Martin exits the ring and charges Agony, leveling him with a huge clothesline and then pulling him back up to slam him into the ring post. He starts bashing Agony's head into the post over and over again until...

BLAST!!!

Riker nails Martin right in the arm with his phaser!

Riker: I don't think that falls under the guidelines of what should be taking place in a standard match, O'Connor. Now get back into this ring.

Martin holds his arm in pain as he enters the ring but this allows Agony to drop down and crawl around ringside where he finds a steel chair. Agony slides into the ring behind Commander Riker as Riker is admonishing O'Connor...

O'Connor: Look out! Behind you!

CRACK!!! It's too late! Agony just struck Riker with the chair!!! Commander Riker is down!!!

The phaser flies out of Riker's hand and lands at Martin's feet. He quickly picks it up... and he blasts!!! Bulls eye!!! He hits the center of the chair Agony is holding and the force sends the chair right back into Agony's own face! The impact is so hard that the chair has been imprinted with Agony's forehead as Agony drops to his knees and flops forward on the canvas.

MARTIN BLASTS HIM AGAIN!!!!!

All of a sudden a huge explosion is heard as the entire "arena" shakes and flames explode from the rafters. The Holodeck begins to malfunction as random parts of the ring begin to vanish.




This is not the work of the phaser...




The Enterprise is under attack!!!












It's The Marauder of the D'Kora class! It's a Ferengi attack!!!

Worf and Data help Riker back up and out of the Holodeck as Martin O'Connor follows them out, still holding Riker's phaser in his hand. Agony remains out cold and is left behind in the Holodeck!





Suddenly out of nowhere...

















They've boarded! The Ferengi have boarded the Enterprise!!!

Worf is being attacked savagely as other crew members are also attacked. Martin O'Connor begins firing Riker's phaser at them and trying to fight them off.

Riker: Set it to kill! KILL!!!

Martin looks at the phaser but...

BAM!!! Agony out of nowhere! Right in the middle of this attack Agony is still going after Martin O'Connor!

The phaser goes flying through the air and Commander Riker manages to catch it, instantly turning it to the "kill" setting and blasting away at the enemies on board.

Worf and Data overcome their attackers as Agony and Martin O'Connor continue battling through it all! On the ground Martin O'Connor notices a Ferengi Energy Whip, which is much like a whip that is charged with raw electricity.

He uses it on Agony!!! Martin whips Agony with the energy whip and Agony goes flying across several feet and crashing into Worf!

Commander Riker and crew are making sure all the Ferengi attackers have been thwarted but Riker still saw what O'Connor did to Agony... As soon as Riker is sure order has been restored and is given word that the Ferengi attack ship has retreated, he turns his attention to Martin O'Connor...

Riker: I told you I wasn't going to tolerate any foul play. First I wake up from being attacked and see that you've got my phaser and then you go and use a Ferengi weapon against your opponent? All for the sake of winning a wrestling match? Well I'm sorry to inform you that it's not going to end the way you intended! Martin O'Connor, as special guest referee of your match I hereby disqualify you!

O'Connor: What!? That's bullshit!

Riker: Those are the rules, and you broke them.

O'Connor: He hit you with a chair!!!

Commander Riker feels the back of his head where he's still throbbing from the chair shot but he admits the obvious...

Riker: Unfortunately I didn't see that and what I haven't seen, I can't "call" officially. My decision stands.

Winner: Agony

BAM!! Agony has recovered just in time to hear the news and he spears O'Connor through the corridor wall and both men fall into a collection of circuitry and structural materials behind the paneling.

Riker: That's it! Worf! Please remove them from the premises and get them off this ship!

Worf wastes no time following orders and drawing his phaser, ordering both men out of the area as Riker uses his communicator badge to contact Captain Picard and confirm that everyone is alright. Upon confirmation, Riker and several other crew members return to the Holodeck to continue this evening's event after the thwarted Ferengi attack!

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Lexi Sheckler
- vs -
Danny Devia
Standard Match
If Devia wins he gets a shot at ANY title he chooses!

We are still in the Holodeck as a standard ring is still the center of attention. Things have had a chance to calm down after the attack the Enterprise just endured.

Danny Devia is waiting in the center of the ring for his opponent to doesn't appear to be showing up...?

Captain Picard taps the communicator on his chest and hails the transporter room.

Picard: Can you get a lock on XWF wrestler and Black Circle member, Lexi Sheckler? She's up!

Voice: Yes Captain. Beaming her to you now...

Lexi Sheckler materializes in the center of the ring looking shocked and unprepared...

BAM!!! Danny Devia nails her with a shoulder tackle the moment she finishes appearing. She goes down as Captain Picard makes an announcement...

Picard: Let's make this one a little more interesting. Let's have Lieutenant Yar and myself beamed down to a randomized planet to oversee this match. At least this way the element of surprise can be against both competitors here instead of just Sheckler.

Danny Devia, Lexi Sheckler, Captain Picard and Lieutenant Yar are all beamed down to a random planet where there doesn't appear to be any other signs of life. It's mostly a rocky looking terrain but Danny Devia doesn't even take the time to look around as he continues to unload on Lexi Sheckler!

Devia pulls her up and hits a nasty spinebuster right on the hard ground that dazes her due to the rock that the back of her head landed on. Danny Devia finally takes some time to look around and enjoy the scenery when...

Picard: Look out! What's that!





Picard points to what appears to be a moving puddle of black tar???





The black liquid is moving toward Lexi Sheckler!





Lieutenant Yar brings her phaser out and gets between the black puddle of tar and Sheckler. Slowly up from the tar rises.... something...























Yar: Stand back!

The creature remains still as Lexi starts to recover and she quickly crawls away from the area. Lexi and Danny Devia look on in horror as the creature grabs hold of Lieutenant Yar! She fires off a shot of her phaser but it's to no avail! Captain Picard draws his own phaser and sets it to "kill" but it also has no effect on the creature. It's pulling her down into the puddle!!!

Picard: NO!!!

Captain Picard hails the Enterprise and calls for backup as Warf, Riker and Data are all beamed down immediately but Lieutenant Yar is already chest deep in the black sludge with her arms flailing about trying to grab on to anything. Data and Worf rush toward her and grab her arms but she continues being sucked down. Picard realizes they'll be pulled in too so he orders them to release her. Everyone looks on in shock as Yar is pulled completely under and the sludge begins to bubble and gurgle before letting out what sounds like a massive belch.

Picard: Dammit! We've lost her!

Captain Picard seems to lose it at this point. He begins pacing back and forth and still has his phaser in his hand. He lets out a loud, tormented cry!

Picard: AAAHHHHHHH!!! This is your fault!

BLAST!!! Captain Picard fires his phaser at Lexi Sheckler!!!

In his maddened state his aim was off so it only struck her shoulder but that was enough to send her flying back and completely knock her out.

Riker: Sir!

Commander Riker and Worf rush to the captain to disarm him and he completely breaks down in tears, cursing the XWF and that "Damned whore Lexi Sheckler" as he calls her, for costing Lieutenant Yar her life! They've never seen the captain like this before!!!








Suddenly, the unthinkable happens...








































Devia: Hey guys? I'm pinning Lexi over here. Can somebody count?

What the?!? Danny Devia just witnessed Tasha Yar's life taken from her and all he cares about is covering Lexi Sheckler for the win?

Data, void of emotion, obliges and makes the count for Devia...

...1



















...2























...THREE!!!

Winner: Danny Devia (gets to choose ANY title in XWF to challenge for!)

Just when everything seemed like it might begin to calm back down... the black sludge seeps back toward them!

The beast is rising once again... and... OH MY GOD.



OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!!!!!!!!



The black tar-like creature is revealing its true form...








We are now seeing the murderer of Lieutenant Natasha Yar first hand... and what a horrible, disgusting, hideous beast it is...











Captain Picard begins to vomit profusely at the sight of... THIS....




















































Cee Lo Green! How revolting!!!

He begins to sing!!!

NO!!!!

BLAST!

BLAST!

BLAST! BLAST! BLAST!BLAST!BLAST!BLAST!BLAST!

BLAST!BLAST!BLAST!BLAST!BLAST!BLAST!BLAST!BLAST!BLAST!BLAST!BLAST!BLAST!BLAST!BLAST!BLAST!BLAST!BLAST!BLAST!BLAST!BLAST!BLAST!BLAST!BLAST!BLAST!BLAST!BLAST!BLAST!BLAST!

Everyone fires their phasers at him at maximum setting... even Danny Devia has somehow gotten a phaser and is blasting away...

It's taking several seconds... no minutes worth of non-stop firing!!!

Picard: Keep firing! KEEP FIRING DAMMIT!

BLAST!!!!! BLAST!!!!! BLAST BLAST BLAST! BLAST!!!!! BLAST!!!!! BLAST BLAST BLAST! BLAST!!!!! BLAST!!!!! BLAST BLAST BLAST! BLAST!!!!! BLAST!!!!! BLAST BLAST BLAST! BLAST!!!!! BLAST!!!!! BLAST BLAST BLAST! BLAST!!!!! BLAST!!!!! BLAST BLAST BLAST! BLAST!!!!! BLAST!!!!! BLAST BLAST BLAST! BLAST!!!!! BLAST!!!!! BLAST BLAST BLAST! BLAST!!!!! BLAST!!!!! BLAST BLAST BLAST! BLAST!!!!! BLAST!!!!! BLAST BLAST BLAST! BLAST!!!!! BLAST!!!!! BLAST BLAST BLAST! BLAST!!!!! BLAST!!!!! BLAST BLAST BLAST! BLAST!!!!! BLAST!!!!! BLAST BLAST BLAST! BLAST!!!!! BLAST!!!!! BLAST BLAST BLAST! BLAST!!!!! BLAST!!!!! BLAST BLAST BLAST! BLAST!!!!! BLAST!!!!! BLAST BLAST BLAST! BLAST!!!!! BLAST!!!!! BLAST BLAST BLAST! BLAST!!!!! BLAST!!!!! BLAST BLAST BLAST! BLAST!!!!! BLAST!!!!! BLAST BLAST BLAST! BLAST!!!!! BLAST!!!!! BLAST BLAST BLAST! BLAST!!!!! BLAST!!!!! BLAST BLAST BLAST! BLAST!!!!! BLAST!!!!! BLAST BLAST BLAST!

Picard: He's gonna blow! BEAM US OUT OF HERE!!!

They're all transported back up to the Enterprise just as...















Justice has been served...

For Tasha Yar. :)

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Unknown Soldier
& Tyler Decker
- vs -
Ronnie "The Deportation Man" Wilkins
& Gabriel Harding
2 on 2 All In, No Tagging, 1 Fall
GUEST REF: Lieutenant Worf

We find ourselves in the hallways of the Enterprise as the next match is about to be underway.

Liuetenant Wolf is standing very still along the wall with his weapon at his side, his presence intimidating in every way. After recent events, he's ready to strike at anyone and anything...

As Unknown Soldier and Tyler Decker show up just a few feet away, they are smirking as Soldier begins smoking some of his Goat Meth. He begins to foam at the mouth, cackling and shouting obscenities at Worf!

Worf sets his 'phaser' to stun and quickly shoots Soldier to calm him down.

This tickles him.

Unknown Soldier asks for another.

Worf obliges and shoots another volley at him.

Unknown Soldier is crackling with energy and begins to jump up and down excitedly, grabbing Tyler Decker and shaking him up and down, electrocuting him with the stray charges of electricity shooting off!

As he finally released Decker, Unknown Soldier sees Ronnie Wilkins and Gabriel Harding appear although Harding seems to be moving very slowly.

He asks Worf to give him 'just one more' for good measure but Worf declines, insisting that it would kill the man. Unknown Soldier excitedly asks Wilkins and Harding if they'd like to try out the 'charge juice!'

Both men decline but Worf doesn't like the look of Harding and shoots him anyway with his phaser! Harding falls to the ground as Worf stuns him again several times.

Worf: I believe he is not the human you know as Gabriel Harding. Something did not seem right about him.

Soldier smiles greatly at this revelation!

In any case, Worf proclaims that where he comes from, elements of danger help to 'improve the entertainment value' of combat.

So he hands special gravity suits with magnetic boots to the remaining combatants and let's them know that they are being transported OUTSIDE of the ship.

He taps his chest-badge twice and issues the command.

Moments later all 4 men are standing outside the ship, a midst the stars and flying debris as the ship soars at light-speed throughout the cosmos. Unknown Soldier looks down at the meth in his hand and quickly delivers another hit to his system. He has blood dripping down his lips, the back light of space casting him in a vicious glow. Tyler Decker stands next to him, his hair stuck straight up from the jolt earlier, his eyes sparkling with every stray star that passes his vision.

Ronnie Wilkins looks set to go, looking at both of his opponents and waiting for them to 'make a move.' As they clunkily move around at first in their gravity boots, Unknown Soldier jumps mightily and... WOW... he just jumped 80 feet into the air! He nearly falls outside the sphere of gravitational 'pull' emitted from the boots. However, he hangs onto his arc and begins to descend back towards the hull of the ship with frightening speed, nailing Wilkins with a truly FLYING clothesline!

Wilkins soars backwards, floating through space and he bangs his head against a crest in the ship where a port window is. He continues to sail backwards, eventually resting on the 'front end' of the weapon's powerful main laser array. Decker is now running along the side of the ship, his lighter weight allowing him to move much faster than normal. He runs as if he is cheetah, grinning like a mad man as he tries to deliver a dropkick to Wilkins.

However, Wilkins ducks and snags Decker's boots from his feet and Decker goes flying...

... goes flying...

... GOES FLYING INTO OUTER SPACE!!!

OH MY GOD!

Unknown Soldier, in a mad attempt to save his team mate, tosses his own boots off and dives after Decker!

Both the men are now flying through open space! Space 'junk' and debris are pelting the men as they begin to choke... the pressure is turning them blue and bloating their bodies within seconds! Oh my god... more then three seconds in open space would make a man implode!

The count!

ONE...




























TWO...




































THRRRR---! NO! A REPLICATOR SHIP!?

Yes, indeed. The 'Replicators' from the Pegasus Galaxy have entered this star system, their pieced together ship beaming Soldier, Decker and Wilkins aboard their vessel. This isn't SG!!! What the FUCK!!!!

Worf quickly is badged back into the holodeck of the Enterprise.

He looks to Picard, wondering what to do. Picard is still losing his shit after seeing one of his crew members murdered by Cee Lo Sludge earlier.

PICARD: Hail the vessel, woman!

He instructs a black lady to do this...

A large image appears on the Enterprise's screen!

OH MY GOD!

It's Replicator-Hulk Hogan!

REP-HOGAN: Hey, Brotha! You eat your wheaties today? 'Cuz I got some stray pups aboard my ship!

Picard smirks and leans on his chair.

PICARD: Yes, but what do you intend to do with them, might I ask?

At this, Rep-Hogan claps his hands and replicators form into a bulky and obscure image with slowly is stenciled out and filled in.

It's a Dance Dance Revolution machine.

REP-HOGAN: I have heard Brother, that Earthlings are the best dancers in all the Multiverse and that this device is the ultimate tool to measure said capabilities! I have heard an accelerent to their own abilities is what is known as 'Goat Meth.' If your men do not ingest copious amounts of this substance and then dance for my amusement, I will wrap my 24-inch pythons around their necks!

Picard makes the order.

PICARD: Ready the armaments to deliver their payload! We do not respond to threats of terrorism!

At this, a large hum is heard as the Enterprise's lasers begin to warm up.

However, Unknown Soldier, deflating a bit, steps forward into the screenshot.

UNKNOWN SOLDIER: I will do this Captain!

At this, Unknown Soldier takes all of his Goat Meth at once and begins to jam out to 'Down with the Sickness' by: Disturbed on DDR.

So enthralled is Rep-Hogan that he becomes hypnotized by the demon's fluid movements.

It's a trick!

Unknown Soldier moves from the DDR game and whispers in Rep-Hogan's ear!

Suddenly, Hogan slams forward and hits Ronnie Wilkins with the BIG BOOT!

He's cuffing his ear and the Enterprise screams in joy!

LEG DROP OF DOOOOOM!

Wilkins is out!

Soldier drops down to make the cover but...

They're all beamed back aboard the Enterprise!

Soldier ends up appearing right over the still fallen body of Gabriel Harding who was repeatedly blasted earlier with Worf's phaser. Since Soldier was already dropping down for a pin in mid-transport, he continues with the pin attempt on Harding...

Worf makes the count!

ONE...


























TWO...








































Harding starts to twitch and his shoulder begins to rise from the...

BLAST!!! Nevermind! Worf shot him in the shoulder!



...



























...THREE!!!

Soldier jumps up excitedly and runs toward Worf, possibly to hug or attack him, and Worf blasts him with the phaser to send him spiraling backward and landing on top of Harding once again. What a match!!!

Winners: Unknown Soldier & Tyler Decker

---

---

---

Nathaniel Adolph Zachary Idenhaus
- vs -
Big Bad Leroy
- vs -
Mister Mystery 17 31707 1 (no XWF contract)
Standard Triple Threat, 1 Fall
NOTE: If Mystery wins he gets a new XWF contract, but if he does not win he is banned from Shove It Saturday Night for 2 weeks!

We are taken back to the Holodeck where the "ring" is set up and the "fans" are screaming in anticipation for the next match!

Leroy raps and flexes on his way to the ring as his girls Jade and Vixen massage his muscles. The crowd boos heavily as this gigantic black machine gets into the ring, unphased by their lack of support.

Ring Announcer: "Coming down the aisle, from Oakland, California. Weighing in tonight at 385 pounds. BIIIIIIIIG BAAAAAAAAAAAAAD LEEEEEEEEEEEEROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOY!

Leroy stands in the middle of the ring, waiting for the next person to come out...

Nathaniel Adolph Zachary Idenhaus makes his way to the ring, marching and heiling to the National Anthem of Nazi Germany. A section of Neo-Nazis in the fourth row cheer hysterically, despite their noise being drowned out by the echoing chorus of boos from this unfriendly crowd.

NAZI and Leroy stare each other down, when a figure comes up from behind Nathaniel!

It's Mister Mystery!

He taps ever so slightly on the shoulder of NAZI... The proud Aryan turns around... Into a sickeningly powerful right fist to the temple! Nathaniel drops to the ground in a heap, leaving only Leroy and the Mysterious one standing...

Mystery tries to grapple Leroy, who was thinking of the very same thing! They struggle for dominance... Leroy getting the upper hand... No! Mystery's getting it back to a neutral position! Leroy's gets him back into the position of dominance... Swift kick right into the groin of Leroy, courtesy of Mr. Mystery!

The groin kicking, hockey mask wearing sonovabitch lifts the giant up over his shoulder!

He runs to one side of the ring... And tosses Leroy not just out of the squared circle, but into the front row of the crowd! Leroy squashes several of the "fans" here in the Holodeck as the rest of the crowd goes berserk!

Mystery looks back and sees NAZI getting up.. He runs over to the fallen man, and gives him a hellacious kick to ribs... Or at least he would've if Nathaniel hadn't had gotten out of the way! Mystery stumbles a bit, left off balanced by that wild shot...

Leroy's starting to stir. He starts climbing over the barricade... NAZI isn't seeing that shit though, he's too focused on Mystery! He lifts the maniac up, could he be looking for the Iron Cross?

This early, NAZI?

He gets Mystery into position... About to drop... He can't drop now, Leroy picks up the Aryan sensation and delivers a HUGE back suplex, dropping Mystery on his head in the process!

This one's really picking up, folks!

Leroy gets right back up, ready to decimate his opponents! NAZI struggles to his feet, easy prey for the big black man. Leroy rushes NAZI with reckless abandon. For that he pays the price! NAZI was quick enough to duck and pull the ropes down, flinging Leroy back onto the floor.

Leroy hops back up! He's pissed now! He rips off one part of the barricade and lays it across the apron and another still attached part of the barricade... Meanwhile in the ring, NAZI is just stalking Mystery, waiting for him to make the slightest movement... Mystery stirs, and NAZI pounces right on him, however, this time it was Mystery who was just quick enough to escape!

Leroy's still on the outside, yelling for the "Skinny ass crackas" to come out of the ring and face him. NAZI throws a punch that knocks Mystery back a bit! Mystery comes forth with a left hand that disorients NAZI just a tad! NAZI shakes it off quickly and comes back with a right!

MYSTERY FEELS NO PAIN! IS THIS GUY A HUMAN FUCKING BEING?!

NAZI throws another punch, which Mystery grabs! He lifts NAZI up by his fist! He gets him up above the ropes! He drops NAZI right onto the barricade that Leroy set up! The impact bends the barrier, but doesn't break it! Leroy peels the angry, German man off the barricade and lifts him up to one shoulder!

Big powerslam by Leroy shatters the barricade into many little pieces!

What power!

Mystery's standing about 20 feet behind Leroy, waiting for him to turn around... Leroy starts to, and Mystery starts sprinting... Get out of the way, Leroy. Or you're going to be hit by the... HIDDEN SPEAR 1 177155 400! Mystery might have crushed Leroy's ribcage with that maneuver!

He rolls the big black man into the ring... He lays on top of him for the cover...

1......























2............



































2.5..............















2 and three quarters.............


















KICKOUT BY LEROY!

HOLY SHIT!

Mystery hops right back to his feet and waits for Leroy to get up... Which he does... RIGHT INTO THE LARIATS OF FIRE! (i.e. Running, spinning lariat)

MYSTERY JUST TOOK LEROY'S HEAD OFF HIS SHOULDERS! Mystery going for the pin one more time!

1..........







































2.................................................















































THREE!


Mystery has done it! He's won his XWF contract back!

Winner: Mister Mystery 17 31707 1

---

---

---

Stay tuned for the MAIN EVENT!!!

MAIN EVENT
North Korean Championship
Donathan Alphonse Francois De Sade
& Mr. Satellite
- vs -
Cyren
& Hickster
2 on 2 All In, No Tagging, 1 Fall
GUEST REF: Commander Data
NOTE: If De Sade gets pinned or submits he loses the NK Title to the person, even if it's a betrayal by his own partner attacking him!

Mr. Satellite and Donathan Alphonse Francois De Sade walk down the hall with Mr. Satellite's robot slowly rolling along behind them. As always Donathan Alphonse Francois De Sade is dressed to impress, in a dark grey suit and matching fedora. Mr. Satellite has left his cloak and burlap sack behind, sporting a black t-shirt, black pants and a brown, slightly over-sized fedora. Both men stop when they see Commander Data a few feet ahead of them. Commander Data turns and looks with intrigue at Mr. Satellite's robot friend.

Commander Data: I find your robot to be intriguing. What is its purpose?

Mr. Satellite hits a few buttons on a remote device he's carrying.

- This is what I use to communicate.

Commander Data: Fascinating. I am curious what I would discover given the chance to delve into its core processing and internal matrix schematics.

- Go right ahead. I'd be honored to have such an valued member of the Enterprise have a look at the inner workings of my robot.

Commander Data, engrossed with looking at the robot, fails to notice Donathan approach from behind him. Donathan pulls out a metal device that appeares to be the size and shape of a screwdriver with a shinning blue light at the end. Donathan then tapped this unusual object on the back of Data's head causing Data to go motionless. Donathan then retrieved a small microchip from the breast pocket of his suit jacket. Removing the back plate of Data's head, Donathan places the chip inside and seals it back up. Donathan then taps the strange metal device that was about the size of a screwdriver on the back of Data's head and Data is reactivated. Data blinks a few times and then spins around as if nothing happened. From there Mr. Satellite, his robot, Donathan and Data all continue towards the holodeck.

Cyren and Hickster are already waiting in the ring as Mr. Satellite, Donathan and Data make their way to the simulated wrestling ring. The simulated audience roars with excitement upon their arrival. Mr. Satellite's robot slowly rolls to a spot just outside the ring and stops. The bell rings and this match begins.


Suddenly something peculiar happens though... Commander Data springs into action, grabbing Cyren and easily tossing him with his android strength like a rag doll into Hickster!!!

Hickster and Cyren tumble from the ring! Holy shit!!!

Donathan grabs a mic and makes a shocking announcement...

Donathan: Ladies and gents please give it up for none other than "Donathan" right there!

He's motioning toward Data as he says that. Wait a minute... that microchip he implanted in Data's head... Could it be? Does Data believe he's playing the role of Donathan tonight?

Donathan: As some of you may remember from last year, there are many who over time may assume the role of "Donathan Alphonse Francois De Sade" ▬ for instance I'm sure some of you remember "Incredible Donathan?" The rather large, muscular, invincible individual who played the role during a few of my matches last year? Well for tonight's event I call this particular make and model... "Datathan!"

What the fuck!? Datathan? He's got the strength of somewhere between 10 and 500 Donathans! This is not fair!

Datathan then runs and climbs to the top of the ropes and dives, landing on Cyren and Hickster. Datathan climbs to his feet and lifts Cyren over his head bringing Cyren down onto his knee. Cyren screams in pain and the audience cringes at the sure brutality! With Datathan's strength and android body it's a wonder Dathan didn't break Cyren's back with that move!

Hickster jumps onto Datathan's back and begins pounding Datathan in the head. Datathan reacts by trying to yank Hickster off. However Hickster has his strong hillbilly legs locked around Datathan's waist and keeps striking Datathan in the head repeatedly.

Hickster: YEEEEEEEHAAAAAWWW!!! This android boy gots more spunk then a Betsy at a hoedown!

Datathan begins to go wild like a bull! Hickster hangs on tight and continues to hit Datathan in the head. Ride 'em Hickster! Datathan begins to shake and finally Datathan slams his back with Hickster on it into the ring post.

Once!

Twice!

Oh Shit! Three times!

Hickster tumbles from Datathan's back and lands in a lump. Hickster rolls around and twitches in pain.

Datathan then turns around and begins stomping on Hickster. Stomp after stomp each one seeming more heavy footed and brutal than the next. Cyren tries to save Hickster as Cyren attempts to hit Datathan with a Spear. Datathan leaps high in the air, avoiding the Spear from Cyren and landing behind Cyren. Datathan then grabs Cyren and flings Cyren back into the ring. Cyren lands with a loud thud in the middle of the ring and Datathan climbs in after. Datathan pulls Cyren up and lifts Cyren again, leaping up with him, this time in the form of a choke slam... A FLYING SUPER CHOKE SLAM!!! Datathan delivers the Chokeslam so hard and so devastating that Cyren smashes clear through the ring!

Cyren literally was chokeslamed through the ring! HOLY SHIT!!!

Hickster, back to his feet and climbing up the ropes, dives and knocks Datathan off his feet. Hickster then mounts Datathan and begins punching Datathan in the face. Datathan then simply reaches up and grabs Hickster by the neck and rises while Hickster is still punching Datathan in the face! Datathan then presses Hickster over his own head and tosses Hickster far out of the ring. Hickster soars like a big, fat, incest loving, hillbilly bird...

Hickster: Yeeeeeeeehaaaaaawwwwwwwww!!!!!

...and lands epically in the 9th row of the audience. Hickster attempts to rise to his feet but immediately falls back down.





All of a sudden in the midst of the chaos, clapping is heard...









Who is clapping so loudly that it sounds like thunder?

























Oh no! He's back!!!!


























It's Q! He's back... but this time he's dressed to look like he is Commander Data?



Q claps enthusiastically and even places two fingers in his mouth and begins whistling.


Q: My this is fun isn't it! Datathan! How clever! Well if Commander Data can "be" Donathan for tonight, I figured I might as well "be" Commander Data. How do you guys like it?

He models his uniform and smiles briefly as he shows off how much like Commander Data he looks.

Q: I haven' t enjoyed myself this much in all my years tormenting and observing the entire crew! Donathan and Mr. Satellite you simply must come around more often!


Donathan and Mr. Satellite exchange looks from next to the ring. They haven't participated in the match yet since Datathan had been doing all the destruction. Hickster finally groggily rises to his feet while wobbling back and forth. Q snaps his fingers and instantly appears next to Hickster with a huge smile on his face... and back to his normal appearance.


Q: Ah, Hickster! You're the best example of your wretched species I came across in all my life. If I had my way I'd replace that blowhard, windbag Picard with YOU! I'm certain you and I would have a lot of fun together! You shouldn't be out here in the audience while your match is going on though. Here let me help you!


Q snaps his fingers and Hickster appears in the ring.


Q: Well, get back to fighting. Entertain me! Wow me! Make me say "Oooh" and "Ahhh" at your feats of in ring skills. Before you do though....I have one more adjustment to make.


Q snaps his fingers again and Datathan starts shaking as smoke shoots from his ears and sparks pop and fly. Then all at once Datathan dips forward like the power was shut off and then shoots back up to a standing position. Datathan turns his head towards Donathan and Mr. Satellite.


Commander Data: Gentlemen please take your decided positions for this match.


Commander Data seems to be back to normal! Q must have reversed what that microchip did to Data's programming. Mr. Satellite and Donathan exchange glances and Mr. Satellite climbs into the ring.


Q: Ooopsy! Sorry fellas! I really just can't help myself sometimes though. You understand, I'm sure. Now let's continue on with this show! Don't disappoint me! I paid full price for my ticket!


With that Q winks and disappears.


Hickster seeing an opportunity in this distraction charges towards Mr. Satellite. Hickster collides with Mr. Satellite knocking Mr. Satellite down to the mat. Hickster then hits Mr. Satellite with a leg drop. Hickster pulls Mr. Satellite to his feet and whips Mr. Satellite across the ring. Mr. Satellite crashes into the corner. Hickster dives towards Mr. Satellite attempting to ram into Mr. Satellite. Mr. Satellite jumps out of the way just in time and Hickster smashes into the ring post. During all that Cyren finally pops his head from the large Cyren shaped hole in the ring and begins to slowly crawl out. Data ushers Cyren out of the ring as Data believes Hickster to be the legal man. Cyren stands on his side's ring apron slowly swaying back and forth, obviously feeling the effects of being slammed through the ring.


Hickster climbs to his feet as Mr. Satellite hits him with a Running Dropkick followed by an Elbow Drop. Mr. Satellite hooks the leg and covers for the pin.


...1


...2



Kickout by Hickster! Hickster pushes Mr. Satellite off and rises to his feet. Hickster then delivers a few chops to Mr. Satellite's head and chest. Hickster follows those up with a DDT. Hickster grabs Mr. Satellite and brings Mr. Satellite to his feet. Hickster flings Mr. Satellite across the ring. Mr. Satellite uses the momentum though and bounces of the ropes. Mr. Satellite flies back towards Hickster and hits Hickster with a Flying Clothesline. Hickster drops and Mr. Satellite lands a Leg Drop. Mr. Satellite then climbs the ropes to attempt a high flying maneuver. Cyren sneaks up behind Mr. Satellite and rips Mr. Satellite from the top rope by Mr. Satellite's leg. Mr. Satellite cracks down onto the ring post nuts first and tumbles to the ring! OUCH!


Donathan appears behind Cyren and pats Cyren on the face. Cyren instantly drops as Donathan adjusts a ring on his own hand. Donathan then steps into the ring as Cyren begins to froth at the mouth and convulse. Donathan must have drugged Cyren with a spike tipped ring! Donathan walks up to Mr. Satellite who is just getting to his feet. Donathan extends his hand and further helps Mr. Satellite to his feet. Mr. Satellite exits the ring and stands over Cyren, just staring at him while he shakes and drools like crazy. Donathan turns his attention to Hickster who is now getting up. Donathan moves quickly and hits Hickster with Scourged Enlightening! (i.e. double under-hook 360° horizontal face crusher)

From there Donathan sees that Cyren is still frothing at the mouth and rolling around outside the ring! Mr. Satellite grabs Cyren and gets him up onto the apron and rolls him into the ring. Donathan grabs Hickster's arm and pulls him toward the center of the ring.

Mr. Satellite and Donathan both work to get Cyren up onto the turnbuckle with Donathan so he can deliver Flashes of Immortal Light! (i.e. Front flip DDT off the top turnbuckle)

OH! He landed it right into Hickster's chest!!! Cyren's head was driven down into Hickster like a railroad spike from that soaring DDT from the top!

Mr. Satellite and Donathan each stand over Cyren and place one of their feet on each side of his chest for a double pin. They each raise one fist into the air as Data counts the pin...

...1


























...2

































...THREE!

Winners: Donathan Alphonse Francois De Sade & Mr. Satellite!

---

---

---

The show has come to an end as Captain Picard enters the ring with a glass which he raises to the rest of the crew and to the cameras.

Picard: Here's to the finest crew in Starfleet. I'd like to thank my crew for helping make sure this event was a success... unless of course you consider the fact that I lost one of my crew members while she was trying to save Lexi Sheckler from an untimely demise. I'd like to take this opportunity as guest host to make one final judgment call... a very special match for Lexi Sheckler next week. It will be a match in which she is given the chance to join my fallen comrade if she cannot emerge victorious!

What could Picard mean by this? What's he got in store for Sheckler next week?

Picard: I am going to personally book, right now, a DECAPITATION MATCH!

Riker, Worf and the others look on in shock! Captain Picard is REALLY upset that Lexi causes Lieutenant Yar to be eaten by Cee Lo Sludge earlier!

Picard: If she can't manage to find it within herself to win that match, she's going to be decapitated by her opponent directly following the match... and her opponent? Well... it's THIS MAN!










Picard taps his communicator badge and gives the order for the man he's talking about to be beamed into the ring next to him...
































IT'S JOHN MADISON!!!

Picard: Now, Mr. Madison, I'm sure you won't have any qualms about getting into the ring to "test" your fellow Black Circle member.

John salutes Captain Picard and very adamantly responds...

Madison: None at all, Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the U.S.S. Enterprise!

Picard: And I'm sure you won't mind having to chop her head off like you were chopping a carrot with a chef's knife, right?

Madison: That's probably not the way I'd word it, but you're right... no problem from my end in that regard, Captain!

Picard: Your enthusiasm and willingness to follow orders impresses me. You would have made a fine officer among my crew. Perhaps one day we will meet again... I'll be watching next week. Make sure that woman pays for what she caused to happen here tonight. Give her a good, clean swipe of that guillotine blade... for me, for all of us, and most importantly for Lieutenant Tasha Yar.

Madison: I'll even have the head beamed back up here to the Enterprise afterward so you can mount it in your Captain's Quarters, sir.

Picard: Make it so. Make it damn well so, John Madison.




The two of them shake hands and Madison salutes the captain one more time when suddenly...




Mothership Connection plays over the speakers!!!

Cameras search throughout the whole area until we focus on a Cadillac pimpship. The Ship lands in the arena and the door opens. Out comes George Clinton and the entire Parliament-Funkadelic group!

Picard can't believe his eyes.

Picard: What in the hell is this nonsense? I'm out of here. Remember your duty for next week, Mr. Madison.

Picard and crew are beamed out of the ring as John Madison is left to look on at whatever the fuck is unfolding right before his eyes here...

George Clinton: Ladies and gentlemen please don't be alarmed, we've come to send you this interplanetary message. Over the chocolate milky ways and through Orion's Belt we bring you P-Funk, Uncut Funk, The Bomb!

John Madison looks on in utter confusion while the crowd jams to the music.

George Clinton: Now it was brought to my attention that you John Madison has ownership of the funk. So we are going to tell you this one time and one time only...

WE WANT THE FUNK! GIVE UP THE FUNK! OWW WE NEED THE FUNK! GOTTA HAVE THAT FUNK OWW! WE WANT THE FUNK! GIVE UP THE FUNK! OWWW WE NEED THE FUNK! GOTTA HAVE THAT FUNK!

George Clinton: Give up the funk John or we'll turn this motha out! We'll tea the roof of the mothasucka! Give it up before he makes you give it up!!!!

Before John could even ponder who this person is, he gets his skull cracked by a barbed wire bat! The person wielding this weapon is none other than Mr. Natural!

Mr. Natural grabs a microphone and begins to speak.

Mr. Natural: So let me understand if what you're telling me is correct. We had a business meeting last week, and I told you to give me what the hell I want. But as always, you didn't listen. So now we have to move up to Step 2. Solange honey...

Solange, wearing a red dress and red stilettos comes to the ring with a table, gasoline, and a lighter. She sets up the table and lights it on fire.

Mr. Natural: Please give me what the funk I want!

Mr. Natural kicks Madison in the groin and then helps Solange to grab John Madison and Bitch Bomb him through the flaming table! Oh my god!

Mr. Natural: Next week, you better run me my shit muhfucka! Until next time, we are naturally yours.

Mr. Natural and Solange walk off and onto the pimpship, where they fly of making their way back to Earth.

What in the blue hell could Mr. Natural want from John Madison? Does Madison even know??? Will Mr. Natural strike AGAIN next week when John Madison takes on fellow Black Circle member Lexi Sheckler to determine if Sheckler gets to keep her head?

John Madison is rolling around in the ring trying to put out the funk... er, um.. fire. He rolls around and has a SMILE on his face? He's in a lot of pain but somehow he's actually enjoying this?! He yells out while his back is still to the canvas once he has rolled the flames out.

Madison: Oh I'll give you what you want. I'll give you all what you want!

Medical crew arrive to pull Madison out of the ring and he allows them to carry him away on a stretcher while he claps his hands to the beat of the music and continues smiling while staring upward.

---

---

---

Suddenly the X-Tron flashes to life and this image appears.





A loud booming voice radiates the whole arena.


Voice: "Welcome avid XWF fans! Greetings XWF staff! Hello crew of the Enterprise! I bet you're wondering why I'm talking to you. Why you're being forced to look at a picture of a road. Rest assured there is a point behind this! The point is...the road Shane has been driving his truck of insanity on has existed for too long. If this show is to make it and make it strong! A voice of reason needs to step in. A voice to aid in deciding what's a good judgment call and what's a bad judgment call."


The fans begin to boo and cheer in a confused unison. No one really knows what to make of anything that's going on.


"I am the voice of reason. The unbiased judgement this show sorely needs! I will help make the tough calls when it's clear there may be decisions being made that are in favor of a certain group or wrestler....even though they're on the losing end of the match."


The crowd seems to understand this may mean Shane won't get to play as dirty as much, so they begin to cheer. Finally a fair voice will be helping to call the shots on Shove It!


"Alas I won't be there for the festivities tonight. However in one week's time I shall walk out to that very ring and introduce myself loud and proud as the new CO-GM for Shove It Saturdays! I look forward to meeting you all then! Until then... take care, XWF!"


The screen goes blank and we are all left wondering....just who will be walking out and introducing themselves as the new CO-GM of Shove It Saturday Night?

... I fucking love this.

The only friend I've ever had in real life, CJ... he was a HUGE Star Trek fan.

I mean, we were both on the high school newspaper, and almost every other article he wrote had to do with Trek.

I was always a huge Star Wars fan..............

...i think you can tell what our favorite topic of debate was...

..... good times. ^.^

Oh the memories. Storyline never went anywhere though sadly.