MC Jack Hoff: ......Yo!! Lemme spit some lyrix on this right quick. Yo, DJ, hit me wit' dat phat beat so's i can drop my funkity-fresh flow!
You should know, you should know that, uh...Shane-o-mac has not eatin' anythin' tah-day
As Mistah ExxDubbyaEff lays there totally jizzed out, 'bout tah keep hold ontah that strap, Hoff's FINALLY gonna make ya--
JUMP! JUMP!
THE MAC BRY'LL MAKE YA--
JUMP! JUMP!
THE RAYNE STORM'LL MAKE YA--
JUMP JUMP!
JACK HOFF'LL MAKE YA--
JUMP, JUMP!!
Don't try tah compare ME, tah anotha' white boy from the 'burbs
I'm the Jack and I'm back, double fistin' like ya nev-ah hurrd!
I'll make that Cat bump, wiggle an' shake her rump
Cuz I be shootin' that semen that makes her wanna JUMP
How high? Real high
Gonna make her fly
I got the magic, I'll 'cast' it right in her eye
An' twitch that nose once fer me hun, cuz I'm almost done
I'mma Wiz-ard, Ally, I'm Jiggity-Jiggity-Jiggity-JACK!
I cum pumpin' wit'a 'wand' I'm wavin' while yer suckin'
Kimmy-K joins in? An' soon we be triple fuckin'
'Who Says' Ally ain't a pretty little Pussy Cat?
An' when the 'raYne' pours down? Say 'Believe' that!!
JUMP! JUMP!
THE MAC BRY'LL MAKE YA--
JUMP! JUMP!
THE HOFFSTER'LL MAKE YA--
JUMP JUMP!
REEVE GORDON MAKES YA--
JUMP, JUMP!!
september,'13,Nazi Said:When you address me you can call me Nazi or you can call me sir. Nazi is what I go by as name of sorts but it is not my legal name, it's merely a acronym. But since you're both a negro and infected with homosexuality I assume you also can't read. You aren't intelligent enough to speak properly so why would you be able to read? So since you're an illiterate monkey pretending to be a human this means public files in the XWF, that would have stated things like that wouldn't have helped you.
You're a brain addled waste of space mixed with incompetence and impurity. You speak of me not being creative. I don't care what you think. I don't take the thoughts of those I find unfit to breathe the same oxygen as me into consideration. You aren't suitable to exist. You say you're pure. That's like looking down into the sewer and saying the sludge and shit floating around is good enough to drink. It's not and you aren't pure. You aren't strong. Your impurities make you weak. While I have no impurities. I'm a pure blooded and strong German. My hate and my long line of Aryan decent makes me pure. I am like a well refined machine and I won't fail in eliminating you because of how efficient and powerful I truly am. While you're no more than an ant or a flea by comparison. A spec that can easily be crushed beneath my boot.
But please think that somehow explaining you're bi-sexual makes a difference. That being a man who wants to look like a woman and acts like a woman but still goes for having sex with women, will change my opinion at all. Keep wasting your breath. It changes nothing about your fate and it still shows your mind is warped and therefor makes you unsuitable for survival.
raYne Said:The scene opens... to the Apollo. Yes, THAT 'Apollo'. THE Apollo. raYne is standing outside, trying to get in... his hair is straightened, he's wearing a pair of shredded jeans, a dark brown shirt with the 'Anarchy' symbol emblazoned across the front in white stitching... and he wears a spiked choker. As well as a pair of dirty black & white sneakers. He looks much less feminine this go 'round... playing toward his masculine side. He steps up to the bouncer...
"Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, YO! Wassup homie! Wassup G-Dawg?! Wassup mah NIGGA'?!"
At this, the bouncer's eyes become as wide as saucers, and he heaves raYne to the cement on his ass. "GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE, WHITE BOY!!!", screams the bouncer.
raYne is left in a crumpled heap. He looks slowly toward the camera... "Nazi-- does that prove anything to you? That I'm not exactly your typical 'negro'? Because I seriously hope it does... I don't wanna try heading into the near by Popeye's Chicken... those bastards have hot gravy... HOT GRAVY..."
After a few moments of introducing himself to the sidewalk, face to... gravel... he begins to pick himself back up to his feet. He dusts himself off, before shoving his hands into his pockets, and then begins trekking along the path. As he walks, he speaks, "Naz'... I honestly couldn't care LESS about what you WISH for me to call you. I'm calling you Naz'. One? Because I give everyone nicknames, dude. It's just who "iAm". And secondly...
"Soon... you will have a new name to refer to me as.
Victor.
And I don't mean Hugo."
The Blade Falls.
|cut|
--RECORD SCRATCH--
--reeve. fucking. gordon. has entered the building--
[ooc: seriously, i know i fucked up. i ain't makin' excuses. but belie' me or not...shit's about to get real, playah]
... Keep Trollin', Trollin', Trollin', Trollin'...Keep Rolie Polie Olie Rollin'... ________________________________________________________
Promo Title:
Dead Fatty Walkin'
Promo Sub-Title: "Belie' Dat." ________________________________________________________
Next Event: LEAP OF PARM 06/21/14
____________________________________________
All kids outta the pool... it is now time for [adult swim] Adult Swim. Up next?
DeathLab 2021. Gonna be 'Phenom-enal'....get it? ....
(06-19-2014, 07:29 PM)Frodo Smackins Said: For the XTreme, it's either gonna be Flynn or Nazi. No shame to the other participants, but I think it'll be one of the two. And to be honest, I don't know why Hoff was added. I thought this was for past and current Champs only. I can't find raYne, Reeve, or Hoff in the XWF history page.
OOC:Past champ...No. Current champ, neh-eh......Future? In the words of Eithne Ní Bhraonáin......Who knows.
"Only Time".
(06-19-2014, 02:00 PM)Mr. XWF / Dr. Validity Said: Guess I'll go with my buddy Jack Hoff! Maybe he has a big end of the week planned. He did great when I tagged with him so I know he has the skills to take this late in the game.
OOC: So it was written....so too, shall it come to pass. It's Showtime, folks.....
JH:....Well. IRREGARDLESS!! Reeve might be try'na TAKE OVER my promo, but gat dam, the only thing takin' ANYTHING over 'round here is the PARM.WORLD.ORDER. Not Legion, THE LEGION OF HAM SAMMICH HEROES BITCHEZ!! ....muddafukka try'na take MY heat. Bitch-ass nigguh.... YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS!! Nobody's takin' MY TIME, MY TIME TAH SHINE............that fucker scares me, but anyfuck, KEEP RICK ROLLIN', PARD-NAH!!
---jumpin-jack-flashbaxx---
Time: 6:66pm / Date: 6.9.14 / Locale: P.U., O.K.
Lights
+Camera
=Action.
~ ~ ~
Jack Hoff. A man of action.
Actions such as eating, sleeping, eating, and ripping people off. Along with eating. 'Specially Ham Sammiches. And blood.
But when it comes to cutting a promo....Better late than never? Naw.......It's called making an entrance.
He sat in his comfy, cozy, recliner, on his big, fat, nasty ass, watching 'Here Comes Honey Boo Boo'. On 'The Learning Channel'. Srsly, what kind of fucking world are we living in? I mean, I don't wanna go off on a rant here, but didn't TLC used to have 'Pappy's Land' and shit you could actually show your kid to shut them up long enough to do your thang? EDUCATIONAL SHOWS, chachi. Like Sesame Street. Not 'Jersey Shore: Redneck Edition'. Real talk, yo. Dennis-Millah style.
Jack sat in the middle of the living room, in his fancy, schmancy double-wide trailer that he'd earned through six hard years of forcing idiots to compete in terrible wrestling matches in front of empty arenas for chicken feed. No, literally, he always maintained a strict budget when it came to running World Sports Entertainment as its Chairman of the Bored. The wrestlers get chicken feed for pay. He gets solid gold bars and filthy, dirty hookers. This man has always had a superior mind for the business. I.E., the workers are replaceable, so toss whatever scraps you can at 'em, and save the REAL loot to line your fat pockets. And also, keep the belt where it matters. Snug, right around yo' gat dam, blubber-encrusted waist. Truly 'one of the greatest minds in pro-wrasslin'. A real 'mad scientist' if I've ever seen one. A 'visionary', in every sense of the word. In other words I'm making fun of Paulie.
Jack rested his feet upon the glass surface of his coffee table, which never actually held an ounce of coffee. But what it did hold, day after day, was cans upon cans of cold, frosty beer. He grabbed one, lifted it to his lips, and poured it down his gullet. Finishing off the last drop, Jack crushed the can, and tossed it over his shoulder. He let out a sigh. And then a loud belch... before flippin' the tube. He'd had enough. And it was time for a change. He changed it to the XWF airwaves.
He did not like what he saw.
Reliable News Reporter: It has been said by a very reliable source in the industry that this is Mr. XWF's final week in the XWF. His match on Wednesday will indeed be his final match, and the promo that is about to be released sometime within the next 24 hours will be his farewell promo.
News Reporter Type Person: This news comes as a shock to many and brings much confusion. The self professed Boy With The Big Ol' Dick seemed to be back and ready to go with everything in his favor but an unforeseen circumstance has cut this unique superstar's career drastically short. If Mr. XWF's career was his cock, it just got circumcised way too far and accidentally cut his manhood clean off. We hope to have some kind of answers in that upcoming promo.
Fake-Ass Entertainment-Weekly-Style Bitch: In other super-important BREAKING NEWZZ type news-- A plane crashed earlier today, 150 miles west of Oklahomo City, with 132 passengers on-board. There were NO survivors. And now, on a more serious note, the 2016 presidential election is heating up -
"GAT DAMMIT!!"
What's the matter, Jack, the plane crash near your home bringin' ya down?
"....what, naw, fuck that. I don't know none them bitches, muh-fukka MUST be trippin'....."
....Okay.....The election then? I know you're pullin' for Hillary. Might just be her year. If all the other candidates die...Even Gore......
"No GATDAMMIT, I'm talkin' 'bout X LEAVIN' THE BY GAWD COMP'NY, NEVER TAH RETURN AGAIN!! An' you KNOW, as well as I do, you HAVE to belIeve, just like the inner-net, or a 'Storm' that says he's gunna have three roleplays in on time an' he's gonna startin' takin' care ah hisself, an' he's gonna change an' get his wings an' become a butterfly an' suck Sebastian's Skeletor Cock, YA GOT BELIE DAT BITCH CAKES!!
"So I JUST KNOW that he's gone fer good, an' we had the tag titles within our grasp!!....YES, it mighta just been in my mind an' then in the crappy fuckin' MSPaintJob, and YES, I never actually ASKED if X an' I could face Sweaty Petey, FroYo an' the boys at Leap of Faith.... and YES, he wanted Maddy instead, and YES I mighta took a dump in FroYo Fagginz gear bag, and YES......no, that's about it. BUT IRREGARDLESS, I knew he'd come 'round and we'd make a run fer them tag straps! BUT NOW THIS?!"
"I am gunna haffta make a lil ol' ringy-ding-ding phone call tah Louie. Put this shit in check....Ya know... fer six gat damn years, I been watchin' this world slowly collapse in on itself. Honey Fuckin' Boo Boo. The Shore. The Kardashians. Justin. FRACKIN'. Bieber. Petey Gilmo, FroHo Shagginz..... And now the SAVIOR AH THIS DUMP, Mr. ExxDubbyaEff....is LEAVIN' THE ExxDubbyaEff?! The world just ain't what it used to be. Not music, not movies, not tv, not WRASSLIN'... and I am sick to DEATH of it. This world... what it needs? Is a change."
Jack peers off to the side, at the camera. Eyes locked.
"...and I'm gonna give it one."
somethin' against frodo-here i am, rock you like a hurricane [maybe hoff......maybe have a move named that? also, he 'learns moves' as an arch, to build his arsenal, but it is through extensively playing WWE vidja games, sparring w/bob dole, and other completely moronic ideas........IN NEXT JACK RP, have space ghost interview him, letting that be the 'second coming', the reason he was referenced in the jericho parody. "SEE I TOLD YOU I WAS VERY IMPOTENT! important even." ............jack gets sick from eating old food, just like narrator done said......the precedin' 'nnouncement been paid fer by b.i.t.c.h.
--press conference. lou e. heyman is at the podium, he introduces jack, with four new nicknames--messiah of masturbation, fuhror of fat, the NEW Mr. XWF, the NEXT BEST THING....Jack Hoff!!
--jack is dressed all hollywood style. or at least for him, compared to a wifebeater and sweatpants. still wearin' flip flops, but FANCY flip flops.
--he declares that he will carry the mantle of mr. xwf, he will make him proud, and he will not let his death go avenged. lou reminds him x didn't die. IRREGARDLESS!!
--I AM THE SAVIOR OF THIS BAH GAWD CUMP'NY!! [reporter: who are you? i thought this was a david blaine magic show, dammit I'm in the WRONG building, sorry!]
--if he has to he will nail both ally-cat AND matthew with ham sammiches to the face, he will storm all over their asses!!...rp ends on 'rayne's grave, his hand shootin out [gif of shredder]
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