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Theo Pryce · (06-19-2014)

I guess I should actually take a few minutes to talk wrestling with you all. I suppose that’s only fair after all this is a wrestling company and as entertaining as my life is I am sure you are all dying to hear what I have to say about the current state of the XWF, the trios match from last week and my upcoming match at Leap of Faith where I get to face not just one bum but two. Lucky me.

First let’s address the giant elephant in the room…no, I’m not talking about Eli James inflated sense of self-worth, I am however talking about the trios match.

Yes we lost. More specifically, I lost. I was pinned. I was the reason my team lost. But what did you expect?

I had just woken up from a 3 day cocaine induced coma and yet despite that I still made it out to the ring to take part in the match.

Which is a God damn miracle in itself.

Think about that for a second.

I had lost nearly 10 pounds as I hadn't eaten in days.

I was weak as fuck, my muscles had started to atrophy thanks to the lack of activity and yet I still showed up for my match.

Most guys spend all week training and preparing themselves for a match sometimes they win, and sometimes they lose.

Me, I was out partying it up, loving life, somewhere along the way I snorted a little too much of that white powdery goodness and ended up taking a three day nap.

But I didn’t let that stop me, no I couldn’t let all you fans down.

I wouldn’t just back out of the match because things no longer suited me, I’m not Peter Gilmour.

So I did what any man would do, any real man that is, I laced up my boots and I marched down to the ring and then…well…you know the rest.

Things didn’t end well for High Society, I shit the bed there, no denying it.

Even if I wanted to. You all saw the footage.

Blame it on the coke.

Blame it on the coma.

Whatever. I don’t care.

But hey, at least I didn’t con two gullible guys into helping me to defend a title only to drop those very titles a few days later…without even consulting them.

Hell of a guy you are Eli James but by all means, keep telling people how selfless you are, how you don’t act with your own interests at heart.

Keep challenging guys who are long since retired or old and crippled.

Keep telling yourself that because they didn’t want to waste their time with you that you are some big bad scary man that no one wants to face.

From a number one contenders match to a being in a match with Barney Green.

My how the guys who think they are mighty but really aren’t have fallen.

Anyway back to me and what’s going on in my life.

Since the failed attempt at winning the trio’s titles my life has only gotten better.

Let’s recap shall we:

A squad of Yakuza tried to assassinate me.

I got fired from my own company.

Kicked out of a strip club without actually touching a stripper.

And…

The cherry on top…

My sister is a massive cunt who is carrying the son of a NAZI.

Yep, my life is mother fucking beautiful.

And you all love it, you eat that shit up.

Look at the numbers, they don’t lie, you people love tuning into another episode of “Theo’s Life”.

I see the chatter, sometimes when I get bored I log into the XWF’s Fan Chat room and I just sit back and watch as countless fans discuss what’s going on in the world of Theo. Sure some fans don’t like it but most do.

Much love to the Theoites out there. Any of you want to meet me in some dark and damp back alley to do a few lines of coke with your hero you just let me know when and where. Just make sure you bring the coke.

No offense but I’m unemployed now so funds are limited.

Who am I kidding, I got more funds than Maria Brink has AIDS, the truth is I just don’t want to waste my premium shit on some crazy fans and someone who may or may not be the next Mark David Chapman.

Now a few months ago I was in a tag team match with Azrael Erebus, it was the only match he and I ever had as a tag team and unsurprisingly we won.

The opponents?

Steve Davids and Tony Santos.

In the days leading up to that match I did a promo called:

The Stable Killer And The Paper Champion

Go ahead and give it a watch if you want.

Funny thing about that promo, it happened on January 30, my birthday by the way and as I rewatched it earlier in preparation for this promo I found something extremely hilarious.

Not a single thing has changed since that promo aired. In fact, in the case of Steve Davids he even played into that promo just a little bit.

Now if you are asking yourself what is he talking about? Allow me to elaborate.

At the time I called out Steve Davids for being a Paper Champion. He pinned JTC to win the X-treme title and then what did he do after that? Beat Tri Bute? Then lose to Morbid Angel in a NON TITLE match.

How an X-treme Champion was even allowed to be booked in a non-title match is beyond me. Shows just how incompetent management is. But this isn’t about management.

This is about Steve Davids. Former Paper Champ, current Fraudulent Briefcase Holder.

That’s right, the guy who pinned JTC to win the title, won a match against Tri Bute and lost a non-title match to Morbid Angel then did the unthinkable, and by unthinkable I mean he pulled an Eli. He handed his title off.

Steve Davids put in the bare minimum, won ONE title defense match, lost a NON TITLE match, held that belt for 6 weeks and then dropped it like a bad habit. After all, what did he need it for? He already got his briefcase, the X title…the title that he swore he would do his best to revive and take away the stench that Gilmour left on it did the exact opposite. Instead of cleaning it off and shining it up real nice he took a massive shit on the title. The X-treme title was an absolute joke before Steve Davids won it and nothing he did, or any of the people after him have done has changed that.

The guy Davids handed the title to? Morbid Angel? He got called out by Enigma, a fucking guy who thinks he’s a crime fighter. Called out by Enigma and then promptly lost the title to him.

Enigma? Lost to Mandii Rider.

Mandii Rider? She basically pulled a Steve Davids, held the title for the required 6 weeks, had one title defense got her briefcase and moved on. Basically handing the title off to, Morbid Angel.

Who then lost to Griffin MacAlister for the billionth time.

Griffin got punked by NAZI and NAZI just lost the title to Bobby Zi, a white African.

Talk about irony. NAZI losing to an African. I do hope my dear sister has been fortunate enough to stay away from Nathaniel lest she be a victim of what I am sure is a racist tirade the likes of which would make Peter Gilmour blush.

No wait, I take that back, fuck that cunt. I hope Nathaniel unloaded on her to the point that she is sitting in a tub of hot water with slits in her wrist. Fucking cunt.

Morale of the story.

Steve Davids said he would make the X-treme title worth something again.

Steve Davids lied.

Which should come as no surprise because Steve Davids is a fucking liar.

He’s also a well-known bitch boy.

What is a bitch boy you ask?

It’s someone incapable of doing anything on their own, someone who needs someone else to leech off of to accomplish anything.

First Steve Davids was Sebastian Duke’s loyal lapdog. He did anything and everything that Sebastian wanted. All in the hopes that Sebastian would pat Davids on the head and say good boy, maybe even give him a treat. Davids was the only member of the Brotherhood to stick it out with Duke while he failed on his crusade to end The Black Circle. Of course we all found out that was one giant lie and really Duke created a group to take out the Black Circle but not really all because? Fuck if I know. Duke’s never been clear on that. And Davids was too busy sniffing Duke’s ass to ever ask the question himself.

But now Duke is back in the Black Circle and Davids wasn’t good enough to come along so what did Steve do?

Disappear for a while, but not before getting himself into some trouble.

And how did he get out of said trouble?

Paul Heyman and his rag tag band of hooligans. A group that Steve Davids is now member of.

You see a pattern here?

If it’s not The Brotherhood it’s the Heyman Alliance.

Paul orchestrated a jail break for Steve and now Steve owes Paul his life, or maybe it’s something far more foul, who really knows with Heyman. That guy has all kinds of issues. Aside from the obvious ones of course.

So there we have it. Steve Davids.

If he’s not sucking on the tit of Sebastian Duke he’s kissing the feet of Paul Heyman. Steve Davids, ever the loyal bitch boy.

And believe me Steve, I know all about bitch boys. I used to employee one.

Alright, now that I got that off my chest I guess I should talk about Tony Santos, the other opponent in my match.

Tony…

I…

Honestly I got nothing.

We are both fucked up souls.

I have coke.

You have alcohol.

I go to NA and you go to AA.

The difference is, despite my issues I can still make something of my life.

I USED to run Pryce Industries, something you missed in your last promo.

I USED to be the King of the XWF.

I AM the current Television Champ.

What about you?

You used to be an X-treme Champ.

A title I already blasted to high hell.

How does it feel to be discussed in the same breath as guys like Bobby Zi and Peter Gilmour?

At least I can hold my head up as being one of only Three Kings in the XWF. And the one that ended the nearly yearlong reign of John Madison.

What have you done Tony?

Besides singing shitty songs, drink IPA’s and go to N.A meetings?

By the way Tony, real alcoholics drink the hard stuff like whiskey.

Beer is for pussies and woman who are too cheap to afford actual alcohol.

Tell you what, after I smack you around on Saturday and walk out of Leap of Faith with the title still around my waist I’ll leave a ten dollar bill at your locker and you can go out and buy yourself a Michelob Ultra.

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