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Guppy Parsh · (06-19-2014)

It was a very sunny Father's Day in L.A. where Peter Gilmour's Racist Remarks was enjoying a glass of rum and coke on the balcony of its beachfront apartment. The voice always lived it up when it could, but the red ball of death couldn't help but be concerned that its adopted son, Guppy Parsh, a former doctor, was still out trying to find a missing pizza. The red ball of death wasn't sure if its little baby was ever going to come home and enjoy the day's festivities.

It soon returns inside its home that it shares with Guppy, unable to enjoy the sunlight without its remarkable son to spend the time with. The voice called to check in on Parsh many times, but it could tell that something was going wrong. It saw through its son's word.

Eager to find out what its son had been up to, the red ball of death watched several Guppy Parsh promos and then looked at the card for his boss, Paul Heyman's special PPV event, Leap of Faith.

The voice was not pleased at these mockeries and decided to cut a promo right then and there. Luckily, we had cameras there to capture its candid response.

“Wow! This NERD federation HAS AN RTS Championship? That’s lame,” the voice had done its research before it decided to cut this promo, “FOR u ALL that don’t KNOW an RTS is a lame video game, THIS ISN’T FAIR.”

“Look WHO my guppy is FACING in this ‘match’ (PLAYING a computer GAME isn’t a REAL FIGHT), he’s FACING Clame AKA Romufag Heinbitch Wintard the king of ALL GAY NERDS!” the voice couldn’t believe Doll GAYMAN would book such an unfair match, “and of course this other NOOB gaylan who I think BUTTFUCKS frodo and scorpio!”

“Let’s get this out in the OPEN Mr. GAYMAN, I am a good Christian. I only KILL PEOPLE who god tells me to kill. So when I see a REAL TIME STRATEGY match it makes me REALLY upset because that is Satan’s Game. I WOULDN’T BE a good father figure FOR GUPPY if I let him play STARCRAP 2 or WORLD of WHORECRAFT 3. It’s father’s day and that’s the day when I am THE MOST POWERFUL,” the voice was really powerful on other days too, “That TYPE of bullshit gets PEOPLE killed. Doll, have you ever heard of the Sandy Hook SHOOTINGS? I don’t want my GUPPY to turn into a MURDERER like that guy.”

“I hope you understand Mr. Gayman that I have always been UR most FAITHFUL Doll Gayman guy. That’s why me and Guppy ARE THE A-Team of the GAYMAN ALLIANCE. Cock Loser lost. Velwhore Bummer lost. Ken-doll Whoreyer lost. Mommy Cumm lost. John Faguels lost. Guppy has never failed you like the others have. Guppy Parsh is an undefeated WRECKING BALL OF DEATH! Then u book him in a BULLSHIT VIDEO GAME MATCH? This is a pussy move Mr. GAYMAN, my boss, even 4 you!” the voice had never been betrayed in such a pussy way. “I demand that u make this a TRIPLE THREAT XTREEMMME RULES MATCH, so it can be a REAL FIGHT instead of a GAY VIDEO GAME PRETEND FUCKING LAME FIGHT. My Guppy is not a FUCKING CHINK. He WON'T PLAY ur chink game.”

“If u don’t fix this Paul I’ll LEAVE ur ALLIANCE in SHAMBLES. If this RTS BELT MATCH was to appease me for ur PREVIOUS betrayal of MY TRUST then u’ll have 2 try HARDER next time. I want you 2 change this RTS title match to a RTX title match u little JEW BITCH! VIDEO games are SATAN and I don’t worship the devil,” the voice has a curious love/hate relationship with Satan. “But I digress.”

“Mr. Gayman may be stupid enough to make this MISTAKE in the first PLACE, but he isn’t SO DUMB that he’ll let it SIT. Guppy Parsh will be able TO DESTROY his opponents in a REAL MATCH. I’ll tell u why,” the voice rarely provides reasoning, “My Guppy has NEVER LOST. He has beaten LEGENDS of THE SPORT like Hoelange and Drew Stevenshit and THE GODDAMN UNDER PUKER. Do you think my little PARSHIEPOO could lose TO 2 FAGS from development? Maybe I haven’t made Myself CLEAR, but GUPPY PARSH IS MY SLAVE. MY SLAVES NEVER lose ever.”

“Seriously, Gaylan and Clame are in the RUNNING for XWF Magazine’s COUPLE OF THE YEAR they’re a pair of homos just like fromo and whorpio. They’ve PROBABLY been PLANNING TO DOUBLE assfuck my guppy in a match for MONTHS! Just watch, all their PROMOS are GOING TO BE them buttfucking eachothers ASSHOLES. I encourage all the OTHER good Christians to not watch that GAY SHIT,” the voice knew the fags that would watch that would burn in hellfire forever; the voice was very religious, “Guppy is going to KILL those idiots. SMDFH.”

“AT QUEEF OF FAKE my demon guppy will remain UNDEFEATED and he will DESTROY all of ur souls,” the voice had the best promos on the XWF roster.

The red ball of death was about to end its epic promo there, but then it remembered something else that should fucking suck its dick. Not for pleasure though, for respect.

“Speaking of my demon, I watched ur last promo, GUPPY! I still own u. UR not allowed to star in that movie! HEATH LEDGER was in a superhero movie and he’s dead! I wouldn’t be a good FATHER FIGURE if I let u kill urself like he did. THERE ARE NO DEMONS in hollywood. Tell Gwen Assflex that he’ll have to be batman. Ur my slave not his. I didn’t leave u for DEAD, I still want MY PIZZA, that JEFF HARDY RIP-OFF is still waiting for the PIZZA PARTY in the APARTMENT, DonOLD Tramp’s PARTY is still BETTER THAN mine, and YOU BETTER HURRY THE FUCK UP!” the voice needed its pizza now, “Parsh, I am ur DADDY. I made u. U don’t decide when I own u, I DO. Ur still under my control and I say u put away that costume and start being a GOOD CHRISTIAN BOY before u unleash my RADIOACTIVE DEMONS. I INVENTED METAL MUSIC GUPPY, I can use that power to kill u. Don’t make me kill u with my SATANIC powers, Guppy. I worship GOD AND SATAN!”

The red ball of death erupted into a mass of decaying murder as the threads and souls of meaningless life rippled away into the destructive lakes and a pit of fire. Everything has an end. The voice had more evil sins to confess.

"Guppy, meet me in an abandoned church so we can talk about this," the voice knew all the best meeting places in the world.

Guppy fin.

Threaded Mode \| Linear Mode An Old Voice, An Evil Message, A Real Father Figure, A Good Christian (Part 3) (RP2)
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