Welcome fans and haters of Mister Mystery 17 31707 1 -- Are you all excited about the return of the only real madman after his brief hiatus? Even without being present, he was still being talked about last week and is already a part of the most important headline in current news. This past Saturday we were fortunate enough to see the formation of what could possibly be the most powerful group ever assembled in X-treme Wrestling Federation history; a team of men led by the mastermind called Donathan Alphonse Francois De Sade. The names that are now on the same page as a result of this union are staggering to say the least- -Mistery Mystery 17 31707 1; the seemingly uncontrollable psychopath with unclear motives and a hunger for inflicting pain even onto his own fellow tag team championship holder. He may not currently have a contract in the XWF but that won't stop him from ripping through anyone Donathan points him in the direction of. -Unknown Soldier; the recently resurfaced lunatic with a thirst so strong for blood that he'd attempt to drink it straight from a living individual's cracked cranium. A key player in showing how truly influential Donathan can be when you consider Unknown Soldier's history with Shane's -ass buddy, Greggo. Perhaps Greggo will be the next to join the ranks of the most powerful group in history? What a slap in Shane's face that would be. -Tyler Decker; the man all of you so foolishly forgot about and allowed to sweep in when least expected, helping to further tip the scales in favor of Donathan's overlaying agenda and prove how useless and ineffective Shane and his Black Circle of Shit really are in the big picture. Even the so-called owner himself had no clue this equalizer was waiting in the wings and ready to strike at just the right moment. Little do the masses know that Donathan himself has been corresponding with select individuals for quite some time now, behind the scenes, while keeping himself hidden under the ridiculous moniker of Your Angel -- a completely far-fetched "character" for lack of a better term, which was relayed to us in a fashion that would have us believing he could literally travel in time and harness knowledge from other worlds. Completely impossible of course, but fuck it; stranger claims have been made in the XWF- -John Madison claiming he could swim from Singapore to Ireland -Nathaniel Adolph Zachary Idenhaus claiming he can cleanse -- well -- anything -Lexi Sheckler claiming she could hold on to championship gold for longer than a blink of an eye -Shane claiming he knows how to actually run a fucking company or stop any true threat to his joke of a power trip All of these claims and others like them in the weeks prior have been what enabled Donathan (as Your Angel) to go around claiming supernatural powers and time traveling ability. Even the most advanced, and even the simplest of minds would all believe that load of bullfuck before believing some of the other idiotic statements that others have been making lately; and while they were all buying into that charade, Donathan's true agenda was being sown right under everybody's noses. Last Saturday was a night that will live in infamy because the XWF's version of how that story is told will always be negative. Why would it go down in history as anything else when Shane and his group of misguided miscreants were the ones to finally suffer? The man who has his claws in each and every aspect of this company will surely see to it that such a glorious event is presented to others as one of the most horrible, unjust acts to ever unfold! Just one problem with that line of thinking -- everyone involved was counting on it and not a single one of them minds playing the bad guy in this conquest.

STORY TIME "How I got the fuck out of Singapore -- Part 1" by Mister Mystery 17 31707 1

Everyone I run into out on the streets asks me the same few questions. It's always-

-what are you going to do when you get your hands on Mark Flynn?

-how did you get out of Singapore after being thrown in the bay by Flynn?

-are you going to cash in your 24/7 briefcase on Flynn?

I mean sure I get some other questions as well, like people asking how badly I'm going to pulverize Big Bad Leroy or if I'm going to finally cleanse the XWF of that racist piece of shit known as "N.A.Z.I." for short but those answers will all come soon enough. For now I'm going to share exactly what went down after I was seen plunging into the bay as a result of the impressively brave attack by Mark Flynn. I say brave only because of what he went through with after the original, miserably cowardly attack that I nearly turned around to the point of leaving him in a body bag. The man tried surprising me when I was celebrating my easily predictable victory over the likes of Sebastian Duke and Mr. XWF -- everyone saw that victory coming and that includes Flynn; the United States Champion who clearly pays very close attention when someone places him on their termination list.

You see; it was only a few days prior that I had released this list of names to the fucktards who peruse xwf's shitty website -- a list of names that I promised to eradicate when I was finished with Sebastian and his cock sucking, homosexual partner with the disease-soaked dick. The list was clearly labeled as being in no particular order and Mark Flynn knew that meant he could easily end up being the very next person to suffer my wrath.

Here's a reminder of that list, just in case any of you puke colored stains on the Fruit Of The Looms of humanity have already forgotten-

(02-21-2013, 06:31 AM)Mister Mystery 17 31707 1 Said: In no particular order, due to the equal fucking worthlessness of every goddamn last one of you pieces of fucking shit that will soon be scraped from the bottom of my boots after I walk all over you:

John Madison - The self-destructive, self-contradictory baboon who thinks he gives orders in his position of slavery

Unknown Soldier - The little kid who believes in the devil and fucks more livestock than Shane himself

Cyren - The incapable court jester who barely even succeeds at his own guaranteed failure week by week

Mark Flynn - The guy who will always be almost as good as the best 10 guys above him and never break through to being number 10

Angelus - The promising star who will always be almost as good as Mark Flynn; ouch!

Lexi Sheckler - The most fun of the bunch to look at, unless we're talking about actual technique, in which case she becomes an abomination

Griffin MacAlister - The sarcastic, confused mind that just can't seem to keep a friend, or a title

Crimson Deadly - The master of mediocrity and best damn looking gay man on the roster

Crimson Cobra - That one guy who is Crimson Deadly's only minion

Mr. XWF - The master of stupidity and worst looking gay man on the roster, but at least he makes teenage boys laugh before he loses big (and medium [and small]) matches

and, just for the fuck of it; John Black - Hahaha, he's John Black.

Now obviously I need to clarify a couple of points here because some of you will try and make a big fucking deal out of nothing..

A -- The only reason my current ally Unknown Soldier was on that list was because Donathan told me to make sure nobody saw our coming union in advance. I played along with that just like Unknown Soldier played along in one of his promos that followed the announcement of this list. Nobody would have suspected that we already were a part of a massive, unstoppable plan for complete supremacy within the ranks of this god forsaken piss-hole of a federation. Nobody had a clue that Donathan was already lurking about; let alone that Unknown Soldier and I were both going to be assisting him in the process of overthrowing its would-be tyrant rulers with ease.

B -- Mr. XWF's name was on this list at the time because I had not yet figured out that he was the piece of shit that was stupid enough to stand by Sebastian Duke's side in a battle that can never be won -- the battle for the Tag Titles when Peter Gilmour and I are the ones defending them. Had I known he was the secret partner at the time, I wouldn't have wasted my time placing him on the list because as far as I'm concerned he was destroyed before the match even began. Donathan, Sid Feder and myself all found Mr. XWF backstage before the main event and we nearly killed him in cold blood so Donathan could assume the role of "Mr. XWF" and fool everyone -- and fool everyone we did. Donathan played the role perfectly throughout the entire match and even landed some heavy shots to both Peter Gilmour and myself. Nothing we couldn't handle, obviously, and in the end it proved an even bigger shock when Donathan finally revealed himself by turning on Sebastian Duke to seal the victory of Peter Gilmour and myself. Do you remember how pathetic of a sight it was when the real Mr. XWF came crawling out from the back, barely able to even make it down the ramp to the ring? What a useless jackass that flaming -ass bitch proved to be when it came to being there for Sebastian Duke. Ha ha ha!

Now with points A and B cleared up, it brings us to C -- and how appropriate that is because it leaves us talking about Average Mark Flynn; the man who was cowardly enough to try and blindside me but courageous enough to keep trying even when I was ripping him to shreds for his troubles. The only question here is which side of Mark Flynn is the true representation of himself? The sneaky, sniveling little rat that tried getting the jump on me without me seeing him coming? Or is it the fearless warrior who kept trying, and trying, and trying even while losing massive amounts of blood? He knew that if he stopped even for one second I'd reach down his throat and tear out his intestines so in retrospect he had no fucking choice but to "keep on, keeping on" as they say. This tells us that when he's presented with choice he will always elect the weak-hearted, spiritless course of action -- something a lot of you already knew from watching him on television, but a lesson I got to learn first hand when he pulled the exact same bullshit on me.

We all have seen yet another demonstration of the Mark Flynn logical conclusion-

-Always enter the fight like your life depends on it and you already know you're heavily outgunned; because you recognize your lowly status and fragile structure compared to your foes.

-Fight for your life with everything you've got -- clawing and scratching and cheating your way to another day of survival once your original plan of pussy action fails disastrously; because it's basic human instinct and nothing more -- nothing credible by any means to your own account.

What a lousy fucking predator he makes, but at least his trick handcuffs got me to take a swim before Crimson Cobra sent him sailing as well. How lovely was that? I almost feel like I should give Cobra a pass and remove him from my list just fo-

-wait; no, no I don't. Cobra gets no pass. I'll still eviscerate him first chance I get just like I'll do to any name on that list. Maybe if he would have struck before I got dropped into the water and helped me gut Flynn like a fish, and then proceeded to kneel before me and beg me for mercy -- maybe then I'd give him a pa-

-no.. actually what I'd do while he was kneeling would be to put my boot through the back of his skull after entering it into his face. That's just me; that's how I get shit done around here.



So now with all that covered.

It's time for me to tell the story of what went on after my plunge.



I remember a very cold sensation consuming every fiber of my being while I was taken to a magical place in my own mind. I don't recall if I tried swimming to safety on my own but one way or another I was very quickly drifting farther and farther away from reality.

Farther and farther from life itself, as we know it on this miserably brutal planet.

I'm not sure if it was because I knew two weeks later would be an event held in outer space, but I believe my mind was sending me there ahead of schedule. I felt weightless and the things around me were nothing like what you'd see on this Earth. Everything moved in slow motion and I remember seeing what I perceived at the time as the sun. I reached toward it; stretching my arm out as far as I could even though I had no idea why I was doing so. For some reason or another I felt that grabbing the sun would be my answer in this place.

I can't remember much else other than the feeling of death's cold hands creeping up my Achilles tendon, up my calves, past my thighs, and finally up my spine to the point of reaching the back of my neck. This was a feeling very different from the cold sensation I already was experiencing the entire time; this feeling felt like negative 1,000 degrees crawling up through my body from bottom to top.

What happened next I can't explain in terms you'd take seriously -- I shit you not when I tell you that I think I literally died in those scum filled waters. There I was sharing the same pool of Singapore piss as worthless fuckbags like Cyren, Mr. XWF, Sebastian Duke, and even my own attacker Mark Flynn; but I was anywhere but there. I believe I was miles high; far beyond the reaches of this mortal world when it finally happened...

"Wake up."

The voice was calm and soothing; a gentle, warming blanket of what I could only conceive as reason.

"Wake up."

Again; the exact same pitch and tranquil delivery of those two magical words.

"Wake up."

And that third time was what finally broke me through -- ripped me back into this world as my eyes shot open and there I saw standing above me in the back of a van; none other than Donathan. He smiled when he saw my eyes focus on his own and without another word I knew one thing very clearly on this otherwise ghastly day in history. From that point forward there would never be a task I'd refuse to perform for this person; there would be no mission I would allow myself to fail under this man's command. From that day onward I had a new reason to live -- I was literally alive with only one man to thank. By god almighty; you sons of bitches have never realized something with such certainty and ferocity. Nothing could ever measure up to this one simple understanding I now had.

I knew he really was..

My angel.

My GOD.

---

to be continued

---