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Lights, camera....action. We're rolling now so quiet on the set. That means you jackass, eating a jelly donut and coughing. No wonder you're coughing, you're eating a jelly donut without coffee. Good job. Oh hey, you see I'm looking at you. Excellent. You've also found a beverage. That's great. Since that has been taken care of it's time to focus on this promo. The one I'm shooting in regards to my upcoming match with Neil Capra. The man who wants to rip my championship away from me. The man that's foolish enough to believe he can beat me. The man who has to remind his viewers he's a man when he's making a point. Just in case we all forgot. He talks like a bitch so that is a forgettable concept. Thanks for reminding me you're a man Capra. I was actually forgetting so I appreciate the reminder. Anyway....let's begin this promo shall we.


Hello everyone. My name is Jeff Hardy and I like to take drugs. There I said it. It's been clearly stated aloud. Perhaps I'm an addict, I'm not certain. I never really examined the thought to a great extent. I'd prefer to refer to myself as a pharmaceutical connoisseur. Someone who can appreciate a good high and still function in society during it's effects. I'd like to think I can operate better than a normal sober person sometimes. Don't think so...then maybe you need to observe the things I have done and continue to do while under the influence. Not a lot of people can do that. It usually makes them pretty damn sloppy. Where some can attest I've handled myself carelessly, the number of sloppy moments on camera performing for the masses are few and far between. Not many can claim that ability while high. Doesn't make me a worse or a better person than anyone. So I don't really see the necessity in pointing out my drug usage as a negative strike against me. Especially when it hasn't hindered my abilities within the XWF. Hell, I probably share my preference of drugs with a majority of the roster. It's ok, I understand the majority of you need to grasp at straws when attempting to insult me. However since you know I take drugs and I know I take drugs....maybe its relevance as a jab against me will cease to continue. I mean it's not like it's a big secret or I'm ashamed of it. In fact it's almost the same as if you pointed out I have hands or long hair as tangible points in your argument against me. It's that obvious and apparent. In fact if I took a drug test right now we both probably know that shit ain't coming back with results stating I'm clean. So let's not beat around the bush and just accept the fact already. I've been admitting to it since I shot my first promo. Don't believe me here's the proof...

Quote:Tomorrow is my first match in the XWF. I left TNA for this company hearing it held more promise then TNA and WWE combined. While that was intriguing I was just glad I didn't have to be drug tested anymore. Shallow...I know. People don't realize though what I do as thrilling and as awesome as it is, still takes it's painful toll. Sometimes you gotta get a little high....or swallow enough acid that you think your opponents are emus sent to eat your brain. Mostly it's swallowing enough drugs to kill the pain till you gotta get up and do it all over again. Wouldn't have it any other way.

So now that's been established, let's try to move forward. If you have a progressive mind you'll understand mentioning my using drugs as a slam against me is pointless. It won't offend me, and it only shows you can't really find a stable flaw about me to acknowledge. In fact it's funny when that's the only thing someone can find to throw at me as a flaw. It's almost as funny as someone telling me it's a bad thing to constantly put myself on the line. I'm an idiot cause I throw caution to the wind and carry myself with reckless aggression. Y'know what I'm sure it does look stupid to people who aren't thrill seekers. I'm sure I look like a fucking moron because I push myself to the limits. It sure must be hell to realize I'm gonna be the one standing in the ring opposite you and I'll keep going till I can't go any more. A last man standing match against someone like that must scare the shit outta some people. I'm sure it fucks with Neil Capra. That's why he stammered this out.

Quote:Jeff, the winner of our match will be the last one standing. Not the fastest to climb a ladder. Not the idiot who decides to jump off said ladder onto solid concrete with another person being their only salvation for not landing flat onto it. It sure as hell isn't who takes the most drugs. You can't even stay on your feet without anyone forcing you off of them, you stoner fuck. How will you stand being drunk, high, and with broken legs? Simple answer, you won't, Jeff. I will be standing however, and because of the fact that I will break you, I will become the next Eurpopean Champion..."

I'm not even going to point out the parts that don't construe as understandable sentences, or how he says those sentences literally right after slamming me for being on drugs like it's a bad thing. Although it's clear this man isn't sober, or intelligent. He slurred European so bad it sounded like Eurpopean. What the fuck is the Eurpopean Champ? Why does he wanna be it so bad and why does he think beating me will grant him the power to be it? He can be the Eurpopean Champ now! I don't give a shit! Anyway I'll just point out the fact he slams me for taking risks. Yes, the only thing saving me from the concrete is another fucking body. However I've taken risks and not landed onto a person as well. What happened after that? Hmmm?? Do you remember, or is the schizophrenia getting in the way? Blocking your memory perhaps? Too many voices going on up there with nothing to say except "join us"? Ok, I'll tell you. When I crash to the ground....regardless if I connect with my target or not, I keep going. I don't stop until I can't continue and my body won't allow it. Now I know you think you're pretty impressive for a rookie but you've never gone the lengths I've gone. So I'm gonna damn well bet your all isn't a fraction of what MY ALL is. Last man standing with you Neil Capra? Fuck, that ain't gonna be shit! That's gonna be a walk in the motherfuckin' park! Maybe I'll even tell Paul to allow you to bring some florescent light tubes in the ring so you have a chance! Still won't help and you're still gonna lose but maybe it'll even the odds a bit. This European title ain't goin' nowhere. It's around my waist cause I'm the best and no one can bring themselves to my level and take it away. Not you, not Alex Shawn....not anyone! Get used to Jeff Hardy being your European champ XWF, cause this shit isn't ever gonna change!







I stand at the cusp of reason and stare down into insanity. It welcomes me like an old friend. This is all I know. Past, present, future....it's all I sleep, eat and breathe. I don't know another form of existence. If I couldn't operate the way I do...I'd probably have to kill myself because being stuck living any other way would be a fate worse than death. I don't focus on that though. It's not an option. I push forward and keep going. No matter what I do, I have to prove there is no limitations. Which is why I am climbing the scaffolding in the United Center. Scaling the almost ladder like set up that surrounds the stage. Climbing until I can't climb any further. Until I reach the top and then I look down. I see Pixie and my brother Matt, down below and I wave. They're both shielding their eyes from the intense stage lights as they gaze up at me. Why am I up here? Oh well that's easy. I'm gonna leap down and show them I can land without fucking my shit up. I've been practicing on landing more precise and Matt just had to call my bluff. So naturally I had to accept the challenge. I'm Jeff Hardy....of course I accepted the challenge.


I cock my head and gaze at the intended target. An inflatable bouncy castle. Should be impossible to miss although I am many, many, many feet from the ground and I'm also very...very high. I got this though. I'm certain I can pull it off.


C'mon pussy! Just do it already!!


My brother Matt is quite the devil's advocate when he wants to be.


Don't encourage him Matt. His match is tomorrow. If he fucking injures himself he won't be able to compete tomorrow.


I chuckle as I hear how worried Pixie is. She must forget I'm Jeff Hardy and that I got this. I laugh in the face of danger. Dive into the abyss of chaos. Nothing can stop me. Even if I broke something...I was facing Neil Capra. I could suffer multiple injuries and still face that jackass and beat him.


Hey Jeff, don't jump. Wait until after your match and then prove you've perfected your landing technique.


Nah, it's cool. I got this. Besides how do you think I perfected this shit? Trial and error, babe! Trial and error!


You hired me to get on your ass and stop you from doing stupid shit. This is stupid shit and I'm telling you..........you should stop.


Stop? Stop! It looks like we have a Mexican Stand Off then!


What? No, we don't. Just don't jump.


That sounds like Mexican Stand Off talk to me.


I took position and dove. For a second I flew. My body slicing through the air and then it was over and I was crashing into a bouncy castle. I did it! I knew I could! Too bad the bouncy castle wasn't completely inflated. Eh, I was fine though...that's all that mattered. I climbed to my feet and Pixie walked over to me.


You're an idiot.


I made it though. I did it, despite the Mexican Stand Off.


I don't think you understand what that term means. Stop using it.


So what's next? I'm in the mood to continue doing crazy shit!


Oh yeah? I got an idea. Let's..


No! No more crazy shit till your match is over, Jeff! Stop fucking encouraging him, Matt! Jesus, you two are like irresponsible kids and you're both older than me!


Man...fuck that shit! You're only as old as you feel. So what's your idea Matt?


Well...


NO! I'm putting my foot down! No, more reckless shit before your match, Jeff! I'm not gonna deal with Paul, if you do something to cause yourself to be unable to compete!


Fine.


Damn Jeff, it sounds like you got second wife now.


Shut up Matt. I wouldn't give a shit if he didn't have a match tomorrow. Plus he pays me to keep on his ass and stop stupid shit from happening.


So what are we doing then till Jeff's match tomorrow.


I don't care what you two end up doing! Just dial down the crazy till after Jeff's match. Oh and Jeff, you have a press conference in the morning so try not to get too trashed.


Can do. Does this mean you won't be joining us?


Nope, gonna meet up with Paul tonight and discuss some PR stuff regarding your match tomorrow.


Oh...ok, well enjoy your date with Paul then. Don't let him get to third base without buying you dinner first.


Oh yeah, cause you know I'm all about the sweaty, balding, massively older, Jewish men who smell like they just crapped their pants half the time.


Hey...stranger things have happened.


Have I told you...you're an idiot.


I'm aware you and a few other people think that actually.


Oh well...that's cause it's just so true it keeps resonating in my brain and it forces me to repeat it. Anyway, I'll meet up with you guys at the hotel later. Have fun. Remember...no stupid shit!


With that we split up, Matt and I went in one direction, Pixie traversed in another. Wonder what the night will have in store for Matt and I? I'm in the mood to do something crazy so you know that's a good sign.