*Yawn*

Welcome to my bedroom. Don't think that me letting you in here is an invitation for any "funny stuff." Not that I have a problem with funny stuff. Especially if you really like the person. But that isn't what I want to talk about. Today, as they say in Spain, mi cumpleanos! That's right- my birthday! I'm eighteen today! These are my girls on the San Ramero cheer squad. We've been to the Nationals three years in a row. But we haven't won... yet! To keep up my energy, I eat lollipops. I know what you're thinking: I'm getting SOOOOO fat! But they're so yum! This is my family. My older sister Cordelia won a gold medal in riflery last year! She has lots of secret meetings with guys who I THINK are college scouts! My little sister Rosalind has just got her license, which makes me think the DMV are idiots! My girlfriends say my dad is a total D.I.L.F, but try as they might, they could never get between him and my mom! She is so cool! It's because of her my sisters and I wear our vaginas proudly! God, she and my dad love each other so much! Speaking of true love, this is my boyfriend, Nick. It effs me up how much I really like him. My family's throwing me a birthday after school. Nick is totally freaked out having to meet my family for the first time. But I'm even more freaked out for him to find out about my family, even though there's the most amazing ever, some of our traditions are a little...unusual. Nick's already so sweet to never complain about my ginormous fat butt. If he finds out I'm the number one world's biggest weirdo, then he might not want to stick around. I'd be so sad I think I'd seriously cry forever. Oh no! I'm totally late! I was supposed to meet him before school! I'm so lame! I hope Nick isn't mad! That's like the totally worst thing that could ever happen!

-Later-


Undead douchebags were like totally coming after me while I ran for the bus. I noticed it slowing down but I didn't notice that it was crashing right into the gates of San Ramero High! Seriously, dude, what the Hell? And on my birthday too, as if it wasn't late enough! I jumped over the enormous bus seeing as my fellow classmates run into off the bus. Ugh! This is what I get for being late! Nicks head bounced off my thigh as I turned to face the zombie club that had been chasing me like three blocks.

Juliet, I'm not sure I can do this, just being a head.

Ohhh I'm sorry babe!



Juliet, look out!

Suddenly this big ass zombie decided to knock me on my butt, like totally rude dude! I pushed up from the ground and grabbed my black bag, Chainsaw time! I ran after him, cutting into his big stupid undead gut, and cutting him almost in half! Growl Growl Growl, ugh, I think I like the smart butt Zombies more than the ones who only know how to make body noises. I used the Chainsaw and started to cut him in half, starting between the legs first of course. Blood got all over my cheer outfit, ger, now my mom is going to have to work extra hard on getting this out!

Juliet! Who are they?

Surely enough some guy with like really big ears and his pet weasel were shooting the zombies! Don't they know that just attracts them so much more! I ran over cutting two in half and falling back with one on top of me! I sent my chainsaw into his gandaria face and pushed him of me

Juliet look out!

Two were after me! Whoever these new guys are they so owe me, seriously.

I'll rip out your taint!

Gross!

I kick them off me before getting to my feet and forcing them to back up with a Pom-Pom Bash. I get the chainsaw out again and Wham! Both get their heads cut clean off! I looked over to the sight of these two total noobs laying on each other.



Are you alright!

God...I'm happy I don't have a bladder. Otherwise I'd be pissing myself right now.

I held out my hand and the big eared guy took it. I helped him up and tried to help up his weasel but he knocked my hand to the side. Rude!

Thanks.

Don't mention it! It's so rad to save somebody's life.

Ya, you didn't save our life! We had everything covered.

Oh!! Your weasel is like so totally cute!

I picked up the little orange fuzzy ball and squeezed him to my chest. He was so soft! Now I want one!

Are you sick? Why are you orange?

He pushed away from me and dropped to the ground.

He isn't a weasel.

I'm not a weasel! I'm a...Woah...

*Giggles* Well I'm Juliet and this is Nick!

Who?

I turned around, bending over, and showed off the sexy head that was attached to my belt in the back. Nick rolled his eyes, totally like him when he meets new guys, and I turn back around.



I'm Jak and this is...

You can call me anything you want to.

The little weasel licked his hand before pushing back his ears and walking up to me. I giggled before putting a yummy lollipop in my mouth and bending over, petting his head. He scurried around to my backside and looked up my skirt!



I spun around and pulled down on my skirt. Just like all you pervy gamer boys! Why do you like looking up my skirt so much!



Hey perv! Don't be looking up my skirt!

I smacked him away and into a wall.

Oops! Sorry!