“What is the Crown?”

“What does it mean to be the “King of the XWF?”

“Some people might think that being the guy at the top of the mountain is the where it’s at. They see the fame, the recognition that comes with being at the top and think, “how can I get that?” but what they don’t see is the giant bullseye painted on your back.”

“When I beat John Madison he said that he was glad to be rid of the crown because it was a weight, it was a headache and a pain in the ass. He could have been saying that to divert attention away from the fact that he just lost to me, someone who was still a relative nobody.”

“Or, and this may sound crazy, but it could be that John Madison was telling the truth.”

“It’s funny, I never cared about the crown. As you may all remember the first thing I did, after trying in vain to get Sara Bareilles to write a song for me was pawn the Crown for a Gold Dollar Sign Chain and $50 bucks.”

“And yet, here I am, on the precipice of my biggest match yet, with the crown on the line and suddenly I care. Or do I?”

“Is it the crown I am worried about or losing a match?”

“Is it my opponent?”

“Or the circumstances that forced this match?”

“All great questions, questions that I have been racking my brains to get answers to.”

“I would love to tell you that I some epiphany and all the answers rushed into my head.”

“But that didn’t happen.”

“Instead what I have is a massive hangover.”

“You see, I decided to start drinking, and then I drank some more and by the time I finally finished drinking it went from light out to dark out to light out again. It’s a good thing I didn’t try to drive anywhere, at least I don’t think so.”

“Now if you are wondering why I started drinking allow me to take you back to yesterday afternoon.”


The screen fades out and then back in, the location is Theo’s office at Pryce Industries, the date stamp is that of the prior day.


The door to Theo’s office and an unknown young African American man walks through the doors with a binder in his hands. Theo sees this and ushers the man into the office and requests that he have a seat.





“Can I help you?”

“Yes sir, my name is Rick Gunn. Ms. Rayner sent me her to follow up with you regarding the “John Samuels for President” idea you proposed to her the other day.”

“Idea? It wasn’t an idea. It was an edict, she was to notify legal and HR. Which reminds me, I haven’t heard from either. Has a press conference been set up yet?”

“Well sir, that’s why I am here.”

“Are you HR? You look way too young to be legal and you don’t have a camera crew so you clearly are not the news.”

“No sir, I am none of those things. I am an Intern here at Pryce Industries.”

“We have those?”

“Yes sir.”

“I thought all interns were supposed to be attractive college girls. How the hell did you slip through the cracks?”

“Affirmative action.”

“Yet one more thing Samuels needs to repeal when he gets to Pennsylvania Avenue. Anyway, what did you say your name was? Nick?”

“Rick sir, my name is Rick.”

“Ok Rick. What have you got for me?”

“Well Ms. Rayner felt that it would be a good idea if we formed an exploratory committee to see how the idea of John Samuels running for President would play with the general public.”

“I see. I suppose that is a common practice.”

“It is sir.”

“Ok, well what did the results says. Is my boy destined for greatness?”

“Not so much sir.”

“Come again?”

“Well sir, we went about it a few different ways. We used some of John Samuels polling date from his election as well as used phone banks to determine what kind of numbers we would be able to expect in Texas. The numbers there were better than the numbers we gathered nationally but still not what we would expect from a sitting Senator.”

“What’s the damage?”

“If John Samuels were to run for President we could expect 58% of Texas Voters to vote for him. With a 3% margin of error.”

“So it could be as high as 61%? That sounds good.”

“It is sir. But not good enough. Based on previous data a prospective candidate needs to pull in between 70-75% in their home state in order to have legitimate chance in an election. Especially in a state as big as Texas which currently accounts for 38 Electoral Votes, second only to California.”

“Ok, so then tell me why he scored so low?”

“Well most Texans have no idea who he really is. When we polled on the streets and showed people pictures of who they thought the Senator was the picture picked most often was an old face shot of Larry Hagman.”

“JR?”

“Yes. JR Ewing.”

“Ok so then where did Samuels place?”

“Third, behind the guy who played JR, and Kevin Hart.”

“The black actor?”

“Yes.”

“Wait, people actually thought that Texas voted in a black guy to be a Senator. No offense Nick.”

“It’s Rick.”

“Right, that’s what I said. Rick. So third place. That’s kind of embarrassing.”

“It is.”

“Well how does that happen?”

“As it turns out people really don’t know much about John Samuels. If he were the Govorner it would be different. They get more face time both in print and on TV. But Senators not as much. We also polled people regarding John Samuels platform from his last election.”

“Which is?”

“Well that’s the problem sir, he didn’t really have one. Not as far as we could tell.”

“He had to have run on something, no one wins an election of that scale without some type of platform.”

“Well he did mention two specific issues and they were more lenient gun control laws and promises of beefed up border patrol but I am not sure I would call that a platform."

“And did he deliver on either of those?”

“No. In fact, border patrol got weaker and gun control got stricter, though that was because of Federal Regulations and not Mr. Samuels doing.”

“So he hasn’t really don’t much of anything has he?”

“Other than make himself comfortable and earn some fat government money.”

“Now when you said that, where you saying it with an F or a Ph? In your head I mean.”

“With an F sir.”

“Ok just checking. So John is a politician that doesn’t deliver on his campaign promises. I knew there was a reason I liked this guy.”

“I see sir. Well there is some good news.”

“Oh goody good gumdrops, what’s the good news?”

“Well, while the numbers are low there is room for improvement and I am confident that based on the information we received from the voters we can turn things around a bit in Texas. We would just need to get access to the Samuels camp.”

“I don’t see why that wouldn’t be possible. John is good at taking advice from others.”

“Really?”

“No, not even a little bit. Maybe after we’ve been drinking a little bit but then he most likely forgets what was said because he is too busy chasing skirt.”

“Chasing skirt sir?”

“Yeah, chasing tail, trying to get ass, slaying vagina. Come on Nick. Don’t tell me you’ve never slayed vagina.”

“It’s Rick sir.”

“Are you sure?”

“Pretty sure sir.”

“Because you really look like a Nick to me.”

“Well you can call me Nick if you would prefer.”

“No no. Your name is Rick and that is what I will call you.”

“Thank you sir. I really appreciate that.”

“Don’t mention it. So what next?”

“Well next we talk about the National Numbers.”

“And how did we fair nationally.”

“Not well. Not well at all.”

“Christ on the Cross. What the fuck is going on here? Did Erica send you in here to crush my dreams?’

“No sir. She just thought you would want to spend some time with these numbers before agreeing to invest in John Samuels’ political career.”

“The day I want my sister to give me advice on how to spend my money I’ll have Jimmy Durance jerk me off using sandpaper gloves and vinegar. Do me a favor Rick. Take your paper work and leave. On your way back to whatever work space we give you interns please tell my sister to come by my office.”

“Yes sir. Thank you for your time sir.”

“Yeah whatever.”



The feed ends and after a moment of a black screen it fades back in to show Theo still seated at his desk, looking just as he did before he aired the video footage from the previous day.


“So as you can see my sister and some escape from the ghetto intern took my dreams, shit all over them and then made and then lit them on fire. And thus here I sit, drunk off my mind. Wallowing in self-pity. And why? Because John Samuels is just like every other politician ever?”

“Or is it because I am facing my friend in a match for the crown? You know what. Fuck it. If I win, I win. I’ll go on being the King of a Federation that is crumbling faster than the foundation on Zak Misery’s make up.”

“And if I lose, then John Samuels one of the best wrestlers in this company and my friend will take up the mantle as the King and then he can see what it’s like. Because honestly, being the King is more of a pain in the ass than anything else. I almost can’t wait to be rid of the God damn thing.”

“Besides, what good is being a King when you have the Geriatric Five running around turning everything to shit?”

“I’ll say this though, I am not about to be the guy to unify the troops to take these fools out like I did with Eli James.”

“Someone else can be that guy because doing it the first time got me nothing but a sore head.”

“Besides Mr. Radio, or whatever that whiny horse-faced is going by now, John Black, JTC, and any other scrubs you can put together should be able to take out Hollywood Hogan and his band of butt pirates.”

“As for you Johnny Boy, I’ll see you tomorrow night. May the biggest asshole win.”


Fade out.