From there Enigma executes - The Great Mystery! That Boston Crab being rendered in absolute perfection while Enigma kneels firmly right on Unklonbare's neck!
The move is brutal and Unklonbare looks to be in terrible pain! Writing with an expression to match! Not to mention, Enigma refuses to let up! It's clear, Enigma craves this victory! A factor both men desire but appears to be even more so for Enigma as we witness him pulling the hold as tight as he can, while he releases a fury filled roar!
Unklonbare's eye bulge!
He can't take much more!
Unklonbare taps!
He taps and yet, Enigma refuses to release the hold!
Instead he manages to pull the submission move, even tighter still! Wrenching it until Unklonbare passes out from the pain and the ref is actually physically yanking Enigma off of him!
Winner: Enigma
The sacrifice has been made. Your greatest peer has been ritually beaten in the wake world. And now, we must prepare for the Invocation of Osiris. Seven is the number; Nine is our count, and 93 the gateway.
Meïdum, Egypt
Sunday 1st of March, 2014 CE
Cold is the morning, uncharacteristically so. Then again, it is very, very early. Around 3AM, if we were to use your new fangled ‘numbers’. A series of men in black robes walk barefoot across what looks like an ocean of sand, their footprints behind them cast like a snaking tail, slowly eroded by the howling wind that kicks up dust almost to head height. It’s not a sandstorm, but you wouldn’t want to be there either. The combination of cold, the wind and the dry sand kicking up is both disconcerting and familiar. The place is drier than the XWF’s female audience has been since Peter Gilmour disappeared from TV.
We count the figures; nine their sum. Their robes are quite black, yet the aura of their procession does not feel sombre. Rather there is almost a sepia shimmer to the group; who are travelling, it should be noted, in perfect rows of three. Which may sound elementary, but is in actual fact a very skilled operation, as anyone who’s climbed a sand dune will attest, it is not something done with any sense of style and panache.
And, yet, climb they do, and with relative ease; their grace is such that it is almost as if the sand is parting beneath their feet.
The behemoth structure which has surely met the viewer’s eye, is now in full frame. The group reach it’s sandy slopes, and it’s at this point that they come to a halt. They all set down, and become completely still as they settle into complicated yogic poses, limbs set in strange positions, but scant sign of discomfort.
The wind howls. The temperature below zero.
A crescent moon still hangs high over proceedings.
Milky luminescence and the pin prick lights of the stars our sole illume.
The eyes start to recognise constellations; settling ultimately with Orion.
At the very moment we become cogniscent of Orion; instantly recognisable via the three stars making up its ‘belt’, the procession again rises. This time, they ascend the steep dune, heading towards the structure in the middle.
It’s worth explaining at this point that this is, supposedly, the first of the Pharaoh Sneferu’s three pyramids, and represents the first transmission from step pyramids to the kind you imagine when you think of the word pyramid. Supposedly, this sand which the group ascends was once part of the structure, which collapsed due to seismic activity (read: earthquake). But I digress, says the Nerrator, in his best Peter Gilmour.
We come to realise that the procession is, in fact, not climbing the sandy ‘collapsed outer casing’, but rather navigating toward a small entrance, and a steep, stooping corridor illuminated by a series of dull bulbs. The procession is single file now, as it descends further and further into the pyramid. Typical pyramids contain a single, descending passage, which opens up into a small ante/burial chamber. But it is a curiosity that almost every burial chamber ever found in a pyramid, has been completely empty once breached.
This was no different.
The Meïdum pyramid was, as noted, one of three made for the same Pharaoh. So why would he be interred in this one? Simple, he wasn’t. And so it is that our procession enters a small chamber; at its heart a granite coffer (coffin), completely lidless, and illuminated from all sides by large candles. Upon the ceiling a sea of stars lie and cast their effortless glow as response to the candlelight illume. We cast our eyes downward, and stare a fright. A human body has been dismembered before us, and placed inside this coffer. Two arms, two legs, a torso, and sitting on top of it all, a familiar head…that of Die Unklonbare.
The procession surrounds the coffer, a man to each corner, and a man at the middle of each length. The picture starts to fade now, as a dull, guttural humming begins to fill the chamber…
A mysterious pyramid, a human body reduced to six pieces, and a bizarre ceremony. The stench of death and darkness seems to be a million miles away, yet death is the prevailing mental image. What does it all mean?
/\
/\ hsarT tnecifelaM eugaV hcuS
\/
\/ We have assembled inside this ancient and insane theater,
To propagate our lust for life, and flee the swarming wisdom of the streets. –Jim Morrison (not to be confused with John Madison)
We are back now in Neonero’s ‘triangular room’. The sides all equal, pink granite rising imperiously, and illuminated solely by the tall candles which rest at each point of the room. The sweet scent of lavender incense wafts through the air, and in the centre of the room is Nero’s granite coffer. We must emphasise here that this is most certainly not a gothic scene, and there is nothing haunting about this picture. Just Neonero lying inside a granite coffer, illuminated by candlelight. Come on, the scent of lavender in a gothic scene? Be real people.
Nero sits up, dragging himself up so that both his arms rest lazily over the sides of the coffer, and he folds one leg over the other, gazing into the camera with his burning cyan pupils. We make note of the fact he is not today wearing his mask. Perhaps symbolic, perhaps not.
Jonathan Austin…Here I am.
Nero waves his hands around like he’s all resplendent, like some Indian Princess or some shit. We half expect to see ribbons and tassels billow around him as he waves his arms inanely.
Sorry, that wasn’t meant to be a mysterious statement. You requested my presence, and here I am.
Nero falls completely still at this point, his eyes locked on the camera cold and still, a smile still creasing his face from East to West.
My name has lived in your mind and mouth for months now, and I can do nought but help notice that this has been accompanied by a drastic change in your personal habits. Just to put it in black and white for the audience; Austin whispers Nero, Austin goes home and tightens his ball gag.
The best thing about facing you, is that you almost always do absolutely nothing, other than run your mouth for about 2 minutes 30 seconds, usually right on the nose, as if you’re being cued up. Your promotional material lacks any kind of variation and usually just contains yourself talking, usually in the dark, sometimes with someone else there. Occasionally we are treated to clips of your personal life – we’ll get there. But I just wanted to thank you in advance for making my life so easy. I love it when I face talkers, you guys are all about giving me ammunition.
Nero offers his palms outwards as if he were offering the last piece of bread at a supper with Mexican Jesus.
Who says supper these days? That word is scarcer than an erection in a Christine Nash sex scene. See what I did there? No no you’re right, I take that one from the record. I’m sure you have normal sex too.
Nero waves his fingers around like he was the Macho Man having an ‘Ooh yeah’ moment.
Anyway, I won’t consider your promos attacks, but more like care packages. This is where, if you were in the heehaw contingent, you’d likely make a joke about needing a care package because I am Asian and poor and can’t see anything except grains of rice due to the slant of my eyelids, or some other such ‘hilarious’ line.
Truthfully, I expect better from you, John, but if you want to come at me with the race lines then I will know to throw respect out of the window.
It’s up to you whether to consider that a threat or a challenge, but I’d have thought the reality is obvious.
Nero merely shrugs at this point; he really does expect better of John Austin, which is a compliment in his eyes, even if his eyes are vaguely slanted, which is apparently important.
Now, you might be expecting me to go on some rant about how men who need women to dominate them sexually to function in the normal world are psychologically damaged, or how if you’re so desperate to be inferior to women you must automatically be inferior to men, and hence you pose me no challenge. Humour me here, I am trying to think of all the ways idiots here might interpret your actions. Doing so without watching the last few last week’s worth of promos for that pay per view thing was easy, and I can assure you any similarity between my words and theirs is purely unoriginal on their part, for I have no prior knowledge.
Nero throws up a muted grin and double thumbs up; strangely we are put in mind of Rajesh Koothrappali from the Big Bang Theory, in one of his hilarious exaggerated ‘mime because I can’t speak in front of a lady’ moments, and this feels like genius because HEE-HAW! JOHN AUSTIN ISNT ALLOWED TO SPEAK IN FRONT OF HIS GIRL EITHER! Or then again maybe it’s just a childish thumbs up. Jeez, stop projecting layers on Nero, the poor guy isn’t an onion for crying out loud.
With that said, let’s descend into more sado-masochism pop psychology/horseshit, what say you?
You totally wear that ball gag because deep down you know nothing worthwhile comes out of your mouth! HONK HONK! AMIRITE DIS IZ TRASH TALKIN?!
Aish 멘붕.
Feigning a gunshot, Nero sticks out his tongue and rolls his head around, mimicking something from a current kpop performance by CL, which is of the same name, ‘멘붕’ or ‘menbung’, being slang of similar meaning to ‘mental breakdown’.
The leather is because you were molested by a gang of bikers when you were filling up your bullshit tank at the local bar. Tragically, the gang of bikers was led by Lou Diamond Phillips. You were mistaken for potato and they were all for having a feast. Since feeling the caress of Lou Diamond Phillips’ leather clad body against your bare skin (you were also stripped to your kecks if you remember, they believed they were peeling the skin off a potato – meth is a nasty thing), you just have this reverent disposition towards leather.
Let’s be honest, most people would turn out a little weird if they’d been attacked by a gang of bikers led by Lou Diamond Phillips all high on meth convinced you were a potato. I mean, there really is no sane way outta that one.
Nero shrugs, grabbing his mask and waving it around in front of his face, as if he’s trying to point out something obvious. Surely…surely not…?
But that’s just one possible reason.
It could also be down to the ever pervasive ‘XWF split personality syndrome’ which seems to have its claws in you. One half of you is the bitch, and the other half of you is wondering where the butch ran off to. Right? Is this awkward trash talk making you cringe? Me too, so let’s move on.
Nero’s face is now contorted as if he’s just passed a virulent gas in the room, and its scent has overpowered the sweet scent of lavender that was previously making his day so nice.
Of course, I am sure the real reason is ‘you love dis shit’ in which case bully for you, champ. Let’s move things along here and get to one of my favourite games, ‘pre-empt the unoriginal’! This is where I pick some totally obvious things and talk about them, whilst expecting them to be out of the mouth of the unoriginal. Now, I am not going so far as to say John Austin will be unoriginal, because in the main he’s a stand up chap, but I’m just hedging my bets here.
OH NERO YOU ARE A COWARD! SID HAS TOTALLY BEEN COPYING YOUR MANNERISMS FOR WEEKS AND MOCKING YOU LEFT RIGHT AND CENTER! SO MUCH SO THAT HE EVEN GOT BORED AND ONLY HALF ASSES IT NOW BECAUSE YOU NEVER RESPOND! AND YOU DUCKED OUT OF WWX WHATS THAT ALL ABOUT? COULD YOU BE ANY MORE OF A COWARD DUDE?
Actually I assume you’d not say ‘dude’, but I thought it sounded cute.
Nero fiddles with his cufflinks. Oh yeah, forgot to mention. He’s dressed pretty dapper for a guy sitting in a granite coffin.
First of all, the Sid question could be summarised with a yawn, but if you’re really curious, I will be completely honest with you. I always wanted to feud with the guy, especially since he is considered one of the best trash talkers in the business. But his opening gambit left me so deeply under-whelmed that I just couldn’t bring myself to reply. I was expecting the hounds of Hell, and I got Paris Hilton’s handbag accessory. I mean, using ‘long words’, being Asian and a match a year ago. That’s the best he could come up with? And after I made it so easy for him as well.
Ah but that comment about failed stables doe! Gosh well, I guess being a member of a 4 person stable that never happened makes me the reason it never happened. Never mind that one of our member completely left the XWF of his own accord, the other member never contacted me once, and Blondie, as he likes to be addressed, popped his load early, announcing ‘a’ stable and even had the production truck wasting money and videos for us – that is, if you can classify shots of him as ‘us’.
Well, I wouldn’t say any of this points to me so far. And considering that was the last I ever heard of it, I’d say that cleverly veiled passive aggressive comment was pretty much a waste of breath. But then, where Sid’s concerned, every breath is a waste.
That bit of oxygen that gets wasted every time Sid breathes could’ve gone into the lungs of a newborn.
Sid steals oxygen from newborns.
What a cunt.
So, yeah. Nah.
I’m sure to most beating Sid would be like a proving ground – hell to me it was a month ago. But after that fiasco, I think the proving has been done, and I didn’t even need to lift a finger. Sid is no longer a legend, just a brand, a series of robotic clones who are replaced the moment the prior one is proven useless. Very transparent when you look past the veneer. This one was even getting talked down by Swagmire for Christ’s sake. Me joining in would’ve been like walking onto the field in a handicap baseball game, striking everyone out, and actually celebrating.
A deep sigh, belying disappointment. He just used a baseball analogy, how did that happen?
Let’s put it in terms even he’d understand: Out Of Credibility. Therein lies the reason I did not and shall not. But I digress.
Nero inhales deeply, then slowly exhales, his eyes closed, mentally counting to twenty on the outbreath.
Oh, and WWX. See, this should really be blindingly obvious. Like, so obvious that I am throwing it to you, John Austin. Can you tell me why I decided to leave the match?
Here are some common conspiracy theories which I lifted from the internet;
- Nero was scared of Sid
- Nero was unhappy with his team mates for undisclosed reasons
- Nero’s a
- Nero was jealous of Theo Pryce
- Nero didn’t want to be on the same team as Swagmire Swaggins
- Nero was too lost in his thesaurus
- Nero relied on directions from Mr Radio for his promos, and sadly transmitted them in AM instead of FM; both formats in fact being obsolete next to digital, the preferred method
- Nero’s vagina was weeping too much
- Nero’s consciousness was actually inside Ashen
- Nero was busy sueing Mandii for letting her friend go by the shorthand 'Nero' in her promos
- Nero's a (it's important to include this suggestion more than once to highlight what effective trash it is)
- Nero got lost watching a Duke promo and when it was finished, the match had already occurred (this suggestion is spurious, as it was known before the match that I’d been removed from the card. I include it only to give you the full spectrum of theories)
- Nero was sacrificed to SATAN by MORBID ANGEL!!!(As I said, some of these are a bit out there)
- Nero was invited to a Starcraft tournament and lost track of his priorities (I do not play Starcraft, but this was one of those smart little Korean jokes and I included it simply because the guy who submitted it anonymously online at least bothered to address a Korean stereotype instead of generic Asian ones)
Oh by the way, none of these are the real reason.
The real reason is so fucking obvious it’s not even worth my breath explaining. So, have at ye, John. Unravel the world’s most obvious puzzle. I look forwards to you not correctly answering me, or as the French say 'answering me incorrectly'. And, until such time as you respond, I bid you good day.
I said good day.™
Nero throws up double peace signs and cheesy grins trying to look as generic Asian as possible because he's an inane cunt.
![[-]](https://xwf99.com/images/portal2/collapse.gif)
The following 4 users Like Neonero's post:![[Image: act1copy.png]](http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v365/christianrules/act1copy.png)
![[Image: pyramid_gallery_meidum_zps03421134.png]](http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v365/christianrules/pyramid_gallery_meidum_zps03421134.png)
![[Image: EkuCgQl.gif]](http://i.imgur.com/EkuCgQl.gif)
