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Scorpio · (03-15-2014)

The cameras pick up right where we left our heroes, Scorpio, John Samuels, and Theo Pryce dressed as batman are about to step out of the hotel room they all just woke up in. However Scorpio suddenly stops just before stepping out of the door and looks down at a big black duffel bag sitting beside the door with a big white scorpion on it.

Scorpio: Damn, almost left my stuff here.

Scorpio slings the duffel bag over his shoulder and gets a weird look on his face.

Scorpio: Holy shit this is heavier than I remember.

Samuels: Would you hurry up, we don't got all day, we've got a colored boy to find!

Theo: I don't think their people like the term "colored" anymore.

Scorpio: WHAT DO YOU MEAN "THEIR PEOPLE"? My black half is offended.

Theo: I just saw your ass and it was the whitest thing I've ever seen in my life.

Scorpio: It's black in spirit Theo, it's black in spirit.

Scorpio finally steps out into the hallway shutting the door behind him, all three of them then walk down the hallway before finally hopping into an elevator. Once in the elevator they all begin to exchange glances.

Theo: I know we already talked about this but think hard. Does anybody remember anything at all about last night because it's going to be kind of hard to find Swaggy if we don't even know where to look.

Samuels: Not a thing man, not a thing.

Scorpio: I remember us eating and having some drinks but nothing after that, sorry brah.

Theo: My mind is completely blank too, damn it.

Theo goes to pound his fist on his own leg but hits Scorpio's bag instead.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

All three of the men look around the elevator until they figure out the screaming is coming from Scorpio's bag.

Samuels: Got some of your loud jackets in there huh?

Scorpio: Nah brah that's probably something from my porn sta.... I mean work out equipment, yeah, loud workout equipment.

Theo: The last time I checked porn stashes don't scream like that.

Scorpio: Workout equipment.

Theo: Whatever Scorp, just open the bag.

Scorpio takes the duffel bag off of his shoulder and sits it on the ground, he then grabs the zipper slowly opening it. AND A GOD DAMN WOMAN POPS OUT! Well sort of...

Scorpio: WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!?!

Woman: Well nice to see you too.... husband!

Scorpio: Hell to the naw.

Samuels: What's wrong man? You're not all there, she's not all there, you're perfect for each other!

Scorpio: Nope, didn't happen, she's not my wife.

Theo: Well Scorp she was in your bag, possession is nine tenths of the law.

Scorpio: I'm about to possess my fist all over your face Theo.

Woman: Honey why are you denying our love? You said that you'd love me forever, you said I would always be your little starfish, and you even let me give you a four nub special.

Samuels: Ha ha ha ha ha! This is the greatest thing I've ever witnessed.

Woman: That's exactly what you said when I was giving you a nub job.

Samuels: A what now?

The woman shakes her arm nubs at Smauels.

Woman: A nub job.

You can tell Samuels throws up in his mouth a little. The woman now turns her attention back to Scorpio.

Woman: I hope you're not mad about that honey, I mean we were all so drunk last night and you told me to do it.

Scorpio: It's fine.... BECAUSE WE'RE NOT MARRIED!

Woman: No, YOU'RE DIVORCING ME!?!?!?!

Tears start streaming down the woman's face.

Theo: Okay everybody just calm down for a moment. Mam, none of us remember a thing about what happened last night so surely you can understand how my friend feels to suddenly realize that he's married.

Woman: What do you mean suddenly? We've been married FOR FIVE YEARS!

Theo crosses his arms and stares at Scorpio.

Theo: Five years?

Scorpio: Brah I don't know this ho, pics or it didn't happen!

The woman suddenly dives back into the duffel bag face first and emerges with a camera dangling from her mouth. Theo grabs the camera then he and Samuels begin to look through it. They see pictures of Scorpio and the woman on the beach, pictures of them in the park, pictures of Scorpio carrying her, and then one comes up that causes both of their eyebrows to raise.

Samuels: Okay, I'm convinced, Scorpio stop being mean to your wife just because we're around. If you like women without limbs then you like women without limbs, ya sick freak.

Theo: I have to say Scorpio these pictures are pretty convincing, I mean is this or is this not your panty wetting face?

Theo holds up the camera so Scorpio can see it.

[Image: pantyface.png]

Scorpio: Brah, that looks nothing like me.

Samuels: That looks exactly like you.

Theo: Yep, no mistaking it.

Scorpio: Seriously brahs? SERIOUSLY! That's not a panty wetting face, THIS IS A PANTY WETTING FACE!

Scorpio puts on his finest panty wetting face.

[Image: Mr_Anderson_Sting.jpg]

Woman: Baby you're making me moist.

Scorpio: SEE!

Theo: But Scorp, what other explanation could there be for this? This lady is in your bag, she has pictures of her together with you, and she says that you've been married to her for five years. I'd think that a woman would know her own husband.

DING!

After an elevator ride that seemed to last forever the elevator comes to a halt in the lobby and the doors slide open. Everyone looks on in shock as they see a man standing there who looks just like Scorpio holding a bag that looks just like the one Scorpio has. The man peers into the elevator and practically jumps for joy when he sees the princess of nubville inside.

Man: BABY! There you are, I've been looking everywhere for you!

Scorpio's nubbykins looks the man up and down.

Woman: Uh... Do I know you?

Man: Babe..... here let me help you, you know you can't see a thing without your glasses.

The man pulls a pair of eye glasses from his shirt pocket and places them on the woman's face. With her glasses now on the woman looks at Scorpio then to the other man and then back to Scorpio. Her face then turns bright red.

Man: What's wrong babe?

Woman: Nothing honey, nothing at all.

The man turns his head for a moment and the woman quickly brings one of her nubs up to her lips while looking at Scorpio, Theo, and Samuels as if to say " SHUT THE FUCK UP". Or something like that. The man then turns his attention back to her just as she is removing the nub from her lips.

Man: I've been looking everywhere for you. I bumped into these guys in the parking garage last night, this one literally.

Points to Scorpio.

Man: We dropped our bags, talked for a minute, and I didn't realize I picked up the wrong bag until I got to the room.

Woman: I would have come looking for you too babe but you know how heavy of a sleeper I am once I get in my bag, I slept right on through the night and these guys didn't open the bag until a few minutes ago.

Man: Ah so it's another Miami situation all over again?

Woman: Right.

Samuels: So wait, this isn't the first time you've lost a bag with your wife in it?

Man: No, it happens a lot actually.

Theo: So can I ask you something, why exactly is your wife in a bag so often?

Man: Well you see I'm a wrestler, I'm sure you've heard of Jimmy "The Sting King" Vereen right? Bingo.

The man points to himself as Scorpio, Samuels, and Theo try to act interested.

Jimmy: Well to save money and the time it takes to lug a wheel chair around, I just stuff my wife into a bag.

Theo: That's.....

Scorpio: BRILLIANT!

Jimmy: I know right?

Samuels: Anyway, you say you saw us in the parking garage last night? You didn't happen to see our black guy did you?

Jimmy: No it was just you three and some freak wearing a ball gag hopping out of his car.

Points to Scorpio once again.

Theo: Of course, it couldn't be that easy.

Scorpio: Hey brah, can I have my bag now?

Jimmy: Oh my bad, here.

Jimmy hands the bag to Scorpio.

Jimmy: Oh and I may have used a bit of that Gilly Tears lube, I've heard good things so I wanted to give it a shot. I was not disappointed.

Scorpio: Ah that's okay brah because we used your wi...

Sensing something extremely stupid about to fly out of Scorpio's mouth, Theo's hand hand shoots across the elevator with deadly accuracy forcing Scorpio to shut up before things turn ugly.

Jimmy: Used my what?

Samuels: Your wife's cell phone, yeah ours were dead so she let us use hers.

Woman: Oh yeah, it was the neighborly thing to do.

Theo: Anyway, we have to get going.

With his hand still over Scorpio's mouth Theo nudges Scorp out of the elevator and Samuels follows. Once they've walked far enough away Theo removes his hand.

Scorpio: Da fuck brah?

Theo: You were about to start a brawl!

Scorpio: I was just going to say that we used his wife last night.

Theo: No you.... wait, that's exactly what you were going to say!

Scorpio: Yeah, and?

Samuels: We don't have time to brawl in a hotel lobby right now, we're looking for our spear chucker remember?

Theo: I wish we had time for me to stop somewhere and get out of this batman get up.

Scorpio: BRAH! I've got some clothes you can wear right here.

Scorpio shoves his bag into Theo's gut.

Theo: Wait I thought your porn stash was in here.

Scorpio: Workout equipment, but there is a couple of changes of clothes in there too.

Theo: Thank god, just give me one second guys and then we can find Swaggy.

Theo ducks into a nearby bathroom with Scorpio's bag and emerges a couple of minutes later which causes Samuels to literally fall to the floor holding his stomach from laughing so hard. Theo emerges wearing some of Scorpio's ring attire. Red pants with a black Scorpion going up each side and a sparkly red and black jacket.

Scorpio: BRAH! You look amazing.

Samuels: Amazingly hilarious.

Samuels rises to his feet as Theo shoots dirty looks his way.

Theo: Well you know what, it's better than running around in a batman get up... only slightly but still. Now Scorp that guy said he saw us getting out of your car, do you have your keys?

Scorpio pats all of his pockets and after pulling triple stacks from each one of them he is finally able to fish his keys from one of the pockets.

Scorpio: Got em right here brah.

Theo: Great then you can drive us to Swaggy.

Samuels: Good plan except we don't know where the darky is.

Theo: Don't worry about that, once we get to the car I have a plan.

Theo gives Scorpio his bag back before the three of them make their way to the parking garage. Once there Samuels and Theo stop dead in their tracks realizing that they don't remember what Scorpio drives. They both look on as Scorpio walks over to a black and purple 1970 Boss Mustang. Theo and Samuels then look at each other smiling.

Samuels: Scorpio, I am impressed.

Theo: Me too actually.

Scorpio: Come on brahs, what did you think I drove?

Samuels: 2011 Toyota Prius.

Theo: I was going to say Yaris.

Scorpio: No, THIS IS MY BABY! Well one of my babies, I also have a Cuda, Chevelle, GSX, and have been eyeballing a Challenger, all 1970.

Samuels: Boy..... I didn't think you had it in ya!

Samuels slaps Scorpio on the back.

Theo: That's great and everything but come on guys we have somebody to find, no more playing around.

Scorpio: Actually Theo I have to do one more thing before we can go.

Theo: What?

Scorpio: I need to paint you.

Theo: WHAT?

Scorpio: You heard me Theo, let me paint you like one of my French girls.

Samuels: Scorp, what the hell are you talking about?

Scorpio: He can't go around looking like that, there's something missing.

Scorpio points to his face.

Theo: Oh no no no.

Scorpio: Oh yes yes yes.

Scorpio pulls a small face painting kit from his bag.

Theo: No way, not happening.

Scorpio: What's that Theo? You don't want to use my car in the hunt for Swagmire? Well if you say so.

Theo: Scorp we don't have ti....

Scorpio's hands start flying around Theo's face and in a matter of moments he is dawning full Scorpio face paint.

Samuels: HA HA HA! Now you really look redicu....

Scorpio's hands now start flying around Samuels face and in mere seconds he too has his face painted just like Scorpio.

Theo: You were saying?

Samuels looks at himself in the side view mirror of Scorpio's car.

Samuels: You know this actually looks pretty good on me, but what doesn't right?

Theo: Can we go now Scorp.

Scorpio tosses the facepaint back into his bag and then throws his bag into the trunk.

Scorpio: Absolutely.

The three men now climb into Scorpio's car as the camera fades to black.

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