---

---

Simon is looking through a window and sees no one is moving downstairs. He pulls out a roll of masking tape, and begins to tape the window up real good. See, taping the window helps to keep the window quiet when you smash it. He searches for a large rock or something, and finds a huge brick, which he lobs through the window.

"Wow. That was a lot less noisy than I expected."

The window falls to pieces, leaving an opening big enough for Simon to crawl in. Looking around, he finds a light switch and turns it on.

"Cool, I'm right by the kitchen. I'm a make a snack for myself before I wake this dude up."

He makes his way to the kitchen and starts rummaging through cabinets throwing cans on the floor. Eventually he moves the freezer and pulls out some ground beef. Then he picks a Frying pan off the floor, puts it on the stove and begins to fry the meat up.

"Guess I'm having Hamburgers."

Once the burger is finished cooking, Simon begins to loudly stomp his way upstairs to find the bedroom. Third door on the left. Always. There's the son of a bitch sleeping. Of course he is, isn't that like them to just sleep when Simon's there. He takes a bite of his burger and throws it right at the sleeping man's head.
"Wake the fuck up, bitch. We gotta talk."

The man grabs a baseball bat from the side of the bed and quickly sits up. Scully see's Simon AKA Frodo stood in front of him.

"What the fuck do you want?

"Hey, what up, Skullator! It's I, Frodo mother fucking Simon. We gotta work on your trash talk. You're horrible at it."

"It's Scullanator. Enlighten me... Come on..."

"Hey, I can make you better. It's what I do. I'm the best. First off, don't call him bummer boy, or talk about his ability to sing. That's weak shit, who gives a shite if he can sing or not? Focus on the fact that he's a fat tranny looking queer. Focus on how he copies his entire life from everything around him, and how the 80's Glam Metal was exclusively for queers. Call him something related to that, or how he can't get anything correct, and how he can't stop crying.

Don't call Gator "the Mastrubator" that's also pretty weak. Just stick to laughing about how he's a third rate Luca or a fourth rate Frodo. Talk about how he looks like someone let Rosemary Kenedy out of the Room again. Ask him if his mommy still cuts the crust off his sammiches, and tucks him in at night. Stuff like that. Every mother fucker masturbates. If you're the real Frodo, you do it often, and when you think about Mandii.

As for Mastermind, eh. Whatever. He's a cock sucker anyway. Same with Zeke. Use Ireland and England's history to trash McBride, and how comically inept he is. He fails at everything he even attempts. I swear, if the dude went to shoot himself in the head, he'd miss and end up killing twelve children in Topeka, Kansas. It'll be great times. Then ask him how he managed to knock off every Irish stereotype without being good at one of them. Anyway, I want a burger, and you got Scully all over mine."

Simon turns to leave.

"Woah. Stop right there!"

Scully gets out the bed in all of his glory. He drops the bat, grabs a pair of jogging bottoms and puts them on quickly. Scully goes to push Simon out his bedroom but then there is movement in the bed as the duvet is chucked to one side by a blonde naked woman, who is fidgeting in her sleep. Simon stares at the naked woman before Scully escorts him out the room. Turning the light off as he leaves.

"What did you do drug her? Did you give her Rohypnol? How did she not wake up?"

"No, you dick I didn't give her rape drugs. We've only been asleep a couple of hours. She was at work till like 11. What's the fucking time anyway?"

Simon looks at his watch as they walk down the downstairs.

"It is 5 o'clock"

They make there way down the hall way and in to the kitchen. The kitchen light already left on. Scully looks around the kitchen and see's the mess. Tins on the floor and a used frying pan on the hob. He then notices the smashed window near the kitchen.

"What the fuck man? Seriously.... Couldn't you fit through my letterbox or something?"

"Very funny, Scull. Now cook me a god damn burger"

"Na do one, there's a Mcdonalds down the road"

"That's a bit rude don't ya think? Why you so mad?"

"Let me think, erm.... You smash my window, mess my kitchen up, cook food. Help ya freaking self!"

"Okay so i'll cook my own burger... Again?"

"Who are you, Goldilocks? I appreciate your advice Si.... Frodo.... Whatever . But I don't appreciate being woken up. Now leave... Heres twenty dollars, get a maccy d's"

Scully grabs his wallet of the side and takes out a twenty dollar note. He then hands it to Simon.

"Thanks..."

Scully then escorts Simon to the front door. Scully opens the door as Simon walks out.

"Remember, what I told you"

"Bye"

Scully shuts the door and turns around to see the naked blonde woman stood in front of him. She wraps her arms around him, kisses him passionately and puts her hand down his jogging bottoms, rubbing his manhood. She smiles at Scully and takes his hand to lead him upstairs. Scully slaps her ass as she runs upstairs laughing.

---

"So I had Simon come round and tell me what to do. He told me the kinda things I should say to my opponents. The opponents I face at Wargames. Now I am going to say it in this order, from most important to the least important of the team. Gator, Vinnie Lane, Mastermind, Michael McBride and Ezeikel Carter whatever his name is.
So far I am being relatively nice. Why do I need to continue being an absolute asshole?
You see i'm going to ignore Simon. I think i'm going to have a change of heart and support charities. I am going to become a role model to all the kids out there, but that doesn't mean i'm going to be a peodophile like Vinnie Lane, who likes young girls screaming after him.

Then again, being nice is boring. I like being an asshole. I enjoy being a prick. I am not a crybaby cunt like Vinnie Lane. Vinnie is what you call a diva. It's too bad there isn't a divas division here in the XWF because he would be the champion. Let's face it he is a very emotional guy, he cried when he watched the movie Ghost. He shed a mass of tears when he watched Pearl Harbour and well... Titanic.. Cry me a river. Very sensitive, Vinnie Lane. Women normally have a period once a month, every 4 weeks whatever. Vinnie, however seems to have a period all the time. 24/7. He must have a bathroom full of tampons.
I'm sure this is the year 2014, yet he still lives in the 80's. Now don't get me wrong, Vinnie, love a bit of rock music. In fact, 80's is my favourite era of music. But theres a time when you grow up and become a man. I mean it's okay dressing like that when your 16 and going through a phase. Or i'm sure it's okay if your actually a member of a glam band.. Like you claim to be. But you're in the wrestling business. You look like a fat, blonde bimbo, transvestite.

Gator, you claim that clip I showed everyone was me dressed up as you? Why would I want to dress like you? Let me guess because I have my own camera man like you, right? Get over it. I want to be you, just like King Louie wanted to be Mogli? No... Why would anyone want to be like you?
I'm not a chicken shit like you. I don't hide behind an outfit. Did Stevie Wonder choose that outfit for you?

Ezeikal.... You are living proof that a human can live without a brain!

Mick McBride ain't you really English? St. Patrick himself was apparently English, captured by Irish marauders and taken as a slave!

And Captain Mastermind you're the reason God created the middle finger. You are a loser. I am a god. Any questions? Your ridiculous little opinion will be noted."