Pest stands tall in the Church, still in his Cardinal Robes. The church is filled with mourners, and a casket lays still to his left. The sobs of the deceased's family echo throughout the room, and have forced a pause from Pest. Until he could bare the sobs no more, his mighty voice broke the sobs.

Mr. WGWF:Robert was a good man, he did not lie, cheat or steal. He kept the Word of God close to him at all times. He left behind his daughter, Allison, and will be with his wife who had previously lost to Cancer. Robert worked for 25 years as a member of the Sanitation Department for our fair city. Robert was a good man.

The service continues for what feels like eternity, Robert's nephew comes up and plays Amazing Grace and Danny Boy on Bagpipes. Allison came up and delivered a heartfelt speech about how her father was a good man, despite his flaws, and how he in fact was a Cab driver. She cried, and spoke of the time her father took her to Atlantic City when she was a girl of just 8. How those 6 years felt like yesterday when she would lay down and hold her pillow tight. How it was as if he would come through the door, and her uncle would laugh about Robert's pranks getting more elaborate. How she wished that he would walk her to bus one last time for school, or how he would tell her she was a princess while she was getting ready for her Fall Formal.

The things children cling to at the loss of someone is astounding. She spoke of the time he picked up a turtle on the side of the road, and sneaked it into her bed with her when she was sleeping. The turtle bit her, and woke her up. They kept it for 6 months, until her mother made her get rid of it. She named it Leonardo, and tried to teach him to fight crime. The most he did was eat her Lettuce so she didn't have to. She remembers when he took her to watch the XWF Gauntlet City, all the way in London. She remembers all of this and more.


Mr. WGWF:Now, we will lower him, and then he will be at peace with God. The Lord.

They carried the casket out to Church Cemetery, and was lowered. The guests all dropped roses on Robert's grave, and then left. Allison lingered, and began to cry. Her aunt and uncle came up and attempted to comfort her. Pest walked over to see if she was ok.

Mr. WGWF:Are you ok, Allison? Loss is something we all must deal with, but that doesn't make it any easier. I'm here for you, if you need me. For the next few days, that is. And then I'll be off, but Father Sallatore will be here, and he is very much capable.

Allison:Can I stay and talk with you in private, Cardinal Rosh?

Mr. WGWF:Of course, if it's ok with your aunt and uncle.

They nod, and Pest and Allison walk inside the church. They sat at a pew and began to speak. They spoke of life and death, and the vastness of time and space. Pest explained to her, as best as he could, the concept of Heaven, and Hell, and Judgement, and the Oneness of the world. He pontificated on the singularity of all men, great and small. High and Low, to Pest they are all the same. He told her all about his time as a Priest in Vietnam, and how he learned of the brevity of life. How we must all take what we have and make the most of it. She leaned in and cuddled into him. Her flesh was so warm, and soft. Her hair smelled of daisies, and though her eyes were filled with tears and sorrow, they were beautiful. She asked him for a simple favor, a single kiss. He acted offended, and denied. She pried, her lips begged. He questioned why she wished to kiss an old man.

Allison:It'll be like my father's kissing me one more time.

She answered. He thought she meant on the lips, she meant on the cheek, and he obliged. He promised her the world would be ok in a few days, but at the end of it all, he can't be certain. She began to tell him about how the kids in her class had begun to treat her differently since Robert passed, and how she didn't enjoy that. They spoke on the subject for a while before she mentioned she was the only girl in her class who hadn't kissed a boy yet, something her father took pride in. Pest told her about how kissing boys was something she should wait to do, don't grow up too fast just for the sake of doing it. And then something changed.


Steve Sayors walked into the church, careful to close the door with a little sound as possible. He heard the grunting, and the moaning, but he waited. Sayors sat and listened, waiting for a time to walk up and meet Pest, he had to get an interview. Allison's moans echoed through out the entire church, and were quickly followed by Pest's grunts. He could hear the pace quickening, and Allison got louder. Sayors was uncomfortable as he waited. He knew Pest was most likely defiling a young girl, and in a church no less. Yet, he sat and waited. Until the sounds stopped, and he assumed it was safe to walk up, which he did slowly, careful to not surprise them. And then he heard the conversation.


Allison:So, isn't this a horrible sin? I mean, you're supposed to have taken a vow of Chastity, and we did just have sex in a church.

Mr. WGWF:Kneel down, and I'll absolve you of your sins. I'm a Cardinal, I'm incapable of sin, I purify sin.

Sayors watched as Allison kneels down in front of Pest, her bare flesh drenched in sweat, and a loving glow on her face. Pest commands her to closer her eyes and she does, he takes a hold of his manhood, aims it a her, and begins to release a flow of urine from the tip. He covers her breasts and face in his urine. When he finishes he makes sure to shake the last drops on top of her head.

Mr. WGWF:You're absolved, Allison. Now, get dressed and head home. Speak of this if you wish, but you can't linger. I have to speak with this homosexual. He has come to me to repent for his sinful ways.

Allison notices Sayors sitting there and quickly threw on her dress and ran out the door, leaving her shoes behind. Pest pulls his trousers up and sits down next to Sayors.

Mr. WGWF:You came looking for me, I assume you have a reason.

Sayors:Did you just have sex with a teenage girl in a church?

Mr. WGWF:Yes, is that what you're here for? Following my sexual activities? Shane pays you to keep track of who I sleep wiith?

Sayors:Weren't you doing a funeral today?

Mr. WGWF:Yes, it was her father. What are you here for?

Sayors:You fucked her, after her father's funeral, in a church, and pissed on her?

Mr. WGWF:Yes. Are we going to talk in circles? Steven, talk to me.

Sayors:I'm not sure I'm really understanding how this is working. Do you have any decency in you?

Mr. WGWF:No, but she did. Now, please get to why you're here.

Sayors:What? Oh. Yeah. Loverboy.

Mr. WGWF:He's at it again, he's imitating Azrael Erebus, because he sees Azrael as a winner. In his mind pretending to be turning into an alien will save him from total domination at the hands of me. He can become like Azrael, and be able to win like Azrael, but the trouble is; he will never be like Azrael. Lie about sleeping with Sasha Grey all you want, claim to be the new Dareikar Navaar, but the truth remains seen to all. He is just a made in china copy of success. Sure, he's had a few lucky bouts in the ring. When he has help. But examine his solo wins, Ariel Knight, a worthless fighter if anyone has ever seen one, and he managed to pin Harrison, an equally unimpressive win. Then Luca stops him the following week, and he lost to Aidan, a man Crybaby thought himself above. At Madness he got dropped by D'Ville, and then Wednesday, I'll drop him. Face it, Steven, this Crybaby is a horrible choice for a wrestler. But let him think otherwise. Let him think he can stand a chance against me. It will be over quicker than he can count to three.

And let's not forget, he's started parroting the Dong Worship jokes on Peter. Because he's just now discovered that they exist, and somehow feels like he's in the know enough to make them. But he doesn't care about the past. The past is gone, and he is the future. Yes, he can be the future, but I will be the third round of the past coming to kick his ass. And I will challenge him to face Sid Feder, or Poppa Feder, see if that Past gets replaced by his worthless future. It only counts as the future if you last long enough to make the change. Which, he won't. He will go the way of so many other would be stars that burned out. There's no point in him even stepping into the ring with me. He can't even keep track of where Sasha Grey went, but then he probably didn't actually lose her. He's just being Eli James at Leap of Faith, solving crimes trying to be cool. Steven, let me ask you something.

Sayors:Sure.

Mr. WGWF:Is there anything unique, or original about this joker? I mean, he took his looks from some dead from the Eighties, he took his name from the worst band to come out of the Reagan years, and his entire routine is based around being other wrestlers here, ones he considers to be worthwhile. Even his 'bromance' with Gator is just a cheap imitation of the one Gator had with Socrates.

Sayors:No, there's nothing unique or original about him. Now, let me ask you this. Who are you, under the hood?

Mr. WGWF:Someone you don't want to see unmasked.

Sayors:Good deal. Are you even Catholic?

Mr. WGWF:Are you? Oh, and allow me to end this interview with a trick from Scorpio's bag.