:3 x Better:
In all my years I never thought it would come to this; he and I standing side by side for a common goal in the X-treme Wrestling Federation.


Sid Feder's voice is unmistakable! It's really him! The look in his eye remarkably similar to the fire he displayed during his time dominating the ranks of 2012's XWF. This is the same man that made his XWF debut after taking five years off from wrestling, only to be thrown right into the Lethal Lottery tournament and win the entire thing.

For those that may not have been here, that meant his name was thrown into a hat with just about every name in the XWF at that point and random teams of 2 were chosen from that hat. Sid Feder's very first partner was a man named Barney Green -- basically the joke of the XWF who at times even made Peter Gilmour look good. Sid Feder went on in round 1 of the tournament to defeat a man by the name of Hank Lane -- (about equal in talent to Barney Green oddly enough) -- and Hank's partner, the lovely Kimberleigh Alves who was making her grand return to the federation!

John Madison brags about chopping the head off of an already empty shell named Lexi Sheckler.

Sid Feder can brag about stopping a woman who humbled just about every man she ever stepped into the ring with.

Not only that, but Sid Feder can brag about being the reason Kimberleigh Alves never won another match in the XWF again and disappeared into obscurity -- a fate so gruesome and horrid to such a conceited, self-righteous woman that it was worse than decapitation. Kimberleigh Alves actually gave it her all when she stepped into that ring with Sid Feder -- Lexi Sheckler gave nothing the week John Madison ended her career.

Yet he still talks about it to this day.

Bravo, John -- another perfect example of how your parallels of Mister Mystery and/or Sid Feder's (they're the same to you, right?) actions are 3 x better in your own mind but to anybody looking on, they're the worst set of credentials a human being could muster. Sid Feder knows what he's accomplished and he knows the man standing with him in this locker room can do just as much, if not more, when it comes time for the Trio Championships and to run the entire gauntlet afterward.


:3 x Better:
You see as I stand here next to this man-


Sid slaps Mister Mystery hard on the chest of the dirty green coat that he's wearing-


:3 x Better:
I'm taken to a place I never dreamed I'd be -- no, no; I don't mean once again looking down at John Madison in the pit of failure that he's dug for himself while bragging about each lump of dirt he's flung. I am talking about being in a position where I'll be-


Just then Mister Mystery interrupts Sid-


:MM 17 31707 1:
Do you really think we should let him know this soon?


There is a moment of uneasy silence among both men.



They look each other in the eye for several seconds before both of them verrry slowly turn their heads toward the camera in silence.



The psychotic smile that overtakes Sid Feder's face as his eyes light up with exhilaration is most likely akin to the look Mister Mystery must also share under his hockey mask. Sid's shoulders begin to bounce as he laughs from deep within, starting silently at first but just becoming overwhelmed with his own urge to let it all out. His raspy laughter is accompanied by complete silence from Mister Mystery who continues staring directly into the camera. Sid almost loses his footing as he stumbles back, laughing so hard that he has to catch himself and hunch forward to begin slapping his knee.


:MM 17 31707 1:
It's a real fucking knee slapper. You're going to love it, Johnny boy. In fact your entire The Black Circle -- (what the fuck kind of way is that to talk?) -- is going to just love this one.


Sid can't stop! He is actually laughing so hard that some perspiration begins to bead up on his forehead and tears begin to run from his eyes.


:MM 17 31707 1:
You'll have to forgive Sid -- he's mourning the death of his dead whore wife right now!


:3 x Better:
Aaaaaaaaaaaah-ha ha ha ha ha ha haa haaa haaaa! Oooooooooh ha ha haa haaa haaaa!


Sid falls back into the wall behind him and wipes his face off with his bare hand, taking that hand and aggressively pressing it into the face of John Madison on the classic John Madison (pre-The Black Circle) t-shirt that John Madison was too fucking stupid to even knew existed! He smears his hand over John's face, getting the shirt wrinkled and moist from the wetness he wiped from his brow. Madison's face on that shirt almost becomes as soft and moist as Madison's very own pussy when he's talking about how he's achieved so many great failures and boasting outwardly about dodging men like Mark Flynn so he can urinate on his US Championship instead.

Mister Mystery looks away from the camera and sees Sid wiping tears of hysteria and sweat from his face, wiping it all over John's wrinkled face, making sure to get moisture in what now starts to look like skin folds -- as if John Madison didn't have enough skin folds already, down where his manhood used to be before he ever learned the name Feder.


:MM 17 31707 1:
Yeah, get it all in there. Fill his skin flaps with that wetness real good you sick bastard. Just like the name of "Feder" has seeped and soaked into every last crack of not only his mind, but his very existence. He might as well be bathing in your sweat -- in your tears -- in your mother fucking dead wife's blood and even her dead cunt's discharge. For every drop of piss he expels and every shit he takes on everyone around him, he's taking in more and more of Feder...Feder...Feder and he just can't get enough!


Sid Feder finally gets his hand dried off on that Madison shirt he's wearing. He lets out an almost weeping sounding sigh, trying to flatten his voice out from the abruptness of his uncontrollable laughter. He finally gets himself to stop laughing completely and just leans back against the wall, banging the back of his head against the wall a couple times as he smiles in such a deranged state that the Joker would paint his own face with Sid's current expression.


:3 x Better:
It's a thing of beauty, Mystery -- a thing of pure beauty! Every time this man on my shirt opens his mouth, it's Flo this.. Flo that.. bring me another Flo.. Oh, Flo! How many Flo Feders can dear Johnny boy handle?


Instantly Mister Mystery turns his head to the camera as Sid's face become stone cold and his smile vanishes in the blink of an eye. His voice turns to a low, rumbling growl as beads of sweat bounce off his cheeks as he shakes along with each word-


:3 x Better:
We're going to find out this Sunday when he finally gets his wish!


:MM 17 31707 1:
You three times better bet your ass we will.


:3 x Better:
We're going to find out when I personally bring to John Madison-


-and his voice begins to crack with a seeping, creepy laughter again just ever so briefly before snapping back into that cold expression-


:3 x Better:
-a gift that I've already gotten approval from General Manager Arkin Blackwater to hand deliver just in time for the Trio Championship match.


Mister Mystery rubs his hands together in anticipation as he begins to nod his head.


:MM 17 31707 1:
Ohhh, you're going to love this one Johnny boy.


Sid shoves Mister Mystery out of the camera's view and reaches forward, bringing the camera right up as close to his face as possible without shattering its lens as he screams louder than we've ever heard him scream before-


:3 x Better:
YOUR BRAND NEW MOTHER FUCKING VALET! RIGHT THERE TO SUPPORT YOU AND YOUR FELLOW DEAD MEN -- RIGHT THERE IN YOUR CORNER FROM BEGINNING TO END... ... ...FLO FUCKING FEDER!


He smashes the camera back and out of his face as the picture shakes and jumps rapidly before cutting out as dead as a whore who has come back from the depths of hell itself to support her new man -- The luckiest man alive, Mr. John Madison of The Black Circle.

Get your pussy ready, big boy. Flo's comin' home to ya this Sunday and she is starving for that stank Madison cooch. She always did swing both ways, after all. No wonder she loves you so much.

---

It's seems the competition is dwindling away already when it comes to this 3 on 3 on 3 on 3 on 3 match for the Trio Championships. All it took was me making it clear how indestructible I really was in the 5 on 5 elimination match this past weekend and I've got people scrambling just to come up with half-assed strategies that are only going to amuse me as I bury their careers. We've got guys like CM Punk fumbling at the lips, calling the new XWF signee "Shocker" a Matt Hardy clone.

What?

Let's look at some of "Shocker's" stats based on the XWF's incredibly shitty website, shall we?

Ethnicity: Asian

Well CM Punk has got a point here -- Matt Hardy is certainly Asian so maybe that's where he gets that comment from? Let's keep looking-

Trademark Move(s): Spear and GTS
Description(s): Edge's Spear (running shoulder to mid-section) and CM Punk's GTS (Fireman's carry drop to knee to face)

Hmmm, well even the descriptions themselves are helping fans understand that Shocker's trademark moves are that of well known stars Edge and, and, and who? HA HA HA HA HA! And CM Punk Bitch! I guess that's how CM Punk thinks Shocker is a Matt Hardy clone -- he's using Edge's and CM Punk's trademark moves. No? That makes no sense you say? I didn't fucking think so either but I was just saying shit to say shit like CM Punk tends to do when he's on XWF television, even though when he's on WWE television his speaking is much clearer and tends to actually make sense. I don't know how he dips between the two companies and so easily loses all of his mic skills only while on XWF television but let's assume it's from breathing the fumes of complete and utter bullshit spewing out of his buddy JP Corino's asshole. That stench must have him off his game, but you know what? Corino actually is the one out of them both who has talent so you'd think breathing in Corino's shit-scent would improve CM Punk's quality and ability. WRONG!

Moving on -- let's see what else is on Shocker's page on the XWF's website that anyone can go visit to confirm this shit-

Primary Finisher: The Shocking Effect
Description: Flipping the bird, followed by kick to mid-section, set-up for powerbomb, throwing opponent forward and catching them in and RKO style finish

Ah, that must be the one -- that's got to be it. That RKO style finish is akin to that shitty move the Hardy Boys occasionally do called the Twist of Fate, right? Doesn't Matt do that move sometimes even though it's primarily Jeff's move? Could we be getting closer to why CM Punk thinks Shocker is a Matt Hardy clone? Are we about to stumble onto the final piece of confirmation that just makes it oh so clear to us? Let's see-

Secondary Finisher if applicable: F-5
Description: Brock Lesner's F-5

Aaaaaaand fail. This is where you'd see me palm my own face if I wasn't wearing this hockey mask. I guess we can call it a maskpalm.

*maskpalm*

Fuck a CM Punk and fuck his crackpot visions of weather. Let's hear his recent forecast-

Quote:And at Gauntlet city, we prove it. Say what you will, but The Storm has brewed, the rain has dropped, and the streets are flooded. My advice? Stay indoors. Block your windows, and get your floaties, because none of you other teams learned to withstand a flood like this, you won’t be able to swim, and you will drown and be another body for us to cast aside. March 31st, The Storm comes alive.

Ha ha ha ha, I'm sorry, huh? What?

Yup, that's my response to that specific piece of footage straight from the mouth of Mr. Pipebomb himself. I guess it's a good thing when he's on WWE they guide a significant portion of what he says and Vinny Mac tells him -- "Ok Punk; make sure you don't start talking about rain and floaties, ok?" -- because holy god man.

HOLY GOD, MAN.

What the fuck was that? Yeah, Cunt Made Punk, I've got my floatie alright and I'm going to fully inflate it before I sail it right up your fucking ass. You managed to hold a championship for over a year in the WWE but you won't even so much as hold the U.F.O. Title here for even a single week. How are you in the Trio Championship match? You should be the opening act that wrestles for an ice cream bar with a picture of a title on it before the match for the U.F.O. Title starts. The sad thing is you're so off your game here in the XWF that Homeless Jimmy or some random piece of trash they find would out wrestle you for that ice cream bar right after they out talked you on the fucking microphone.

Best in the world! Who else used to use that line around here? Go look up a girl by the name of Kristin Slater and hook up with her -- she actually won titles here in the XWF but was just as shitty on the mic.

God, this slaughter at Gauntlet City is going to be too easy.

I can't wait to hear John Madison brag about his defeat, too. That will be the best part about it all. Well, maybe his new valet will be able to help him pull out the "W" and finally win a match that matte-

-you're right it's too ridiculous of a thought to even finish. He ain't winnin' jack fuckin' shit this Sunday -- why? -- because it's a match that matters. He'll feed off of that loss the same way our very own CM Punk would feed off of JP Corino's milk-teet and it'll taste just as delicious.

Mmmmmmmmm; I can taste it n-

-no, no I can't; I don't taste failure. I can assure you my last name does not start with an "M" or a "P."