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Morbid Angel · **03-30-2014, 05:35 PM**

In the country you can hear a lot…always very quiet but it also where people drop their guard because of how safe it is…Zombie apocalypse, go to the country. Rob a bank, go to the country. If you are a priest and you rape 10 boys…go to the country.

Everyone feels safe in the country side. One can be easily lost and unlikely found unless people know where to find you…if you are far enough out they won’t come looking because that is a long fucking drive…either way…sometimes the drive to kill is worth it.

Morbid Angel-”Vincent Kane…you suck…you suck so much that I am offended that you do not respond to my rather weak threats…are you some kind of pussy? Quite literally I decided to talk about almost nothing here…this way I can actually see is anyone is really paying attention because for some goddamn reason I don’t think they are! They are wrapped up in other people’s bullshit and sucking the cocks and ego’s of the new motherfuckers here! Goddamnit! I want some motherfucking recognition! Is that so much to ask? Everyone is sucking Enigma and Anonymous cocks! Ooh lookie here I’m fucking worthless but I made friends so I got that free ride to the FUCKING TOP! It is a free ride to the top if you kiss the right ass! Oddly enough I don’t kiss ass! You know why? Because I don’t need to in order to get recognized! All I need to do is stand in a fucking room and allow the people to view me! I AM THAT FUCKING GOOD! Except now I have to stand next to some fucking cunt that hasn’t even had a match yet! How is this? Oh that’s right! He is connected! He is attached to one of the General Managers ass’s like a hemorrhoid! I can say this because it’s true…this match is a fucking scam! A scam to either embarrass me or to waste my time! Like fucking Swagmire couldn’t of had this match! He is a fucking loser! Fucking Enigma had what? 3 matches? He is a fucking new cunt and I had to face him in his first match! I WAS GETTING FUCKED! Why do I get fucked like this? Is there any reason for this? I know what the problem is…no one gets no where unless they suck the corporate cock! It boils down to kissing the right ass. Ya here?

Other than all this…I don’t think people pay me the proper attention here so…I am going to either talk nonsense or make animal noises from now on! Sound fun?

Lets talk about why I don’t eat fast food…because it’s nasty…it sucks so bad that if I had to choose between cutting off my own foreskin and eating a greasy, nasty, fake beef burger from McDonalds I’d just fucking cut the foreskin off and eat it! Not because I like penis skin! But to make a fucking point…that shit is nasty! I also don’t eat at Burger King, Wendy’s, Rally’s, Kentucky Fried Chicken, Churches, Sonic, Taco Bell…especially Taco Bell. Diary Queen, Krystals, White Castle, Waffle House, Subway, Hardies…including Carl Jr. so now that you know, please don’t send gift cards for my birthday…I won’t use them!!

Years ago when I was going through some hard times and decided to write a letter to my dead mother…not because I thought she would read it but because I wanted to…then I ripped it up because that shit is

fact…If you write a letter to any dead motherfucker you know just to get things out…you are an idiot! The dead motherfucker doesn’t give two shits about what you are writing and in fact you wasted parts of your life writing it because you are a fucking fool! The dead can’t hear you and if they could they wouldn’t pay you any attention because they are fucking dead! If I was dead and I could wonder around doing whatever I wanted for a while after my death I wouldn’t spend time watching some family member cry and fall apart…that is some stupid shit to do! I would be walking around creeping on people…yeah! When your wife is changing I’d be in the room ghost wanking! And I don’t even fucking know you! that’s how weird this shit is! Never met you before but I’d just walk into your fucking house and start being crazy all over the fucking place! Watch you in the shower and I’d be talking dirty! All you think you heard was the words “taint sucking!”

oooh oooh ahh ahh, squeak squeak squeak, pew pew...thats my Pellican...Bruhaarrrr...go ahead and guess that one....its an elephant. Hissssss…my convincing snake! See I’ve been working on my animal noises just for this occasion…figuring that you motherfuckers here would just be so wrapped up in your own shit I can get away with making noises and be OK…here is another example of how I’m going to just be a fucking prick…I can talk about music…lets talk about maybe…King Diamond? Yes! We all know he is a god! And that he has near 20 albums out at this point…its all good…he is the king! Maybe I should ask him a few questions here.”

Morbid turns around 3 times and King Diamond magically appears next to him in a chair.

Morbid Angel-”OH MY GOD IN HELL! It’s King Diamond! How did you get here?”

King Diamond-”…you…asked…me…to?”

Morbid-”Regardless! You are here…must be my magic powers that come out of my ass when I fart! Anyway, how are you this morning?”

King Diamond-”I am doing quite well. Working on a new album mostly.”

Morbid Angel-”That sounds very exciting! What is it about?”

King Diamond-”it’s about dying in a hospital and how your soul gets trapped there…it’s some fucking badass shit.”

Morbid Angel-”I hope so! You had a couple of shitty ass Cds in the past 15 years…are those behind you?”

King Diamond-”Well, I don’t think I did any shitty Cds ever. But we had ones that lacked success from magazines and all that shit. But I think this one will be even better than the last 3.”

Morbid Angel-”Glad to hear! Anyway, I need to wrap this up…I have another shoot to go to. Considering that people probably won’t get this far in my promo let me tell you a little about what I’m going to do. It requires you to join me! Want to join me in an OFFICIAL Morbid Angel promo?”

King Diamond-”What does this mean I have to do?”

Morbid Angel-”Just stand there and seem interested and enjoy the show!…maybe hit a motherfucker…you in?”

King Diamond-”Fuck Yeah!”

The scene fades to a Blood Red!

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