As FrodoSmackins’s entrance music roars through the Toronto arena, he and his intrepid manager, Crack, emerge from the backstage area atop two dirt bikes. Frodo looks quite prepared and rarin’ to go. The two ride down to the ring with haste, circling the ring once before dismounting. As Crack leads the fans in a cheer of “Frodo, Frodo, Frodo!,” the little guy hops into the ring and removes his hoodie before tossing it out into the crowd, where one lucky fan just got the souvenir of a lifetime.
| “Who Says” by Selena Gomez and the Scene plays. |
Kimmy-K, already skipping, emerges onto the entrance ramp. As she skips down toward the entrance ring, she throws little handfuls of glitter at those fans who are surrounding the entranceway, to the joy of some and the annoyance of others. She rolls into the ring and nearly marvels at how adorable little Frodo is, but he manages to keep his distance from the girl.
| “You Need Me, I Don’t Need You” by Ed Sheeran plays. |
The song starts and the intro plays through. Finally, as the tempo picks up, Jordan Caliban saunters out into the center of the stage, cocky as all hell, singing along with his own theme song, and milking every second of it swaggering from side to side on the stage. Finally, a beautiful red head appears as if from nowhere behind him and places her hand on his head calming him, and then she steps back as he drops to his knees pounding on the ramp and then coming back up CM PUNK style screaming
INCOMING!!!!!!
He rolls back onto his feet, the girl is standing behind him smiling at his behavior, he is basically bouncing as he makes his way from the stage, singing along with his own theme song and getting in the face of the crowd. The song speeds up again, and Jordan runs at the ring, jumping and sliding in feet first, followed by a quick kip up into a standing corkscrew back flip landing back on his feet. The entrance ends with Caliban sitting on the top rope with the girl playing with his hair on the apron. Both wait, eyes firmly locked on Caliban’s opponents.
| “Superman” by Goldfinger plays. |
D.Shadows walks out as Superman By Goldfinger hits over the PA system. He walks down the ramp as he lights up a blunt. He takes a few puffs and hands it to Donnie Gross at the announcer’s table, who gladly puffs it and offers it to Joey Styles, who openly refuses. Shadows walks up the steel steps and steps in through the ropes. He walks over to one of the ring posts and sits on the top of it blowing out the smoke from his lungs and waits for the match to start.
Frodo Smackins & Kimmy-K
- vs -
Caliban & D. Shadows
Standard Tag Team Rules
|
With D. Shadows not trusting Caliban to not fuck everything up, he decides to take first shift against Kimmy-K, who looks apprehensive to face her THC-filled opponent. As Shadows moves to begin the match, Kimmy reacts instinctively, drop-kicking Shadows in the face, causing him to back off. Kimmy rushes him and hits a jumping clothesline. Shadows hits the mat.
But he’s quickly back on his feet, and Kimmy goes for a kick to the gut, but Shadows catches her foot and counters by throwing her leg upward, sending Kimmy flying onto her back. Shadows winds up and nails her with a jumping knee drop to the inside of her leg, which causes some tears to well up in her eyes. She reaches toward her friendly corner, but Frodo is much too far away for a tag. Shadows applies a knee-bar, and Kimmy struggles against it, eventually reaching the ropes for the break.
Shadows backs off, and allows Kimmy to get to her feet before locking up with her. Kimmy emerges on top, with a side headlock applied to Shadows, who lifts her up for an attempted atomic drop. But mid-air, Kimmy pulls Shadows’s head forward into a bulldog! She rolls him over for a pin!
1
…
2
Shadows kicks out just after 2!
Kimmy moves to her corner and tags in her partner, Frodo Smackins. The pint-sized fighter runs in and hits Shadows with a shining wizard. As Shadows drops back to his knees, Frodo delivers an elbow to the top of Shadows’s head, causing him to bounce slightly on the mat and fall onto all fours. Frodo then bounces off the ropes and hits a somersault leg drop, forcing Shadows’s head smack down into the canvas!
Frodo, knowing Shadows will not likely stay down, executes three consecutive elbow drops to his friend’s mid-back before pulling Shadows to his feet. Frodo shoves Shadows’s head under his arm, prepping for a DDT!
But before he can drop backwards, Shadows suddenly counters with a Northern Lights suplex! A pin from Shadows!
1
…
2
…
Frodo kicks out! Shadows, exhausted, sees that Caliban is still begging for the tag, with his arm stretched out over the ropes. It’s clear that Caliban wants a shot at the hobbit. Shadows, feeling the effects of Frodo’s beatdown, leaps for Caliban’s outstretched hand, and makes the tag!
Caliban comes in like a man on fire, grabbing Frodo by the ankle just inches away from Kimmy’s hand, which had been extended for a tag. Caliban then crushes Frodo’s hopes of a hot tag with a snap-kick to the side of Frodo’s head, knocking the little guy senseless.
Caliban then waits for Frodo to rise to his feet, and moves in for a superkick. His leg extends…
And he grossly overshoots Frodo’s head, kicking the empty space above Frodo’s head. The little guy responds with a shove, forcing Caliban away, but he comes back with a vengeance, Irish whipping Frodo toward the ropes…
A bit too hard.
Frodo, bouncing off the ropes, has his back accidentally smash into his tag partner, Kimmy-K, and the poor girl is knocked clean off the apron!
DON GROSS: “Does that count as a tag?”
JOEY STYLES: “I don’t think so. She’s kinda dim, and she wasn’t holding the tag rope…”
DON GROSS: “Pack of bloody geniuses you have under hire, here.”
Still with the rebound momentum, Frodo charges for Caliban, who looks ready to receive the pint-sized wrestler, but Frodo ducks under Caliban’s attempted clothesline. Frodo bounces off the opposite ropes, and gets the jump on Caliban.
Literally. A Shayouken (jumping uppercut)! Caliban is knocked clean off his feet and flat onto his back. Frodo rolls on top of the fallen Caliban!
1
…
2! D. Shadows has pulled himself upright on the apron. He sees his partner being pinned…
…
And Shadows doesn’t seem to care, he flips the bird at Caliban and hops off the apron in defiance!
3!
| WINNERS: Frodo Smackins & Kimmy-K |
Shadows circles the ring and leans over once reaching the other side to help up a crying Kimmy-K, who sniffles and grabs his hand. He pulls her to her feet, and gladly raises her arm in victory. Kimmy’s tears disappear almost instantly, as she is overwhelmed by the happiness of winning.
Inside the ring, Frodo glances over at the two on the outside and smirks before giving them a thumbs-up. But, looking back at the fallen Caliban, he just shakes his head.
Back from the match, we see Hunter Payne outside of Morgan Eldred's office. Hunter peeks inside slowly, before entering by pushing the door open in anger. Hunter looks around for a few seconds. Nothing seems to be out of the ordinary. Except Morgan Eldred's comfy rolling chair is turned completely away from his desk, James Bond style. Hunter begins to speak to the back of the chair.
PAYNE: “Yo, Captain Morgan. You wanted to see me?”
Suddenly, the chair spins around...
It's Joy Giovanni! Hunter Payne's ex-girlfriend!
JOY: “No, but I did... “
PAYNE: “f
CENSORED...”
JOY: “How have you been Hunter? “
PAYNE: “Well considering that my face almost got burned off a few weeks ago... I've been better.”
JOY: “Yikes, I heard about that. Is that why you're wearing a mask now?”
PAYNE: “Obviously. Now what do you want?”
JOY: “Well, I...”
PAYNE: “Do you know how much trouble you will be in for impersonating a general manager?!”
JOY: “Actually...”
PAYNE: “What, do you think I'm just supposed to take you back?”
JOY: “Not really...”
PAYNE: “I'm a movie star now, Joy! Don't let the mask fool you. I sleep with hotter women than you every night!”
JOY: “Hunter...”
PAYNE: “You know what, I don't even know why I'm still talking to you. You aren't worth my time.”
JOY: “Really?”
PAYNE: “I don't know why you are here? I thought I finished you off on Straight Edge Shove It?!”
JOY: “Are you done?”
PAYNE: “Get out of my GM's office!”
Just then General Manager Morgan Eldred enters his office, and pats Hunter on the back.
PAYNE: “Do you see this Mr. Eldred?!”
Eldred: “Yes, I see you two have gotten acquainted once again. Hunter, meet our new director of talent relations for Madness, Miss Joy Giovanni!”
Hunter Payne immediately has a look of disappear and regret. Wishing he hadn't had that whole conversation that he just had with Joy.
PAYNE: “f
CENSORED...”
JOY: “Oh Mr. Eldred? So, I was looking at our wrestler's current contracts and Paul Heyman was seriously overpaying some of these guys.”
Eldred: “Like who?”
PAYNE: “Ohh! Let me fucking guess!”
JOY: “Well, the most noticeable one I saw was Hunter Payne.”
Joy says this with the biggest smile on her face, her bright teeth sparkling as the words come out of her mouth.
PAYNE: Of course...
Eldred: “Well then, I expect you to take care of that, Joy.”
JOY: “Yes sir!”
PAYNE: No.
Eldred: “Mr. Payne, I'm afraid we are going to have to renegotiate your contract. And by we, I mean Miss Joy.”
JOY: “Yay! Have a seat Hunter. I have a feeling it is going to be a long night for you!”
Hunter Payne breathes a deep sigh and has a seat.
PAYNE: This is going to end badly...
Eldred: “Well I'll leave you two to your negotiations, I've got a show to run.”
Morgan Eldred exits, his shoulders slumping. But before he actually closes the door, he glances over his shoulder at Payne and Joy. A weak smile graces his lips, and he blinks heavily. Once he does, we cut to black.
But we’re not going to commercial. Odd. The black lingers on screen for a moment, until…
It is replaced with what appears to be a video which has been filmed from an older model of camera and film. The date stamp in the corner reads: “September 14, 1999.” The film is grainy, likely from degradation over the years, but enough detail can be made out to paint a proper picture.
The only illumination is from a blazing fire in the background, which manages to provide just enough light to illustrate that the camera is watching something from a distance across a field of rather high grass. Beyond the grass appears to be a dock, only apparent because of the reflection of the flames in the water below. A hulking figure sits, lurched over itself, as though in pain.
The sound appears to have been stripped from the recording, as we cannot hear anything – not even the sound of the flames flickering in the night.
From behind the hunched-over figure walks an imposing, broad-shouldered second figure, who stands behind the first shadow. Suddenly, the silence is broken by a booming baritone voice:
???: “Do you understand it now? That heat all around you? Or are you cold? Are your nerves firing off on every neuron, or are you utterly numb and devoid of feeling? Does the pain cleanse you?
Do you understand it all? There is no beauty in this. In any of this. The world was not made for mankind to thrive and dance in the warmth of the sun. Man is a great indifference; if there is a God, He did not create us from love. Love was never part of the design. There is no room for affection in the great equation of it all. Romance was murdered in the dark. And on the Seventh day, he dared to rest.
But sleep is dead. We rest no more. We shall never see the bright days we saw in our dreams. We will never be free of the truth of our birth: that the moment we are born, we begin to die. And that is God’s gift to us. That we may die and put an end to the heartbreak. To the suffering.
If you think that you can run – if you think that you can stand – you have forgotten what it means to be alive: to hurt. To understand that our names will never be engraved in the flesh of the deities, only in our own minds. And the grave is the final period on our story.
From the moment we are born, we begin to die. It is the sleep that brings again the dream of the sun. And we shall never again feel the heat, or the cold, or the pain…
Do you understand?”
Static. The scene fades to black, and Madness heads to commercial.
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