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Levi Storm · (01-31-2014)

The scene opens up at a murky pond. Brown water laps at the sides of the man made puddle. Behind it you hear the hum of some mechanical devices. As the angle pans out, Giant pipes are seen. They dump more chunky brown water into the pond. Men in Orange coats and hard hats walk around looking at gauges on the pipes. Then a man in a long fur coat walks up to one of the men in orange. The camera zooms in as we see the man in fur is Levi Storm. Levi wears his signature aviators. He looks like he is about to vomit as he speaks to the man in the hard hat.

Levi: Hey are you in charge here?

Man: Where’s your hard hat?

Levi: I’m looking for whoever’s in charge around here.

Man: Sir, I don’t know who you are but you can’t be here without a hard hat.

Levi: Man, I don’t know who you are, but do I look like someone who is going to wear a hard hat? This hair took me far too long to perfect, Trust me no hard hat will come close to this head. Plus, it’s not like I’m in a construction zone, there aren’t bolts and shit falling from the sky. Now are you the man I’m looking for? Or are you just wasting my time.

Man: Look, you clearly aren’t dressed to be applying to work here. I mean, who wears fur to a sewage treatment plant, I don’t think you’ll even pass the competency exam. Pack it up and head home now kid. You’re not cut out for the sewage game. It’s a bit too big for you.

The man turns away and gets back to work on the pipe. He taps on a gauge then taps harder, he’s still not getting the reading he needs. He reaches into his back pocket and pulls out a wrench he starts to tighten something when the wrench slips out of his hand and goes flying behind him and rigt past Levi’s head, missing him by a matter of inches. He turns back to see Levi looking angry.

Man: WOAH!! You see there buddy, that’s why you wear a helmet. You alright kid?

Levi: Wait a minute… you thought I wanted to WORK in this hell hole? Do I look like some inept jackass who can’t find anything better to do than work at a sewage treatment plant??

Man: HEY!!!

Levi: No, I am here to speak with whoever is in charge here.

Man: Well you found him. Now what do you want? I’m kind of busy here.

Levi: Woah, no need to get testy. I need you to testify for me.

Man: What do you mean by testify?

Levi: I was told I need to get an expert to testify as to the danger of raw sewage. Especially the shit.

Man: Why do you need me to talk about sewage and shit?

Levi: Well who else am I going to get? Your mother? You run a sewage treatment plant, you would qualify as an expert.

Man: No no, not why me. Why do you need anyone to testify about this?

Levi: Oh, well you see, I am a professional wrestler in the XWF, and coming up this weekend I have a match. It’s a buried alive match, except we’re fighting to bury our opponent in Barney Green’s feces.

Man: Oh my God!

Levi: I know, Right? What an awful, vial disgusting premise for a match.

Man: No, not that! I just realized who you were, you’re the guy who just lost three times in a row to the scrawny guy, oh what’s his name, The Linguist! You’re that Larry Strong guy. I love the XWF!

Levi: It’s Levi Storm, not Larry Strong. You Idiot, and yes, I did lose again to the Linguist, but I’m moving on…

Man: To the shit match? Who are you taking on this time?

Levi: Yes to the shit match, well, that is unless I can get your expert testimony to stop this debacle.

Man: Why would you sign up for a match like that if you don’t want to do it?

Levi: It was that damn Frodo Smackins, that little criminal goaded me into accepting the match. I was blinded by my hatred for that little fuck that I took any chance I could get to kick his ass. Of course he would request this disgusting match. It has been brought to my attention that there might be health risks in this match beyond that of the average match, I need to look out for myself, I don’t need to jeopardize my modeling or wrestling career because of Barney Green’s shit! Now I need you to go on the record saying that this match is not safe for either competitor yadda, yadda, yadda and that in your expert opinion it’s too dangerous.

Man: Haha Man, I love Frodo! He’s like my favorite wrestler! I can’t WAIT to see him bury your fancy prissy fur-wearing ass in shit. No testimony for you! Now get the fuck out of here, you have a match to get ready for don’t you?

The man turns back to the gauge. Levi bends over and picks up the stray wrench and slams it into the back of the man’s head. The man turns around fairly unfazed since he’s wearing a hard hat. Levi realizes his mistake and kicks the man in the gut, He doubles over as Levi grabs him by the belt and the helmet. Spins the man around and tosses him right into the sewage reservoir. Levi spits in the pond after him and brushes his coat off before walking away. The scene fades out.

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