BACKSTAGE

XWF interviewer Steve Sayors walks up to a dressing room door.

Adorning the door is a cut-out of Sir Lionel Pennyfarthing’s face in the shape of a star!

”XWF Universe! This is Steve Sayors, on the scene! I’ve scheduled an interview with Sir Lionel Pennyfarthing to…”

…Steve reaches into his pocket and retrieves…

…A very old-fashioned looking medieval scroll… Steve unfurls it to glimpse at it.

”An upcoming project Sir Lionel can’t wait to be shared with the world...?”

…

Steve carefully pockets the scroll.

”We can only imagine this has something to do with his upcoming match with Summer Page, who since her debut on Anarchy over one year ago… remains undefeated in non-title matches! What devious plot does Sir Lionel have to stop Summer’s undefeated streak?!?”

Steve pushes the door open…

”Sir Lionel? Are you in h-?”

Whip! Suddenly, Steve is grasped by the arms!

”Unacceptable wardrobe! Get him in makeup!”

Wham! Amakeup brush dashes against his face!

”W-wh-what’s happening?!?” Steve bleats helplessly as black-clothed figures grip him deeper into the room…

”No, not that one, get him something in pinstripes! It’ll POP!”

The arms rapidly undress pull Steve’s patchy suit (which can most accurately be described as ‘basketball coach at a women’s only college’...)

Rapidly swapping him into a suit of the finest suede!

”...Who are you people?!? What are you doing with me?!?””

”ALRIGHT! PLACES!”

Wham! Steve is suddenly shoved into…



A chair on a two-person interview set!

”CHECK! MARKER! Aaaaaaaaand…”



”ACTION!”

[br]

The moment action is called, Sir Lionel Pennyfarthing bursts onto the scene.

”Steven!” Pennyfarthing walks across the stage to shake his hand. ”I’ve waited many years to meet you.”

…Steve grins ear-to-ear. ”...R-R-Really?”

”Naturally. I studied your interviews for a role several years ago.”

”W-W-Wow!” Steve beams with pride. ”Was the role a journalist with a can-do attitude and a nose for a big story?”

”No.” Lionel takes the seat across from Steve… ”I was playing a pygmy shrew in an off-off-Broadway production of the Lion King.” Lionel shakes his head, fondly remembering the role. ”I spent WEEKS watching footage of them in the wild, trying to capture their absolute pathetic, helplessness. But, no clip truly captured it… Each clip I found was too… spunky. Too defiant of their lot in life. Too willing to fight to live.”

“Then, I saw one of your interviews and I just… KNEW I had found a true pygmy shrew.”

…

”...Oh.”

…

”Well, anyway… you called me here to discuss your… latest project?”

Lionel claps his hands together! ”Oh absolutely! It’s the role of a lifetime! Certain to make my career!”

Steve nods, entering his serious journalism mode. ” yes! This is certainly a big opportunity. What did you do to prepare for this?”

Lionel grins and looks up contemplatively. “Well, naturally the first thing I did was call him myself.”

[blie]“yes I… Sorry what?”

“The first step to entering any role is to contact the inspiration for the role! So I had my agent research his home address.”

“I’m so confused. Are we talking about Summer?”

“Yes! This summer I traveled to Steubenville, Ohio! I counseled with dear Constance herself!”

“…Constance?”

“I asked what I could do to bring the role to life to truly BECOME her husband. She told me I could get out and never come back!”

“I’m not following at all! I thought we were going to talk about your battle with Page?”

“That’s the best thing about this production, dear Stephen! No script! No pages of dialogue to memorize! I simply imbue myself all -encompassingly with my thespian soul! And transport my consciousness throughout time and space to to holy become this foul, lascivious creature!”

Steve scratches his head. ”And you think this will help you win?”

Sir Lionel performatively blushes, as if playing the part of being humble. ”Stephen, whether I win is for the Academy to decide.”

Lionel then turns to the camera and smiles.

PRESENTED FOR YOUR ACADEMY AWARD CONSIDERATION

Steve looks down at the screen, raising an eyebrow as he skims the text.

“Academy award?!? you think they’re gonna give you an academy award for beating summer page? It would certainly an impressive feat b-“

“Stephen! Summer Page? I couldn’t care less about some blonde trollop! I am SIR Lionel Pennyfarthing which means I have one more title than she’ll ever have!”

”And between you and I, that Barbie’s made of more plastic than every lipstick tube Sephora sells combined!” Lionel raises his eyebrows daringly!

”No! I’m talking about my next project! The ROLE of a lifetime!”

”What do you mean?!? I’m so confused! What is this project!?!”

…Lionel looks over his shoulder, as if checking for hidden snoops.

He beckons Steve closer…

Steve obliges…

”My next project… is a STARRING ROLE! And allegedly, Micheal Graves is attached!”

”…Wait. Anarchy champion, Micheal Graves?”

”CUT! That’s all the time we have! Get talent to set!”

Suddenly, the crew scoops Sayors by the arms…

”Alas! It’s showtime! Adieu, Steven! Adieu!”

Sayors has his screen suit removed!

”But what’s the proj-Hey wait, don’t I get my suit back?!?”

---

Sayors is shoved back into the hallway.

Wearing nothing but his loafers and boxer shorts.

…Befuddledly, Sayors raises the mic to his lips.

”….Uhhhh. Well. That was Sir Lionel Pennyfarthing… Telling us about…”

…Sayors sighs, completely lost, before wandering off-camera.