Black and blue lights slice through the air, casting shadows across the set of QVC- America's largest homeshopping network. The Nickleman stood at the center of the stage with a giant chip on his shoulder. Behind him, a screen flickered with images of merchandise from the X-bux shop—action figures, T-shirts, Atara Raven fleshlights: the whole nine yards!

"Welcome to QVC:XWF! As we all know, it's that time of year again where you have to buy a gift for that special someone, or else they're going to stop talking to you- and don't you dare believe them when they say 'no I don't a want gift'- I'm telling you, as your XOTUS, they want a gift.

And they don't want just any gift. They want the perfect gift.

So what do you do?"

Charlie pulls a bag out from under the table and dumps it's contents out, revealing dozens upon dozens of human teeth. Many of them are bruised and broken, and a couple of them even seem to be infested with maggots!

"You buy teeth of course! From me! I've got the best teeth in the entire XWF, and I'm not talking about the ones in my mouth."

Charlie winks at the camera as he flashes a relatively toothless grin! Then, he pulls out a comically sized pair of pliers.

"Our teeth are locally sourced from the freshest of sources: my defeated opponents!

And this week, your XOTUS is running a special promotion on teeth! We have two new strains of teeth on the menu, thanks to the Bashmaster himself! Lucky Louis's heroic teeth are going to be a hot commodity that sell-out fast, so make sure you pre-order today! We all know Louis only got her 'lucky' break in the XWF because she has those kind of teeth that don't detract from a blowjob, but actually add to it! That get-lucky bitch has no skills in the ring and no skills on the mic, but trust me when I say that her mouth makes her a Wonder-Woman!

And Roger's got those grade-F 'special ed' chompers. You know them ones that bite down real hard on one joke and then never let go for the rest of their lives. Big, gnarly teeth like you see on one-trick ponies at the circus! Pre-order now, because for a limited time The Nickleman's special deal on Roger's special ed dentures won't cost you more than a nickel!

But unfortunately, my final opponent -Oz- won't be able to supply any teeth for our loyal fans. As we've seen time and time before, Oz is a cry-baby  bitch who's still teething, and I don't want to rip anyone off by giving you child-size teeth at grown-man prices. That would be a complete sham, kind of like that one time when they let Oz make-a-wish and become the Billion Dollar Champion!

But folks, this isn't all we have for you today- so if you're too much of a to buy my teeth, then stick around and take a look at all of our other incredible products!"

The camera cuts to Tommy standing at a separate table, wearing his finest ugly X-Mass sweater. He holds on to Ozzy’s Mystery Trash!, he simply places the trash heap onto the table.

T: Welcome to the latest XWF shop zone! It’s one of a kind where you at least expect shit going down! In honor of the season coming close, and we all know where consumerism is what Jesus would LOVE to embrace, no not him dying for our sins, he would so want us to waste money on shit we just gonna end up in a landfill!

Speaking of landfills, I got this one time, limited edition of Oz’s Mystery Trash, what’s inside of it? Is it his former C.Diffs? Is it is win streak? Or is it all the dead bodies he stuffed in there? Last I heard, he was in prison for 3rd degree murder, but don’t take my word for it! You see folks, ever since XWF had once tried to sell this bag that had Oz name on it; was the last time he had another past life where he was on meathooks against a former Dolphin lover!

Now, let me be serious, I don’t know what is a Bashmaster classic, nor want to know the deepness of it. As I somehow stand along side Charles Nickles and Dickerson Powers, tryin to convince you to buy these long forgotten items that’s been stuck in the warehouse longer than Oz’s time in the locker room.

Here’s the thing folks, as you see this bag on this table, I want you to know that all those things I asked isn’t in there. What is in there, was his failed run as a knock off Million Champion, maybe his failed run as threat in Anarchy, maybe something even more crap like his own sense of self worth in the fed.

Under stand that this isn’t coming from place of malice, but lets keep it real Mr. Oz, even I wouldn’t buy your Trash even if it was for free, and thats how I feel about your chances in this ring next Anarchy, you are trash that even trash itself wouldn’t be able to be in a landfill. You are a polluting the rivers with how you carry yourself, and even your partners couldn’t be able to help you clean out the trashiness of you Mr. Oz.

Besides that, when Anarchy comes, I might end up giving away your Trash to the audience as a early Christmas present once I or Charles or Dickerson fuck you and your two cronies where they stand, merry XWF-Mas fuckers!

Now lets hear from the Big Dickerson himself!

The camera cuts to another table where we see Dick Powers.

“Thanks Tommy.”

Dick forces a very fake smile and mutters under his breath.

“Jesus fuck what am I doing with my life.”

He clears his throat before clapping his hands together and presenting a small wooden box.

“So thanks to that goddamn communist Thaddeus Duke, yours truly, The Slambassador, The King of Dick Swing, the turgid Dick Powers has had my wealth distributed to you fucking peons! HA HA! ISN’T THAT GREAT! Spent most of my goddamn life making millions and because I just so happened to plant my wealth into stocks for XWF in what I was told was a pretty cool scheme by a former owner… FLACCIDUS DUKE HAS MADE ME AS POOR AS YOU LAZY FUCKS!!!!”

Dick’s eye twitches violently before he tries to compose himself.

“So, here I am in-UGH-” Dick forces the vomit back down his throat. “Anarchy… Bleh … On a shopping channel for benefit hogs talking about ROGER!..... ROOOOOOOOOOOOOGGGGGGEEEEERRRR!!!!! And whoever else is with him. I don’t even know or CARE! Quite frankly, to be thrusted into this position feels like a #metoo movement waiting to happen! Bashmaster has soiled my reputation having me here like I was at a back alley donkey show! I should be on the hot stages of Tenerife shooting ping pong balls out my pussy and that CUCK has me scrubbing the floors at a Kamurocho telephone club!”

“How the erect have fallen.”

“ANYWAY!” Dick unenthusiastically opens the box and presents a small medallion made of wood. “Here’s what we have for you poor orphans who chose to make this C-show your home. Something you’re all well aware of!”

“A consolation prize!”

“Because it doesn’t matter if you’re a good wrestler. It doesn’t matter if you can talk or have any charisma! It doesn’t matter if you never work hard in your miserable little lives because ALL OF YOU get a neat little prize don’t you! A little pat on the back here at Anarchy!”

“Oh we’re not sticking you in a random 6-man tag! You’re in A BASHMASTER BASH-A-THON or whatever dumb shit he called it! This hasn’t changed since Sarah Lacklan won the Anarchy title and then never had to defend it! It’s like how the Revolution title was made to make people with a contract and no hope feel better about themselves!”

“It’s how people like Ghost Tank, Roger and the other one can actually feel like they’re improving and are a part of something even though they’re stuck in special ed!”

“XWF’s consolation prize! A pat on the back, an accolade that means nothing all withing a fucking joke of a company ran by commie jackasses!”

“Now on sale for free because god forbid you idiots actually earn something!”

Dick throws the medallion aside and puts his head in his hands quietly sobbing. We cut to a wideshot of the QVC scene, where we see Tommy and Charlie happily waving goodbye to the camera as a 'BUY NOW' ad flashes on the bottom of the screen. Our scene fades to black as cherry holiday music begins playing in the background. 

"Merry Christmas, cunts! NOW BUY OUR SHIT!"