We come upon that bastion of middle class normalcy….




….Home Depot. And despite ostensibly never before entering a Home Depot, Madison Dyson can nevertheless be seen strutting through the automatic doors with a shopping cart in hand. A staff person greets her as she enters.

Hello! Welcome to…

BEGONE NON PLAYER CHARACTER! Madison waves her hand at the staff person dismissively and continues pushing her cart down the aisle. She starts reading the signs in turn.

Let’s see….Bathroom, Home and Garden, Flooring…ah, Mediocre XWF Wrestlers!

Inexplicably, there is indeed a “Mediocre XWF Wrestlers” sign. Madison heads down that aisle and comes to a display featuring, well, mediocre wrestlers. She picks up one package that bears Razor Blade’s picture on the front.

Razor Blade? Is there a step lower than mediocre? She tosses the package over her shoulder and grabs at another one. This one features Big Preesh.

Ugh, second verse same as the first. She tosses this one over her shoulder as well.

And finally, she comes to a package featuring none other than Mr. Oz. She takes this one in hand, smiles, and drops it in her cart. Then, leading on the handle of the cart, she begins to address the camera.

If you were thinking Madison Dyson shouldn’t be caught dead in a Home Depot, you’d be right. But ya see folks, today’s promo just so happens to be brought to you by the letters T.O.O.L. Yes, that’s right…TOOL. And this…

She picks up the Mr. Oz package again.

…is precisely the tool I’ve been looking for.

She drops it back into the cart.

Now, you might think I’m calling Mr. Oz a tool in the pejorative sense. But for once, I’m not! Tools are useful. They serve a purpose. They’re helpful! And in that sense, Mr. Oz is most definitely a tool.

Now, I think it’s clear that things have not been going well for your truly of late. I haven’t been having my customary level of success. I could make excuses, but excuses are for bitches. So you’ll broach no excuses from me.

But what I do need is a turnaround. A plateau to plant my feet on and kick off of, to take flight once more. And for THAT, Mr. Oz is the perfect tool. Not as fundamentally useless as the Razor Blade’s or Big Preesh’s of the world. But not fully competent either. A perfectly milquetoast, mediocre challenge from which I can build my comeback.

In short Ozzy-boy, you’re just what I need.

But you’ll dispute that. After all, what was all that prattle you were spewing when the Bashmaster put out the call to sign on for Anarchy? That Anarchy is YOUR show?. That you ARE the bar? And that only by beating you do we become equal to it?

Ya hmmmm. Roll the clip.

Quote:Shaking the cobwebs, Madison quickly gets to her feet. She begins pulling at Oz, who is still disoriented, in an effort to get him large frame over the ropes, but with a final burst of strength, she gets him over the top rope—where he teeters for a moment before crashing to the floor!

Looks like I cleared the bar, doesn’t it Ozzy?

And just how fundamentally stupid of you, how IDIOTIC, of you to forget the fact that I’ve already made a TOOL of you once. I used you to win the Anarchy championship! And you should be used to that by now. I mean, you said it yourself. You make people's reputations go higher! You're exactly what I told you you are. Enhancement talent. And what is enhancement talent but the ULTIMATE tool in any professional wrestling organization?

And hell, you should be positively giddy over this! I'm telling you that you actually serve a purpose. Just not the purpose you want, right?

Noooo. The purpose you want is to be Anarchy's bulwark, right? And Oz I ask you….where the fuck do you get off? Where the fuck do you get off saying Anarchy is YOUR show? Honey, you haven’t even been an Anarchy champion in YEARS. And even then, you were but a trifling blip in Anarchy’s history books.

So why does Oz claim to be something he’s not? Well folks, I think the answer is clear. Oz, deep deep down inside, beneath the level of conscious awareness, realizes and accepts that he’s a tool. That his sole purpose IS in fact to better the reputations of others, as he himself said. And when has anyone, anyone at all, ever asked for a tool’s opinion? Why, never of course! So, does it even matter what Oz says? Or can he just piss meaningless, facile blather into the void knowing full well that nothing he ever says will ever reach even the remotest level of meaningfulness?

Nobody gives a flying fuck what a wrench has to say. And nobody gives a flying fuck what Oz has to say either.

Madison picks up the Oz package ones more and considers it.

Now, I wonder what Home Depot’s return policy is….

Madison proceeds to drop the package to the ground and punt it down the aisle. In the near distance we hear someone exclaim in pain. Madison chuckles and shrugs before returning her attention to you, gentle viewer.

Final thought! I bet you’re all positively abuzz about what I plan to do with the title shot I earn after winning this match. After all, my last title reign was so unfairly cut short by a man who wasn’t even on the Anarchy roster in the first place. Should I rectify that wrong? Or should I go after edgelord supreme’s consolation prize title? Well, I’ll tell ya what I’m gonna do.

Nothing!

….at first!

Your queen of queens is gonna sit on this one for a hot minute. But when the time is right?

Well let’s just say Anarchy will earn it’s name.